Sorry it took me a few days to give you part 2...
I came across an article this weekend by some guy named Mark Manson, you can find more about him at MarkManson.net.
I just googled him, as I thought only appropriate research if I am going to quote him, and literally as I was searching the thought in my head was...
"I really don't care who Mark is... his article was brilliantly inspiring... that is really all that matters."
I learned via google that he is the NY Times best-selling author of the book, "The Art of Not Giving a F*ck". How ironic ;-)
Anyway, back to the conversation at hand...
Again, this is not my original thought, but a powerful "truth" that he wrote about, that I thought was powerful, insightful, and meaningfully thought provoking... It is the type of thought, that if embraced, materially changes your ability to achieve your "WANTS" in life, and thus your ability to achieve moments of harmony.
Mark ponders about the question "What do you want in life?" and suggests that ultimately, we ALL WANT the same thing (or some thing extremely similar).
It's something that I have thought much about - ultimately our wants converge on the same thing... virtually all, if not all, people "WANT" to be healthy, loved, intelligent, successful, wealthy... all businesses want to be profitable, want to grow...
WHY is it that success happens so very differently for people?
Why is it that we all have such a different result vs our "WANTS"?
Mark suggests that we ask ourselves a different question... NOT "What PLEASURE do I want?", but rather "What STRUGGLE do I want?"
At first, I was confused. Who wants struggle? Maybe the question is "What struggle will I accept?"... but I think "want" is a better word.
Think about it...
Everyone wants an amazing, successful life. In my example of Sunday, I want a healthier body.
What STRUGGLE do I want? Because I clearly don't WANT the struggle of passing up sweets everyday. I clearly don't want the struggle of not enjoying certain flavors on a regular basis. I clearly don't want the struggle of dealing with my own schedule to make sure I am exercising everyday.
Mark argues that we all WANT the same thing and that doesn't differentiate us, and that doesn't mean anything... in terms of our true deliberateness of who we are going to be and how we are going to live. What he argues really matters is "What PAIN are we willing to SUSTAIN"... "What struggle are we willing to accept".
If you want to be very successful and "climb the ladder", are you willing to spend less time with your family? are you willing to spend a lot more time studying about business, leadership, or whatever the skills needed in your industry / role? are you willing to fail? are you willing to choose a vision to believe? are you willing to look into yourself and mature and become bolder and better at prioritization, at risk taking?
Because ultimately, you don't HAVE to do those things to climb the ladder, but it wholly changes the probability of accomplishing that want...
His article is fantastic and it asks - what are the "struggles" that you have to be willing to WANT in order to achieve great success in relationships, in business, in health...
I am going to evolve my thinking... because what he says is an absolute truth...
If harmony is achieved in moments where I am moving toward my WANT, then I now am clearer that my WANT needs to be LESS about what I want to enjoy... and more about WHAT PAIN am I willing to EMBRACE... so that I may experience the enjoyment.
That changes the question. That changes the mindset, for me at least, and the clarity of how I speak and think about my "WANT"...
What separates us, he argues. What makes us unique... what makes us achieve and succeed...
IS NOT what JOY we WANT, but what PAIN we CHOOSE... what STRUGGLE we are willing to step into boldly... day in and day out... to achieve that WANT.
That thought changes the game for me... it makes me own my own "success" (to the level that I have some ;-) in a slightly different way. It makes me own what struggles I have embraced, accepted, and chosen... possibly "wanted" in order to be the father, the husband, the employee, the leader, the friend, the man that I am.
And, importantly, it ALSO makes me own my own "failures" (and, I am well in tune with many of those). It makes me own what struggles I have avoided, not had the courage or the stamina or the discipline to engage, and thus opted out of... in order to not achieve the level that I desire as a father, a husband, an employee, a leader, a friend, and a man.
It's not about harmony and disharmony in this case. It's not about praise versus criticism. It is always about truth... about understanding ourselves better, our minds better, our behavior better... and, most importantly, our OPPORTUNITY better...
To think differently, smarter, wiser in the next moment... to inch ever closer to a more consistent and enlightened harmony.
Google Mark Manson and "What do you want in life?" and you will find the article... It's worth a read. I smile everytime I read the word "harmony", "IS", "WANT" and "WISH" in the description of these topics.
I haven't read the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", the title turned me off, and the gist of the message confused me. I WANT to CARE... I WANT to GIVE A F... and at the same time, I see the amazing power in "not caring so much"... I'd rather think about it as "The Subtle Art Of Realizing That We Cannot Control The World And Everybody In It" but that probably explains why I am not a NY Times bestselling author ;-) That book would not sell as well.
As I sit here in my bed and write... and ponder whether or not I should get up and exercise this morning before going to work ;-), I look at my virtual mirror and think to myself..
What do I want in life?
Who is the man I want to be?
What do I WANT when it comes to my wellness and my health?
What pain...
What struggle...
am I willing to embrace...
am I willing to own...
in harmony,
Nestor