I was at a funeral on Saturday of a friend, more the friend of a dear friend, who died too young. It was a beautiful service celebrating a good and successful man, and the large cathedral was full of people showing their respects...
You know me by now...
Funerals are something I take very seriously. I try to pay a lot of attention, and my mind tends to race thinking about so many past funerals, and so many to come...
Thinking about life...
...
So, the priest goes up to speak. It was an omnious setting. One of those cathedrals designed to be bigger than life that tend to make human beings look small in God's house. He speaks very nicely, and then says, if you turn to the back of the program, that is what our friend's life was about...
On the back page was the picture of him with his three beautiful young children.
I'm good...
But then the priest says, "You see, all the things that he did professionally, our profession... It means nothing! It means nothing. What matters is our family and the time we spend with them."
I knew it was a funeral, but I really, really wanted to raise my hand,
"Excuse me father... may I respectfully disagree?"
He lost me then and there. And, maybe I am being a little black and white.
I've read all of the "Things you regret when you die" articles. I know the thought that no one says "I wish I had worked more..."
I certainly won't wish I had worked more.
But, that is very different than suggesting that our professional accomplishments mean nothing... to us or to the world around us.
And, sadly, I think that may be the case for some.
Here is what I know... my boys and my wife, are the epicenter of my heart and a huge reason as to why I live and what matters... but they aren't the only thing.
I have been one that has struggled with the concept of calling my colleagues at work "family". "We are like a family", I hear many say. But, maybe it's because I am Latin, or maybe its my engineering or overly practical mindset, no we are not a family. We are a team, an organization.
Here is the thing, family is a beautiful concept... and I understand the sentiment. "We take care of each other, we regard each other, we appreciate each other as a family".
My experience is that just because you are family doesn't necessarily guarantee any of those things. So to me "family" means you share genes either directly or through marriage...
But, I digress... here is my real issue with the priests words...
My work, my profession matters... it matters to me and it matters to many with whom I share my days... It matters deeply...
And, I would argue if your work doesn't matter, if at your funeral you truly believe that your profession "is nothing", then you need to choose something else to do with your days.
I love the time that I spend at work, because I love the people that choose to work with me. I appreciate them. I respect them. And, I want to do right by them. I want to do all that I can to make their lives better by how I work with them, and how I help steer the company with them.
So maybe the "profession is nothing"... Maybe the priest was right... Maybe all that matters is the "family"... more loosely for me "the people" that you experience with and devote your life to... That sentiment I can get behind.
"It's about people, everything is..." Is one of my absolute truths...
So, I do agree that what matters is the back page of your program...
I just don't believe it should be limited to the people you brought into the world... I believe the picture should include all of the people you met along your journey that shaped your life... and that opened themselves up to allow you to help shape theirs...
you children, if you have them... most certainly...
your spouse... most definitely...
your aunts & uncles, your cousins, your nephews, your grandparents...
AND
your friends, your dear friends, those friends you get to love as much, and sometimes even more than family... (to the extent that love needs or requires to be "quantifiable")
your colleagues... the people you share your days with... the people you battle with, you struggle with, and you achieve with... the people that so meaningfully you dream with, and work so hard to make dreams come true with... the people that you influence, you help to grow and who help you grow in return...
I can get behind the priests message...
but only if I can open up the concept of family very broadly...
My work matters so very much... because the people in it matter so very much.
Let's not allow the world to dictate otherwise. Let's not let any narrative dictate that what we do for hours and hours everyday matters "nothing"... and if we believe that.. change it immediately...
Either change the believe and embrace and accept the opportunity you have everyday to matter to other people's lives...
Or change what you do everyday...
I maybe small...
I maybe nothing...
But, my profession... and more specifically what I do everyday matters... is an integral part of my purpose in life... and part of my satisfaction and joy...
And, it is so, because the PEOPLE I work with and for... matter so very, very much...
I didn't raise my hand.
It wasn't the time or place.
But, letting that thought linger bothered me. Letting that thought be taken out of the church by many as a soundbyte of wisdom from above... bothered me greatly.
It is by oversimplifying what matters that makes us less aware of all that actually does... or maybe more accurately... of how much everyone around us does.
May my friend rest in peace.
May his family make it through their grief with greater love and purpose...
And, may most people live a life that disagrees emphatically with that specific statement from the priest, whom I am sure is a wonderful and loving man...
Think about all of the people you would put on the back page of your program...
Think about your purpose... about what matters...
And choose your days and work wisely...
in harmony,
Nestor