Every so often, I have to come back to it.
Why I read self help articles and books,
and,
importantly,
why I hate them!
This morning I woke up, and my Saturday ritual has become to catch up on relevant articles from the week. It's funny how we are drawn to what we value.
I tend to read books on two things:
Mindset
and
Strategy
and, also some on,
Execution.
Those are the three things that seem to FILL my mind. How do I help my company and myself create the most compelling and powerful strategy for life and success (and business), how do I execute it effectively, and how do I wrap all of that in the right and most productive mindset.
I would argue that mindset trumps the other two, but HARMONY is a philosophy of AND... AND all three are critically important.
I read these articles, because they reinforce ideas that I already know, but don't consistently apply.
"COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS"...
Yeah, Yeah... I got that one...
And, there are so many moments when I don't. Reading it - just nudges me again to not forget.
Then I read a few stats. "Lawyers are 3.6 times more likely to get divorced, to be depressed, and to be unhappy." As are tax accountants. According to Time Magazine, this, studies show, is a function of the NATURE OF THEIR WORK, which is to constantly be looking for problems and thinking about how things are going to go wrong, how people can find a loop hole to take advantage of you, etc.
And, the thought lingers with me...
3.6 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE DEPRESSED, UNHAPPY AND DIVORCED!!!
Think about that!!! What you do can make you 3.6 times less happy, and by default we must believe that if you are doing the RIGHT kind of job, or doing your job in the RIGHT KIND OF WAY... you can 3.6 times more likely to stay married and BE HAPPY!
I would argue mathematically... what you do for a living (work and play) and HOW you do it could have a 7X affect... and I would argue a 70X affect on your happiness and success!
WOW!
This is why I can't stop thinking about HARMONY. Because, I am convinced there is a way of analyzing, interpreting and executing our situations in life that can make ALL the difference in how we feel getting out of bed every morning and going to bed at night.
EMBRACE THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH WITHOUT JUDGEMENT
STAY AWAY FROM WISHING
AND, WORK LIKE CRAZY FOR THE WANT
AND, IN THE NEXT MOMENT START AGAIN
So, why do I hate these Self Help articles? Because in the end - they make it STUPIDLY SIMPLE to the point of helpless.
One article I read from Time, concludes:
"So, to be happy,
1. Count your blessings
2. ONLY COMPARE YOURSELF to PEOPLE WHO ARE WORSE OFF THAN YOU ARE.
3. Think positively about your life situations."
It is OVER SIMPLIFIED, and completely lacks the component of the MOMENT and the DISCIPLINE.
Go ahead count your blessings this morning and tomorrow you will be depressed again.
"Compare yourself to people who are WORSE off then you are?" While, I understand their point, its STUPID. Who defines better or worse? Are they suggesting that we make this all about economic success? That would be crazy! Are they suggesting we compare ourselves to people who are more overweight, and less happy or less healthy?" That is HORRIBLE advice.
Their point was to "not compare yourself to people who are "better" off than you are, because they that will lead to envy... but how naive.
I am constantly looking and "comparing" my behavior to ALL people. And, I am assessing what I do and how I do it HONESTLY without ENVY. That gives me an accurate and helpful assessment of my competence and maturity and allows me to make modifications that will be helpful. I learn so much from people who are "better" off than I am. Not "comparing" myself to them would be to IGNORE THE TRUTH about people that i care about and that have something to teach me.
GROW UP TIME MAGAZINE! STOP PATRONIZING ME!
And, of course, number 3 "BE POSITIVE".
HATE IT!
People say that I am positive. I NEVER think of myself as positive.
It is not ME that is positive.
It is not my mindset that is positive.
It is LIFE and the SITUATIONS that are positive.
I am NEUTRAL. I am REAL.
I spend many moments struggling to beileve in my approach, but I keep coming back to it over and over again.
The concept of BE positive - as a "steady state" FAILS TO ACKNOWLEDGE that we live and exist in moments, and our emotions are complex, and our external influencers are dynamic. You dont get to stay in any one state forever or for many moments at a time, without fail. To do so, requires you to stop acknowledging all that is real.
I know things can go right or wrong, and I am ready for EITHER.
In each moment, I stay focussed on the END, the GOAL that I want in that moment.
I do believe that I can achieve it, but that is not positive, that is realistic, because I have proven over and over again that I can.
REALITY has positive and negative charges.
Maybe the subtleties that light the fire under me about these things are too granular to argue - but to me they are the TOTAL difference between whether we succeed at embracing a life of harmony, and success and happiness... or whether we dont.
That seems PRETTY consequential to me.
Those articles FAIL to embrace the complexity of it, the RIGOR of it, the RELENTLESSNESS required for it...
And, they fail to explain the truth that there is no "STATE of BEING" that trancends time... the reality that we can only feel, experience and live one very small fraction of time... at a time.
There is no ONE happiness - no one LIFE LONG happiness.
We have to make our happiness OVER and OVER again. It is a potion that disappears with the our breath.
It's not a formula that you solve once...
I'd be fine with the 3 simple steps to it...
if they added a fourth...
"AND THE NEXT MOMENT, RETURN TO STEP 1".
Yours in the RIGOR and the BEAUTY and the STRUGGLE of harmony,
Nestor