PASSION…
Tears are rolling down my eyes…
My head spins as it so often does…
There are moments when life overstimulates me, like a small baby in a three-ring circus.
That insatiable appetite that I cannot control – to understand, to achieve, to find meaning, to contribute, to have an impact... to experience life in all of its dimensions...
I was at a talk yesterday with my son at Stanford. The talk was by Tina Seelig about creativity, innovation and entrepreneurship. I left the meeting and my heart was beating out of my chest.
Have I done enough?
Am I reaching high enough?
Fast enough?
I should do more research to be more knowledgeable and credible in my observatios. Dr. Tina has, she has a Neuroscience degree from Stanford, has written multiple books and is out there changing the world… encouraging everyone around her to think. I don’t envy often – but I envied the credibility that she has earned to share her ideas… and her passion was clear.
I read half of the Ray Lewis book this morning on the plane, and am in awe of Ray’s commitment to win… to give everything, at all times… He didn’t own a football growing up… in fact he says he was so poor, he didn’t know anyone who did. His father missed everything, including every opportunity to show up to earn his forgiveness (at least as far as I have read in the book)…
I just watched Spotlight – and was moved and horrified. Moved by the passion of the investigators and the people that fought to figure out the story and horrified by the injustice, the arrogance and the evil that can be dispersed by men when we believe in anything more than we believe in truth and our ability to know the difference between right and wrong.
I sit here and tears roll down my face…
I feel…
So HAPPY…
So ALIVE…
So GRATEFUL…
And, so very unworthy of it…
Not in a “please make me feel better about myself” kind of way, but in a “blessed and overwhelmed” kind of way.
My life is so very imperfectly perfect.
My wife is so unbelievably beautiful and amazing… on levels I am only now after 30 years starting to fully appreciate.
My boys are so real – so talented, so normal, so flawed… (less so than their father)… So full of opportunity. ;-) They are so very much my unbridled joy... my constant purpose.
My friends are so caring… so generous… so willing and able to SEE me and fill my heart.
My work and my colleagues are meaningful and loyal and committed.
My dreams are so fresh, so big, so constant, so distracting…
It is not that I am in a rush, that I am impatient, that I am unsatisfied…
People say that I have PASSION for things, but I don’t feel PASSIONATE… I feel AWARE and AMBITIOUS.
AWARE of the amazing gift we have with our minds and our bodies and our world…
Our ability to conceive and achieve and experience and enjoy is limitless…
so very vast and awesome…
And, our time is so very short here on earth…
So very quick…
And, I am ambitious, maybe?… I think less driven by my own desire to win or achieve or to find meaning, and more driven by the simple consciousness of the vast and awesome opportunity on this journey that we share... and this amazing tool given to us...
our minds
our bodies...
Maybe, I am not passionate and ambitious, I am aware and curious…
If you sit in darkness… happiness is bliss.
When you SEE all that is around you, all that is possible… and you are aware of it and ALIVE, our human nature is to explore it… to discover it...
I feel this overwhelming gratitude for this “gift” of life… and the abilities that we all have to achieve something extraordinary…
And, the responsibility to make use of that “gift” in a meaningful way doesn’t just “fuel” me..
It compels me…
It disturbs me…
It imposes on me…
And, the gift of this journey, the responsibility is not only to share ourselves with the world, but it is also to be a force to influence others to unleash their gift upon the world.
So very much…
SO BOUNDLESS WITH OPPORTUNITY…
SO CLEAR WITH RESPONSIBILITY…
And, so important to ACT with deliberateness…
To EXPERIENCE mindfully…
To FIND JOY in all of it…
Accepting that it is an unachievable task to ever reach our full potential…
Accepting that everything can bring us joy… even suffering…
Is an important part of our absolute truth…
HARMONY is DELIBERATE MOTION… IN THE DIRECTION OF OUR DREAMS… ACHIEVED ON A MOMENTARY SCALE…
I am aware of the awesomeness of this gift of life in so many moments...
The opportunity...
The responsibility...
The possibilities...
I think the alternative to passion and embracing the overwhelming beauty and wonder...
is numbing ourselves... looking down at our feet as we fly through the stars...
Look up... smile, cry, laugh at the circus of life...
My head spins as it so often does...
I feel so happy, so grateful... so unworthy...
The only way that I can face the awesomeness of the opportunity...
Is by focusing on the moment,
on the truth,
the want,
in harmony,
Nestor