It’s not always obvious, or even conscious...
It’s not that I realize, “I wish that” and then I feel the distress, the uncertainty, the weight, the anxiety...
DISHARMONY
That is not usually how it happens.
Almost always...
99.99 percent of the time or so (according to a lot of research that can’t be cited ;-)
DISHARMONY HAPPENS FIRST
You don’t know why you feel a little off...
or maybe ALOT “off”...
You are a little testy (or so I am told)...
You are irritable and angry...
then you settle in...
maybe I am sad...
and then I smile...
This is what I call DISHARMONY...
NOTICE IT!
Because once you do - once you realize, accept, embrace that what you are feeling ... is disharmony...
then you can ask yourself the question...
”What is it that I am wishing for?”
”What is it that I wish I had...
What is it that I believe on some level that I am unable, incapable or unworthy of getting?”
You’ve got to get to the point where you ask yourself that question...
because only then can you come clean with yourself...
can you search for your truth...
can you start to frame a WANT from the WISH...
Almoat no one walks into disharmony deliberately... choosing wishes instead of wants...
Sometimes we talk our way in through words or thoughts not knowing that is what we are doing...
but most often we walk our way into diaharmony and have no idea...
We WAKE UP in the middle of it, when we notice it...
Our subconscious thoughts,
our sadness, our feelings, our being... takes us there, guides us there unbeknownst to us...
NOTICE IT...
Living Deliberately does not mean you will always deliberately take yourself into the mindset you want...
It very often means that you can DELIBERATELY walk yourself OUT of the mindset you don’t want... the one that doesn’t serve you...
Now... sometimes noticing it and solving it takes only a moment, but very often it takes much more effort...
We are often unwilling to come off our anger or sadness or irritation long enough to admit the disharmony that lies beneath it...
We are often unwilling to let go of the Quick and easy excuse, “Im mad at my spouse” or “I’m mad at my kids” or “my boss” or “my work”...
I would argue that most often those first and “easy” targets are NOT the source of your disharmony... I have found, at least with myself, that there is always, if not almost always... a deeper, more meaningful disharmony... a WISH that I have of how I wish I was, how I wish I was seen... who I wish I was... that underlies the “easy” target...
We protect ourselves by choosing an external WISH... instead of one that we own ourselves... “If only he or she would...”
If finding our way out... if steering away out of disharmony... if identifying the source of our wishes was easy - we’d all be walking around in nirvana...
It’s NOT easy - but it starts by noticing it!
I hate to admit when I am in disharmony, because I feel like I should know better...
And yet, I often notice myself IN IT...
Living a life of harmony doesn’t mean as much never being in disharmony (though that is nirvana)...
much more it speaks to knowing when you are not in it...
and finding your way back...
in every moment,
Nestor