One of the concepts discussed in the book - that puts into words a most powerful concept that I have understood for a long time, but not communicated clearly…
Most people when they hear something they disagree with… CONFRONT, IGNORE or in some way demonstrate they fundamentally REJECT.
This creates an immediate adverse reaction in the “adversary” or counterpart and typically creates tense discussion with no understanding, compromise or engaged agreement.
It can be subtle… and it happens on simple trivial matters and certainly on significant more meaningful topics… (think politics).
But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
EMPATHY is the answer. Empathy meaning simply taking the time to understand and acknowledge the other person’s position.
Taking a moment to respectfully acknowledge the other person’s opinion goes thousands of miles toward creating an environment where compromise, collaboration and agreement is possible…
The book describes the difference between empathy and sympathy - being that sympathy adds some level of “agreement” to simply the understanding and acknowledgement of empathy.
I think life happens in shades of grey… where does understanding “end” and “agreement” begin? I don’t see that as a single point, as most topics worth worrying about - have multiple dimensions that can be agreed to or disagreed to…
Think about abortion as a politically loaded topic… there are situations of violent rape, non-violent rape, sick fetuses, etc. If you think about Trump, there is the economic policy nationally, internationally, there is climate, there are social issues - and there are dimensions of his approach, his communication approach, his integrity, his non-political / non-government affairs… It’s all complicated…
Because we have an inherent desire and need to be seen, respected - if we fail to have empathy for one another - in ANY conversation, discussion or situation - we fail to create the environment for agreement, because instead of working hard to find the common ground or the go forward ground, we spend all of our energy working to be understood on the most basic or simple level…
Not sure if this makes sense to you, but the concept is powerful.
The truth that EMPATHY can exist without agreement. EMPATHY can exist with disagreement. But, mutual agreement and a collaborative decision to move forward cannot exist without EMPATHY…
Too often people refuse to empathize with people/decisions they disagree with - and it makes human interaction more negative, confrontational and disfunctional…
And, I would argue - the optimal condition is not just empathy, but finding components of positions to sympathize with… to show a willingness not just to understand and respect, but to find components to share, to agree within the dimensions of a conversation / negotiation…
Each small micro understanding and agreement is a brick laid on the structure of compromise and convergence…
I am not doing it justice…
Unless you read beyond my words and dig into experiences you know you’ve had…
There is power in subtlety - but even more in empathy…
in harmony,
Nestor