Are you wondering why I don’t write as much as I used to?
I know I do.
I think in large part, it’s because the thought of harmony is deeper in my soul, in my behavior, my who I am than it has ever been. And so, I think of it less “consciously” than I once did. It’s become more natural and automatic.
But I still love writing… because it makes my thoughts clearer, and as a result it makes my peace greater…
And I still love sharing… because while I know that many consider my thoughts redundant or obvious, you know that the concepts of human harmony are subtle, powerful, and so desperately needed in our hearts and in the world.
So, I’m glad you are here…
And, I’m grateful you are reading this.
I am reading a book that I HIGHLY recommend called,
“Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended on It” by Chris Voss
It was recommended by a very dear friend…
I had been told about the book multiple times and just didn’t pull the trigger on buying it because…
My whole life is about SPLITTING the DIFFERENCE…
I am all about avoiding the approaches of 1’s and 0’s and playing in the space of compromise and collaboration to move my world and my heart forward.
But, on my friend’s persistence I bought it.
Wow, wow, wow… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE buy it. It is, like so many books, ALL about HARMONY!
It’s difficult to convey a book in a short conversation. Heck – It’s impossible.
The book is written by an ex-FBI negotiator, now negotiation professor, and includes many stories of difficult, life altering negotiations that he was a part of… and those are crazy fascinating and interesting to me…
BUT, the reason it’s so powerful is because of what makes negotiation effective, and his insights and tools and observations about human communication and emotion…
I will give you a few delicious morsels…
“Assumptions blind, Hypothesis Guide”… LOVE THAT SIMPLE THOUGHT…
“Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out the window.” IMPORTANTLY, I think this applies not just to conversations between people – but to conversations we have with ourselves!
“Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings…”
“Every one of us has an inherent, human need to be understood, to connect with the person across the table”
He talks about the layering of fear on fears and the need to peel those back to get to someone’s truth… “tactical empathy” being the ability, the discipline, the behavior to develop so that you can dig deeper into the IS…
I could copy the whole book on this conversation.
I want to…
Because when I read his thoughts in words – they are HARMONY… And, I truly VISCERALLY feel the need that we, as human beings, have for this awareness & understanding.
In my heart I know with complete certainty that developing, sharing, expanding on these thoughts IS exactly what the world needs more of… and that it’s a never ending need, as the awareness of it, the pursuit of it, the competence in it, the application of it… IS the glue that holds human kind together in all of it’s diversity moving in a singular direction… in HARMONY!
This whole book, like so many great ones, explain the detail and the subtlety in some specific competence of harmony.
“Negotiation” essentially is what happens in EVERY moment…
We negotiate between our WISH and our WANT…
And, we can’t do that well without understanding the “IS”…
99.999% of “Negotiation” in life is digging deeper into the “IS” of the moment – the TRUTH of it… and the clearer we understand the TRUTH… not just from our perspective, when dealing with others, but from THEIR perspective… is the level to which we can move forward toward our WANT…
It fascinates me that the overall structure of great negotiation to get armed bank robbers out of a bank, or armed gang members out of an apartment… without killing anyone…
Is the exact same as the structure of achieving harmony in a given moment…
Understand the is – by understanding, neutralizing the negative, emphasizing the positive, from all sides… and subtlety in language, in how you ask the questions is fundamental in our ability to do it well… it’s a competency developed slowly over a lifetime… IF you are working on it.
Then you can define the options – The WANTS – and select one…
I don’t write as often as I once did, not because Harmony is any less important, but because it’s so omni-present in my mind, that I struggle with where to start and how to summarize it’s structure and power.
There are ones and zeros in life – if you get granular enough… there are no absolutes in the complexity of our souls and our complex world… I know this contradicts itself – but in my mind the contradiction is so very true and real…
I still don’t know yet (not fully done with the book) why it’s titled “never split the difference”, but I suspect it has to do with the fact that you can’t split the difference between life and death…
…
Just like you can’t split the difference
Between
Harmony
And
Disharmony…
How are your negotiation skills?
In harmony,
Nestor