Leadership isn't always lonely...
But, there are times I feel so alone -
so isolated from the entire world around me...
When I start feeling like I see where we need to go, and others aren't there yet.
When you start to pull in a new direction.
There is this moment where I feel completely alone.
I think it might be me - pulling myself away from everyone... trying to muster the courage, the clarity, the approach to turn the ship.
I am not wired to impose.
I hate imposing.
And, I am also not wired to navigate away from what I believe is the optimal path, the necessary path. In order to turn the ship, I must impose, at least long enough to get everyone to turn with me.
Everything is compromise...
What if I am wrong?
What if the compromises that I am concluding as correct are short sighted?
One of the most difficult aspects of "redirective" leadership is dealing with the anger and the disappointment - the anger and the disappointment in myself for not correcting our headings earlier, for not imposing earlier to make the change now easier.
If I am at the helm, then where we are is on me.
I can rationalize that we, that I, do the best that I can with the skills and the information that I have at each step along the way. I get that...
But, I can't help to feel moments of disharmony... moments of wishing that I had been smarter, stronger, bolder sooner.
That doesn't buy me anything. I know that. Though perhaps it buys me greater conviction that I can't miss this moment... that I can't fail in this moment to get everyone to turn with me.
The truth is - the voice of our majority is always pointing me and us toward the optimal path. It's almost certain that when I fail to steer toward the collective wisdom of leadership - that I steer away from the optimal path.
My desire to steer with minimal imposition to those around me is a skill that serves me well in "peacetime". And, hurts me during "wartime".
What I must continue to learn is which are the issues that we can steer between, and which are the issues that we must choose between... It comes with experience... and it requires courage and conviction...
And, for some reason, it is in loneliness that I find courage and conviction...
I am a leader. It's in my fiber. I am passionate about leadership.
But, being a leader is not enough... not nearly enough.
I want to lead with purpose, delivering results, accomplishing things that ultimately add value, make us better, make our time together meaningful and worthwhile.
And, that requires courage and conviction...
That requires imposing...
And, at times,
it requires loneliness...
it requires a bigger and better version of me...
And, perhaps the loneliness comes from fear...
from the fear or the doubt of whether I can deliver on a bigger and better version of me...
Deep breath...
Smile...
For all of my faults and failings...
I am not wired for giving up...
Giving up is NOT in my fiber...
So, courage and conviction...
A little bigger and a little better...
Onward!
In harmony,
Nestor