I am not sure if I should be writing these conversations differently.
I like to write in the flow of thought, not in a pre-conceived way. And, there is so much in these recent books that help me understand my "IS', our "IS' in a more meaningful and complete way..
For example, still in the "My Stroke of Insight" book, which has a lot left to five, Dr. Taylor shares,
"It is interesting to note that although our limbic system functions throughout our lifetime, it does not mature. As a result, when our emotional "buttons" are pushed, we retain the ability to react to incoming stimulation as though we were a two year old, even when we are adults."
How often do we note or are surprised by people's reaction, "He'll never change... That's just who he is!"
How often do we "wish" that people didn't react emotionally to stimuli, to conversations, to situations? That they could rise above their emotions and "SEE" the objective IS, the non-emotional "IS"?
Here is why reading this quote is so meaningful to me...
Understanding that our limbic system doesn't really evolve, makes me empathetic to my colleagues, to my family, to my friends. It's just part of our reality, our "IS"... It's a part we have to work with and through.
So, knowing this truth, it would be counter-productive, it would be stupid of me, to not heed it...
It would be "wishing" on my part that the emotional buttons didn't exist.
It would be "wishing" on my part that the limbic system would evolve differently...
which is non-sense.
We need to get past that part of our brain, in order to engage the parts of our brain that do evolve and mature. So, in how I show up, in how I communicate, being mindful of it, thoughtful with my words, and, importantly, as deliberate as I can be with the two-year old inside of my own mind... is harmony altering!
It's not just being empathetic and understanding with others... It's being empathetic and understanding AND DELIBERATE with our own minds and emotions.
I feel like everyday I am becoming more and more "the adult" in the space of my own mind. I am managing the "two year old" that occassionally appears, and not yelling at him, but ignoring him at times, acknowledging him at times... and maybe now, a little more empathetic to the fact that he will likely never grow up.
My limbic system needs to be taken care of, like a younger sibling, or maybe even a child, and let loose only in those moments where we really need its super powers.
But, again, all of this together...
When I am talking to someone (and right now I keep going in my own mind to conversations at work, but I spent years working on this as I dealt with my father)... When I am talking to someone, I now think about speaking to their "energy", to their "soul"... to their "being"...
I am not talking to just their brain...
That changes things...
It's not just about our words. It's about our emotions. It's about our intent. It's about our energy...
Too often people let themselves off the hook... "I said those things"... "I said exactly those words!!!" In my mind, I don't doubt they said those words, but I wonder HOW did you say them... with what energy? People tend to look at me with frustration or exhaustion if I actually verbalize any of those thoughts... I can see it in their eyes "WHY is that necessary? It shouldn't be..."
Who gets to decide?
What "should" be?
Any "should" thought is likely a "wish"...
There is no "should" and noone "decides"... It just "IS"... We are built as we are built...
And, the question is...
can you deal with the two-year old as a two year old in that moment? as a two year old moment in an otherwise adult conversation? possibly as a two year old moment, inside your own mind? can you deal with that TRUTH openly?
If you can't... no big deal... it all figures itself out...
But, if you can... If you can start embracing the absolute truth of our brains and our beings, and embrace the IS, accept the IS, address the IS ... deliberately, thoughtfully, effectively...
You get to lead...
You get to construct...
You get to evolve...
all from a single quote, from a single thought, from a single truth...
from a single moment...
be mindful and careful with the two year old in the room...
and help him through that moment.
in harmony,
Nestor