“Nice” has NOTHING to do with it!
I am constantly working to understand issues, situations, people. To me, that is the purpose of work. That is the purpose of life. That is the only we way we have to progress and evolve.
I shared a few examples and emails with my partner the other day. They are from various people. He lives to drive numbers. I live to drive people. And, if you create the right drive in people with a sound strategy, the numbers happen.
We were talking about some employees that he occasionally wonders about, and just talking about work.
“Thank you for the feedback and advice. I need to change.”
“Please don't stop criticizing me, I want to be better, better than what people think I can be, better than what I can achieve alone.”
“Seeing what this looks like with you in this conversation will be really good for me.”
” That makes complete sense. I agree. I'm trying to consider all factors in each decision I make and not only is that making the decisions long and complicated, it's leading me to the wrong decisions and in the wrong directions.”
“You know that when you tell me there is something I need to work on to be a better leader…I take it personally and want to achieve a better me…”
“Great questions. I’ll have to ask those those questions in a few different ways…”
“The conversation yesterday was an eye opener.I am not there yet.”
“I am mostly still seeing work as hassle but not as a challenge, not as an opportunity that presented itself for me.”
“I am learning from you more than I am learning from anybody, because;
1- you are spending your time to teach me
2- I want to be like you, but even better;-)”
“I love working with you and can't wait to tackle new challenges with you.”
“The opportunity that I have hear to learn, to be exposed to all aspects of business is amazing. The more I talk to people from other companies, the more I realize how lucky we are.”
“I am taking a hard look at my actions. I am asking myself “Why” everyday now.”
These are just a few soundbytes from conversations with people that were initiated by my colleagues.
I didn’t share all of them with my partner, but as I started writing this, I went back and looked. These are all from the past 7 days and there are a ton more.
We had a really tricky issue two weeks ago, and I forced an additional conversation, when the topic was considered RESOLVED. Several people didn’t want to reopen the topic again, and I pushed it. I pushed it because I could tell it wasn’tthat it was RESOLVED, it’s that we had reached a conclusion that people had “given into” and nobody wanted to reopen the topic because it was emotionally charged.
We had a great conversation for 30 minutes, and came up as a team with a great solution that was absolutely incorporating everyone’s needs. The team felt fully aligned and we reached a better decision for the company and the employees.
I found it amusing that at the end, the two people that were reluctant to reopen the conversation, both claimed that the conclusion was what they had been suggesting all along. I know it wasn’t, but I don’t need to prove that to anyone. We reached a conclusion that everyone really supports. The fact that key individuals SEE IT AS THE ONE they proposed is AWESOME!!!! Imagine that – reaching a compromise in a way where everyone involved feels like the conclusion was exactly what they wanted… PERFECT. Everyone can take credit for it. Makes me smile. I think it was a product of conversation.
THAT IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE… the desire to have “my idea be selected” versus the desire to have “the right conclusion emerge from conversation.”
Anyway, I often hear the comment…
“You are nicer than I am.”
OR
“I am just not that nice.”
OR
“I’m not here to be nice, I am here to get it done.”
AND, WHAT????
I’m NOT???
NICE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!
It amuses and frustrates me at time that people associate my approach with
“CHOOSING to be NICE”
Then people make the conscious decision… “I don’t think nice is as important as other things… so I am just not going to go there.”
NUTS!!!!!!
The desire to be “NICE” is NOWHERE on my personal goals.
I WANT RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT A BETTER LIFE.
I WANT A BETTER VERSION OF ME.
I WANT A BETTER VERSION OF OUR COMPANY.
AND, TO ACHIEVE THAT I ENGAGE PEOPLE TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEMSELVES, ME, AND OUR ISSUES, PROBLEMS and CHALLENGES.
NOT TO BE “NICE”… but TO GROW!!!!
I believe EVERYONE wants to be a better version of themselves. And, I try to tap into that – to gain trust with that – to figure out how to deliver that.
I believe there is an ultimate WIN-WIN-WIN… where the individual WINS, the company WINS, and I WIN. And, that is what I am playing for…
The people that write me off as “nice” want the exact same goal as I do… They want to win. They want the company to win.
I just don’t put my desire to win (or grow) ahead of anyone else’s, nor ahead of the company’s.
That is the difference.
I DON’T PUT MY DESIRE TO WIN (OR TO GROW) FIRST.
WHY?
IRONICALLY, because I believe I can grow and help the company grow BEST by NOT putting myself first ;-)
Not sure if that makes sense.
If you see a smarter path… you take it because it’s smarter.
The fact that it is more satisfying… is cool, but its not why you take it… you took it because it was smarter.
The fact that others engage with it more is great, but its not why you take it… you took it because it was smarter.
I think my approach is “NICER” FOR SOME…
Many people throughout my career have taken my approach personally… they have taken my criticism so personally that they concluded I was insatiable or a bad leader…
My approach is not for everyone.
I PUSH… I PUSH myself… I PUSH those who work with me.
I often say, I am most critical with those I trust most, those I respect most, those I care about most… which is a double edged sword.
If I am not pushing, I am not engaged.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you or your work… it just means, I am it is not part of my journey. It is not something I believe I can affect.
Many people that I have worked with would fundamentally disagree that I am “nice” to work with…
NICE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT…
I am not trying to be NICE or NOT NICE.
I have two things that define my approach…
I want to be respectful, and I want to grow, I want the company to grow, and I want the people around me to grow…
I see it as the ultimate win…
Because the alternative to growth is stagnation… is decay… AND, I WANT NO PART OF EITHER OF THOSE.
Those aren’t “NICE” ;-)
Yours FIGHTING and PUSHING for ultimate harmony… NOT TO BE NICE!
Nestor