It's funny, what people say, versus what we hear...

And, I am not just talking about misinterpretations...

I am talking about deeply emotional ALTERATIONS...

For example, I said to my wife the other day,

"We should plan a trip somewhere just the two of us..."

And, she responded...

"We really don't have the money right now..."

not an unreasonable response. And, while I disagree with that general sentiment, we are planning a big and rather expensive 50th birthday celebration for me, and a trip to Peru to go along with it, and we have one in college, and we just went to Costa Rica... so, our expenses are flowing and we should be careful...

but, if I am honest...

what I also heard - and what I heard first was...

"You don't make enough money for us..."

"You are not successful enough for us..."

"You are still not enough..."

"Spending time with you is not a priority..."

WOAH... Ease up killer! ALL SHE SAID WAS, "we really don't have enough money right now..." and that is a rational statement, and one that has some merit. And, she said it BECAUSE she loves you, and she is trying to protect you from yourself...

"WTF MAN... You are nuts!" Now the voice is screaming at me ;-)

I am exaggerating what I heard, a little, but not drastically.

And, I feel embarrassed to share it - because it sounds so weak, so insecure to go to those places with that simple statement. But, I did emotionally touch those places.

You may be rolling your eyes and thinking I am perhaps a little too in touch with my own feminine side...

And, you may be right...

But, I would I would challenge you to think about is...

"What do YOU hear? When people say things..."

DO YOU KNOW?

I see the reaction of people to things their spouses say, their managers say, their children say... and I see in their reaction that they are hearing A LOT more than what was actually said.

I would argue that on some level we emotionally don't just interpret but ALTER so many things we hear at home and at work...

Maybe I am crazy... but, I don't think so. I definitely do have an insecure side, that I try to keep in check - that is true.

But, I think I hear more of the voices in my head than the typical being, and I don't ignore them, I acknowledge them and try to learn from them, and try to stay objective to them, and try to evolve them over time... to be more rational, more true, more productive... to evolve myself.

Years ago, I would have FELT things from her statement... and I would have reacted either to her or emotionally in my own mind... blaming MY voice, or the affect of my voice, on her. And, that is unfair, and inaccurate.

There may be instances, where our voices are right, and people do mean a lot more than their words convey - but that is something that works both in the positive as well as the negative.

How often do our inner voices AMPLIFY the positive of what is said? There is definitely a bias there (at least for me)...

Though - I only know what MY voices say...

I do know that other friends voices would first go to BLAME their spouses as an initial response for not being a bigger part of the solution.

My mind truly never goes there...

But, I would argue EVEN if that is where your mind goes first, is that not really a protectionist interpretation to the same insecurity that "I am not enough, and not providing enough?"

Truth is - none of the people I am thinking about, myself included, is anything short of incredibly blessed and incredibly "well off" by virtually all of the world's standards...

And yet, our voices do what they do... when they hear what they hear...