I was talking to a good friend a few days ago.
His business partner (late 40's) was just diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and likely has only months or possibly a year to live.
It has been a month, and my friend (in his 50's) says that he is still in shock.
It surprises me that people are shocked by death.
Don't get me wrong, death is most always sad, very sad... And, when death comes early it is tragic. The younger the person, the greater the tragedy.
But, I don't understand the "shock".
We talk about death often in this conversation. And, I think we are all clear, "we are all going to die". Probability suggests that most of us will live into our late 70s or early 80s, but if you have your eyes and ears open, you should know that some of us will die sooner.
We had a friend die last year in his early 50s from one moment to the next. Our son's friend that died earlier this year died from one moment to the next.
I believe it is a great fortune to have time to know you are going to die.
Or, maybe more appropriately, I would see it as a great fortune, if in my life I had a head's up that I was going to die in a few months, or in a year.
I would so love the opportunity to say goodbye to those I love. I would so love the opportunity to try to wrap up the conversations that have been started.
Don't get me wrong.
I have no desire to die... Quite the opposite - I am passionate about living...
But, if my number is one that is going to be pulled early, I pray that it be with a heads up... that I may be able to say my goodbyes.
And, I know that I very well may not get that opportunity.
So, I try to live mindful of death...
And, thus MINDFUL of LIFE.
I try to tell the people who matter to me, that they matter.
I try to tell my boys & my wife how I feel, how I live, what I struggle with, how much I love them... I want them to know me as completely as they can... because life has no guarantees.
And, even if I live... even if I have the great fortune of living a long life... I believe my life and that of those I care about will be richer, if I don't live with that presumption.
I think we all want to know what is on each other's mind.
I believe we all want to hear that we matter, when we do.
I believe we live richer more meaningful lives when we make those thoughts explicit, and not keep them to share someday, when tomorrow is in question.
Tomorrow is always in question.
Don't live in fear, or with anxiety, but with courage and candor to say what you feel - most specially when it is meaningful and constructive and gracious.
I am sadenned by my friend's partner's diagnosis. But I am not surprised, nor am I shocked. I am surprised by his reaction, and his certainty that "I would not be able to handle this", "This can't happen to me."
I keep thinking back to that prayer... "Lord, give me the strength to accept what I can't control, the discipline to control what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I think about that prayer / saying ALMOST daily.. if not daily.
So much of the core concepts of harmony come from that very simple statement.
Trying to control anything that is outside of our control is a WISH and that leads us to disharmony..... PERIOD.
Life is indeed short.
There is a song "If today was your last day" by some country singer.
Probability is that you are not dying anytime soon. But, there are no guarantees.
It amazes me how many people I see... the majority... that LIVE with such CERTAINTY about peace, about health, about life...
They have created an expectation or an anticipation that their lives will be void of suffering... and eventually, in some way, suffering comes...
How would you live if LIFE itself was not "certain'?
OR -
better yet -
COULD YOU LIVE A MORE MEANINGFUL, JOYFUL AND GRATEFUL LIFE by ACCEPTING IN EVERY MOMENT THE CERTAINTY OF DEATH?
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow...
What would you say and who would you say it to?
How would you live differently today?
What is the downside of living responsibly but courageously more conscious of death?
I know it makes my life... and, I believe the life of those around me,
not more "morbid"
but, richer, more interesting and more meaningful.
I have shared Steve Jobs quote before... and it rings so true. It's knowing that we are going to die, that allows us the ability to truly live.
To that end....
knowing that you are out there
reading my words
gives me purpose,
gives my passion of writing greater meaning,
and makes my life richer and my heart fuller...
THANK YOU for taking time to consider how harmony can play into your life...
And, for helping me to explore it and find it in mine.
Nestor