The more that you allow
FEAR IN
the
more
LOVE and HOPE
are FORCED OUT!
Be CAREFUL
withOUT
being FEARFUL,
Be JOYFUL
without
being CARELESS!
It takes effort… but it’s there waiting for you!
in harmony,
Nestor
“Employee Engagement”, “Employee Engagement”, “Employee Engagement”… it’s everywhere. Corporate sages, consultants, bloggers, webinars… everyone is talking about it, tackling it, and trying to master it and optimize it.
And, “it” always feels OFF.
So many consulting companies, software companies, magazines, talking heads are so very ready to sell,
“How to increase employee engagement”
“What is employee engagement? Definition and How do you Optimize it!”
And, “it” always feels OFF to me.
I have this visceral sense that we are constantly underestimating the effort, over-simplifying the solutions, and just misguided in the words and focus. It’s kind of like trying to optimize culture or morale. How the hell do you do really do that, besides by working on EVERYTHING?
Here’s why it’s off…
Employee Engagement is a result.
Employee engagement is THE result of leadership engagement and company engagement.
Human beings WANT to be engaged, because engagement feels good! We are emotionally designed to connect, to add value - so we are emotionally designed as human beings to being engaged.
So, said another way… employee DISengagement is a result of leadership DiSengagement with the employee. Hmmm… that doesn’t sound nearly as sexy! I’m not sure that will sell many software platforms.
There are two paramount challenges to creating healthy “ORGANIZATIONAL engagement” (a new term I just coined - capturing not just employee engagement, but also leadership engagement, because the latter begets the former).
For profit companies in a capitalistic society tend to be hyper-focused on short term growth and profitability. And, short term growth and profitability demand from the company and leadership the exact same resources (time and money) that are required investment for leadership and company engagement to employees. It tends to be a zero-sum game, and short term profitability and growth tends to win.
Leadership skills on the “human” side of management is seldom a core competence in companies & seldom considered as a priority for improvement & investment. For many reasons (heavily for reason 1 above) we tend to give priority to talking and working on the “business’ rather than working on the “people”.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am a capitalist. I believe fully in a for-profit world. And, I hold myself accountable for profit and growth. And, it is because of that, that I intimately understand the challenges that it represents when trying to achieve those AND “employee engagement”.
So, what do we do? Do we go back to a win-lose, employer-takes-all world? No way! That bus has left the station, there are too many companies doing it right, and there are too many employees who know the difference. And, there are too many leaders that know the difference as well. Driving “employee engagement” is not just a current fad. In my opinion, it is our moral responsibility as human beings, and it is good for business… in the long run.
A higher level of engagement from the organization drives a higher level of problem solving, client satisfaction and growth! Why? Because you have more people more focused on the higher level goals as they are less distracted with low level frustrations and dissatisfactions. And they are fighting with you - not against you as “leadership” or “the company”. The interests are aligned.
If you want to drive “employee engagement” in the company, I recommend we focus on driving “leadership and company” engagement in the employees. And, that requires adressing both of the challenges above.
Make a sound business case for improving the value offered to employees.
We need to quantify the trade off between slightly higher short term compensation and attrition.
We need to prioritize employee requests for benefits and policy changes and quantify them and consider them with other corporate priorities.
We need to make decisions including the criteria of longer term (1 - 3 years) growth and profit, not just the current quarter and year.
We need to invest in our “human” competence and skill sets - and be thoughtful in every aspet of leadership.
We need to make time for the “soft” conversations becaues they add up to “hard” numbers.
We need to be THOUGHTFUL in every policy that we publish and issue, and not work to only minimize liability and risk to the company, but also optimize the employee experience and show our team that we are all of equal importance. (this one often doesn’t even cost money).
We need to be more deliberate about “human results” not just “financial results” - and hold ourselves and our fellow leaders accountable for growth on both fronts.
If we are designed to default to “engagement” - what causes “disengagement”? In my mind, its simple - a lack of empathy, a lack of curiosity, and a lack of clarity and, at times, courage from us as leaders.
When employees do not feel valued, heard, seen - it becomes an us vs them.
When employees feel valued, heard and seen - we are in it together!
That does not mean companies need to do EVERYTHING employees ask for - of course. But it does mean, that those requests need to be taken seriously. And that there needs to be a give and take - and transparency. We need to help our colleagues understand the real cost and consequence of some of the requests so that they can see how they are not affordable or do not make business sense.
I’ve heard “expert consultants” say that companies should not ask about compensation on employee engagement surveys. Do we not think that "compensation” weighs into the employees equation of being valued? Why are we so afraid to engage candidly in a highly important to conversation with employees? I assure you they will be discussing it with their new employee when they decide to leave.
I like to say, “It’s about people, everything is.” It’s my way of trying to focus us on the human side of the equation - because its behind everything we do. The narrative and tone is set in every conversation, by every coach and every manager. Every leader has a responsibility and an opportunity to create engagement in every decision, interaction and communication - and the higher up you are on the chart, the higher the level of your influence and impact.
I am convinced many of the most important things we can do to drive leadership and company engagement with employees don’t require much money, some none. But, they do require deliberate thought and a little bit of time.
Employee engagement is the achievable, moral, advantageous and compelling business-smart consequence of an empathetic, curious, honest and long term growth focused leadership and company.
To be more engaged, we need to be more human… in the best sense of the word.
It’s that very simple.
And, it’s that crazy hard.
In harmony,
Nestor
I have been trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up...
I know, I know - some people think I am a grown up, or at least should be by this point...
And, truth is that I am.
But, I’m also childlike - hopeful, impressionable, playful, exploring and eager to become something worthy that will make my parents proud.
I know there is more out there waiting for me when this current professional chapter ends... and I am excited to figure out what that is...
But I’ve been going about it all wrong...
I’ve been thinking so much about
WHAT I want to do - WHAT I should do
Instead of thinking about
WHY?
My WHY has changed radically in the past years. I am no longer working to take care of my family - to make sure we could pay for college and life. The boys are no longer around - or at least not like they once were.
WHY do I want to work?
HOW do I want to spend my time?
That’s what I need to figure out.
The WHAT I do - matters little. I feel that...
The WHAT I am able to accomplish... matters more.
And WHAT I accomplish needs to be fueled by the change or the value I want to bring to this world. And, that must be driven by purpose.
I am constantly evaluating my thoughts against other people’s stories - against other people’s successes - against the money I may be able to make...
And, it all keeps feeling pointless - or at least meaningless.
I keep trying to find other people’s recipes to prepare my own dish... and it keeps feeling off.
There are two thoughts becoming clearer everyday;
I need to be clear on my purpose - on why I want to exist, what contribution matters most to me... before anything else makes sense.
I need to then do what feels most right, not the optimal solution to a formulaic set of options, but what compels me.
It is a gift - to me and those around me - if I can do what compels me...
I want originality and authenticity in my life, in my contribution, yet I compare every possible decision against the norms of society.
When you compare against norms - you deliver normal... you deliver average, maybe... maybe slightly above or below...
I need to stop evaluating, stop comparing, stop measuring...
I need to start liberating, disassociating, committing, doing - that which fills my heart and soul...
I realize how crazy fortunate I am to have this wonderful struggle, yet struggle always feels like struggle.
I’ve spent too much of my life trying to play by the playbook, trying to find the right recipe for life... and, it has been fruitful and beautiful and enjoyable.
And, it’s time...
I realize
it’s time to stop.
It’s time to sit in silence and listen to my soul -
It’s time to have courage and
Cook without a recipe
Live without traditional measure
Love without bounds...
I don’t know exactly what I should do...
But I do know a little bit about why and how...
And I need to give those voices more time to sing...
And my heart more room to dance...
Find your own beat -
Move to your own rhythm...
Share the beauty of your true nature.
Free your gift -
so that it may be shared and enjoyed...
Stop wondering
And questioning
if you have a gift to share...
Just share it
don’t wait for the grown ups…
;-)
In harmony,
Nestor
I want to make your skin tingle…
I want to make time stand still.
For just one moment
I want my life to burst joy through yours -
so much so -
that it brings both of us to tears.
That dream - that want, for some strange reason, makes the struggle feel
purposeful
valuable
worthy.
