As I stepped out of my bathtub this morning, I admired and enjoyed our master bathroom and thought about the important lesson it taught me.
From about 2007 till 2012 the shower in our master bathroom was leaking through the tile into the first floor ceiling. My wife and I took showers in different bathrooms throughout the house for 5 years! I used to run naked to the basement bathroom and back once per day!
The leaking was happening through the tile in the shower. To fix the shower required that we retile the shower, which meant retiling the whole bathroom. It took us awhile to get comfortable with the expense.
Once we decided it was time to remodel , we had to “design” the new bathroom.
I wanted bold, she wanted soft.
I wanted a “pedestal” tub, she wanted it built in.
I wanted to consider using cheaper materials. She wanted to make sure we used great quality.
There was some tension in our conversations. We disagreed on what we wanted.
She was working hard to get us good options, and felt unappreciated for her efforts because of the differences in our preferences (and probably the way I was communicating them).
I felt like we were spending a lot of hard earned money, and I wanted a great bathroom that we both loved.
All, I suspect, normal for a married couple designing something together.
One day, I told her, “You take the lead. Design a great bathroom that you will love.” And, the dynamic changed completely.
She still brought things home for conversation and asked me for my feedback, but she was in the lead.
I had some ownership in it and felt like several of the things that were important to me she incorporated into the design, but I was always willing to give in if she disagreed.
- She agreed with me to tile the entire wall behind the tub, even though she was initially going to just tile one tile above the tub.
- She overruled me on keeping up the wall between the toilet and the sinks.
- She allowed me to pick the higher glass on the shower, and we both agreed to spend the extra money on the “frameless” shower.
- She let me to go with the pure white, solid counter around the tub.
- She actually measured the length of my body to find a tub that I could stretch my legs in, and she got me the bigger toilet that I had missed so much since our last house…
- She picked the lighting fixtures, etc., etc.
- Toward the end of the construction I came in and felt like the door swinging into the bathroom was an issue and she allowed me to allow the door to swing out, giving us more room to maneuver inside the bathroom.
I know this sounds trivial, but hang with me…
The bathroom got done with, I believe, A LOT less tension and stress.
And, it’s beautiful!
And, comfortable!
And, probably not like either one of us would have fully designed by ourselves (possibly better).
And, probably a little more her vision than mine…
And, we both love it.
There are so many issues and things to get done in business.
We designed a new website this year our company as we merged the two brands into one.
We reset the categorization for our facility condition assessments.
We rebuilt the cost database upon which all of our cost estimating is done.
We designed and moved into a great new office.
We had the BIGGEST year in our company’s history, and the lesson of the bathroom is repeated again and again.
Every initiative needs a clear LEADER: When we have two people leading efforts – decision making is more difficult, the stress levels rise, the speed of execution slows, the frustration grows and we end up delivering less in more time. When we have three or more people leading efforts – we often end up going around in circles and getting little accomplished.
I want inclusiveness. We create better, more complete solutions when we include everyone’s feedback.
I want inclusiveness. We have greater adoption of initiatives that have involved multiple departments or divisions.
I want inclusiveness. It’s who we are and want to be as a company.
But, I realize the criticality of clear ownership, and I need to make sure we do it on EVERY initiative.
Sometimes it’s hard to pick a SINGLE owner. And, I put two people in charge. That often fails.
I like the balance we get from having the one person who wants to do it perfect with the one person who wants to get it done, but I need to give one the wheel so as not to drive the two crazy.
This approach requires trust between our teammates. And, in the case of the bathroom, between my wife and I.
This approach requires being ready to accept a final design that is not exactly your own. But, trying to design something that fully satisfies more than one person is virtually impossible.
This approach requires having leaders that have some vision, can set clear criteria and gain enough general buy in, and know how to compromise enough on their vision to create something that others can feel good about.
Most business people and married people know that SINGLE point leadership works best. When designing a bathroom, or building a cost database, we can accept the compromises more easily. When we parent children, when we set the company values, when we discuss the “contribution” of employees, when we deal with the important initiatives that DEFINE more directly who we are as people or as a company… We need to be more careful. While there may be a single person facilitating the process, the feedback loop and discussion around “compromises” needs to be more extensive and its worth slowing down progress to achieve solutions or approaches that have a deeper level of mutual agreement.
Ultimately, we need to be smart to know the difference between picking the tile and our communication approach with our children.
OFTEN in business we fight too hard to find solutions on too many initiatives that satisfy everyone – at the expense of progress and at the cost of drama and frustration.
And, what I find amusing, is that when its all said and done, I am not sure that many of our decisions and preferences were right to begin with… Some certainly may be… but not everything we think we want is what we actually want when its done, and not everything we think we want proves out to ultimately be the best option.
I drove to make the glass in our shower higher – I thought it would look better. Ultimately, we paid more for it, it made the door heavier, and the visual lines on the bathroom would have worked either way. My wife would have gone with the lower glass and it would have probably been a better overall solution.
The door that I suggested swing out, is now a tricky coordination with the closet door that opens into it. Everytime I walk into the bathroom I think about that door and feel silly about how good I felt at having found this “opportunity” to add value to the design. While everyone agreed to the idea of the door swinging out, the bathroom ended up feeling bigger than I thought it would and again, had I stayed out of that decision we would have probably been better off.
Sometimes our ideas work better.
Sometimes they don't.
All trivial design elements. The door can be, for a few hundred dollars, flipped around.
The lesson is so very valuable…
WE MUST BE SELECTIVE AS TO WHICH OF OUR SUGGESTIONS TRULY MATTER... and which are simply PREFERENCES.
Regardless, WE MUST:
Pick a leader.
Include others for feedback.
Make decisions continuously with reasonable compromises where appropriate. (This is the tricky one.)
And, LET THE LEADER, DEMAND THAT THE LEADER - GET IT DONE!
We need to realize NOT everything we want in the projects / initiatives is CRITICAL…
NOT everything we want is RIGHT or BETTER…
And, NOT everything we want is THE ONLY SOLUTION.
PROGRESS IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTION.
You will never achieve PERFECTION, and trying to do so will lead to failure…
But DRIVE & MAKE PROGRESS, and you will achieve SUCCESS!
If you do make the door swing out, when it should perhaps swing in… you can always CHANGE IT later!
Importantly, the entire PROCESS to making PROGRESS will be much more PRODUCTIVE, POSITIVE and ENJOYABLE!
Our master bathroom is unbelievable... and so is our new visual brand.
Default to progress... and you will be amazed by the results.
Yours in harmony,
Nesto