SURRENDER…
This is perhaps the conversation that scares me the most.
Part of me likes being scared.
I have said for many years, that my only fear is “wasting time”…
Well, I would say that the possibility of “surrendering” may be a very close second.
A friend of mine shared the thought with me a couple of years back…
“What if you just surrender?” he said. “What if you stop chasing things so hard…?”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. It was an interesting thought, but not for me.
My wife send me a message the other day, a quote she had seen. “I thought of you when I saw this…” she said,
“These mountains
that you are carrying,
you were only
supposed to
climb.
Nadjwa Zebian”
I smiled, a sad smile.
I smiled, confused and tired.
Then I ran into the movie “The Shift” by Dr. Wayne Dyer (free on youtube… a MUST see).
Dr. Dyer’s message is along the same lines…
“You are born with everything you need for happiness”
He says, and then all of these voices start to tell you that what you have, who you are is not enough.
“You don’t get what you want. You get who you are.”
All of this in complement with the conversation of a few days ago about
Acceptance
Versus
Resistance…
WHAT IF I’VE BEEN WRONG all this time?
The thought of surrendering feels so very dangerous and wrong…
And, yet it feels like perhaps it is part of what I need to do to start climbing the mountain,
Instead of carrying it.
I have defined myself by my persistence.
I have defined myself by my unwillingness to “give up”.
And, then someone says, maybe that’s all wasted energy…
Maybe instead of fighting not to give up… I should do just that?
I’m not there yet… but I am thinking about the possibility of evaluating life in the wrong way…
Is harmony defining the “IS” the truth and then DELIBERATELY exerting energy into what you WANT?
OR
OR ;-)
Is harmony defining the “IS”, the truth, and then allowing yourself to simply BE WHO YOU ARE?
And allowing the "IS" to evolve in the direction of YOU? Of your BEING?
WOW…
IT feels less deliberate, but it is possibly so much more joyful of a journey.
Surrendering – maybe doesn’t mean GIVING UP on my dreams, but TRUSTING in them enough to stop resisting what appears to be forces against them…
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean doing things I don’t want to do – but rather doing what I love to do, know to do, find joy in doing with less guilt…
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean giving up, it means letting myself go…
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean giving up on my dreams… it means giving up on believing that I am so right in my approach.
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean making my dreams less likely… but believing in my dreams without doubt… and allowing my dreams to evolve and transform freely and fluidly…
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean I am trying less hard… maybe it means I might be more efficient with my energy.
Maybe surrendering doesn’t mean that I have stopped believing… maybe it means that I have stopped doubting.
WOW…
Could I have been wrong all of this time…
Maybe it’s less about “Live Deliberately” and much more about
“Live Faithfully”
“Live Gratefully”
“Live FLUIDLY”
Or simply…
“LIVE!”
This whole conversations challenges so much of what I believe and who I am, and yet, it feels like such the right conversation to be considering.
MAYBE… harmony begets harmony… without as much effort as I have been trying to impose upon it…
Maybe HARMONY is simply the magic between acceptance and being…
And, DISharmony is the tension and anxiousness between resistance and trying to become something different than who you already are...
I don’t know…
I just know it seems really worth considering…
Because the mountain is heavy and overwhelming…
and, because I feel exhausted and, at times, ignorant, unenlightened and arrogant, for trying to carry it.
Perhaps, I need to scale it… and breathe and look out over the horizon… and
ACCEPT
And
BE…
Scary…
Powerful…
Possible?
Maybe I have been wrong... for too long...
SURRENDER...?
for harmony,
Nestor