I am so very happy to be writing this today…
It is a very REAL example of both harmony and disharmony that I lived through in the past few months …
I have been looking forward to sharing it with you.
This is such a vivid example of HARMONY in ACTION.
I own an apartment in Columbia that I rent out. It’s not one of my better financial moves, but it pays for itself, is generally low maintenance, and it’s building equity over time.
After having a very loyal tenant for 5 years, and a great one for a year, the apartment became available again this past September.
A few interested parties showed up, and the only one who wanted to rent it was a very nice woman who seemed tight for cash. We talked about it a few times, checked her references and decided to give it a try. She rented it on November 15th.
After the first partial month’s rent (November), the payment in December was late.
I called her and she told me she needed to pay me in two parts. I said fine.
When I went to pick up the first half, she only had a quarter of it. She promised to get me the balance, but stopped communicating with me.
In my head, I am doing a lot of WISHING! I wish I hadn’t rented it to her. I wish she would return my call. I wish I was smarter about picking tenants. You know the drill. I was feeling a good bit of disharmony, heading into Christmas.
I was hounding her with emails and calls, though her cell phone stopped working. I get so angry when people don’t respond, specially when they are accountable for something
So, about 5 days before Christmas I went to the apartment. Her son was home and he assured me she wasn’t.
So, as I am driving away, I see her walking up the sidewalk. I stopped my car, got out , and said in a very nice tone, “Hey there, I was hoping to catch up with you. When can I get the rent.”
She broke into tears. She was scared. She was embarrassed. She started explaining to me that she had lost one of her jobs, she didn’t have money for X-mas nor the rent.
My immediate reaction was to hug her.
“I can deal with pretty much anything,” I said, “but don’t hide from me. Answer my calls, tell me what is going on and we can work through anything.”
I said to her, “I am not here to make your life any more difficult, but I can’t stand the silence treatment. Work with me. Tell me your situation, and I will work with you. FORGET about me through Christmas, enjoy a few days with your boys, and lets agree to talk on the 27th and figure out a plan.”
I didn’t want her to think that they were at risk of being without a home on X-mas day.
I went to meet with her on the 27th, determined to come home with cash. We met and she assured me that she could pay, but not for a couple of months. She was going to get a tax return and was looking for another job.
We talked about the job she had, and the job she had lost (she was carrying two jobs). She had taken a job at McDonalds to try to make ends meet and was working 70 hours per week.
So, here was the ABSOLUTE truth:
- She seems like a very nice lady in need of a break.
- For whatever reason, I trusted her intention and commitment.
- She was clearly working hard!
- Renting the apartment in January is unlikely.
- I could afford to have her not pay me for a few months, even if it meant having to evict her.
I could have started the eviction process immediately and put her out on the street.
I could have made her feel awful for the situation she was putting me in.
I could have been angry and disappointed.
Now, I am no saint. I am very helpful to help her out, but truth was I could afford to wait and renting it in January is tough – but all of those things were part of the truth.
We worked out a plan. I talked to her tax person to confirm her story regarding the previous years returns, and went home.
We agreed that if she could not pay by the end of February, she would leave on her own without needing to be evicted, and we agreed that she would shoot me an email every 2 weeks keeping me abreast of her progress (i.e. job search, taxes submitted, etc.).
I had assessed the absolute truth of the situation, and I wanted to help this family and I wanted to make a fair decision for the investment of my own.
This seemed like a win-win.
What surprised me, was that when we talked on the 27th, my tenant said, “I have never had an experience like this before. Landlords have always been very inflexible and I was so scared. I never realized that you would sit and talk to me and work something out. I didn’t know people like this existed.”
Now, I am certain this person has just had a bad string of luck with landlords, and not every landlord is in a position to be able to allow months to pass without collecting rent….
But I also thought, this is HARMONY. It’s not about wishing I would get paid, and nothing else. It’s about assessing the truth about who these people are, what are the market condition for rentals, what can I afford to do and not do… and then move toward the want… (Can I come up with a scenario that I can afford, that has limited risk, that helps this family… and that simply works for everyone’s needs).
So, I waited for 2 months… for this day.
When I went to collect the money, she had a huge smile and was SO thankful. I told her I was equally THANKFUL. She could have left and skipped out on three months rent. She could have done a lot of things, but she honored her word and her promise.
She gave me a big hug. I was elated.
She has now paid for her deposit, plus all of the back rent, and is paid up through March.
Where is the “disharmony” then?
Well, every so often I would think about this situation and I would feel a pang of disharmony.
I wish I wasn’t in this situation.
I wish I had never bought this apartment.
But, mostly it was…
I hope that I am not getting taken advantage of.
I hope that I am not getting played.
I hope that I am not wrong.
I hope that I don’t have to go back to my wife and tell her we are not getting paid.
I wish I wasn’t so agreeable.
It would come like a wave of disharmony and wash over me, leaving me anxious and angry,
And, then I would regroup.
This is a good family.
You are doing right by them.
This is a smart decision, and it has a small amount of risk
That you CAN afford.
This is who you are… you are the nice guy that looks for ways to make things work…
This is HARMONY…
EMBRACE IT… don’t be frustrated by it.
And, I would bounce right back to feeling good about my decision. But, for a moment or two, I would feel that disharmony tugging at me hard.
It happened once very couple of weeks.
I actually wondered out loud why can’t I just embrace the decision that I have made. Why can’t I just accept who I am and this approach fully, without the momentary pangs of anxiousness.
She felt it too. She said, “I know that there were times when you got angry while you waited.”
“How did you know?” I asked her.
“I could feel it in your emails and in your words.” She said.
I told her, it wasn’t really anger… it was disharmony. It was me wishing that the truth was different, that I had no risk, but I told her, I wasn’t mad…. I was just wishing.
She seemed to understand.
There is still risk.
There always is.
But, there is also a relationship being built.
She loves the apartment. Her boys are living with her, and she is able to give them the love and support that they need as they wrap up their high school. They seem like very respectful young men.
She keeps the apartment spotless, and is proud to have her own place.
I have thanked her in writing, and she knows I am grateful.
The money she paid me was very significant to her. She COULD have taken advantage of me and my flexibility, and the law is seldom on the landlords side.
But, when I see her… I see kindness, goodness, and a person I trust… and it made absolutely no sense to me to do anything other than what I did. It was calculated risk with a great silver lining.
I wonder sometimes how different people would have handled this situation. Many would not have rented it to her in the first place because of her initial issues with the cash. Many would have pushed for eviction after the first month. Many would have waited, but would have felt horrible and likely made her feel horrible along the way…
We got through it with care and concern.
We got through it with HARMONY…
She won…
I won…
And, it was just ONE moment, ONE Christmas, ONE conversation, ONE example…
But, one that will be remembered.
And, one, that for me, and for her and her boys, made a difference in how we continue to see the world.
And, I just want to celebrate this moment.
Applied harmony is a powerful thing,
Nestor