I was reading the poem "Empathy" from the book "Hope is a Traveler" by Susan Frybort...
"Today I woke up feeling my ordinariness next to me..."
It starts...
I have thought endlessly about my "ordinariness"
and,
struggled
with it.
I struggle with it for two reasons:
1. Why can't I be extra-ordinary? What makes me different from those who have achieved world changing impact...
2. Why should I expect to be extra-ordinary? What makes me so arrogant, as to believe that I can or should be more than just ordinary...
Truth is - I CAN have a huge impact on the world...
The question is - WILL I?
Truth is - I want to have an impact on the world...
The question is - WHY is it important for me, to be more than ordinary?
How much of it is driven by my desire to make my life matter and count -
How much of it is driven by my own ego wanting to be recognized or satisfied?
Hmmm... those questions cause me pause.
I believe that I have the same gifts and opportunities as everyone else...
I have the potential and, I have the ambition...
So, then the question begs itself... why not achieve more than ordinary-NES...?
CONVICTION
That one stings.
I struggle with conviction... with putting my vision ahead of others. Those who change the world in material ways have a singular conviction towards something. Having conviction... applying conviction requires imposing on the world - and that does not come naturally.
What aspect of life do you feel committed to with unwavering conviction?
CONFIDENCE
I try to show up with confidence.
But, the truth is that I have been slowly building my own confidence for decades. I started with almost none. I have been building my own foundation of believing in myself... My parents didn't give it to me, not in my genes, and not in my upbringing... I've had to earn confidence on my own.
FOCUS
I am curious... about so many things... too many things?
I have a tough time selecting from the many directions that the world has to offer... And, making a material change in the world requires selecting THAT one thing that will define you... drive you... the one thing you would die for...
RISK
This one is huge... I don't like risk...
EXTRAORDINARY people take risks...
The level of their success and progress is I would argue almost always the level to which they put themselves at RISK in order to achieve it.
EXTRA achievement requires charting new territory - developing new ideas - embracing new behaviors - attempting new feats - applying new formulas.... All requiring RISK - Sticking your neck out daring to do or be different.
I have, in my life, always steered largely away from risk.
WHY?
Because I lacked confidence and conviction.
Because I wanted to build a life successfully, slowly...
I didn't want to take steps backward - and the risk of failure materially impacted my behavior.
As I have gotten older,
i have achieved greater conviction,
greater confidence,
greater focus,
and, ironically,
a greater tolerance for risk.
At least,
I think I do.
I am more likely to risk it all today
with much more responsibility than ever before
I am more likely to take on risk,
than at the age of 25...
Maybe because I understand "leaping" more clearly -
and thus it feels less risky.
I understand what MATTERS more clearly -
and thus it feels less risky.
And, I still don't...
...
I still don't show up with enough conviction.
I still don't show up with enough confidence.
I still don't have enough focus.
I still am not willing to leap into risk...
"Enough" for extra-ordinariness.
Maybe, because I am simply ORDINARY.
And, I am working on that.
I am ok being ordinary.
My ego no longer needs to be justified by success.
Yet, I am still motivated to live a life with purpose...
A life that matters and does BETTER by other people.
My wife said to me this morning, as we talked about this topic...
"Extra ordinary people are ordinary in many ways.
and,
Ordinary people are extra ordinary in many ways."
TRUE THAT!
I am ambitious in desiring a life that matters -
and, thus, creating greater impact is compelling...
Maybe...
My ONE thing is HARMONY...
I am here today...
Learning about the behaviors that define my ordinariness...
Learning about MY behaviors that define my contribution...
And, applying them to how I show up
TODAY...
Being "extra-ordinary" is no longer my objective...
Having "extra-ordinary" impact still is...
And, perhaps I can have extra-ordinary impact on my boys...
Or, with dear friends or colleagues...
Or, in an important conversation...
I have had extra - ordinary moments... in my life.
I am grateful for all of them - the ordinary ones and the extra ordinary ones.
To be extra- ordinary - I need to fully embrace
that, it's NOT about me.
It's about having EXTRA - ordinary IMPACT
on the world...
in whatever form that may take
It's not about believing in ME,
But about believing in
SOMETHING
with extra-ordinary CONVICTION...
And, then showing up
day
after
day
after
day
Living it...
Applying it....
Changing the world as a result of it...
Truth is...
We don't get to judge our ordinariness,
or our extra - ordinariness...
We get to learn.
We get to choose.
We get to LIVE.
We get to strive...
For ourselves,
For better,
For whatever moves us....
"ORDINARY" - by definition is
"SOMETHING
with NO SPECIAL
or DISTINCTIVE
FEATURES..."
By my own values,
By my own beliefs...
EACH
ONE
of us
IS
EXTRA
ordinary.
We are all unique.
The question is -
Will you...
Will I...
find the
CONVICTION
CONFIDENCE
FOCUS
to embrace the RISK...
To be fully ourselves...
To unleash our passion on the world...
And, in return, make it better for having done so?
One
day,
one
conversation
at
a
time!
In harmony,
Nestor