Yesterday morning I was sitting at my desk, discussing some difficult topics with a colleague...
They looked at the data and drew the same conclusion that they ALWAYS seem to draw - the conclusion they are constantly promoting - and I lost my patience.
"If EVERY conversation we are going to have, let's just STOP talking." I said.
"Let's skip the conversation all together, as it accomplishes nothing." I finished.
They sensed my frustration and replied, "You are the exact same."
I took a deep breath and went about my work.
A few hours later we had a one on one meeting scheduled. We respect each other. We disagree.
"So... how do we navigate these times without killing each other?" They put the gorilla right on the table at the beginning of the meeting...
LOVE THAT!
We started a conversation that broke past the testiness... or the TESTY NES ;-)
I said, "what do you want me to do with that constant conclusion? I don't know what to do in addition to what we are already doing?"
So, we agreed that we don't KNOW exactly where things stand, and we dug in.
I'll spare you the details, but will tell you that we spent an hour digging into numbers and roles and responsibilities and we got to a point where we both UNDERSTOOD THE PROBLEM IN THE SAME WAY - and UNDERSTOOD THE UNKNOWN IN THE SAME WAY.
We were able to agree on very specific conclusions and follow up actions that satisfied BOTH of our needs.
We went PAST the general comments of disagreement - into the CORE OF THE ARGUMENT of CONCERN - which brought us back to our mutual goal of moving the company and the division forward.
THAT is what I so badly wish we could find in our politics... I don't know why Obama can't say Radical Islamists... clearly there are some. If he could TALK to the problem more specifically, people would realize he understands. We don't need to build a wall, or keep ALL muslims out... that goes against our VALUES. BUT, we MUST do MORE to keep the country SAFE.
Until recently, the debate seems to be do black lives matter, or do cops lives matter? Really? Can't the leaders of this country come out and SPEAK CLEARLY to BOTH??? The leaders come out supporting ONE side much more clearly than the other - and the OPPORTUNITY for coming together and resolving things disappears... the community divides into two camps.
BOTH SIDES in the vast majority of issues CAN be SATISFIED... It requires the magic of COMPROMISE... and compromise doesn't exist on the surface of disagreement... it exists in the granularity of the situation. Americans SO struggle with this because of the deeply held mindset of competitiveness and "winning" versus "losing".
THERE IS TREMENDOUS POWER and VALUE on the other side of disagreement, ESPECIALLY when there are shared values and shared goals. We can never find the "WIN-WIN" on the surface... and few people are willing to walk past the level of disagreement... BECAUSE WE DEFINE OURSELVES BY THE DISAGREEMENT
Republican
Democrat
Pro-Life
Pro-Choice
Black Lives Matter
Blue Candle Holder
Cruz
Trump
Bernie
Hillary
So often we walk away from the discomfort of disagreement and frustration - and don't come back... WE FEED OFF THE ENERGY OF DISAGREEMENT...
But, the VALUE, the constructive ENERGY, is on the other side of that disagreement.
Disharmony begets disharmony.
So, if we allow ourselves to be defined and feed off disagreement - THEN it BEGETS MORE DISAGREEMENT.
That is the dynamic that is spiraling out of control in this country.
We MUST get past the laziness and our human nature to feed off disagreement... and find our way back to defining ourselves by our agreements our compromises...
Americans
Human Beings
Mothers and Fathers
The clearer truth, the richer answer, the BETTER answer is ALMOST ALWAYS on the other side of that disagreement and testiness...
I was very grateful that this colleague put the gorilla right on the table. I was grateful I didn't hide my frustration. And, I was most grateful that we walked past it to find the real value...
We must fight our own human nature.
We must walk in peacefully into the arenas that make our blood boil.
We must engage and open up our humility - accept not necessarily that we are WRONG, but that there is a BETTER and MORE POWERFUL answer that we can uncover together on the other side of our combined intelligence.
Maybe we can call them "ADULT moments", instead of "SENIOR moments"...
Or maybe we can just call it harmony.
Come on...
You knew I was going there ;-)
Have a great day!
"Testy" Nestor