So, I have two thoughts on my mind this morning that both feel paramount to share...
but, I realize two is one too many.
So... one at a time.
The reason that I call these "conversations" and not "blog posts" is because I don't know what the heck a "blog post" is... I don't know what it's supposed to feel like.
I know what a great conversation feels like... and I hope that my thoughts create conversations...
between us
within you
and possibly, between you and those you care about...
It's easy to read, to check off boxes, to move quickly through our day... but the moments where we pause, where we consider, where we breathe... those are the ones that make our days worth living.
I hope these conversations cause you pause... in fact, I encourage you to breathe often as you read and just consider how you really feel about things... what you really think about all of it...
I know the three dots "..." are incorrect grammar. And, I don't really care.
When I use the "..." It's my way of saying, "breathe... consider..."
Yesterday I wrote about MORE vs BETTER, and I realize that BETTER is in many ways a different word for MORE.
The thought that stuck with me yesterday, was that wanting for MORE is NOT disharmony... WANTING for more IS harmony. It's an important part of harmony.
The question is HOW DO I THINK ABOUT "MORE"...
WHERE DOES THE NEED FOR "MORE" COME FROM...
THAT MATTERS.
I had dinner with a friend last night who wants to find a new job. He wants a MORE interesting job. He wants a job that he is MORE passionate about. GOOD. HEALTHY.
Now - does he come at it from...
"My job sucks. It's not what I expected it to be. I have to deal with the same issues over and over. My new manager is horrible. I am tired of it and I want to find another one."
or is it
"I've had a great run at my current job. It's provided nicely for my family for over a decade. And, now it's time to move on. The industry is changing and I want to get into a faster growing space. I am lucky to be in a position where I can look for my next venture while having the security of a good, existing job."
Both are about WANTING a new gig. The first one however, has the tone of WISHING that I didn't have the job I have now.
A dear friend of mine is getting divorced. He wants MORE from his life and from his primary relationship.
Does he come at it from...
"I don't like my wife. She doesn't get me. She doesn't get us. I hate being at home. I have put up with it long enough. I don't care what it takes. I WANT out! "
or is it
"My wife is a beautiful woman and a great mother. We are really different and have grown apart over the past decade. I want her to happy. And, I want to be happy. I am convinced at this point we can't find the happiness we deserve together, so we are working on getting divorced. We are thinking of the children first, and are going to do whatever it takes to help them through this carefully. I look forward to getting through this and to have the opportunity to find someone who is a better fit for me."
Both are wanting out. The first one has the tone of WISHING that "I wasn't in this situation to begin with" or that "I had married someone else" or that "she was different".
Two thoughts...
1. WHY DO WE WANT MORE?
Do we want more because we want to grow, progress, make good use of our time on earth to improve upon our lives? Good stuff... all healthy WANTS.
Do we want more because others have more and we think we somehow are missing out by not having more? This has a tone of WISHING that you had more already, that the world wasn't unfair, that you had made different decisions...
I think many of us want MORE because somehow subconsciously we believe that by having MORE, we will eventually feel like we are ENOUGH. I don't think most of us are willing to acknowledge this, or maybe are ready to consider what it means... but I tell you... this has been the main reason in my life for wanting more... (but as I have achieved more, as I have grown, it has started to become very clear that having MORE will never make me MORE... MORE VALUABLE or MORE WORTHY of what matters.).
Why do you want more? Think about it... Want more for the right reasons... it makes the wanting and the achieving so much more satisfying.
2. DO WE GET THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISHING AND WANTING?
I hate burying this thought so deep in this conversation, because it was a revelation this morning. I have struggled with the difference between WANT and WISH... How are they really different?
Let's go with an easy one
I WANT to LOSE WEIGHT
I WISH I COULD LOSE WEIGHT
Clearly there is a little connotation of CONTROL. The WANT gives you MORE control. The WISH takes it out of your control. That is really important.
But, as I think about all of this WANTING for MORE (or WISHING for MORE)... I come to this conclusion...
The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING AND WISHING is really my ability, my acceptance, my embracing of the "IS"...
The DIFFERENCE between the WANT and the WISH is simply where I anchor myself relative to my "IS"... the TRUTH of my situation.
If you ANCHOR yourself on the truth of where you are. If you accept your situation as a blessing. If you acknowledge and own who you are, good and bad, the decisions you have made good and bad... then when you think about achieving better... IT NATURALLY BECOMES A WANT... not a WISH...
If you are not ANCHORED in your truth. EMBRACING and ACCEPTING your truth... If you reject, ignore or cannot find gratitude for your "IS" for your situation... then your desire for MORE... has no option but to be a WISH... because there is no OWNERSHIP in your situation to change it...
YOU DON'T REALLY CONTROL WHETHER YOU CHOOSE WANT OR WISH...
YOU DON"T REALLY CONTROL YOUR HARMONY OR DISHARMONY...
WHAT YOU, and I, CONTROL IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR "IS". YOU CONTROL HOW YOU UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT, EMBRACE YOUR REALITY. YOU CONTROL HOW YOU OWN WHO YOU ARE AND THE LIFE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN... YOU CONTROL YOUR GRATITUDE.
And, if we do that - our desire for more becomes a want... and our experience, our moment, becomes one of harmony.
If we don't own our IS - our desire for more becomes a wish... and our experience, our moment, becomes one of disharmony.
And, when you CONTROL and OWN that... YOUR "IS" in any given moment...
THEN your human desire for more comes to life as a WANT not a WISH...
This is different than I understood it before. I thought WANTING vs WISHING was a choice... it's not. ONLY THROUGH EMBRACING MY IS can I show up with my WANT in a healthy way. I can only wish if I cannot anchor myself in gratitude.
not sure if you are still with me...
but this makes the concept of harmony simpler...
I used to say, understand and embrace your "IS", choose "WANT", stay away from the "WISH" and harmony happens...
But, I think harmony simply happens from EMBRACING your "IS".... then let yourself loose upon the world and let harmony flow...
still digesting this...
I WANT MORE... so much more... more meaning, to make more contribution to the world, more success, more harmony, more happiness, more joy, more purpose, more days on the beach, more time with people I love... more, more, more...
And, I start with breathing deeper... trying to fully OWN my life, my moment, my short comings, my failures, my successes, my habits, my behaviors... embracing all aspects of my life and accepting them... leveraging them... being grateful for them...
then, letting myself loose upon the world...
in harmony,
Nestor