When I first started working, nearly 30 years ago, my manager drew a little circle that I have never forgotten...
he divided it into three...
he drew a small sliver, maybe 5% of the circle.
"This is what you know that you know!" he said.
Then, he drew a bigger part of the circle, maybe 15%,
"This is what you know that you don't know!" he said, "the things that you know you need to learn".
And then, the remaining 80% of the circle...
"THIS IS WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, THAT YOU DON'T KNOW!"
It struck me. Because it was an absolute truth, and it spoke to the level of my ignorance,
(and to that of most human beings). But, I was young and focussed on me.
I have never forgotten that conversation.
I have always remained conscious of it.
I believe myself to be a life long learner - and more committed to learning than most people I know...
And yet, yesterday, in a conversation with my executive coach, he said,
"You are not curious.
You don't spend time in the 'you don't know what you don't know' ".
My initial reaction was to stand up and say
"NO WAY"...
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME...?"
"I am not curious??? "
I am trying to read 10 books at once right now, and listen to 5 more concurrently on audio. I am so damn curious, that I am overwhelmed by all that I do not know... and I am active in trying to learn...
Spiritually, professionally, emotionally, etc., etc...
I didn't stand up, or become visibly defensive.
Instead, I said, "help me see what you see.... because I sure as heck feel curious and define myself by my willingness to learn..."
We talked... and I tried really hard to keep an open mind.
There is a part of me that has become more deliberately confident in who I am...
And, who stays away from the "you don't know what you don't know" world...
I am very curious and vested in what "I know that I do not know..."
I believe that I am very curious, and stepping into the world and living from the world of "not knowing what we don't know" causes me anxiety... it sucks out my confidence... it overwhelms me and makes me feel too worthless to stay in it for too long.
I respectfully disagreed with his general sentiment, but searched as best as I could with an open mind to see what he saw...
It is another THIN LINE... to be a leader, to navigate the direction of my company, of my family, of my own life... with humility, with an open mind, and yet with deliberateness and conviction.
If I live from the "don't know what I don't know world"... can I instill confidence in those around me? Can I make decisions for my company with enough conviction and confidence that others will follow?
I try to caveat all that I say, always giving room for external factors to play their role.
I never speak in absolutes (or almost never ;-) because I do realize that there is so much that is out of my control, and out of my knowledge base...
And, yet, everyday I am more comfortable with what I know - to set direction. Not because I am certain of where it will take me, but because I am certain that I can handle whatever comes next. I believe I have the emotional intelligence to deal with absolutely anything...
and
BECAUSE I cannot know all that is going to happen...
my confidence DOESN'T COME from being or pretending to be all knowing...
IT comes from being confident that I am now mature enough, and certain enough in who I am, and trusting enough in HOW I am, and believing enough in WHY I am... that nothing rattles me...
I know very little...
but, I know that I can handle whatever happens next...
And, I know that my decisions are made with objectivity, rationality, care, concern, and with the limited knowledge that I do have... and so far in life, it has served me well...
I never want to appear arrogant...
I never want to appear certain of ANY outcome...
Because life has taught me otherwise...
Yet, I want to appear certain of WHO I am, and confident that I will stand on WHY I am and WHO I am in front of whatever comes next...
I don't know so very much...
but,
I KNOW the principles of harmony...
and I TRUST them
in the absolute...
there is so much left to learn,
so much that I don't know that I don't know...
And, that will never stop me from
EMBRACING my IS "KNOW that I KNOW",
and stepping into the WANT, which is what "I KNOW THAT I DON"T KNOW"...
and in each and every moment...
I am discovering
what lies beyond...
in harmony,
Nestor