Absolutely Mistaken
I am always trying to divide the world in 2.
I want to divide the world into
those
who get it
and
those
who don’t
Not so much because I want to judge people. I really don’t.
But because I want to learn from observing people.
What is it about “some” people that make them so coachable, so evolutionary, so able to change … and others so slow to embrace change… sometimes, so unwilling or incapable of change.
I know so many examples of well-intentioned leaders and managers who read a lot of books. But, most often, if not always, they conclude “I already do that!”
These tend to be the same people who when they hear something, take their brains immediately, to the example they can show where they “already do that!”, and feel compelled to tell you or ignore you.
These people are often the ones creating the exact opposite of the behavior that they want to create.
They want to create trust and they convey distrust.
They want to convey gratitude and they convey a lack of gratitude.
They want to convey concern and they convey disregard.
They want to convey support and they convey independence.
They want to convey convergence and they convey divergence.
HOW can that happen… specially when they are RIGHT! They are! They already do all of those things that they are supposed to be doing. They do the things they read. They do!
You see… the fundamental truth that we must embrace in order to achieve harmony, to convey what we want to convey, to achieve what we want to achieve is this…
It’s not what we “do”… it’s what we “DO MOST OFTEN”!!!
This makes a PARAMOUNT difference!
Never ask yourself “Do I do that?” Ask yourself, “How often do I do that?” “How do I do that MORE OFTEN?”
It opens you up to improving.
You hear all the time that the majority of people who really read self help books are the ones who least need it. And, you hear that the people that “MOST” need to read this book wont.
Why is that?
Most of the people reading books, asking for feedback, reading articles, watching videos, going to classes (that aren’t required) are saying
“I can do better” “I can improve”!
It defines a learning mindset, an expanding mindset.
Watching what people take the initiative to learn, lets you know what they value. I love asking in interviews, “What important concept have you learned recently?” It’s a hard question to answer, but an even better question is, “What important behavior have you improved upon recently and how?”.
It’s a very simple concept, and it’s a most powerful concept.
Harmony happens in the moment. EVERYTHING happens in the moment.
Even if you aren’t bought in to the concept of harmony, everything still happens in the moment. If you don’t believe me show me something that you can change that happened in the past or that is going to happen in the future.
Life, behavior, leadership, management, building trust, collaboration, setting priorities and clarity, making progress…
HAPPENS IN EACH AND EVERY MOMENT.
When you say you do something, you need to realize that YOU ALSO DON’T DO IT!
It depends on the MOMENT!
To think the absolute – I DO THAT – is to be ABSOLUTELY MISTAKEN! IT’s a DEADLY mistake because you dismiss the possibility that you can do it better.
And, my belief, deeply held is that we can ALL do EVERYTHING BETTER. Not because we aren’t good enough, but because we are capable of being that GREAT!
It’s not just my believe, its our desire and pursuit of mastery that motivates us that has been proven through science, and is demonstrated by the greatest of athletes and artists.
Did Michael Jordan say he was the very best? Did he leave the court after the game and say, I never need to practice again? He did the very opposite, he would go on the court and practice for hours on the shots he missed, after a big win.
I ALREADY DO THAT is a deadly thought, if you want to grow. Not just in one particular thing, but as a mindset.
Don’t work to prove to anyone what you already do (at least never if you work for or with me)…
Work to prove to yourself how often you do it… and then work to do it MORE often if it’s the right thing to do.
It’s through being more consistent, more often, with the right behaviors that we change the course of business and life. It’s about setting the expectation with those you work with and those that work with you that its ok to make mistakes, but we should make mistakes LESS often, and do the right thing MORE often.
The objective is also NOT to beat yourself up. It's NOT to make yourself feel bad or be overly critical. There is no value in that. The objective is TO BE BETTER... EVEN BETTER... And, possibly GREAT... even GREATER ;-) Period.
It's not just asymptotic... it's MOMENTARY!
The world of behavior, mindset, business, harmony, everything… happens OVER AND OVER again in every moment.
Success, happiness, harmony requires DEDICATION and RIGOR.
It requires the DELIBERATE intent to do it AGAIN, and AGAIN, and AGAIN in every moment. It requires stamina, focus, dedication and deliberateness.
I am one of the most caring people I know – and I am horrible at showing that I care all the time (in each and every moment).
I am so very committed to empowering and engaging the people I work with and making them feel wonderful about their contribution, and I fail often, in so many moments.
I am very good at setting priorities and getting better and better and I fail in so many moments.
People will try to convince you otherwise… “Oh no, Nestor, but you ARE caring, you DO the right things, don’t be so hard on yourself!” I hear that often.
I am NOT being hard on myself. I am really not. I am being HONEST with myself.
Because its from the point of absolute truth that I can WANT to be better and be better.
I know that I do those things in MANY moments, and my desire and my intent is to do them MORE and MORE often in MORE and MORE moments.
To those I know and love – I appreciate tremendously your reassurance. I do. More than you know.
But, I know what I know. It’s not about being “hard” on myself… its about continuing to expect that I can do better. Not because I am not enough, but because I can be even better.
When your mind makes an absolute conclusion that you do something, you are absolutely mistaken.
Life happens in moments.
Don't read and listen with the mindset of making you feel better about who you already are....
Read and listen with the mindset that you are already wonderful but imperfect, and life gets reset in every moment. We don't OWN behavior, we must borrow it in every moment. And, no behavior is ABSOLUTE. It's our desire for absoluteness with our acceptance of imperfection that gives us the possibility of being great.
Don’t ask yourself, “Do I already do that very important thing?”
Ask yourself, “How can I do it even more often?”
It opens up the world of possibilities.
It opens up the world of improvement.
It improves the world around you for all who share it with you…
As leaders and managers and parents... it should not just be a goal for us to embrace these ideas, but to inspire those around us to the same end... by our example.
Yours in harmony,
Nestor