I can’t remember if I have written about this before,
so I am hoping you don’t remember reading about it before either ;-)
I rewatched Brene Brown’s - The Anatomy of Trust video on line...
If you haven’t seen it, you should! It’s on Soul Sessions...
Brene takes a topic that we discuss often in work and in life, TRUST, and breaks it down into its “anatomy”... or components, making it easier to comprehend, and objectively address and discuss...
Trust is one of those paramount concepts that human connection desperately needs, but that can be so very fragile and fickle...
A few lines stand out for me - and felt particularly powerful...
- “Trust is built in the smallest of moments” - Dr. Gottman (hmmm why does this sound familiar?)
- “To choose not to connect when the opportunity for trust presents itself is to betray”... along the lines of - in every moment you either achieve harmony or disharmony.... the idea here is that it is hard in human relationships to navigate a status quo... with our actions we are sending constant signals - either those that build trust or those that destruct it...
this is a huge one... how often do you ask someone “what did I do to make you angry?”... because you don’t know... and the truth is you didn’t do anything... but possibly missed a moment where they expected that you would...
- “Trust is choosing to make something important to you, vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Distrust is
, “what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you...” Definitions from Charles Feldman...
She creates an acronym around the anatomy of trust that she calls...
BRAVING
B - Boundaries
R - Reliability
A - Accountability
V - Vault
I - Integrity
N -
G - Generosity
I missed what N was... I am going to have to go back and watch it again ;-)
Two powerful concepts that she brings out in these explanations is the idea of :
COMMON ENEMY INTIMACY - which is what Brene calls it when you “get close / feel close” to someone else by choosing to “hate or judge or criticize” someone you both dislike. This is a dynamic that happens too often in business, and I am guilty of it as well (not something I am proud of)... But, the idea of being mindful about why we feel like we trust someone - and to ensure its based on the merits of the relationship and not the common dislike of another... and, after all, who am I to judge anyone?
INTEGRITY - Brene comes up with her own definition which I think is spot on...
Choosing courage over comfort
Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy.
Practicing your values not just professing your values.
On integrity she goes on to speak about how judgemental we get when people need help.
Ah.... I think that is maybe the N... NEED... Someone who isn’t afraid to ask for help when they need it! Not sure if that is N, but she definitely says that... and it hits home for me...
She says, if you judge yourself for needing help, then you will consciously or subconsciously also judge others when they need help - and that disables trust. Another powerful insight for me to better embrace and weave into my being....
She finishes with the concept of self-trust...
If it’s about people, everything is, as I like to say, And, we as human beings are about connection, then connection happens through trust... and, trust is something we need to better understand, something we need to master.... not just self-trust, but how to objectively we build trust with others and coach others to build trust...
with your children,
your spouse,
your colleagues...
your friends...
look up Beene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust on YouTube... look at it on my digital gold on my web page... absolutetruth.squarespace.com... it’s worth while...
So much powerful content out there... we watched this with our executive team years ago and had some great dialogue. I am going to try it again with our exec team of our parent company...
All there waiting for you... for us...
in harmony,
Nestor