Today, Robin Williams' would have been 67 years old...
I just read his biography a month ago, "Robin".
It always fascinates me to read biographies, where you can cover the span of someone's life in 200 to 500 pages and a matter of days.
I am always amazed by the struggle that people face in their lives - nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
I am always amazed by how imperfect we all are - how similar we are as human beings - despite the fact that some rise to the top of fame and fortune...
Robin Williams, late in his life, was a sick man. While he did take his own life, his mind was largely out of control and no longer sane when he did. He suffered from a dementia that was not diagnosed until after he died, that was incorrectly diagnosed as Parkinsons while he was alive.
Here is the thing... even BEFORE his mental illness...
Robin Williams was unsure of himself and doubted his own talent EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
He seems like a remarkable, kind, loving, thoughtful, hard-working man, whom I know I would have loved to know and have as a friend. Who he was came across in his eyes, in his manner, in a way that we could all see and relate to, which in addition to his amazing talents, made him so very admired, appreciated and loved by so many.
But, the thing that sticks with me above all else is this...
Robin Williams' doubted himself, his talent, his abilities his whole life. He was always dissatisfied with his performance, always hungry to learn more and be better, always a little amazed at how the world saw him...
So, consider this... if Robin Williams' doubted himself... one of the most talented comedians, actors, people that has walked the earth in recent time... what does that say about us as human beings?
How our minds see us is not always real, or at least at times is meaningfully inconsistent with how others see us...
Sure, Robin could have become funnier, smarter, better at his craft. That is not untrue.
But to doubt himself despite his unbelievable talent speaks to how far off our minds can be, how erroneously our minds can steer us in self-assessment.
If his goal was to be authentic, funny and to entertain the world - he did that better than almost all others. But, somehow, he struggled to OWN the gift that he shared, or at least the GRATITUDE that was real from so many that enjoyed him.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and I said to him... you rationally know you are a good, successful man - but deep down inside, I don't think you OWN it, you don't emotionally and deeply believe it...
At times, I wonder if some of us are wired not to be able to own our own worth... In my heart of hearts, I believe we are all capable of it, but I don't think it comes easy. And yet, I wonder if many with the greatest gifts and success have those because they refuse to believe that they do - and thus they keep pushing harder and harder toward becoming better and better...
The reason I concluded my own version of harmony is to try to strike the balance in EXACTLY that dynamic... the ability or aspiration at least, to EMBRACE THE IS of who we are of what we are of where we are and all that it entails WHILE STILL REACHING TOWARD THE WANT of becoming even better...
I absolutely believe that JOY ultimately happens in the magical tension between accepting the IS of our moment and pushing toward the WANT in our lives... while deliberately staying away from WISHING.
Robin Williams inspired me to be a better man, because despite the fact that I knew he was acting, I also knew that he was living! While I heard the lines he spoke as an actor, I also knew that many of those lines where coming from his heart not from a script.
I saw his vulnerability (on some level)...
I felt his humility (it was overwhelming)...
I appreciated his ability (he was gifted beyond words)...
If Robin didn't think he was enough as a human being, what hope do we have as mere mortals ;-)
Or, maybe that is his most important gift, to those that were watching carefully...
Maybe his greatest gift - was not acting or his ability to make us laugh,
but his life - and the example he lived and set to help us think...
Can I own my worth better or differently knowing how he struggled with his?
Can I interpret my own self-assessment with a grain of salt knowing how he struggled with his?
Whatever you conclude -
"Robin"
would have been 67 today,
and whether or not he knew it or accepted it (and I hope he did on some level)...
Imperfect and amazing as he was, he made the world a better place by being in it!
It is not by standing behind a podium or an altar and preaching but rather by living an authentic life in the pursuit of better, that we make our greatest contribution...
HBD Mr. Williams - thank you for the life & the lesson...
in harmony,
Nestor