You know what I’m talking about…
I felt it this morning when I watched Angelina Jordan sing “Mama” on America’s got talent.
We sometimes feel it in a song - more often in a live performance -
if you allow yourself to get swept away.
Sometimes we feel it more subtly when we are reading a book,
Or listening to a TED talk.
I felt it the other night when the sun was setting into a blinding orange sky.
Sometimes we feel it with a buzz beating last second basketball shot,
or in a commencement speech like Steve jobs.
At times we feel it watching the birth of someone or the death of someone.
That’s perhaps, why I have been writing less.
I want to make your skin tingle - by being a small force in a brief moment -
that makes you believe, that life is perhaps not perfect,
but magical…
Or, at least,
that it has the possibility of joy - that feels like magic.
I do believe the thoughts of harmony are pieces of that puzzle,
but more and more I realize as long as you can see the demarcations of each piece of the puzzle -
the magic may be rationally understood -
but not emotionally felt.
The puzzle, the vision, the possibility
needs to become real -
needs to be felt
lived
in order to be consumed, celebrated…
felt.
It helps to be aware -
some say awareness is the single most important element to magic…
awareness of our ignorance, of our insignificance, of our inconsequence -
along with the awareness of the awesomeness of our existence, of our unbelievable luck -
simply to be alive…
awareness of all that we don’t know and don’t understand…
The “Universe” is more often in my thoughts and narrative than it has ever been.
May it be God, Allah, The Force, Good or something without a name or a concept…
I do believe we are all connected.
I do believe that some people in some moments channel more force, more connection, more brilliance
and in some form - in some way
are able to reflect that back onto the rest of us…
And, if you are open,
aware enough…
You hear it.
You feel it… and it makes your skin tingle.
Sex is a short cut… maybe.
Drugs are a short cut… maybe.
I have high expectations of life… of myself…
And, I’m am tired. And, I’m excited. And, I am scared.
That maybe my expectations are too high.
That maybe I’m too lazy.
That maybe I just don’t have the courage.
But, the magic lives in all of us…
It just needs to be ignited…
With every sun rise
and sun set…
We get to try again,
watch for it…
feel for it…
You’ll know it when you are there.
Your skin will tingle.
Time will stand still…
joyful, real and magical.
It will last a moment,
and the moment will last…
bringing us to tears!
in harmony,
Nestor
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate:
only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Darkness begets Darkness.
Light begets Light.
Hate begets Hate.
Love begets Love.
Appreciate that there will be dark moments, and there will be light.
There will be the impulses to hate, and there will be love.
Choices we make…
Live deliberately -
in harmony,
Nestor
We are living in dangerous times.
It is easy to see the images of people dressed in silly outfits taking over the Capitol and dismiss it as a single moment in time - a momentary breach.
I read somewhere the other day, possibly on a different topic, the question posed “is this the end of something, or the beginning of something?” I smiled. It’s not OR people, it’s AND.
This, as with all things, is the beginning of something AND the end of something.
The question is WHAT is beginning and what is ending?
The TRUTH matters.
One of my biggest concerns with Trump, and I will no longer respect him as “President Trump” since he continuously disrespects the privilege and responsibility of that office, is that the TRUTH has never mattered to him.
His constant creation of new truths - whether it was as an insult, as an innuendo, or simply inaccuracies stated as fact has never slowed him down.
This blog is called “absolute truth”, because in my opinion, at the heart of harmony, at the heart of civility, at the heart of rationality is TRUTH - absolute TRUTH, which I define as the comprehensive reality independent of human bias.
Absolute TRUTH is the basis of rationality and rationality is the basis of civility, and civility is the infrastructure within human beings and human systems that facilitates harmony.
The absolute truth is that when you have 150 million people vote, there is imperfection, there is error, there is fraud. That is reality.
The question at hand though - is not “is there error and fraud”, the questions are '“is it material, is it different than in other instances, is it ONE-sided, is it SIGNIFICANT enough to potentially lead to a different conclusion of the outcome?”
The truth is I don’t know.
And, that is the design of democracy in a civilized society. I TRUST based on rationality.
The “comprehensive” nature of truth is most easily obtained by interviewing many people. As human beings, we are all biased on some level, some more than others. But, when you poll many of us - across a diverse sample set, you can separate truth from bias.
Thousands of people have been working millions of hours to answer these questions.
And, the system has worked.
Those that believe there was meaningful error have done research, compiled arguments, and presented them.
62 out of 63 cases have been formally presented and dismissed by courts across multiple geographies, multiple states, across members of both parties, across courts and higher courts made up of judges representing all ends of the spectrum. Hundreds of other arguments have been made to various and diverse chains of command - and the results are overwhelmingly consistent and aligned.
The conclusion has been reached by the highest court in the land, made up of judges representing both sides, and with a bias toward the side of error as an additional member was added just recently by the party questioning the results… The conclusion has been reached based on all the current arguments and evidence that the error and fraud based on all evidence provided did NOT affect the outcome of the election. The evidence was so weak, in fact, that they didn’t even need to hear the full case. It was that obvious.
The head of the congress who also is from the party that claimed fraud - has come to that rational conclusion.
The vice president who also has significant allegiance to the party that claimed fraud - has come to that rational conclusion.
Yet the leader of the free world, based on no evidence he can present, chooses to convey a different outcome - a fictional conclusion - that he presents as fact.
And, millions of people keep hearing this “version of the truth” played over and over again through various media, through other irrational voices… and it’s the truth “they want to believe”. But WANTING TO BELIEVE in something doesn’t make it true.
Truth is truth. And, while we will never know TRUTH absolutely, society is based on our ability to navigate times with an approximated truth - and democracy has been the most accurate and moral system to approximate that truth, because it puts the power to the people, to the balance of government, and it is designed to control the power of any one individual so that the truth at the end of the day can be ONE.
This is why the damage that Trump has done and is doing to our country and to democracy is so serious and severe… This is why vicerally I cannot support him in any way, and have been concerned about him for so long. It is not because of his policies (as he has had some good ones) or his offensiveness or even his egotistical personality. It is because he doesn’t value truth, he doesn’t respect truth nor understand it’s incredible importance - lying has never slowed him down (do research on his business dealings - research how he destroyed business after business )… He has never valued truth, because truth got in his way.
And, when given the amazing power of the Presidency of the United States, he has leveraged that power, certainly with some good intent, but with his ego being always his guiding light and himself being the most important objective, he has created distrust in the infrastructure, in the design of what truly makes America Great.
He has created distrust in the media. He has created distrust in the judicial system. He has created distrust in rational leaders and rational voices from the opposing side. And, then slowly but steadily he has created distrust in the rational leaders and rational voices from his own side - that started to disagree with his artificial truths. He has created distrust in every aspect of the American system - with one objective - serving himself and his own interests at any cost - because he is the only thing that matters.
I don’t know if it is a sickness - but I do know it’s evil…
possibly with the intention of destruction or possibly the result of wild ignorance about the consequences of creating artificial truths…
The truth matters, and we can never fully define it because the world is constantly in motion.
But, the quest for truth is the quest for joy. The quest for truth is the quest for peace. The quest for truth is the quest for good. The quest for truth is the quest for God or source or whatever you choose to believe. The quest for truth is the quest for freedom.
And, to try to understand truth - you must seek it comprehensively in context - not simply in the confines of what you want to believe.
And, to try to understand truth - you must see it independent of human bias - which we all have, and the simplest way to do that is to LISTEN and observe to the truth that others profess.
And, democracy and the United States have been a model for the possibility of the imperfect human system to rule itself…
And, under the guise of “Make America Great Again” - Trump has insulted, undermined, and chipped away at the foundation of our country… at rationality… at TRUTH.
We cannot dismiss where we are. Sure, all politicians lie - but that’s because all human beings lie. We cannot categorize all human beings, nor all politicians in a single category of truthfulness, nor rationality. And, the roles we play in the country are not all created equal.
“With great power comes great responsibility” - I believe that and with leadership comes a responsibility to represent the rational truth.
The other component is we must deal in the NOW.
Whether other politicians have lied before or will lie in the future is irrelevant.
Where are we RIGHT NOW? What is the best understanding of our collective, rational truth right now?
Is there basis to believe that there was enough error and fraud that the election would have gone the otherway, being professed by any credible body?
or is it the voice of hundreds of reputable, diverse human beings versus the opinion of one?
And, importantly, what are the other truths in play?
How many hundreds of thousands or millions of people right now are struggling right now with the burden of multiple truths - one that they want to believe and one that they don’t?
The damage done by the repetition of lies by Trump presents a clear and present danger to our country.
We are at the brink, probably not of a civil war, but certainly of meaningful and dangerous civil disorder.
It is so ironic that the self defined “patriots” and “saviors” of this country are fighting against the exact thing that created this country and made it great.
We need to break the spell with every conversation.
We need to hold those who use force under the spell accountable.
On the one hand, it is so late in the game, only 5 people died, let’s just let Trump ride it out and get Biden in there to see what he can do - as he is the President-Elect.
On the other hand - the truth matters - and every place that irrationality is not acknowledged and consequences served, allows it to continue to fester and maintain credibility.
I don’t think there is a way through this without greater pain and loss of life.
We are heading into a new world where news won’t just be biased, but where truths will be completely different and separate. Bouncing between Fox and CNN - I see two different worlds. Bouncing between OAN and CNN will amplify those differences.
The divergence and division in America is widening and your voice and your conversations will play a role.
What is starting and what is ending?
Rational, balanced, moral people must continue to try to understand the comprehensive truth…
This is a very dangerous time if we go on believing only what we want to believe…
We need to rebuild trust.
We need to rebuild conversation between opposing views, but with a greater respect for truth…
we must NOT lump all conversations together into a single who is right and who is wrong… we must decide truth from truth and lie from lie.
We must rebuild faith.
We must continue to shine the light on truth - and support it, as imperfectly and accurately as we can possibly define it.
The search for truth is the search for good…
We can no longer dismiss the lies, nor the danger, nor the evil they bring.
truth begets harmony - and harmony begets harmony
lies beget disharmony and disharmony begets disharmony
look where we are…
What do you want this to be the end of?
And, what do you want this to be the beginning of?
The truth matters
and the quest for truth is everything…
in every moment.
Nestor
A post from Jan 2020. I know not all of you are on Facebook - and this captures multiple thoughts that ring so absolutely true to me. Cheers and Happy New Year!
Make the laps you run smaller and the celebrations bigger!
No one knows the total distance they will run... Yet virtually everyone seems to be in on some version of the race!
Few understand there are no trophies, no winners and losers... because it's not a race...
What if every moment is, in and of itself, the start, the journey, the challenge AND the reward of life?
How would you live your life differently if the success you dream about didn't exist out in time, if you weren't racing for some interpretation of a trophy...
Every moment, every day is a journey, a start, a challenge, a dream made real... or not...
Make the laps you run smaller, pause, breathe & celebrate with those you love more often...
Time is limited and precious...
As are you and me!
in harmony,
Nestor
So, while we are on the topic…
Resolutions can come in very different forms. And, as much as I believe in “measurable” and quantitative results and goals. I struggle with them - and I completely get why they often make us feel much more “bad” than “good”.
I was talking to a friend the other day, who started taking a different approach to resolutions.
Last year, he wrote out the most important roles that he plays in life -
For me, it would be -
Father, Husband, Friend, Business Leader, Son, Cousin… the list could go on and on - but who do I serve?
Me, My sons, My wife, My friends & family, My business, My community.
And, then my friend, wrote out both his INTENTIONS for each and what he hopes to MANIFEST in each of those relationships in the coming year.
This exercise may be a little to amorphous for some of you - and feel preferable to others versus the quantitative goals.
I don’t follow a rule book nor a recipe book for life - in fact, I tend to dislike any book or person that suggests there is an easy formula…
But, I absolutely have found that living with deliberate intention has made me possibly a better person, and certainly more gracious through life.
My intentions in the past few years have been much more focused on being GRATEFUL, being PRESENT… and while I have failed over and over in so many moments, I have also succeeded.
You know me - I like to have my cake and eat it too. I will lay out a couple of quantifiable goals for 2021, just to have a target. And, that will be primarily for my weight.
But, overall, the thought of setting INTENTIONS as my resolutions is very much who I am right now.
And, the thought of adding MANIFESTATIONS is interesting - and a journey I want to explore.
My intent right now - and as I think about next year is to LIVE
WITH JOY - I want to feel joy more often, seek joy more often, appreciate joy more often, make more decision with joy as the objective.
FROM ABUNDANCE - I realize that I have spent so much of my life “playing not to lose”, making more decisions from “scarcity” than from “abundance”. I am not suggesting to live irresponsibly, but to live with the constant thought of the great abundance of blessings, gifts, opportunity that are all around us. To reach for them, enjoy them, leverage them, be inspired by them, share them…
FROM LOVE - It kind of goes hand in hand with “abundance” and “scarcity”… Do I live with the intention of “love” or “fear”. What initiates the thoughts in my life? Am I “Getting busy living, or getting busy dying” as a dear friend loves to say? Am I living from “light” or “darkness”.
WITH PURPOSE - I continue to question why am I alive and on this earth - and I want the answer, as I continue to uncover it, to be a greater and greater part of my deliberateness. And, I do know that when I am living my purpose, I am filled easily with JOY. And, i can tell you - that when i write - I am there… I don’t know how writing plays into my purpose - but I feel a gravity to write. I feel compelled to share. And, as I share I learn - and I connect to myself and to you. And, while I don’t completely understand it - I will continue to follow it.
I know it sounds a little wu-wu - but, to me, living deliberately doesn’t just mean having a workout schedule that you adhere to - it means being deliberate about the essence, the origin of my thoughts. Being selective about the “SOURCE” of my days and my energy. This is where I find myself more spiritual than ever. I do believe more and more in the energy we produce and consume - I believe that energy comes from a source and goes back to the source. We are all connected. We are everything and we are nothing all at the same time. We are the directors, the actors and the spectators of the play.
Do whatever comes natural to you -
Have a resolution
or don’t
make it quantitative
or don’t
but shhhhhhhh
LISTEN…
LISTEN closely past the noise of everyday, past the noise of transactions, past the noise of busyness…
LISTEN to your soul, to your heart…
LISTEN for your light.
What brings you joy?
Why do you exist?
Who are you,
and
who do you want to be tomorrow?
in harmony,
Nestor
Don’t think of them as “New Year’s Resolutions”.
They are not for the “New Year” - the are for YOU!
They are not for the “New Year" - they are forever, or at least for the future.
Many people roll their eyes judgementally at “New Year’s Resolutions”, or maybe better called “Evolved Life Resolutions”.
“Oh - you are one of THEM!” they will say - meaning one of those people that believes in resolutions. The sarcasm or flavor of the judgement is along the lines of -
do you really need the “new year” to decide what is right / better for you?
what are the odds that you will actually stick with these resolutions THIS TIME?
Otherwise, why categorize the world as “those who make resolutions” and “those who don’t”? ;-)
Every business, operations, or even life coaching book that I have ever read says that measurable goals are great tools to drive progress and improvement. Many claim data supports those facts.
And, sure, you don’t HAVE to pick “New Year’s”, but “why not”? Sure it’s a man-made, artificial milestone - but time itself is a man-made construct.
I want to be supportive of anyone making a resolution at any time - period. If you want to define a new version of yourself that you are excited about becoming - you go girl! (or boy)! And, yes, I know that our human behaviors are extremely difficult to evolve and change, and that every resolution has a greater chance of failing than succeeding - but that suggests even moreso that as a fellow human being - I should support you and encourage you to beat the odds.
I believe in continuous improvement.
I believe everything can be better than it is.
And, what is more important to focus on than US - than YOU and ME - and our purpose, our joy, our lives?
So, I make New Year Resolutions… Evolved Life Resolutions… And, I often fail, and I sometimes succeed.
But, I keep making them - because they speak to an evolved version of me that I want to be.
Living inspired - to me - means living with the belief that better is possible.
Living deliberately - to me - means choosing how I want to improve - how I want to live - and working actively toward it.
That doesn’t mean I won’t fail over and over again. It just means - that I won’t stop trying. Because I can fail a thousand times - and I only need to succeed once to move forward. Failing at moving forward - simply means continuing to live as I am. And, that is not a bad thing at all - I just believe in better.
it is important - not to only be focused on the “better” version of ourselves.
I have made that mistake too often in the past.
The balance of harmony is to accept & embrace where we are - not to judge it or to wish it was different (that would be disharmony).
The balance of harmony is to accept & embrace where we are - AND then to reach further - to lean forward...
into whatever it is that inspires you -
into whatever version of you makes you wake up with more energy, more passion, more reason…
evolution doesn’t just require action -
it requires DIFFERENT action -
and, real or artificial milestones, man-made or life-made milestones are simply a target, an excuse, a point in time - to pivot.
Be proud if you are one of those people who believes in New Year’s Resolutions - and don’t judge those who don’t… It’s their prerogative.
But, certainly, don’t let anyone slow you down…
Better IS possible…
in every moment!
in harmony,
Nestor
Today is the last Sunday of 2020.
Sunday nights my mind works overtime. My mind is always active - trying not to rethink, regret or regret anything that has past. evaluating things that I am actively experiencing, and considering the many paths forward. And, Sunday’s my mind isn’t only focused on the day - but it tries to zoom out to evaluate and consider the week - the days past and the days to come.
And, today - it’s not just about today, or about the past week - but my mind is trying to see, digest, consider the entire year we just lived and the year to come. The last Sunday of the year is exponential pensiveness ;-)
It’s not stressful - at least not anymore. It’s exciting.
I think about the theories I have heard that “choices” make happiness harder. We all seek freedom. We seek choices. And, while having choices is exciting - I do think having many great interesting choices makes decision making more challenging. And, ultimately it’s the decisions we make - not the choices we have - that impact our lives and make us happy or not!
Truth is - I can’t process the whole year we just lived and the whole year that is to come. And, it’s not only not possible, but also not necessary.
It’s more about zooming out … and seeing the picture of my life from farther away.
Have you ever walked close to one of the jumbotrons? up close - each pixel is only red, green and blue. Up close - the pixels are like our days - each one tends to be only one of three colors… work day, play day, ? day… but from a distance, those 3 colors create what appears hundreds and hundreds of colors - and images - in motion.
There is only so many ways we can spend our days - that feels fairly similar to the choices others have - and yet over time, from a distance, our lives can be so very differently colored - the images we create and display are so very amazing and unique and hard and beautiful…
I’m rambling… It’s been awhile…
I love the concept of living deliberately - making decisions deliberately about what images and colors we are trying to create over time… Making deliberate decisions about what to do and not do on a micro scale - so that we can then create greater images from a macro scale.
So many categories to think about - self, family, friends, work, curiosity, community, world - and each one of those has various different dimensions. For example - self can be broken at a minimum into physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.
I don’t just want to float with the flow of time - spending my energy everyday transacting and checking the basic boxes that more than fill our days if we let them.
Life is so busy if we let it - full of hundreds and hundreds of actions that lead to nothingness. I don’t want to spend the majority of my life transacting the basics simply to get to the next day, week, month or year.
Living deliberately for me - means choosing to transform and evolve… deliberately.
The questions that it starts and ends with for me are:
Why do I exist?
What brings me joy?
They are questions that I still struggle to answer… but the questions themselves are less daunting than they once were…
Today is the last Sunday of 2020!
Everything is about to end - and everything is about to begin again. The opportunity is there to become a better version of ourselves than we’ve ever been. There are so many choices - so many possible paths forward. And, we are better prepared than we’ve ever been. I realize it is an enviable position. I am living out my dreams - and working on creating new ones. I am blessed.
We are blessed.
Why do YOU exist?
What brings YOU joy?
It’s all about to begin again.
How will YOU transform in the year to come?
How ever it is - may it be DELIBERATE!
And,
in HARMONY,
Nestor
One of the best features of Facebook, besides letting me stay aware of what is going on in the lives of many I love and care about… is that it reminds me of where my heart and mind have been by flashing thoughts and pictures of my past, somewhat at random into my present…
(And, trust me, I also know some of the not so great features of Facebook).
Today, it flashed up a post from Sept 2012… 9 Years ago!
“I am motivated and inspired by the simple possibility that my time on earth may assist in adding meaning, purpose and happiness to the lives of those around me…”
The thought is still very much true, but it feels farther away than it used to…
I don’t know if it’s that my boys are older and more independent, and I am clear that my influence in their lives is far less significant and relevant than it once was… Whatever impression I have made on them, while not fully complete, is largely made, for better or worse.
I don’t know if it’s that the world seems so much more divided and so much more “set” in its dividedness - that it feels naive or less possible to try to be a relevant drop in the ocean.
I don’t know if it’s that my own search for purpose and harmony, in these transitional years toward empty nesting, golden-years, second mountains is requiring more of my energy, so that I have less left to share with the world around me.
I don’t know if it’s that I feel redundant. It’s all been said before. I am not adding new thoughts to the conversation of harmony - and I have never wanted to be redundant… though I realize with great clarity that harmony and peace in all forms is not an idea that needs to be understood but rather a mindset that needs to be practiced and improved upon over a lifetime.
I still very much believe in the power of the concept of harmony. I am in awe of its simplicity, and in greater awe of how elusive it seems to embrace fully… for me and for the world around me.
I understand now how “set” human beings become in their conclusions about life, situations, values… It is so important to expose humans when they are young - because once set, our values and beliefs are so very hard to modify and evolve.
I believe one of my greatest assets, and one of my greatest liabilities, is that growing up nothing felt certain, nothing felt absolute. I saw the world from too many different angles to believe that any one of them was the “right” one, or certainly, the “only” one…
I came to believe in capitalism and individualism with great conviction. And, while I still believe capitalism to be the most moral philosophy, it is fraught with imperfections - specially in a world where technology can leverage the human tendencies to eliminate our curiosity to question other perspectives… There are more options than just capitalism, socialism and communism. Our existence is requiring us to find a new and better solution.
I do believe absolute power corrupts absolutely - and politics tends to pursue power at the cost of everything else…
I still believe that our past does not define our future… and, that can be good and bad. Most of my life, I saw that as an advantage, because it meant that I could always improve upon who I was… and improve on whatever reality I was facing at work or wherever…
The danger, however, is that as human beings, we believe that things will always be as they have been. We trust that no short term influencer can change the trajectory of the norms we’ve come to know… but, our reference is small. We limit the context of most of our thoughts to the span of our experience and our lives, but the universe acts with the context of forever… And, the span of our lives is a drop in the ocean.
I read the other day… one light-year is 6 TRILLION miles… Our brains are unable to comprehend such a figure. In ‘human” context, to try to understand that… if we were driving at 60 miles per hour NON-STOP 24 hours per day, you’d have to drive 11 and a half MILLION years to go that far. And, the Milky Way… our galaxy is 104,000 light-years from one end to the other… 104 thousand light-years just to get from one side of our galaxy to the other! I haven’t done the math but essentially it would take us in human context billions of years to drive across it. Oh, and just when you think your mind is blown… It is estimated that the “observable universe” has 200 billion galaxies…
POOOF!
And, then there is me writing about harmony… ;-)
As human beings we are the center of our own universe - and we create so much complexity, so much drama… we define so many absolutes - that are so extremely often artificial, self-serving, and small-minded… We commit ourselves so deeply to over-simplified concepts of man’s existence…
I think it is because we can’t stand being so insignificant.
The only way we can make sense of the world and navigate through it - is by making ourselves the center of our universe and working as hard as we possibly can to create some sense of CERTAINTY in our mind’s structure so that we can feel some sense of control, and ultimately some sense of power over our existence.
The more I understand… the less I know.
I heard a quote the other day that made me smile and caused me pause…
”Understanding is not about knowing, it’s about accepting.”
I am no expert. And, the more I understand, the more I accept… the more insignificant I become… The older I get and the more my dreams of expectations of life come to be real - the more I consider whether I have been aiming at the wrong targets… or at least, whether I have had such tunnel vision that I have missed for so many years the amazing universe that has been revolving around my limited vision.
I am reading a book that I hope to share with you soon that suggests that the things that makes love work are exactly the things that kill eroticism & desire. One seeks certainty and the other exploration. One seeks comfort and the other feeds off the boundaries of discomfort. It always amuses me how much all aspects of life mirror themselves…
Can we find peace through curiosity & the acceptance of uncertainty?
Can we find joy through a broader understanding of human suffering?
Can we ever accept all that we don’t know and understand … or will we forever be committed to the context of what we know?
Can we find harmony amidst the relentless wishing all around us that everyone else could see what we see, believe what we believe?
I refuse to give up.
I can’t put the jeannie back in the bottle.
And, the challenge of influencing harmony, within myself, within those I love & care about - seems far greater and more over-whelming that it once did.
The more I learn… The more I realize that I can always unlearn, but I can never ignore or willfully forget what I’ve come to understand.
I believe in harmony - on a universal and visceral level… And, I believe there is a direct link between visceral and universal.
I see the principles of harmony in the deepest roots of science & philosophy. I see signs of it’s existence and it’s power everywhere…
Harmony moves the ocean - and I realize I am not even a drop of water…
And, the truth of my existence needs to build from there… It is hard to transition that truth into the possibility of influencing those around me…
And yet, it can be done… It happens all the time.
My past does not define my future.
I feel myself floating through the universe… The earth that I stand on isn’t still, much to my mind’s dismay.
Nothing is still in the universe.
Everything is in motion.
We are all a part of it.
At the end of the day - I think maybe the forces at play are not love versus hate, good versus evil, even harmony versus disharmony…
Perhaps… the only force at play when it comes to human beings is the line between
those who believe the universe is vast and greater than all of us… and our mission here is to truly try to support each other… those who are able to embrace and accept our insignificance, and the only purpose for existence is to make our collective brief experience as human beings on earth a little brighter, a little more joyful…
and,
those who believe we are the universe… and our mission here is to optimize our individual existence at whatever cost to those around us, to the earth, to the universe… those who believe they are significant, and the only purpose for existence is to make ourselves happy…
This is not a political statement. Too many politicians across all party lines seek self gratification, power and wealth as a priority… but, NO, not all politicians are the same… and yes, these topics are certainly relevant in the politics of our day…
The universe moves not in the greyness between absolutes… but in the complexity of many absolutes… the vast majority of which lie beyond our grasp of understanding…
Human beings are divided in the infinite spectrum between serving the universe first (with each other and the earth being our most relevant relationship to the universe) and serving ourselves at all costs. But, unlike the rhetoric that drowns us in all media - we don’t all sit on either ends of that spectrum… We are widely spread throughout the spectrum… Acknowledging that is essential to gaining the curiosity to explore the granularity between our poles… to accepting imperfect solutions and leaders…
But there is no end… the means is the end… every step in our evolution and journey matters…
Those who are expecting an “end”, an “arrival” or a “return” to a point in time - are bound by the naivete of our human existence. It is all in motion. Means are the end in itself…
And while to the universe, our means and our end is deeply irrelevant…
To our limited context and brief lifespans, as human beings, the means are our existence…
Wow - that was I ride I didn’t expect to take this morning.
Thank you for sharing it. I’ve missed you.
The more I understand… the less I know…
The less significant I become…
Truth… I’m ok with it…
in harmony,
Nestor
I went for a long walk this past week
early one morning
along the ocean.
I walked and walked and walked…
I passed people walking,
people swimming,
dogs running,
I passed a man surf fishing from the back of his truck.
It was early, and the more I walked
the quieter the beach became…
the emptier it was.
And, I kept walking.
Until I had to turn around.
I didn’t want to… I wanted to just keep going.
But, life called, the day and real life needed to “begin”.
I started my trek back… and eventually,
I got to the fisherman…
“How are they biting?” I said
He looked at me grinning ear to ear,
“It is an amazing morning.
When you walked by earlier I was catching my first one,
and just a moment I caught my second one.”
He was visibly giddy.
“So you are going to have a special feast tonight?”
I suggested, joining in his celebration.
“No man these fish are too small… I throw them back.”
He looked at me again with his kind and satisfied glow…
“I am so happy” he said to me,
or to the universe…
“I am so damn happy!”
His joy was palpable.
It was overflowing… in a peaceful glow.
He seemed like he was in heaven,
in need of nothing different or more in that moment
than life was offering .
I smiled sincerely and offered as I walked away,
“Have a wonderful day!”
Wasted words because he already was…
“Happiness…” I thought…
“It happens from the inside out…”
And, I’m still trying to solve it from the outside in…
It was a lovely walk,
and it’s the gentle, joyful smile
on the fisherman face
that I will remember.
“I am so damn happy.”
His words, the certainty and gratitude they conveyed…
they
moved
me…
in harmony,
Nestor
"The most difficult thing in the world is to listen, to see. We don't want to see...
We don't want to look, because if we do, we may change.
... the one thing you need most is not energy, or strength, or youthfulness, or even great intelligence. The one thing you need most of all is the readiness to learn something new.
How much of everything you've held dear are you ready to have shattered, without running away?
The first reaction is one of fear. It's not that we fear the unknown. You cannot fear something that you do not know. Nobody is afraid of the unknown. What you really fear is the loss of the known. That's what you fear."
Author: Anthony de Mello
Book: AWARENESS: Conversations with the Masters
There is so much great content in the world today… and too few eyes are upon it.
This is what makes harmony so difficult, despite its formula being so simple.
Harmony has to fight against human nature to win…
Our nature is to protect ourselves, and new ideas are scary.
Our nature is to be safe, and being wrong feels dangerous.
Harmony starts with the “truth” of the moment - and to find the truth we must be curious to see what is truly there - not what we wish to be there.
To find the truth requires us to be curious not to what we already know and believe - but to what we may already know and believe wrongly.
This speaks to the importance of SPIRITUALITY. The “enlightened” speak to it as the difference between being asleep, and being woke.
… they speak to it in terms of darkness and light.
Living a life of greater harmony requires us to accept our limitations as human beings,
AND celebrate our ability as human beings to rise above our nature… into our spiritual selves.
A life of harmony requires, at least to some extent, for us to disengage with our human nature and engage with our spiritual nature. It requires us to disengage from our ego and engage with the universe and truth in the absolute.
It’s all tied together…
To appreciate the IS of the moment, more and more, we must be willing to learn something new… we must be willing to see something more…
Everyday I have less fear of losing the known… because everyday I see a small sliver of light in something new…
It’s all a process…
a practice…
away from who we think we are today…
away from what we know today…
from dark to light…
from asleep to woke…
realizing every new idea you learn
likely needs to be unlearned to go beyond it…
it requires a breach with nature…
it requires dancing with your spirit…
“It’s irritating to be woken up. That’s the reason the wise guru will not attempt to wake people up.” Anthony de Mello
All I can do is share my own struggle, share my own observations and keep trying to achieve my own harmony…
one moment at a time
for a lifetime…
in harmony,
Nestor
People speak of harmony…
To me, it is so very specific and clear;
Harmony is
hearing the cries for help
realizing that kneeling is a respectable form of protest, and
knowing that protest by definition contains fibers of disrespect.
Harmony is
people whom you’ve never met standing up for your pain
accepting that we all have a responsibility in our current situation…
Disharmony is
looking for who is to blame.
Harmony is
understanding that good people do bad things and
bad people do good things.
It is understanding that we are judged not on whether we are “good” or “bad”,
but judged on the things we do.
Harmony is
accepting that we are all part of the human race…
that it’s the only race that matters.
And, it is understanding that we don’t all need to like each other,
for us to respect each other.
Harmony is
realizing that not all lives can matter,
until black lives matter.
It’s understanding that just because black lives matter,
doesn’t mean others don’t.
Harmony is
police kneeling in acknowledgement of the pain and the injustice.
It is walking together…
Harmony is LOVE…
Disharmony is HATE…
Harmony is working to change the future…
Disharmony is dwelling on the injustice and inequity of the past… or wishing even for a moment that we could change it.
Harmony is realizing our parents racism didn’t make them bad people, it made them people who grew up educated in a distorted and unjust value system with respect to race.
Disharmony is proliferating that unjust value system, and not embracing and accepting a more enlightened and loving world together.
Disharmony is violence… in any shape or form, even in self-defense.
Harmony is realizing that disharmony is not wrong… it just doesn’t serve us toward a sustainable and joyful existence if it drives us more than the alternative.
Harmony is realizing that people don’t choose to be poor, they don’t choose to be uneducated… and it’s also realizing that all of us have the capacity to improve ourselves.
Harmony is knowing that the only day that we can change the world for the better is today…
And, it’s choosing to do so.
Harmony is hope.
Harmony is realizing that the world is evolved and enlightened more than it ever has been with respect to race … as witnessed by the election and admiration by so many of a black President, of a global voice in support of progress… of a global pain in response to death.
Disharmony is wishing racism didn’t exist, or wishing it was already dormant… or expecting that it ever will be fully gone.
Harmony is realizing that in a world of billions of people some will always hate, injustice will always be present in some form… Disharmony will always exist.
Harmony is realizing that even within that truth - a brighter, better world is possible and probable… where the frequency of and tolerance for racism will be a rarer and rarer event… and the might of the world will rest on the shoulders of justice, equity, and love.
Harmony is realizing that it starts with me (and you).
Harmony is realizing that to change a billion perspectives you must first change one. And, that one must be you.
It’s realizing that they won’t all change.
Harmony is evolving.
I sat through the lessons of racism as a child.
But they could never penetrate my heart.
Love always seemed like a better answer.
And yet, I am still racist, because I am human.
I still draw pre-conceived conclusions on people based on their race… or on other things.
To live in harmony, doesn’t mean perfection.
It doesn’t mean we don’t get to be human.
It means we need to go beyond where we’ve been… and deliberately choose where we are going, what we are creating… so that it is not just good and just for us, but good and just for all.
Harmony is an acceptance of the now… and a commitment to help create better.
Disharmony is wishing the now was different… and the believe that better is only possible through other people’s actions and evolution.
Harmony is knowing you can never be fully right. We will never be in complete agreement.
Disharmony is believing you are completely right. Disharmony is righteousness and arrogance and ignorance… as those three so very often go hand in hand.
Harmony is painful, sad, unjust at times… it’s unfair and a struggle…
Disharmony tries to artificially appease you - comfort you. “It’s not your fault.” “It’s those people.” “Of course you are right.” “You know best.”
Harmony requires you to consider things you’d rather not… “Why are they angry?” “Why do they think they’re right.” How can I help”, “Where do we agree?”
Harmony is truth, it’s real, it’s now.
Harmony is love.
Disharmony is hate…
And, it happens in every moment.
None of us own harmony or disharmony.
We are all dancing in and out of one … and the other.
Know it when you see it.
Know it when you feel it.
It matters where you spend your time.
It matters how you spend your time.
It so very much matters
to understand the difference.
In love…
Choose love…
and harmony,
Nestor
Where does ambition go as we age…?
Where does ambition go as we check of the boxes we created for ourselves… or didn’t…
Maybe it’s not even ambition that I am talking about, but rather simply growing older.
And, I know aging alone does not have the same affect on all of us.
I feel unusually aware of time passing…
I notice the subtlety of the elasticity of my own skin relaxing…
I know it’s not because I care less… but rather because I understand that in most instances it matters less that I care.
And, ironically, I also understand that what I care about matters more… at least to me.
I see so my many contemporaries - friends and family that I have known all of my conscious life… who look like people whom decades ago I would have defined as “old” ;-) And, I realize that I am no exception.
I amuse myself thinking about how different it feels to grow older and to be transitioning…
More accurately, transitioning or translating my purpose from the one I generally understood as an ambitious young man and a somewhat ambitious adult… to whatever it is you’d call me now…
We are one year away from having no “monkey’s” left at home…
That drive to become the head of a company, build an organization, grow a company, sell a company… I’ve loved the experience and been fortunate to have a real hand in navigating that trajectory…
So, here I am translating for myself as I tend to do… to better understand life… writing and sharing and seeing what insights or conclusions that produces…
I am at peace with all that surrounds me… in a way that I have never been.
For the moment, at least, I am not exactly sure if I don’t “want” for anything different in my life, or I am not sure what to “want” for next…
Hence my exploration of my own ambition…
If I define “inspiration” as “the belief that better is possible”… I remain as inspired as ever. And, “ambition” I define as “the drive to make better possible”…
Ambition doesn’t have to be self-serving… and perhaps that causes me pause because to date my ambition has been very self-serving.
Sure - I’ve sincerely tried to do what I’ve done in great consideration and thoughtfulness of others - but the driving force has largely been my own interest.
There is a part of me that wants to serve others as a primary concern. There is a part of me that believes that is already my primary concern. I care about people immensely and deeply… possibly an equal concern… But, in my heart of hearts, I know…
What is different about this recent exploration is that I feel less urgency than I have in the past to reach clarity… in part I think it is because I am enjoying what feels like floating along some body of water and not feeling great consequence from paddling hard in any one direction…
I feel clearly that now is not the time to paddle hard… Now is a time to breathe and watch the awesome world around me, sure making slight corrections here and there… but just enjoying the ride and the direction being set by the wind, and possibly slightly by the direction of decades of paddling…
In my own exploration, I am forced to accept how small I am… how average I am… And I realize that accepting that fully that requires me to be bigger than average at reducing my own ego.
I understand “greatness” objectively and the fact that like so many other concepts, it has many dimensions…
And, I am grateful that in a few of those dimensions I have great gifts…
I have been studying “greatness” for a long time. I have read about it endlessly and been fortunate to experience it in others. I know that “greatness” as defined by human beings requires a rare combination of extraordinary gift with extraordinary commitment … and I am not extraordinary.
I don’t say that in a self-deprecating way. I say it in an objective and observing way… I would go as far as to say that I have been blessed with some extraordinary gifts, but that I have not in my life demonstrated extraordinary commitment…
The concept of harmony has extraordinary potential… but it requires a different level of commitment to make it great.
My exploration of business leadership, and my understanding of the humanity that it requires, has extraordinary potential… but it requires a different level of commitment to make it great.
My biological clock is ticking. I have invested the past 40 years at learning about human beings and about business… And, there are a few decades to push it further… maybe.
And hence, “ambition…”
How much drive do I have to really have now to achieve “better”?
And, importantly, what is the specific “better” that inspires me now?
I am not sure…
but, I am enjoying this more mature, measured, and patient process of discovery…
I am deeply grateful for it…
I am hearing that beautiful silence that is possible to experience when you stop paddling…
and while I haven’t stopped paddling in terms of everyday work…
I have stopped paddling as hard in my own mind… you may even call it “flow”.
I know better is possible…
and perhaps,
I am pausing on the realization and the gratitude that better is optional…
and life is,
in and of itself,
and even in it’s average experience…,
extra-
ordinary!
in harmony,
Nestor
I’ve been writing so long, and my memory is terrible…
I suspect that I’ve written about this before,
but it feels timely and interesting to me…
So, here it goes…
As I walked along a beautiful Spring day listening to a podcast last week,
I heard the speaker talk about kinetic and potential energy,
and my mind took off.
To be honest, I don’t really remember what the speaker was talking about
but the concept of kinetic and potential energy
sparked my mind and off I went.
It was like my feet left the ground and I started walking inside my mind.
There were many concepts that I heard as a boy,
and I don’t remember most. I am pretty sure that I didn’t understand most.
But from the very first time I heard about the two types of energy,
I could fully conceptualize them…
Kinetic energy - energy in motion, energy being spent
Potential energy - energy at rest, energy being stored
As I let my mind wonder as my legs walked the streets
thinking about energy, another concept seemed so clear
that I could touch it…
Kinetic energy is harmony.
Potential energy is disharmony.
Hang on… just wait before your roll your eyes - or disagree.
Moments spent in “disharmony”, are moments spent “wishing”.
“Wishing” almost by definition is the desire to consume our stored energy in a different way.
When I let my mind spend too much time considering my “POTENTIAL”…
the things I “COULD” maybe be doing…
It is my “potential” to be more disciplined, that creates my dissatisfaction with my current level of discipline…
my “potential” to be more creative, or to be more loving, or to be more connected, or to be more efficient, or to be more entrepreneurial, or to be more bold and more courageous…
Because…
You know what…
I actually believe that I have AMAZING potential. I believe that sincerely. I believe that I am blessed and gifted with objectivity, with rationality, with an unusual capacity to see “better” from “not as good” … and I know with great certainty deep in my heart - that it gives me great potential to do well in life - and do good.
And, it is in the moments when I linger in that “potential” that I “wish” I tapped into it more…
I “wish” that I could find a way to leverage that more, to channel that more, to explore that more…
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH…
It is when I allow myself to linger in the thought of my potential energy - that I am in disharmony.
When I focus on my kinetic energy… on my action… it feels different. And, the truth is I don’t spend enough moments considering, leveraging, celebrating my kinetic energy… my soul and body in motion.
Maybe that is why dancing feels so good… Dancing is a body in motion.
I don’t spend too much time celebrating, reminiscing, analyzing my kinetic energy…
The things that I have done… good or bad.
But, when I do. I feel pride and gratitude and satisfaction. I am in harmony.
I often discount “kinetic” memories, because I feel like those moments are gone,
that energy is “SPENT”… but if I allow myself to go there, if you allow yourself to go there…
What do you find? How do you feel?
I think about all of the challenges in my life that I didn’t quit… I suck at quitting.
I think about all of the energy that I have spent - learning to find and feel joy.
All of the energy that I have spent trying and failing, and trying again.
I think about the places that has taken me… both geographically and mentally…
and they have been amazing and unforgettable…
I have seen so much of the world, and felt so much of my heart.
And, the people that I have met along the way… The beautiful, wonderful, caring, intelligent, dedicated, imperfect, unique souls that spending my energy has allowed me to meet & know & love…
When I focus on my kinetic energy - both spent and in motion - the experience of my life feels so very different…
I focus on the hundreds of loyal, dedicated people that I have the honor and pleasure of leading, not the unknown souls that my potential has the possibility of leading.
Are you still with me?
When I am working out… even when I feel unfit and inflexible… I feel so much better about the experience of my life than when I think about my potential to be a strong older man ;-)
Think about it… when you think about your children - about the experiences you’ve shared, about the time you spend together… versus when you think about their “potential”…
when you think about your spouse - about the things you’ve lived, experienced, overcome… versus when you think about the “potential” of a relationship…
when you think about what you do - about the people you love, the people you help, the problems you solve, the successes you’ve had… versus when you think about your “potential” as a professional…
It’s like two different minds… two different emotions… two different worlds… two different energies.
When I am solving problems… even when I am getting them wrong, as long as my energy is spent in learning from my mistakes… I feel so much better about the experience of my life than when I think about the problems that I could be solving.
I know this can sound arrogant… it actually feels arrogant to me to write that I believe that I have “amazing potential”, but then I think about it more…
And, I believe ALL OF US have “unbelievable & virtually unlimited potential”… I sincerely DO… but, I can never know your thoughts, nor your mind, as you know it. I can only know mine… I can only, I believe truly change and affect mine…
There is another conversation here which I won’t divert into - regarding our focus on “other” people’s potential versus kinetic energy. Let’s save that one… as this one is more than enough to consider for now.
Do you agree?
Is it when we linger on the “potential” of our lives that we are most at risk of feeling disharmony?
Is it when we are considering the “potential” of the life that we could be living… especially, if we allow ourselves to go backward and consider our “potential” based on having made different decisions that leads us to disharmony - wishing our lives where different?
Please know - I am not suggesting that doing so doesn’t provide us with wisdom on some level, and help us learn from our lives… it absolutely does. But, lingering in those moments, lingering in that “potential” energy breeds disharmony. And, disharmony begets disharmony.
Whereas, spending MORE of our moments…. considering, focusing on, celebrating, analyzing our ENERGY in MOTION… the things we’ve actually done… the energy we’ve actually spent… it also provides us with wisdom and helps us learn from our lives… it absolutely does. And, lingering in those moments, lingering in that “kinetic” energy breeds so very often pride, courage, confidence, gratitude… it breeds harmony.
And, harmony begets harmony.
I don’t know if you see the correlation between the two.
But, sensing the absolute truth in the comparison made me smile…
Acknowledging the clarity with which I many years ago conceptualized “kinetic” and “potential” energy,, intrigued me, as I compared it with the clarity I felt just a few days ago when I saw the correlation between those two types of energy and “harmony” and “disharmony”…
I know…
I know…
I am weird.
But… hey. I don’t make you read this stuff. You made that decision on your own ;-)
Reading is kinetic…
Do you see it now?
It’s late… but writing is kinetic.
See it now?
the “magic” happens when we take the insights, wisdom, motivation, vision from occasional consideration and visits of our “potential” - and CONVERT it to action… in a given moment…
It’s not about living your life completely differently… it’s about experiencing your moment differently… which becomes your life.
;-) I am a blessed and gifted soul… and I do have “great” potential. As do you. As do all of us.
But potential can’t be celebrated,
potential can’t be loved,
potential can’t be remembered…
Potential doesn’t solve problems, doesn’t make people feel better, it doesn’t win trophies, (heck potential doesn’t even enjoy the thrill of competing!) doesn’t make you or the world, or this moment better… And, potential certainly doesn’t crate cherished memories…
ACTS do…
ACTION does….
“Being” is kinetic.
Acting, as in taking action, is kinetic.
And, Kinetic is harmony…
I know…
You see it now…
And, I see you…
Stay in motion,
physically and mentally, and
in harmony,
Nestor
Sometimes you drift so far away from the shore,
you forget where you come from.
Sometimes you drift so far away from the shore,
you forget where you were going…
Truth is while we set our course on some grand destination
and muster up the courage and the initiative to launch ourselves
into the known, or unknown…
We change along the way…
We grow and those around us grow
and our thoughts, goals, and aspirations evolve…
Or in many cases, are achieved…
but we forget to acknowledge them because we have since set out on a new adventure.
Every so often… more often than I care to admit,
I get confused as to where I actually am.
Am I floating on the open water trying to figure out my direction,
Or am I sitting on the shore mustering the courage to launch?
The metaphor struggles when you start to realize the destination
that compelled you is not one you can ever truly touch nor feel…
There is no shore that you will eventually land on that will satisfy your dreams.
Because the dream is in and of itself - to be an explorer…
And, once shores are reached - they no longer need to be discovered.
And yet, we continue to dream and envision our destination,
as if all of these years of drifting in the open water
hadn’t taught us a thing.
The metaphor errs in that it suggests the limitations of our physical being…
When in reality we are more than that….
How do you point your sails toward the destination of
acceptance, fulfilment, gratitude, joy… ?
I think one of our greatest failings as human beings
is that we feel the pressure to define our dreams in physical terms.
What if our goals in life where more about how we dreamed of being,
instead of what we dreamed of doing?
What if our our goal for relationships was measured by the amount of light
we reflected back onto our partner…
What if our vision in business was defined by the trust, satisfaction and joy we
brought to our colleagues…
What if the reason to launch into the open water was not discover a new shore,
but to feel freedom deeply & fully…
Would we then be able to move from shore to open water
with the blink of an eye,
the change of a thought,
the peace of a breath…?
Sometimes you drift so far away from the shore,
you forget where you come from.
Sometimes you drift so far away from the shore,
you forget where you were going…
I am from right here… from harmony, acceptance, struggle, uncertainty, love, joy…
Perhaps my dream, my desire from freedom is mainly
freeing myself from the thought that my destination is supposed to be somewhere different…
We all dreaming of leaving the shore…
only to find our way home!
in harmony,
Nestor
I don’t see it as trying to make the best out of a bad situation.
“Good” and “Bad” are subjective terms… most of the time.
I see it as simply working to find JOY, PURPOSE and MEANING everyday… regardless of the situation.
It’s no different than when times are “good”, the struggle, the challenge is the same.
What excites me about this time - is the opportunity to SIMPLIFY my life…
Less Travel…
Fewer Number of Things To Work On…
Fewer Options To Consider Socially…
No Games To Attend…
Life has become simpler… and, I am excited about that.
Many of the excuses I used to justify my lack of compliance with behaviors I want to adopt, are simply gone. In fact, possibly, all of them.
So, these days, I take one at a time…
I am excited for change.
I am excited for new problems to solve.
I am excited to taste a simpler existence.
I am excited to spend more time with family.
I am excited to live the rest of my life a little more aware that plans are never set.
I am excited to live the rest of my life more conscious that now matters…
And that staying flexible is essential to staying joyful.
I know this time will cause deaths (though I question it will be truly incremental deaths to statistical norms) or simply deaths that we are more aware and present for…
I know this time will cause financial stress and strain on many… and it will also create great clarity for many about the unrealistic certainty we place on financial gain…
I know this time will cause many to be anxious and afraid… and my hope is that in dealing with that fear, we will become stronger, more aware of our ability to adapt and survive life’s situations…
I could wish this wasn’t happening… but that would be wasteful… and it would be disharmony.
Or, I could embrace these days as a gift from the universe to think differently about my life and my days… and try a little harder, or a little differently at becoming more of the man I aspire to be…
I am grateful for these days… They are a gift…
I realize how fortunate I am…
And, I realize how so many of the boundaries that I put around my life are either artificial… or unnecessary…
How can these days redefine your boundaries?
How can these days redefine your JOY?
How can these days redefine your ability to live the life you WANT?
Hmmmm….
Perhaps,
you’ve got a little more time to think about it…
in harmony,
Nestor
I appreciate those of you encouraging me to write…
It warms my heart when I hear,
“WE NEED HARMONY”…
And, it also scares me, a little bit.
What if I disappoint you?
I feel like I am living in an alternate reality. It’s funny how we think things are so very “set”… We feel our lives are so very certain… And then, something like this happens…
And, we realize, the TRUTH… the IS of life…
We are all living and skating on thin ice. At best, life is short, make it interesting, joyful, and productive.
But also, life is unpredictable… and in all, but those few unpredictable moments it feels so “certain”… the things we chase, the titles we want, the salary we dream about, the schools we want to go to, or want our kids to go to, the way we want to look…
So little of it matters… they are just temporary goals set against a temporary backdrop, creating temporary drive and temporary stress ;-)
Wow, I sound dark….
But, it’s not how I mean it…
If there is a higher power, maybe this is her way of telling us to slow down and breathe… Or, maybe it’s just the natural progression of organisms to experience this and each of us reflects individually…
Here’s what I conclude… for now…
Life is not as clear, as certain, as “FIXED” as so many of us spend our lives believing… Life is fragile and delicate… and anything is possible!
Embrace that… Celebrate that… Because it IS…
2. The only things I find that matter… is sharing your heart with those around you. Sharing the experience, the fear, the uncertainty, the dreams, the vision… SHARING YOURSELF with the world around you matters. Because through that sharing, you find your own unique way to helping the world…
And, sharing your heart makes you realize you are not alone… Sharing your heart allows you to FEEL life… the vulnerability, the grace, the beauty, the fear… the love.
If you are scared right now… why weren’t you scared a month ago, or two or three… the things that make life uncertain and fragile are always around… whether they come from nature of from each other…
The beauty of life is in large part it’s fragility… but, we are so very often aloof to it… naive to it…
Here is what I know… Here is what I do…
Share your heart and keep showing up. It’s easy to get lost in these days in fear, in silence… I know I often just want to hide in a corner, or take a long nap, and wake up when there is a clearer conclusion to these times we are living… but, that is not how it works.
You show up in every moment, embrace the IS, and step toward the WANT.
How can you make these moments “productive” in new and different ways?
What conversations could you have with your family, loved ones, or friends, that you havent had in years?
What books could you read? What projects could you take on?
Or… what new behaviors could you adopt… what quiet and peace could you enjoy that you haven’t enjoyed before…
These days will move slowly, and when they are past they will be a blink of a memory…
What will they have taught you…
and me…
How will I be different as a result of them?
Because I want to be…
I want to keep growing.
I want to keep learning.
I want to keep evolving.
Keep showing up… and don’t give in to fear.
Keep showing up… and don’t lose faith…
Keep showing up… and be mindful of every place you are “WISHING” that this wasn’t canceled, or “WISHING” this whole thing wasn’t happening…
It IS… and embracing that fully is where harmony starts…
The world is what it’s always been…
It’s you that’s evolving…
In this amazing time…
What is it that YOU want?
When you most feel like shrinking or hiding… OPEN UP!
Share your heart openly, vulnerably, honestly…
and feel the JOY of the unknown… of the fragility… of the possibility….
of this moment.
in harmony,
Nestor
My son and I were driving home on our last evening of vacation in Park City… The beautiful, dark, snow covered mountains guiding our path…
“At night-time, I often wonder, ‘What’s the point?’” He said. “What’s the point of any of this and all of this? Why does anything really matter?”
I let the comment linger. In part, because I know that underneath his questions – he is deeply committed to authenticity, and seeking it in healthy, although often cynical, ways.
I didn’t have a great answer, so I let the question linger… And, we kept driving into the night.
The day before, we had an epic, blue bird day, with fresh powder on snowmobiles that took us to majestic mountain tops… and along the way our guide had shared this about the Aspen trees…
“Did you know that Aspen trees are the second largest organism on the planet? Only second to the great barrier reef! Aspen trees are all interconnected by their root systems. You will never see one standing by itself. They live in colonies and depend on each other for life.”
I had no idea…
On our way to the airport the next morning, as the sun was rising inspiringly over the mountain tops, I shared with him,
“I don’t think you are asking yourself the right question.
I am not sure if there is an answer to ‘What is the point of anything and everything?’…
I think that we are actually like the Aspen.
Human beings are an amazing colony – with enlightened and incredible minds and souls that have created a reality that is awe-inspiring… I would argue, greater even than the Great Barrier Reef (though that may show my ignorance or naivete about the GBR.)
No one Aspen makes the forest. A tree grows, a tree dies… The forest remains.
No one Aspen makes the forest. But, every tree contributes to its existence.
And, we are, in my view, like Aspens, standing on the mountainside…
I don’t know what the point of all of it is… but, I think there are two objectives that make sense, in the spirit of being an intertwined community where despite not acknowledging it enough – we need each other to survive…
1. We get to choose the extent to which we CONTRIBUTE to the overall colony and how. We exist as part of something bigger… And, we get to choose to what level we help the colony survive. We get to choose to what level to contribute so that we can continue to evolve, thrive and expand… Each one of us, as a drop in the ocean, makes a small contribution, and sometimes a big one, to the “Aspens” immediately near us & sometimes we are able to impact “Aspens” way beyond what we can see or know.
2. We get to choose to what extent we find JOY in our little window of life within this colony. Life is beautiful and joyful, and it’s hard, brutal, sad. All at the same time. I don’t know what the point of it all is, but I do know that living with JOY is an option we have. And, living to find joy deliberately in the experience of life itself is, if not a purpose in itself, certainly a worthwhile investment. And, perhaps finding joy is intertwined with the first point above. Perhaps it’s one point and not two… Living to help others live with greater joy, allows us to feel joy ourselves…
I don’t know if that IS the point… or not… but I think those two questions will serve you better…
1. How do I choose to give back to the colony?
2. Where in life do I feel great joy, and how do I expand that into more aspects of my life?”
He nodded his head thoughtfully, “yeah”… and we went back to listening to the music as we neared the airport.
Music is clearly a JOY for him… and a way that I expect (and hope) will be a large part of how he helps our colony of Aspen grow…
Or, maybe it won’t… Time will tell.
Maybe I’m taking the Aspen analogy too far, but as I looked it up on Wikipedia this morning, I read that Aspens don’t grow in the shade… They require a lot of sunshine to live…
I smiled as I thought to myself…
Sunshine…
LIGHT…
Inspiration…
We humans
We don’t do so well in the shade either.
I hope the sun is shining bright on your leaves today…
I still think we are bigger and more interesting than the Great Barrier Reef!
In harmony on the mountain side,
Nestor