I want to expand on the concept of TOTALITY... but today,
I want to tell you about my new friend, RYED!
I decided to call Uber to take me to the airport yesterday. I am always a bit nervous with early morning, third-party pick-ups, so I decided to turn the lights on and wait outside. It was 5 in the morning.
I was in awe of the Uber technology. So simple. So awesome.
The car seemed like it was running behind, but eventually it pulls up.
Now I am standing in front of my house with two bags and the lights on, and its 5 AM, and Syed HONKS THE HORN?????
I nearly killed him. I asked him what he was thinking and he apologized.
I got in his car and he says, "I wish you peace and happiness always. You are my brother. And, I am thrilled that you are my first ride for today."
Wow... that got my attention. He seemed very grateful and very sincere.
He had no real idea where he was going.
He was too busy telling me about the breakfast that he had been cooking his son and wife, when I engaged him...
Ground beef, potatoes and cilantro...
He asked me if I had eaten, because I wouldn't be fed on the flight.
We talked and talked... and made our way to the airport.
He was a doctor in India, he couldn't pass the tests here (in a weird way, I was glad - he seemed like a lovely man, but I didn't want him operating on me). He moved here in 2000 and in 16 years had bought a town home, and now was upgrading to a single family home. He had two married daughters and one son in college.
He invited me to his house for dinner! And, I am fairly sure he meant it. He was very cute... and I have been thinking about him ever since. He was so happy, so real, so different.
The entire ride to the airport, I thought about my immigration experience... how different it had felt than what RYED was describing. He felt elated every step of the way.
I surprise myself by how little I remember about growing up, how few specific details I remember compared to my friends... but I remember the FEELINGS so very clearly.
I remember being happy in moments, being happy with friends... and I remember feeling so very transient at my core. I remember feeling like I had no foundation. I remember feeling like I was floating through time, observing, and occasionally enjoying...
I am sure I have shared that the best metaphor that I can think about is "living in someone else's home"...
I felt thrilled for RYED as we drove. He was so in control of his life. And, I feel for most purposes I am now in control of mine... but it took me so very long to get here... and I am not all the way there.
WHAT MAKES US FEEL AT HOME? in life? on earth?
Our PARENTS: Our parents, I think are a huge part of it. When we are young, our parents are our stability... and I believe that the most important job of a mother and father is to make their children feel LIKE THEY ARE HOME... they belong... they are loved... they are welcome... they are worthy. NO ONE has a greater influence over making us feel at home than our parents... and when they don't, we rebel against them and show them we can define and build our own.
Our RELIGION: I think this is why religion is so important, and why mankind has been so compelled by it... Our RELIGION defines our home in many ways, and because my parents didn't make me feel at home, I rejected their push toward religion as I rejected them when I was young.
As we get older, what makes us feel at home are our values and our purpose... and perhaps it has taken me longer than most to accept my values... to commit to my values...
In a strange way, I feel like I am still floating at times, but much less so than when I was a child.
Harmony has given me my navigational tools... and so now, even if I float, I have a way to navigate toward success and happiness...
The name Nestor means "wise traveler".... and even though it was a tricky name to grow up with in the states... it fits me.
I am traveling through life, through time... working to anchor down... working to construct something of value that is worthy... that is meaningful... that is worth living for, living in...
RYED was in some ways like a child in this beautiful home, running around showing me all of his toys... all of the things he loved...
And, I felt the difference... I am still getting to know my partially constructed home... and in some important ways, I am still working on strengthening its foundation...
I am in motion... I always have been...
My mind is in motion... it always has been...
Through harmony, I started to find my "home" in the moments...
And, now through the concept of TOTALITY I need to anchor my moments down on a more solid foundation...
... home again...
Until then, maybe I'll take RYED up on his offer to have me over for dinner. But, he will have to promise not to honk his horn ;-)
Sorry if this was a little trippy... If it was, maybe you are already home...
and in harmony,
Nestor