I typically run on Saturdays...
Sometimes a second day as well.
It's a 2 hour run, through the woods,
up hills and down, along the river.
I want to lose weight for my 50th birthday...
I want to hit it in stride.
Every time I suit up and get outside,
I am afraid. There is this fear inside of me
that I won't be able to run today...
that I just can't possibly run for nearly 2 hours
at what feels like a relatively fast pace.
I often run with 1 or 2 dear friends, and I am in awe of their strength.
I feel inferior physically, but I go out there with them,
hoping that by running with them, I will slowly become stronger.
I start the run, and I think to myself...
NO WAY...
There is NO WAY, I can do this for nearly two hours...
not at this pace.
Then, I think... one step at a time...
just breathe...
and push...
and keep going...
Then an hour into the run, my legs are tired,
and I think to myself...
NO WAY...
I can't do this for another hour,
and the journey back begins...
And, now I am heading back,
and I find another gear,
and the pain in my legs becomes the norm,
and I think to myself...
"if you can run an hour,
you can run two..."
And, I push,
and I breathe,
and I keep running.
On the hills, my buds take off like deer,
and I slowly move as if my muscles have shifted to slow motion...
On the flats - I push... and my body responds...
We come to the last hill and the gap widens...
We start seeing the clearing, and the end of the run...
Another one down...
PUSH...
I sprint... I give all that I have and try to leave nothing behind...
I run to lose weight...
I run to get stronger...
I run to breathe...
I most often think of the run as "the thing I do" to achieve other things...
And, then I realize...
The run IS Life...
And, the connection that I feel with my friends for sharing it with me is real and meaningful and runs deep...
It's not that we are getting stronger together...
It is that we are living, struggling and pushing together...
It's not about what I will weigh perhaps in the future...
how I will feel
out in time...
LIFE IS THE RUN...
It's where I am today...
It's my cold fingers,
my tired legs,
my focused mind,
my beating heart...
The fear, the struggle, the pain, the push, the thrill...
Don't be the one who opts out because it's too much...
Be the one who never stops...
It can be overwhelming if you try to think about the whole effort, the strength and stamina required, and attempt to resolve it all at once...
You just have to get out there,
and get into it...
breathe...
trust your body and your mind and your will and your stamina...
and push
you likely won't "win",
but what the HELL is "winning" anyway...
you are out there because you love the possibility
of simply being...
faster,
stronger,
better...
and focus on the next step...
and then every so often...
look around enjoy the stillness and the beauty around you,
be grateful for friends who are willing to run with you...
and realize...
THIS
IS
IT...
The RUN...
LIFE
itself...
enjoy...
breathe...
and keep going...
In harmony,
Nestor