I am amazed by how through continued effort - I see my behaviors, my emotions from afar.
I can see my rationalizations and the reasons... the FEELINGS in almost every case that drives the conclusions and the actions in my life.
I can see how they are interpreted by others...
And, despite the rationality and the clarity, I am still drawn to the "feelings".
I want to feel good. I want to feel joy. I want to feel worthy.
I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to feel ungrateful. I don't want to feel anxiety.
So, I am steering at all times toward joy... toward harmony... as best as I can.
And, I notice...
I steer toward the people that make me "feel" better, and as deliberately as I can away from the people that make me "feel" worse.
Then I realize - no one can make me feel anything - I am the one choosing my reactions to their actions.
So, how do I help them understand how their "actions" based on their "feelings" are creating my reactions...
And, in EVERY CASE, when I engage in that conversation there is rationality and empathy, their is collaboration and effort...
I am so convinced that at the end of the day...
WE ALL WANT JOY... and HARMONY.
WE WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM ANXIETY... and DISHARMONY.
And, we are seeking and steering toward the former and away from the latter.
But, the VAST majority of people are on "auto pilot"... they just don't SEE their feelings and their behaviors tied together and associated.
They spend their moments rationalizing and defending their behaviors and BLAMING all of the others for not modifying their behaviors.
It's not an epidemic.
It's HUMAN NATURE.
And, it's mindfulness, maturity, HONESTY, LOVE... and relentless curiosity that allows you to MAYBE start to see WHY you are as you are.
I feel like I spend most of my days... every day... thinking about this and ACTIVELY working this personally and professionally. Most people don't want to talk about feelings. They want to talk about behaviors about actions. And, so often there is such deep frustration (FEELING ;-) because behaviors don't change...
It's like trying to change the experience by changing the wrapping... It can look different for a moment and then once you open it... and live it... it looks and FEELs the same...
When we are able to accept and embrace that we must dig into FEELINGS... into FEARS... into HOPES... into DREAMS in order to really change behavior... Then we have a real shot at making breakthroughs.
In a conversation yesterday I was asked... "So WHEN does it turn? How long do you have to go before things change?" In my mind, I was stumped for a moment... "Sometimes CHANGE never comes... " I thought. But at the same time I thought, "It can come at any moment... as soon as you really SEE it and DECIDE differently..." I am convinced it's when you are willing to OWN the FEELING - and the reality that it starts there...
I look at the mirror ALL the time... and try to always look FIRST into it...
But, I need to remind myself that the mirror shows me behaviors and helps me see the rational.
What the mirror doesn't reflect easily is my FEELINGS - the reasons... the motivations... the programming behind my steering.
If we can accept that at the end of the day... it's feelings that drive us...
Then we can start to point our mindfulness and our rationality at starting to SEE those...
It's so simple... in some ways...
And, so very, very hard...
Thoughtful... NES ;-)
Think about it... do you REALLY acknowledge what you feel? what you fear? what you crave?
We ALL start there...
crave harmony... deliberately...
want harmony... rationally...
But close your eyes and look inside your heart...
Can you "FEEL" it?
It starts here,
Nestor