We will return to the "pursuit of joy" conversations,
but for today...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
to all of you amazing women and friends...
Be careful what you say to your kids.
They may remember and write about it someday ;-)
I have been thinking about my mother a lot lately. I don't think to myself, "would I rather she be alive and lost as she is, or would I rather she would have passed away already?"
Those thoughts don't serve me or her.
She IS here with us still... and I am grateful for that.
She is happy, generally healthy, and surrounded by a lot of love.
My mom had many favorite sayings...
Whenever it rained, she would tell me,
"Don't dislike rainy days, it's just a different kind of beautiful."
I think about her every day that I am driving in the rain... and appreciate the beauty.
One of her favorites was when I, or my sisters or cousins, would see or be served up a
brown banana,
Not just brown on the inside,
but when you opened them up and they had those soft darker spots
when peeled.
We'd scrunch up our nose and say we didn't want it...
"YUCK!"
She would always look at me and say,
"It's not bad, it's just old. Aren't you going to love me when I am old?"
I remember, even as a kid, feeling bad that perhaps my disdain for the brown banana would be a message to her that I wouldn't love her as she aged, so I tried to never say it. But every so often it would slip, and she'd remind me of her question.
There are apples and oranges, there are mothers and brown bananas ;-)
When I lived in China, we met some friends that loved brown bananas. They would freeze them and then mush them up and make banana ice cream - no milk needed - just put the bananas through their little machine... it was delicious.
Now that smoothies are a "thing" - brown bananas are much better than the yellow ones, because they are softer, less fibrous, and more creamy.
Brown bananas are so very delicious and useful after all.
My mother would never throw away ANY food.
As a kid, I remember thinking profoundly about old bananas.
"If I close my eyes and eat it, it tastes just like mushed banana which tastes good. If you want to make fried bananas -brown bananas are even more delicious.
Why do I dislike brown bananas? Heck, I don't think I dislike them at all!"
Makes me laugh.
I am not sure if my mother was trying to send me on a philosophical journey, or if she just wanted me to eat the dang banana so she wouldn't have to throw it out, but I think about her all the time - and ALWAYS when I see an old brown banana.
I wish she could still hear me and understand me, because I'd like to repeat to her over and over again...
"Mama - I WILL always love you...
no matter how old,
how soft,
how many brown spots you have...
no matter if you can't say my name,
or if you can't speak,
no matter if someday you have no idea who I am...
no matter in which world you live
or whether your heart beats at all...
I will miss you every moment as you fade away...
and
I will love you more and more
with every sunny and rainy day...
and
I will always eat my
brown bananas..."
in harmony,
Nestor