What’s the hurry?
I woke up at 6 am and my body was tired.
I wanted to get up, because I really wanted to go for a run along the path overlooking the ocean.
From my first conscious moment, I was in a rush.
I fell back asleep, and woke up at 6:20 am…
NOW I’M LATE, was the thought that crossed my mind.
I got dressed and headed toward the ocean. My body was stiff and tired still. I didn’t feel like running. So, I allowed myself to walk.
I walked the ½ mile to the ocean and my body was still complaining, so I started stretching. I stretched and stretched for 30 minutes. I don’t know if it was the long all-night flight, or the long day that followed, or the long run two days ago… but my body was TIGHT.
So, I started my run later than expected, but I felt better.
When I was 3 miles in at the “turn around spot”, I stopped. I looked over the ocean and just stopped.
WHY AM I IN A HURRY?
Well, I want to hurry home to be there to have breakfast with my dad. That’s important to him.
And, I want to work with him on the issues with his finances, so that we can then go to see my mom, and be there by 11 am, so that we can be there when my cousin arrives, so that we can go to lunch, so that I can get some work done while my parents nap, so that I can be free at night to have lunch with my family and his cousin…
I am looking forward to many of those things, but why always in a hurry?
I notice when time slows down.
I was at the “turn around point” and I stopped.
I watched the ocean cover the rocks in the distance and the waves rolling along, and I took a deep breath.
I decided to SIT DOWN.
I sat down and watched the waves… and breathed… and smiled.
I really appreciate not rushing to the next thing, and it is a feeling that I enjoy so rarely.
The thoughts that crossed my mind incessantly as I sat and just tried to focus on the waves were two:
1. Wow… this feels nice.
2. Why am I always sprinting for someone else?
I didn’t have a good answer. Often during my workouts I am rushing to get done. I am always thinking, do I have time for a sauna, probably not, need to take a shower and need to be back in the office by X o’clock.
WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM?
BECAUSE WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING or LIVING at SOMEONE ELSE'S PACE, YOU INHERENTLY WISH THAT YOU WEREN'T. MOVING AT SOMEONE ELSE'S PACE MAKES YOU WISH YOU COULD SLOW DOWN... and creates disharmony.
Whether its running, or living, or working... or wealth creation, or strategy development, or whatever... life has a pace, and we don't like moving to someone elses... We just don't.
My life didn’t used to be like this.
I sprint to the workout so that I can sprint to the office, so that I can rush through my to dos, so that I can sprint to the meeting, so that I can get to the lunch meeting, so that I can sprint home for X, Y or Z.
Probably some of it is a function of having two teenagers and one almost teen, some of it is having this desire to maximize my activities and live fully, some of it is the reality of the world today… but some of it… SOME of it is the way that I am wired and the way I choose to live my life.
And, I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN A HURRY.
Or, better said, I DON’T WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S PACE.
I love naps and I don’t often take them.
I love the sauna and I don’t often go in.
I love sitting down and watching the ocean hit the rocks, but I seldom slow down.
WHO IS SETTING MY LIFE PACE?
If you are a runner, you may know that running at someone else’s pace is one of the most anxious ways to run. Running slower isn’t so bad. You feel like you COULD run faster, but you are choosing not to. But, running faster than your pace, at least for me, is very stressful. If the person you are running with goes slow for you, you feel like you are hurting their pace and the enjoyment of their run. If you have to run their pace, you are struggling to keep up and gasping for breath.
Running is wonderful, if you get to set the pace.
It’s ironic, I thought, that I am thinking about who is setting my pace for life, when I am in the middle of a run myself.
But, it’s a question that deserves a better answer.
I am setting my own pace, but for some reason I am setting it always to someone else’s clock.
I wish I knew why.
It is out of a desire to serve, to be there for others, to do my part, to be responsible, to be acknowledged for trying hard… for, for, for, for… for so many reasons that might make sense…
But, at what cost?
Could it be that I am sprinting because I am trying to move as fast as I can to “catch up to my worth”? Do I think that at some pace I actually become valuable? Do I believe that at some pace I actually become worthy of slowing down?
I don’t know… but I think there is something to that.
When I slow down, I feel guilty. The thought in my mind is, “you could be doing more”… thus, “you should be doing more.”
I don’t know exactly how to slow down, but I know I want to. So, I will work on it.
OK – so today’s run is not a complete waste of time… LESSON FOR THE DAY for myself… be mindful of your pace… try to stop sprinting… convince yourself that you do not have to prove your worth by the speed with which you move through life…
OK… I get it theoretically… I will try to apply it…
I got up from sitting down, not done watching the waves, but the wave of guilt becoming too large to duck from, “my dad’s expecting me for breakfast…”
I started running and ahead of me, I see a couple running at a good pace…
“I can catch them” is the first thought that crosses my mind…
“REALLY” is the second thought. My own pace lasted just about 30 seconds, and I was off trying to catch this elusive man and woman… gasping for air.
I am a work in progress… and I am one hard headed son of a gun ;-)
Who sets my pace? WHY? Who sets your pace?
Don't be afraid to slow down, every so often, grab a seat, watch the waves and take a breath.
I didn’t solve anything today – but I am fairly certain I became aware of a question that deserves a better answer.
Live mindful of your pace.
Sprinting needlessly for harmony,
Nestor