If you are out West, you may have heard of this little snow storm we just had here on the East.
And, if you are on the East, you are shoveling your way out.
My mind is always in motion...
Even on the simplest of tasks...
Take snow shoveling for example, so simple, and yet so very telling...
When I was a kid, I loved snow. Besides getting the day off school, it was an opportunity to get outside, to borrow my buddy's shovel, and to make some money!
I'd get out early and trek my way over to his house from my apartment. I had dreams of someday living in a home that required shoveling. My father always smiled and laughed about how fortunate we were that we didn't have to worry about shoveling ourselves out. But, deep down inside, I wanted a home... like the other kids had. I wanted a fire place.
I wanted the opportunity to shovel my way out!
On snow days, I made money. I got outdoors. And, I always liked the comments from my friends, from their parents... I liked the recognition that I was willing to work hard.
I still enjoy it. And, it makes me smile. And, it makes me think.
My father-in-law was a hard worker. He was thorough. He died in 2003 of a heart attack while he made his way back from clearing the down spouts in the back of the house. It was a very sad day. And, I never go out to shovel anymore without thinking about him.
Soon after he died, I kept saying to myself, WHY? Why did he go back to clear the gutters? Didn't he realize that he was in his mid 70s? Didn't he realize they didn't have to be done? It seemed unnecessary. It seemed avoidable.
Now, years later, I realize that it was who he was. He was thorough. He was a hard worker. He probably didn't think twice about going around the house in the 3 feet of snow. It was who he was. It was what he did. He took care of the house. He took care of his family.
It seems less sad to me now. While still sad, it makes more sense to me now. We are who we are...
When I shovel - I am in motion! I realize my objective, and I want to get it done. I realize that pauses between strokes increase the time to complete, and the exhaustion. If I can in a single motion shovel and toss. I save energy, and I save time. I become a machine. I enjoy the workout. I enjoy being outside. And, I don't want to linger.
I don't like doing the little stuff. I don't want to do the walkway (I can get in and out of the garage). I don't want to dig out the car we are not going to use. I want to shovel the driveway so that we can get out. And, I become a machine toward that objective... And, no other.
This is how I live...
I am grateful for the workout that is life.
I enjoy being in it, and having the opportunity to participate.
I don't want to waste time on the little stuff.
I realize every stroke of my shovel matters... and I don't want to waste time.
I live like I shovel...
I focus on the big spaces...
I clear the way...
I used to do it to impress my boys... but that is no longer the case.
If they are impressed with me, that makes me smile.
if they are not impressed, that is what it is.
I am who I am... The only details I truly care about, are the details of human interaction, details of human motivation, and details of strategy... no other detail matters to me.
I work hard. I shovel hard.... harder and faster than most.
I realized while I shoveled yesterday that I work hard. I do. I don't doubt that anymore.
I realized while I shoveled yesterday that I have succeeded and achieved... and in many ways reached the main street... and in many ways I still have mounds of snow to go...
I realized that someday I want to move away from the snow, because I don't want to die being who I am, doing what I do... here. I want to stop shoveling someday. I want to find a different way to spend my energy.
Someday, I don't want to be mindful of my every stroke. I want to take deeper breaths and not be a hurry.
Someday, I want to change my environment so that I can apply my energy in a different way...
I am still strong. And, in some ways I can shovel faster and more effectively than I ever have...
I watch my boys shovel, and part of me wishes they found it as exciting as I do.
i watch my boys shovel, and I realize they are who they are and I am who I am...
They don't know the feeling of wishing they had a driveway to shovel... they will have to find their pace, their motivation, their purpose on their own... I can't impose my pace on them. I struggle sometimes to figure out how much I am supposed to push them to find it. My experience is that ambition cannot be taught... except perhaps by being a living example.
It used to bother me that not everyone could see me shovel...
It used to bother me that some who saw me didn't see my pace, didn't appreciate my approach..
Now, what others see or think matters very little...
I am who I am... I shovel as I shovel... and, I know...
I am grateful for it...
For all of it...
And, I am good...
And, I am strong...
And, someday...
Someday I want to slow down...
And, feel the sun in my face,
and the sand at my feet...
And, think happily of the home I was able to own...
the snow I was able to enjoy...
the aches I was proud to have...
And, the strength I felt launching that snow far over my shoulders....
I am who I am...
My father-in-law was who he was...
And, we each have our way of shoveling our way through life...
Every stroke counts...
Every moment counts...
They are the basic elements of harmony...
Smile & stay warm...
In your heart.
In your harmony...
Nestor