Sometimes I linger in thoughts,
not because I believe them,
but because I WANT to believe them.
This weekend, we had a lovely moment, watching a movie with my family.
It was overall a terrible movie, but a few lines caught my attention...
I don't remember the line, exactly, but I remember the thought...
It was from Oprah Winfrey, in "A Wrinkle In Time". I was looking past her overdone make up, and seeing her as the amazing woman that she is...
Her line goes something like this... (or at least this is how I heard it...)
"Do you realize how many things had to go "right" for you to be here?
Do you realize how many decisions were made,
how many amazing coincidences had to happen,
how many people fought and lived,
how many people escaped,
how many people survived...
for YOU to be here right now?"
(I think the line was very different than that... but I am taking creative liberties...)
It got me thinking... if you take the overall existence of the earth as the ONE planet in our entire solar system that seems to maintain life as we know it...
If you take THAT as the given (which is already a miracle onto itself)...
Think about all of the near misses, all of the illnesses, all of the acts of God, all of the things that thousands of humans had to survive for you to be here...
Think about all of the choices that were made, all of the millions of decisions that were made by all who preceded you, not just in your direct lineage, but indirectly, all the people that influenced those who came before you... to make your presence possible.
Think about all the randomness that occurred, all of the unexpected turns of events, that led to you...
Think about all of the courage, all of the deliberate decisions that were made by people moving toward what they believed in, what they feared, what they loved... that led them to you...
Part of me wants to dismiss it all as the random order of the universe...
It wasn't FOR me...
It just happened. It was momentum. It is unconnected. It is what was, and as such, it is history and no longer relevant...
Am I simply a random act of the universe... or can I believe on any level, that the universe in some strange way created me deliberately?
Is it the "hand of God", the desire or intent of the Universe for me and you to exist right now?
I am not so arrogant as to believe that the entire universe acted for me... to deliver me deliberately to this moment...
But,
regardless,
I am so very grateful that it did...
Whether or not it was the deliberate,
considering it does change the context of my life...
of my moment...
If I allow myself even for an instant to try to imagine, try to get my head around ALL that had to happen... all the people who had to meet, all the people that had to miss meeting each other, all of the EVERYTHING in the UNIVERSE that made
ME,
MY LIFE...
POSSIBLE...
Even if just for an instant...
that truth
whether random or deliberate...
fills me with a sense of responsibility,
fills me with humility,
with gratitude,
with love,
hope...
in harmony,
Nestor