I was walking up the hill this morning from our high school field…
I looked up, “Home of the Eagles”…
I’m 52 and it’s 2019…
And, walking up the hill always takes me back…
It was 1984, 35 years ago, that I first walked up this hill…
I was running late because I had to take the TOEFL test - some test that I had been told would be good for me to take - something about “English as a Foreign Language”… Did ok on that test, but it never did anything for me…
I had to skip taking the bus with the rest of the soccer team, because I was scheduled to take the test long before… this was a playoff game…
I drove myself and the school seemed to be so crazy far away… Centennial High School in Howard County. It felt like another country.
I drove up in my mother’s Toyota Tercel, caramel colored, two door, with a kick-ass $80 stereo that we had bought for it - because we knew we could get a better deal buying a stereo post-factory. It had a built in cassette deck and it ROCKED!
35 years ago… and I was running down that hill to meet up with my team. And, I remember looking up at that hill… “Dang, that is one steep hill” I remember thinking…
So often, life has brought me back…
It takes me all around and then keeps bringing me back…
Whether it’s to Centennial High School and the hills around the field,
or to Cincinnati to live,
or to the cliffs of Miraflores,
or to the surf at Rehoboth beach…
or to Rockville…
or to Carmel…
or to the hills of Italy or San Francisco…
There are so many moments, when I get this sense…
I’ve been here before at a different time in my life and so much has changed and so much has stayed the same…
I remember struggling back in 1984 at the age of 17 with whether to miss the game or not, whether to cancel my TOEFL test that seemed so important… I remember how bad I felt for being late and for letting the coach down… I remember how good I felt seeing my friends… I remember how free I felt driving the car… I remember…
And for me, remembering is special, because there is so much I’ve forgotten.
I smile at how much time has passed since those days… I smile at the thought of being old… I smile at how small the world is and how some things never change…
I am grateful for the time that has passed, and at times frustrated that I still feel so torn to let people down, to choose between multiple things that feel valuable and relevant… I still hate to be late…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that time is not stopping…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I must be more present in the moments…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I am who I’ve always been…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I have been so very fortunate…
As desperately and passionately as I want to grow and evolve and improve…
Life keeps bringing me back…
And, reminding me
that I am who I am,
and who I have always been…
Perhaps it’s trying to tell me something…
maybe to
look inward instead of outward,
maybe that
it’s been amazing all along,
maybe that
I am trying too hard to change it…
Or, maybe simply
that
life is good…
Let it take you back…
Go Wildcats!
Go Eagles!
in harmony,
Nestor