"With EVERYTHING you say and do, you either GIVE life, or you TAKE life away."
Amy Durholtz
I want to share the singular thoughts that shaped my mind, or at least shaped my interpretation of the concept of harmony.
There are probably a couple of handful sayings / quotes that I have never forgotten because they struck a chord so deep in me, that they became part of mind.
I love to live inspired.
And, I believe words matter.
Words capture thoughts, often a few words capture such inspired truths... that they are not just heard but digested.
So, I will share with you through a few posts... the ABSOLUTE TRUTHS that I have heard that help me reset quickly and simply into the core concepts of harmony, and thus, success and happiness.
"With EVERYTHING you say and do, you either GIVE life, or you TAKE life away."
A colleague at Procter & Gamble shared this thought with me one day at lunch, 25 years ago.
I could not get it out of my head for a couple of reasons.
First, IT DIVIDES THE WORLD, PEOPLE, OR AT LEAST MOMENTS INTO TWO... it explained why I had such a visceral reaction to certain people. My father, I remember, was the first person that came to mind. So very many of the things I remembered about him TOOK life from me. And then I thought about the people I was drawn to... they gave me life.
I had never thought about it before - but this thought divided the world into two for me. The people that I wanted to deliberately seek out to include in my life, and the ones that I wanted to minimize.
Second, the realization that EVERY MOMENT AND EXCHANGE MATTERS, we GIVE or TAKE lire in a CONTINUOUS and GRANULAR way... through the most subtle aspects of the aspects of how we interact. People didn't give you life through massive life changing events or take life away through major fights or arguments... EVERYTHING you SAY and DO... It's actions AND words. And, its subtle actions and subtle words... If that is not the essence of harmony, I don't know what is.
People give life through their tone. Through what the choose to say or NOT say, and how they choose to do it, and when they choose to do it. It can be ever so subtle... are they conscious of YOU in their process of sharing. I find the most important aspect of sharing things with people is doing so when they are in a good position to hear them and to consider them... which often requires me to wait to share (not typically in my nature).
EVERYTHING
you say and do...
It makes me realize the IMPORTANCE of my every exchange.
It makes me feel guilty for EVERY exchange where I am selfish or inconsiderate... even in a subtle way...
Because I get that it takes life... EVEN IF I didn't mean to...
Lastly, IT APPLIES TO CONVERSATIONS THAT I HAVE WITH MYSELF, TOO! This is by far the hardest to remember and embrace. And, its one that I didn't realize for a long time. I get to GIVE or TAKE life from myself too, in how I think and show up with myself. The things - the THOUGHTS that I have in my own mind - energize me or consume me. How many self doubting thoughts do I have? How many moments of my day am I taking life away from myself?
I loved the concept that what we say and do don't just make us "feel good" or "feel bad" ...
what we say and do HAVE CONSEQUENCES...
Micro consequences that direct and accumulate...
Even if they are MICRO... they are LIFE... they are what LIFE is made up of... EXCHANGES...
It was the most powerful single concept that I had ever heard, and in so many ways, I think the moment I heard it was the moment that the seed of harmony was planted in my brain.
It changed how I saw the world.
It changed how I interacted in it.
It made me more conscious...
It made me more deliberate...
That doesn't by the way mean to BE NICE in every moment. Often the things that give us life are the things we DON'T WANT to hear. It doesn't mean be GENTLE. It means be REAL, be HONEST, be CONSIDERATE, be DELIBERATE, be PRESENT... be ENGAGED...
Because you give life in the moment - but NOT just FOR the moment...
The people in my life who give me life... CHALLENGE ME... but the VALUE ME... In the exchanges of our moments... they always make me feel WORTHY, not UNWORTHY.
The people who GIVE ME LIFE... EMBRACE MY TRUTH... VALUE WHO I AM and then from that place of truth push me to be even more... The people who TAKE LIFE from me... doubt or don't care who I am, they only know what is missing, in me, or in the world around them.
To give or take life you don't have to just be addressing the person you are interacting with... YOU GIVE LIFE or TAKE LIFE by simply reflecting on the world around you in different ways... in harmony or in disharmony
The funny thing is the woman who shared that with me doesn't even remember saying it...
She gave me life in that moment, in a way that changed the way my mind worked forever.
Thank you, Amy ;-) For being a spark of harmony in my life.
"With EVERYTHING you say and do, you either GIVE life, or you TAKE life away."
GIVE, GIVE, GIVE!!!!
And, remember it applies to YOU too!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor