I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear friend, who was seeking advice on a work situation.
I was laying down on my hammock… a small slice of heaven on my back yard.
There is something about laying in a hammock, looking up at the sunlight through the trees, feeling the breeze… I love the swaying back and forth…
I look forward to someday feeling like there is no reason to rush off the hammock onto the next thing that awaits…
Anyway, we are having a conversation and as we say goodbye I remind her, “Just be your authentic self, be curious and caring as you always are…”
She responds to me with, “I am looking hard for my authentic self. I am almost 50 and I don’t know yet, who my authentic self is…”
In my mind, I am wondering what to say next. Because it just felt wrong. She is a wonderful woman, and I feel like I know her authentic self so clearly. And, the tone in her voice was of frustration… a sense of “will I ever know my authentic self?”
So, I said to her, maybe you should look at this differently…
You don’t have to SEARCH for your authentic self…
You don’t have to WONDER who that is…
Maybe what you need to do is STOP SEARCHING, take a deep breath, and just BE the caring, wonderful person that you are…
The more I spoke, the clearer it was for me…
The more we search,
the more we think,
the more we convolute
and
the more we confuse…
Our authentic self, is what we believe, what we value, what we fear, what we aspire to…
WHEN WE AREN’T trying to navigate all of the complexities and dynamics of our situation…
Our authentic self, is not someone we have to search for… it’s someone we have to allow to emerge…
And, I would argue, our authentic self is someone whom WE ALREADY KNOW…
It’s the individual we love inside of us…
The one that we are proud of…
The one we trust…
In the quiet of our own mind…
It’s when we leave the quiet of our mind, that we question our authentic self…
We question our values,
Our decisions,
Our intellect,
Our competence…
Our worth…
The more we search outside of ourselves for answers, the louder the noise and the distraction that keeps us from our greatest harmony.
The more we work and try to be authentic… the less authentic we are…
It’s why you are most creative on your first draft of a poem, or a song, or a speech, or a thought…
It’s why when we try to be more creative and more unique, we become more difficult to understand, less inspiring, and start to sound more and more like everyone else…
It’s why Robin Williams was so very funny, spontaneously…
It’s why Michael Jackson was so very musical, spontaneously…
It’s why the best talks are not the ones we read out loud from the slides… but the ones we speak from our hearts and minds…
It’s why the best conversations are often the one we weren’t expecting to have…
It’s why the harder we work to find ourselves, the more lost we often end up…
To be authentic… allow yourself to simply BE…
Certainly, you must listen to the world around you, and “check in and check out”…
You don’t want to lose touch with the reality and the people and the personalities around you…
But you SEARCH for the world around you…
You EXPLORE the world around you, and the situations, and the dynamics…
You WORK to UNDERSTAND the WORLD that you will engage with…
But, to remember, to be authentic…
You cannot try…
You cannot work…
You cannot find your authentic self…
You must simply BE…
And your authentic self will FIND YOU!!!
And, you will realize, it’s the you you’ve always known you were…
It’s the one people who really know you, love… and trust…
It’s the one you were afraid to show in public…
It’s the one you fell in love with as a child…
It’s the one you always knew you could be…
It’s the ONE YOU ALREADY ARE!!!
How cool is that?
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.
I wasn't sure if she fell asleep, if she thought I'd lost my mind, if she thought I was patronizing her...
And, then I heard her voice...
She sounded relieved...
happy...
she sounded very much like her very authentic self...
It made me smile...
Don't le the world confuse you.... I thought.
It's a loud world out there....
Find some shade under a tree... install a hammock...
And, simply BE!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor