A colleague of mine pointed out yesterday that the world can be divided into two kinds of people…
Those who go down to breakfast at a hotel with their bags ready to check out, and
Those who go down at their hotel to breakfast, and then have to go back up for their bags before checking out…
Interesting observation, I thought, but other than possibly their dental hygiene, I am not sure how much I can learn from that.
I have always divided the world into two types of people:
Those who chose to give life with their words and actions, and those who take life.
In the past week, I was observing people, and I thought of perhaps a better division.
I would now argue that the world is divided into two types of people, those who approach others as either;
{C}1. YOU make me BETTER
{C}2. I make you BETTER
Think about it…
Which one are you?
Now, clearly we all believe that we can learn from each other. Blah, blah, blah.
I hate those things that we all believe that mean nothing.
Watch people in the moment.
Watch people in conversation.
Watch yourself. I fall into both camps.
So maybe, its not “two types of people”, but rather “two types of approaches” and we tend to be more comfortable (and thus more often) in one or the other.
I believe I have something to offer. I really do. Everyday moreso. And, yet, I am mindful that confidence limits my ability to see and learn.
When someone tells you something wonderful that happened to them, do you feel compelled to tell them of a time when something similar happened to you, or better yet, something that was even MORE wonderful that happened to you?
Why do we do that?
When you approach your colleagues are you thinking, “If only they would listen to me!”, “How can I get them to do what I want?”, “How do I make sure I get my plan approved?”
OR
Are you thinking, “I wonder what Bill things about this?”, “I wonder how Robin would approach this situation?”, “I wonder what Matt would do?”
When you approach your children are you thinking, “If they would just get started on their homework!”, “How can I get them to eat more vegetables?”, “What am I going to do next to get them to clean up their room?”, “How do I convince them to be more ambitious?”…
OR
Are you thinking, “I wonder how his day was today?”, “I wonder what motivates him and what he dreams about?”, “I wonder what scares him about life?”…
Clearly we all have the things we need to do, and we spend a fair amount of time (at least I hope) thinking about the best ways to approach our lives, our kids, our work…
But when we show up in front of people, are you most often the kind of person that believes they can learn something, or the kind of person that is there to teach something?
Here is the kicker… one of those two approaches is SIGNIFICANTLY more likely to work.
You see, the concept of harmony, says our absolute truth is that we want to be respected. We DO. We want to feel valued. We DO. We all believe that we have something to contribute. We DO.
So you can approach the world ready to teach, but unless you are one gifted son of a gun, and you are crazy cool, and you ‘ve been in a few movies or written a REAL best seller (not one that just says it was)… You are ONE OF US BABY!!! You are one of the real people in this world.
And, if I am going to learn from you, I demand your respect which means I want you to acknowledge that you can learn something from me too.
AND, the better and the more sincere you are in your believe that you can learn from those around you… the MORE people will listen when you do speak. In fact, at some point, they will come to you and ask you specifically for your advise.
Go figure… people are just wacky that way!
I go out of my way to say that I am NO teacher, I am a STUDENT of life, of happiness, of business… of everything.
And, sure, I do believe that I have come to some insightful conclusions.
This blog is one example of me being a BIT arrogant… Here I am trying to tell the world that I can make you better.
WRONG!
BUZZER!
The fact that you could come to that conclusion is why it took me so long to start writing.
I can’t teach you anything! I can share with you what I am learning. I can share with you what I am seeing. I can tell you what I am striving for and aspiring to… and you decide for yourself if ANY of this makes any sense or has any value.
I am passionate about the lessons that I am learning from life. I believe that I am becoming a better strategic thinker, I am working on bigger impact initiatives and projects and truly enjoying the ride. I am developing a better and stronger relationship with my boys and with my wife and with my friends…
And, I am failing everyday at the same time!
I write because THIS, for whatever reason, is my passion. THIS topic is the thing that just won’t leave my mind, no matter how hard I try. (OK, I am not really trying that hard …)
Harmony and disharmony happens in the moment!
I am uber aware that my blogs are long, that I take things personally, that I still have an ego, that I am still at times scared, that I am eating too much, that I am so very, very imperfect.
But, I am learning that with every moment and with every day I am better than the day before.
And, I am learning everyday from everyone around me. And, not only does that create an environment where they are more open to learn from me, BUT IT CREATES HARMONY…
It creates an environment where people feel my care, they sense my concern, they are confident about my intent and my engagement, and I am convinced they are likewise…
YOU MAKE ME BETTER! By sharing these thoughts, I develop them… I hear back from you… I observe more attently.
YOU MAKE ME BETTER because I am not perfect… crazy far from it…
YOU MAKE ME BETTER because you have seen different things, because your mind works differently, because you fear different things, you value different things and hearing you expands my mind…
That doesn’t mean I don’t know more about some things than you do. That doesn’t mean that we wont passionately disagree on some topics. That doesn’t mean that I lack confidence or authority or control or anything…
ON THE CONTRARY…
YOU MAKE ME BETTER
makes me powerful…
because I get to learm from you
makes me grateful…
makes me empathetic…
makes me approachable…
makes me human…
and, makes me just a little less imperfect ;-)
The world is divided into two kinds of people.
You CHOOSE…
YOU make me better…
or
I make you better.
Who are you going to be?
Yours in harmony,
Nestor