More and more, I run into people who mention having read this conversation, and it makes me crazy happy. I am committed to writing this, to figuring this out together, but I really have no idea who is reading it, or what you think…
So, first , THANK YOU for staying with me and caring enough about harmony to read on…
And, second, JOIN THE CONVERSATION through the comment section below, through the contact me… let me know what you think… examples where you may see this in your life… what you agree with… what you do not!
This week I saw and FELT so many examples of harmony…
I am thinking of maybe doing… “a MONTH of HARMONY” and spending a month where we write every day our moment of greatest harmony… And, hopefully, we get more people sharing… and observing…
Let’s do that!
Anyway…
This week, I had a long, tricky, difficult, heartfelt, intense conversation with a wonderful man that we are terminating from one of my companies.
He has been working for decades years at this location.
He has been the leader of the entire operation and is now more of a lieutenant.
His face is deep with the wrinkles of concern and thoughtfulness.
He is a dedicated, intelligent, hard working, thoughtful and passionate man.
He is not a great communicator.
His wife is suffering and fighting through a difficult illness.
He is not a great fit for the direction that we are heading.
And, his contribution has been massive through the years.
We are deeply grateful for all that he has done.
I respect him tremendously.
And, we are letting him go.
It is hard to accept all of those truths at the same time. And, yet, all of those truths together are the absolute truth.
I know that in your mind, you are probably saying, “but, but, but, but…”
“but”… nothing…
My job needs to be to make the right decision for the company – to achieve harmony for the company…
which to me means do right by the clients, the employees, and the services in a way that is most profitable and sustainable.
So anyway, the purpose of my bringing this up, is the CONVERSATION…
So, this gentleman called me and we sat down to talk…
I could see his hurt and his confusion weighing heavy on his mind. I truly believe that he expected nothing from this conversation… nothing that he understood he needed.
Maybe somewhere in his mind, he knew the idea of reinstating his position was a possibility, but I don’t think he rationally expected it.
We have built a mutual respect for each other over the time we have worked together… and to me, what he wanted, but could not ask for verbally, was help in understanding and embracing the ABSOLUTE TRUTH…
And, I wanted nothing more in the world than for him to embrace it. He deserves to fully embrace it.
It breaks my heart to think that day in and day out, this gentle man has been committed to our company and its operations. It has been his life and he has done his duty well. And, it breaks my heart to think that he may believe that he did not do it well, or that it is not appreciated.
He did it well, and we are so grateful… and have such respect for his tenure and his contribution.
So, are we just pricks then? MOVIN’ on?
Without getting into too many details, our desire moving forward, our believe moving forward is that we need to evolve and keep evolving. We need to move from a world where we tell everyone what to do, to a place where we empower people to do their best and their most. We need to leverage the technologies that are out there to enable us to do so. We need to communicate openly and transparently, and give the people at the point where the work gets done the power to decide and act.
I absolutely believe that as leaders of a company, of organizations, of teams, we need to play this careful role of empowering and enabling, holding people accountable and giving them lots of room… without being apathetic or uninvolved. It’s a delicate balance.
Simply, as leaders we need to inspire and enable our teams, we need to remove the non-sense around them so that they can perform at their best…
I see many people who just struggle with that balance. They either micro manage or give so much freedom that the organizations work is unsupported…
You can’t add value and you can’t lead if you have no visibility into the challenges that the organization is working.
So, giving space to fly while staying close enough to keep them from falling… not as easy as it sounds…
So, there we were, sitting and talking. I am the kind of guy who sometimes can’t shut up. He is the kind of guy that often doesn’t say much.
But, I get it. I get him. I love him!
His mind is turning. His heart is turning. He just doesn’t know exactly what words to put to the thought, and what words to say out loud.
I allowed there to be long moments of silence. Because silence and struggle and acceptance was all part of our absolute truth of that moment.
He gets it. He really does. He said it to me. He knows where we are going. He knows it’s a direction that makes sense. It just hurts like hell, that we will be going there without him.
I tried to help him see the full truth. Other companies would have terminated him a year ago with no real explanation. We spent a year working together trying to figure out how to find an overlap between what we needed, and how he led. We both tried… and we did not succeed.
It’s ok to respectfully disagree.
I wish so much, that I could change people… but there is only so much we can change.
YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE TRUTH YOU CAN’T SEE…
We talked for hours. We talked a lot about our lives. We talked about the moments that made both of us realize that life is a gift… treasured… uncertain…
I tried delicately to help him understand that multiple things can be true at the same time.
I tried over and over to explain to him how I saw the situation… anchoring it on all that he was, all that he had contributed.
It could have been akward, but I didn’t feel akward at all… I just felt sad.
Sad that this hadn’t worked out despite real attempts by both sides.
Sad that inevitably, this caring and dedicated man, would have to face leaving this post that he has held for so long.
Sad that as much as I love business and harmony, that this is part of the absolute truth of what is needed to evolve, to move forward, and to continue to achieve harmony…
Sad, but committed, to doing whatever I possibly could to make him understand the absolute truth in its entirety… and to find any possibility where I may be able to make his embracing of the truth and stepping toward his wants from here… .easier or clearer.
I though to myself… how many people would have left this difficult conversation already?
I could tell he didn’t want it to end…
I want to believe it was because our conversation was helping him slowly embrace the truth…
Even though I am not sure we fully got there…
I believe he didn’t want it to end… because it is not done.
Until you can truly embrace the truth, the situation, its hard to move forward.
I so wish that he didn't have to go through any of this. I wish his wife wasn't sick. I wish it had all worked out perfectly. But, wishing is disharmony and only leads to regret and sadness with a different kind of frustration. So, I stop wishing... and I work hard to embrace and anchor...
There is opportunity for him from here…
He is a smart man with many talents and applicable knowledge…
I have contacts that can help him find new opportunities.
There is a place for him, where he won't have to struggle everyday with working in a way that does not come natural to him. Where the way that he is used to working fits well with their own approach.
And, the transition will have its tough spots.
I love, love, love…
That I can be the one that breaks through those people that are to so many unbreakable…
I love that this man, whom I so respect, who doesn’t speak often, took the initiative to converse with me for two hours…
I value that we have a relationship where our personal tales can be shared and heard.
I can’t help but be sad… sad to the point of tears as I embrace the truth of this moment… and yet, my commitment to harmony within the company, allows me no other option.
The truth… requires labor… it requires time…
And, the harder the truth, the more complex the truth, the more personal the truth…
The more labor that it requires. It can require years. In some cases, a lifetime.
Labor is CARE
Labor is TIME
Labor is PERSISTENCE
Labor is STRUGGLE
Labor is LOVE…
On the way back, at the airport, with a heavy heart, I saw a very tall elderly gentleman, probably like 6’ 8” get out of a car. He was wearing jeans and baseball cap.
He was likely in his 80s, and despite the curvature of his back, there was a youthfulness in his smile.
He got out of the car on the passenger side.
Out of the driver’s side, a smaller man, probably in his 60s or 70s got out. He had a little belly. He was also pretty casual.
They walked to the back of the car, the taller gentleman with his bag next to him, leaned down hugged the driver.
They embraced for what seemed like 10 minutes.
The curvature of the tall man’s back seemed sculpted from many years of warm embraces. Both of their faces seemed so moved and the love between these two gentlemen was so palpable.
I was captivated…
I didn’t know if it was a father and a son, two life long friends, close brothers, or long lost lovers… it was irrelevant.
It was like there was this explosion of harmony around them that stopped around the world around them.
I wanted to jump outside and join in the hug (but I knew that would be inappropriate ;-)
I was sad… I was committed…
Harmony comes in many forms…
But is always anchored in the truth of care, of concern, of love and of gratitude…
Stay in the conversation…
Struggle for the truth…
And, when you find it… in its rawest form… embrace it.
Embrace ALL OF IT!
Multiple truths can and do exist at the same time.
Yours in the pursuit of harmony,
Nestor Benavides