I struggle to write this because it suggests
that my entire approach to life may have been wrong…
but, I never let that stop me ;-)
That is exactly how we learn best, how we potentially evolve most...
by challenging our deepest held values and philosophies about life.
I am sure that I have written in our past conversations about “defaulting to YES”, to having a “YES mind”…
I believe part of what makes me successful is that
I believe that every idea has merit, every approach has value.
And…
I believe that “openness” to everything is likely at the root of
me feeling like I may be always “behind” in some way,
not experiencing life to the fullest in some way,
and, sadly, not being “enough”.
Stay with me…
I say “YES” or want to say “YES” to almost every philosophy I encounter…
I do triathlons, I want to be a long distance biker, and I want to run, and I think swimming is awesome.
I work my core, and I do Tabata, and I try to do yoga, and I do bootcamp with my dear buds,
And, play golf (expecting to be decent), and I have a standing paddleboard that I don’t use enough,
and I want to do an Ironman, and play Pebble Beach, and have visible abs, and be flexible… oh,and I want to say yes to meditation and be good at it, and enjoy time in the hot tub, and in the sauna… and on long walks with my beautiful… I want to say Yes to all of it - and I want to be good at all of it…
In business I want to do OKRs, and we try to embrace KPIs, and we want to develop an IOT strategy, and we need to do more M&A, and I want to be do client engagement scores, and employee engagement scores, and … heck, saying NO is such an important part of being a great company - and no surprise, we don’t do well at that… we say yes too often…
I want to be a great father, and give my kids the influence they need, and I want them to be independent and respect their space… I want to start a new business, and keep navigating the business I am in, and help awesome companies to grow… I want to live in MD near my friends, and I want to go to Florida for the weather and tax break, and I want to live in California, and I want to travel the world… and I don’t want to have a house at all, and I want an apartment on the shores of Lima, Peru… and I don’t want to complicate my life…
Are you starting to see my dilemma?
I want to say YES to everything… and yet, I want peace in my life…
What I say most often is,
“I want to live life on my pace”,
“I don’t want to live in a rush / in a sprint”,
“I want more time to do nothing…”
And, I mean it.
So, what I am realizing is that I need to do a lot more of
Just saying “NO”!
And, it’s hard. It’s hard because there is a part of me that feels like every time I say no, I am accepting another slice of life that I will not experience… and that goes against my brain.
And, I think of the exceptional people in our world that seem to have it all, and I think, I just need to keep getting better to be able to do more and have it all…
Just say “NO”…
How many things in my life do I I say “YES” to that I ultimately regret?
Actually not many… I love or generally enjoy almost everything that I do…
but, it’s time to throw out clothes that I like… not just clothes that don’t fit.
There comes a time in your closet,
and in your life,
when you’ve made enough decisions that you have a lot of nice clothes…
but, you just don’t have the closet space, the time, or maybe the occasions to wear them all…
and, you need to start parting with some clothes you actually like but you just don’t wear…
Or maybe even that you wear - but that just don’t bring you as much joy as others….
IF I want a life without sprinting… and I am fairly sure I do…
IF I want a simpler life - with fewer to dos - but with greater meaning…
Then I must reduce my to dos…
PERIOD.
If I want to spend quality time with my wife and say YES to that, then maybe I need to say NO to early morning workouts on weekends, or to having friends over at times, or to watching that television show, or to working that night, or for her to the next load of laundry or the next thing on the kids’ to do list.
If I want my every day work to matter and say YES to that, then maybe I need to say NO to the things I take on in my work that don’t matter as much, say NO to meetings that don’t add value to me or me to them, say NO to interesting valuable meetings that are well covered by other colleagues…
If I want to live a healthy life and say YES to that - then I maybe need to define healthy more clearly, and I have to say NO to many drinks that I say YES to, or say NO to more or all desserts, or say NO to nights of little sleep, or say NO to mindless snacks that for a lifetime have been my reprieve.
Both on a grand scale as well as on a miniscule scale…
Maybe to lead a truly simple, meaningful, impactful life - the one I want… I need to say NO ALOT MORE THAN I SAY YES…
And, saying NO is HARD for me…
It goes AGAINST who I am, and who in some important ways I want to be…
So… then I realize I can’t have it ALL, I can’t do EVERYTHING, and be EVERYTHING…
Not if I want to live the life I want…
To live the life I want, the love I want, the impact I want … I need to say NO…
So that, the things that I say YES to - can be HELL YES… and I can mean it…
I realize that saying NO, doesn’t mean not listening to new ideas, to new approaches…
In fact, you must listen to new ideas with an open mind to fully consider them…
but then, after listening to GREAT ideas that just don’t fit into your closet…
after looking at DELICIOUS treats that just aren’t needed into your diet…
after looking at a BEAUTIFUL pair of shoes…
after being invited to an INTERESTING event…
I must “Just Say NO”… and in that process I MUST, redefine what do
GREAT
DELICIOUS
BEAUTIFUL
INTERESTING
mean in my life… more clearly…
What is the GREAT, DELICIOUS, BEAUTIFUL & INTERESTING
that works and fits and pulls me … fits…
And, on occasion, if I am going to say YES to one of them…
what aspect or thing in my life that I am currently engaged in and enjoying
will I just say NO to - in order to create the space…
My life is FULL…
And, my life ain’t done… I’m not done… learning, and evolving… and impacting the world…
And, for me to say YES to those things I have yet to achieve…
I must have the courage, the wisdom, the discipline…
to start saying NO much more often…
Of course I say NO to things today… just not enough…
I am going to make my NO list and keep it updated.
The most powerful thing about saying NO much more often, I believe,
is that the YESes in my life will become so much more meaningful and powerful!
It’s a skill I haven’t developed yet,
but one that I am realizing most profoundly,
that I must develop…
so I am…
in harmony,
Nestor