Yesterday was my son’s high school graduation. It was a special day, and only a few times, did my eyes get teary.
But, over the past several two months, there have been so many moments where the emotion bubbles up from within my core, like molten lava pushing through a volcano… very much dormant until it’s not.
Various moments during our Stanford visit in April… my core rumbled.
Thinking about his big graduation day without my mother able to see it & understand it…
The thought of my son possibly finding love or purpose in California in a way that keeps him there forever…
Time passing…
Heck… sometimes it’s just driving in my car on a beautiful day and feeling grateful…
My eyes so quickly become FULL OF TEARS…
I have always been an EYES FULL OF TEARS kind-a-guy.
Not a “crier” typically. Only on the deaths of loved ones, or on the early departures from Peru, or come to think of it on the separation from people I loved, leaving Peru, Susy to college, Joe to Chicago… in those moments… I have sobbed.
But “eyes full of tears”, happens quite often.
Yesterday during the graduation, I wondered why… and the answer was so very simple and clear.
Life is so very, very sad.
If I allow myself to pause and feel it… the rush of emotion triggers tears. And, very often, it is feeling the sadness of it that melts the lava rock.
At this point in my life, I am almost never sad. I just feel sadness.
There is a big difference.
Sadness can be a state of being. My father is very often sad these days. I know sad people intimately. I really believe that I am not one of them.
But, feeling sadness is just being connected to that emotion for a moment, acknowledging that it exists, feeling the lava rise and then harden again, feeling somehow more alive knowing that it is always molten in your core.
Life is so very, very sad!
That is the “truth” of life. And, HARMONY requires for you to embrace truth, AND THEN move every moment toward the WANT.
Why is life sad? … You already know the answer…
Because it always ends with death… for all of us...
Because our hearts get broken…
Because our dreams don’t always come true…
Because some people let us down…
Because deep down inside, nobody really, really knows how we feel…
Because our children grow up…
Because our children need us less over time…
Because we spend so very many of our moments away from those people who fill our souls...
Because our bodies weaken over time…
Because people we love get sick…
Because people are hungry…
Because people can be violent…
Because evil and violence exist…
Because we are imperfect…
I guess you could sum up "Life is sad" because as human beings we are imperfect, our hearts “break” so often throughout our life, and then we die.
Come on… that is really, really sad!
And, there are moments, when your mind goes quiet… and you touch upon those realities… and the lava flows…
So then, why do I insist that I am seldom, if ever, in a “state of being” sad?
Simple…
For one - Because I don’t spend more than a moment WISHING those realities didn’t exist…
I accept them and embrace them...
I will die.
I am imperfect.
And, I will fail, miss those I love, and be fortunate enough to have my heart broken.
And, two –
Because I realize that REALITY is that the fact that I and WE are imperfect, makes possible our ability to find great and deep JOY in perfect moments….
Because I realize that WE will die,
I find great and deep JOY in moments when we are sincerely LIVING fully!
Again, I am reminded of the fundamental pillar of Buddhism that says, “Suffering should be a fundamental expectation of life." Why do we expect otherwise?
Life is so very, very sad… but the reality of that is what makes us feel and know so much joy.
Yesterday at the graduation my eyes filled with tears when a handicapped girl got her diploma. I had never seen her as part of the class. She was helped by two people who were holding her up so that she could walk. She looked a little confused, but from a distance you could feel her smile. My eyes even now fill up with tears.
It’s so very sad that she will never know full mental of physical health. She reminds me of my sisters that never knew adulthood. Her situation breaks my heart… and makes my lava boil…
AND…
I can also imagine what joy she feels on that stage. She reminds me of the will and the stamina that the human spirit has that can overcome such superficial challenges that are simply limited to our physical being…
And, at the same time, I feel joy from gratitude… from the fact that I was spared, and my family is spared from that type of challenge, that type of pain… and that makes me feel guilty (for a separate post ;-)
But, I feel sadness, and joy… and guilt…
My eyes filled with tears when I heard the teacher of the year read an Irish Blessing that always seems to touch my heart…
She actually (according to the internet… joined two separate quotes…
“May you have enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough failure to keep you humble,
Enough success to keep you eager…
…
And, enough determination to make each day better than yesterday…”
Source Unknown…
LOVE THAT…
I WILL have enough SORROW to make me human…
I WILL have CRAZY SADNESS to make me SO VERY HUMAN…
And, she ended it with…
“…
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warmly upon your face,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”
Irish Toast
The truth is the wind won’t always at my back,
The sun won’t shine always upon my face…
And, there are MANY whom I will NEVER meet again…
And, that is crazy sad…
BUT, I WILL KNOW JOY!!!!!
Because there will be many moments where those things do happen…
And, I will see everyone again, if only in my recollection and
I will feel everyone again, if only in my heart…
AND, I will know that though I will ultimately DIE…
I LIVE… I LIVE accepting of the realities and the sadness of life.
I LIVE… aware and grateful for the joy of life.
And, in the quiet of my mind, and of many moments…
I will feel the sadness…
His graduation marks the end of an era, and that is sad.
He will be going far and may never come back for good, and that is sad.
But, it is also the beginning of a new and amazing time that I am joyful he will experience…
And, if he does end up in California forever… it will be because he found something there that gave him purpose and joy… and that is what life is all about…
And, God willing, I will visit him there… and experience his success and know joy…
And, maybe he'll find that closer to "home", wherever "home" may end up being...
It's not just about him OR me, either. His graduation day, in its full reality, was a day of massive joy. Seeing so many of his friends, whom we have known as little boys or girls, fully grown. Seeing so many friends share in this special day. While our own son certainly took the largest part of our attention, Graduation Day in its entirety wasn't just about him, or us... it was about so very many hearts, and lives, and smiles and tears...
We are never alone... nor in sadness, nor in joy. My eyes were full at moments, but my heart was full all day... ALL DAY feeling and sharing the joy with so many... CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL... Truly a kind, intelligent and special group of kids and families.
REMEMBER...
Life only happens in the MOMENT... it's the only place we can feel and experience and affect...
So, for the moment, I feel the sadness AND the joy of life, and I have the determination to make today a little better than yesterday... And, I am proud, and hopeful, and blessed...
And, time is passing with every moment...
and the lava builds… and sometimes volcanoes erupt...
And I smile,
as I find my eyes once again full of tears!
Life is crazy sad. I don’t WISH that it wasn’t.
I realize that it is because of IT'S SADNESS…
that I know and feel JOY & GRATITUDE…
Feeling ALIVE….
And, that is the life I WANT!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor