3 Things

I know these are the three, but like other things in my life putting the theory to practice is not just the hard thing... it’s the EVERY thing. 

Three things

for true, deep happiness...

for meaning... 

for the most powerful Harmony... 

1.  Be Grateful... deeply grateful, constantly grateful for your life... for every aspect, every detail...  It is so abundant, and we are so very, very fortunate. 

2.  Be humble and keep reducing the size of your ego.  Our ego pushes us constantly not in the wrong direction, but with a flawed purpose.  Our egos critique too much, expect too much, and are the voice on our shoulder that almost always question the right path... the best version of ourselves.  It is our ego that questions intent, questions worth, questions our goodness.

3. Live for others...  It is when I am working for the good of others that I am most inspired, most creative, most purposeful.  When I am working for the good of others, I feel no guilt.  I don't question myself.  

So much of what we hear, read, see tries to ignite our ego, fan the flames of our selfishness.  The flames of my selfishness burn strong and often.  And, I literally battle in my own mind between so many mentors, lessons and strategies in my own mind that are created to serve my ego, and those voices in my head seeking peace and purpose and happiness.

My ego literally asks me, when I am thinking of an altruistic life... of a life truly devoted to others... "Is it a cop out?"... "Do you want that because then failure to achieve your goals won't be as clear?  as obvious?"  REALLY?  Could that be the case? I wonder.  I don't think so... but my ego puts up a heck of an argument...  Do I seek a life of purpose for others, so that I can't fail myself?  And, yet... the greatest stress I feel, is when I feel the possibility of letting others down...  when I feel like I may fail others... that feels much more meaningful than failing myself.  Then the other side of my heart takes over... maybe my ego is there because it is EASIER to satisfy my own ego, than to satisfy my desire to make the world a better place.  It is easier to buy myself a nice car rather than build a foundation that gives on-going to the handicap in Peru... The battle goes on...   

There is so much written, so much wisdom so generously distributed in our world... so omni-present.  But it goes deeply against the other lessons we have been taught.

How FREE would I be, if I wasn't trying to serve myself?

How FREE would I be, if that battle in my mind was finally won?

How FREE would I be...

How much peace would I know...

if my only purpose, my true purpose, my stated purpose was to do RIGHT, do my BEST, by those I care about... by those I know... by those I dream of helping...

I see it... I see clarity just beyond my reach....  And, I still can't grab it...

I can touch it... And, I do.

I know what it feels like...

I don't just want to touch it....

I want to stop reaching for it...

I want it to embrace it.  I want it to define me.

I want to BE ABOUT IT!

I... I want to disappear into it.

The greatest version of me... doesn't have me in it.

It's a concept that short circuits my ego...

3 things...

I... I want to disappear into them...

In harmony,

Nestor

A path forward...

I have missed you all.  Life is good.

I always see a path forward to a brighter day...

I know enough to realize the hike will occasionally

be rigorous,

intimidating,

overwhelming

and even dangerous.

But, I always see the path forward to a brighter day...

and I always choose to take it... 

in Harmony, 

Nestor

Electric FLOW

Relationships require energy...

and provide energy...

Relationships require connection...

Relationships, when working right, are ELECTRIC...  they LIGHT us UP!  And while requiring effort, relationships have the possibility, the opportunity to feed us... constantly... to "give us LIFE". 

And, when not working right... they CONSUME our energy...

When relationships consume our energy, we start to distance ourselves... and look for connection elsewhere... If the struggling relationships are at work, we turn to our home... If the struggling relationships are with our spouse, we turn to our kids... or to friends...  As human beings, I believe we are always looking for connection, for energy, for FLOW...

We seek connection because we seek energy...

Not energy to ADD to our own... but energy to FLOW with our own... connection that ALLOWS us, EXPECTS us, CELEBRATES us to be ourselves...

Energy not to make us happier, but energy that shares, acknowledges, and connects to our happiness...

I keep thinking about the book I bought in junior high school at Radio Shack... The Principles of Electricity, or the countless loops we worked at Physics in High School or Electrical Engineering classes in college...

So clear, so simple, and so powerful... the very basic components of the energy that fuels our day to day lives... gives us warmth... brings us light... makes us productive... and also, soothes our soul ;-)

ELECTRICITY requires a "closed loop"...  which means it requires "connection"...

When connection flows... happiness and harmony flow...

When we are disconnected... when our energy is met with apathy or with dissipation or just our contacts are not aligned... when we are putting out different types of energy... our poles can reject and repel each other... like the attempt at putting together the same sides of a magnet...

I know I have written about this before... it's one of those fundamental laws of science that has an equally andimperical affect on emotional loops.

So often, our expectations for connection, for energy, for flow are subconscious.

If you are mindful and emotionally mature, you realize they are not.

Whether you are trying to achieve friendship or partnership, whether you are trying to create culture or connection...

IF you are a human being... your success and the success of whatever you are doing requires CONNECTION... just like ELECTRICITY... 

Know what relationships are fundamental in your life...

And be deliberate and conscious about connection...  and disconnection...

Be mindful when your energy is dissipated across too many connection points... or possibly connected to the wrong ones...

If you desire a happy life, a successful business, a loving home...

WANT for FLOW...

REACH for FLOW...

LIVE for FLOW...

We are nothing without it...

FLOW!

in harmony,

Nestor

I am...

I am not the smartest.  I virtually never got, nor get the highest grade. 

I am not the fastest.  On my triathlons I am occasionally in the top 50%, and that's about as good as I get.

I am not the most spiritual, nor the most disciplined... nor the most organized. 

I am not the tallest, not the shortest, not the richest, nor the poorest, nor the best looking, nor the worst... (though I've been told I have the best calves ;-)

I am not average, not normal, not mundane... 

I am unlike everyone else and just like everyone else at the same time! 

I am ME...  

I am UNIQUE... 

And while not the best at anything... 

I am uniquely me at everything... 

or, at least that is what I have the potential to be... 

To simply

extraordinarily

uniquely

be

ME! 

I am just like you... 

and

I am

JUST

ME! 

in harmony, 

Nestor

EVERY day

Losing weight is not about "eating smarter".

Relationships don't improve by "staying connected".

Businesses don't grow by "gaining alignment".

People don't become happier by "being more mindful".

Those are things we say...

Conclusions we draw...

after things succeed or fail... but it is not HOW they happen...

What is... "eating smarter", "staying connected", "gaining alignment", "being more mindful" or any of those intelligent sounding things that we say in conversation, anyway?

We lose weight, we improve relationships, we grow our businesses, we become happier by

CHANGING WHAT WE DO IN SOME SPECIFIC WAY TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

And, 

EVERY day is an opportunity to do just that...

I am "eating smarter" all the time... but it wasn't until I gave up sodas that I saw a material weight shift.

I am "eating smarter" every day... but it wasn't until I went fully on an "Ideal Protein" program that I dropped 40 pounds in 2 months.

And, now 5 years later... I forget... and I try to just "eat smarter" and notice with tons of effort no weight ever leaves my body.

Relationships are tough.  We are all "working on them" in some form... and do they improve?  How often do they stay the same?

It is not until we bring a really difficult topic to the discussion, or we start going on date night, or we make a commitment to talk on a regular basis... 

Something specific needs to change in our behavior to achieve a better relatioship.

Business is the same thing.  EVERYONE is "working on being better aligned", but it's not until you make the monthly meeting mandatory, you change the agenda, you change the players, you do the acquisition, you add the service, you add the metric... UNTIL YOU DO SOMETHING different that different results happen.

I share this because I am so often frustrated by my own progress in life...

I try to stay honest with myself... WHERE am I making progress... WHERE am I wasting effort?

If I am not ready to CHANGE something about the way I am doing things... then why the heck am I expecting a different result (my golf swing comes to mind - it's not just by swinging more that my swing gets better... I must be deliberately doing something specifically different... when a coach I took changed my GRIP, my drives changed completely).

We all expect change, as people, as organizations, as a country... 

WHAT ARE WE WILLING TO DO DIFFERENT?

And, BIG EXPECTATIONS demand BIG changes - which then become SCARY and hard to implement...  VERY HARD...

So, I remind myself... HARMONY happens in the moment.

Failure to change behavior becomes failure to change deliverables which leads to WISHING that we had... DISHARMONY...

Successful (specific) behavior shifts have the potential to lead to positive shifts and changes in deliverables / experiences helping us feel better about the "IS" of our lives, and then inspires our WANT... HARMONY.

EVERY day...

EVERY day is an on opportunity...

for some small SHIFT in how we think, in what we believe, in what we eat, in how we work, how we relate...

EVERY day... is an opportunity to improve upon who we are...

And, my greatest disharmony comes in days where I feel like I am simply "trying harder" with no affect... no result...

This is why I am so clear that my only fear is "wasting time"... as I too often do...

MISSING the opportunity in days to make some positive change in my behavior, in my thoughts, in my life... to move it in the direction of greater harmony...

EVERY day...

TODAY...

enjoy the gift,

SO - I am going to start a list... TODAY... that is going to be my behavior change today...  I am going to start a list of what deliberate change I make in my LIFE... DAILY... "my DAILY tweak".. I will call it... and I will be specific... and deliberate...

today

take advantage of the opportunity to commit to a new way IN SOME SMALL WAY of living your life more in the direction of the life you dream about...

EVERY day...

SEIZE the day...

And, if you happen to fail...

try it again tomorrow...

improve your life - in some SPECIFIC way...

EVERY day...

in harmony,

Nestor

Differences

If we hope to ever reconcile or resolve our differences, 

or simply take a step toward a more respectful disagreement, 

we must find a way to pause

and  

HEAR

our differences

UNDERSTAND  

our differences

EMPATHIZE

with each other... 

Its called embracing the IS... 

and it's the first step

to

harmony, 

Nestor

Do you write?

I am a big believer in writing...

Writing stuff down...

Writing down goals...

Writing down thoughts...

We were working through some strategic discussions that were causing some of our team pause, and we are set to "talk" about it tomorrow.

I decided to write down my thoughts, and I realized how valuable writing is for me.  In a world where we write in 140 characters at a time, we don't write letters anymore, we don't write often... we also think in trunkated thoughts, in incomplete thoughts....

Writing allows us space to think.  It forces us to put those thoughts into coherent words and sentences and build an argument in our own minds that leads us to a conclusion.  I know it's not rocket science, I am just suggesting it is becoming a lost art... or a fading discipline.

I miss writing when I don't.  

I wrote down my thoughts about this strategic initiative and I am better prepared to discuss it. I am still open to moving in a different direction, but am clearer on why doing things a certain way is so compelling to me in an instinctual way.

Jeff Bezos forces all of his executive team (and possibly everyone at Amazon) to write down in narrative form any idea they want to present, any recommendation they want to make to the company.  He forbids them to use Powerpoint, because he feels like Powerpoint allows you to be "lazy" with your thoughts.  There is something to that.  

We saw the play "Hamilton" the other day (which was awesome), and you realize how important writing was in the history of the world.  It was those who could write who ruled the world.  Writing captured history, redefined civilization, evolved religion and philosophy.  Writing was (and is) power.

Perhaps it is the lack, or the reduced discipline, of writing these days that makes thoughtful debate so rare.  Perhaps it is the lack of writing complete thoughts that makes it so easy to disagree.  Perhaps it is the lack of writing that makes us "lazy" with our positions, less likely to consider or understand those who disagree with us, and so much harder to build on what we think we know, or what we believe.

I still believe powerpoint is an impactful presentation tool, but it is so when the points shared are summaries of thoughtful points, not when they are incomplete thoughts floating on the screen.

Our abbreviated thoughts should be just that.  To be meaningful, we must understand the background and context of our short form.  And, it is much harder to fully flush out our thoughts in our minds, than it is on paper.  it is a lost art... but it is an art & a discipline nonetheless.

Writing is a discipline that promotes thinking...

It encourages clarity and completeness.

And, in today's world, I think embracing it, gives you a competitive edge...

not just to possibly convincing others of something,

but more importantly, of helping us be clear with ourselves,

as to what we believe, 

and why we believe it.

In order to improve upon anything, we must understand it first.  And, writing helps us understand our own minds...

What do you think?

What do you write?

in harmony,

Nestor

Madre...

My eyes tear up...

Not because I am sad, but because I am grateful.

Not because I miss you, but because I love you.

Not because I am guilty, but because I am far away...

Someday. I will not be able to call you anymore,

and while today I miss hearing your thoughts,

I will then miss hearing your voice, and your laughter.

Someday I will not be able to hold you anymore,

and while today I miss feeling your hugs, 

I will then miss holding your hand, and kissing your smile.

Someday you will no longer be here...

And,

I may regret the distance that drove the frequency of my visits...

I may regret the illness that took the volition from your heart...

And,

my eyes will tear up, not because I am sad, but because I am grateful...

that you were my mother

that you taught me love

that you gave me life...

in harmony,

Nestor

I am the author...I AM!

I so desperately want an 'authentic' and 'original' life...

Sometimes it makes me laugh at myself.

In high school, it felt so wrong to use someone else's quote.  I wrote my own, and it was too long (as you would expect)...  I am going to find this and publish it via this Harmony conversation soon... it's a little embarrassing, but it will be amusing.  It's all about the entertainment ;-)

I have always felt a need to author my own voice.

We are in the middle of developing an important presentation for some clients, and are in a position where I have to use a partner firm to develop it... and it's KILLING me...

To speak from someone else's words,

and visually present in a way that I find less clear than I would do on my own... 

is so HARD for me...

Every ounce of my being wants to throw it all away and start from scratch.

But there is an important lesson for me regarding life...

and humility...

YES - "I am the author, and life is my book, my only work of art..."

And, life sometimes requires you to be part of a team, and speak more from a collective voice...

It's not only my desire for originality...

In fact, that is not nearly what is at the core of it...

It's leaving  a better version of the words unsaid, or off the page...

It's like you see a better version of the painting by altering the strokes, 

but sometimes in life it's not your painting alone...

Amused by how much that messes with my head and how very passionately and deeply those emotions move me...

At the end of the day, I find comfort in knowing that I will use my words, and present my style... leveraging the hard work from our partners as a backdrop.

I have a hard time accepting something, when better is a stroke away.

And, it's arrogant for me to think I know better...

but, there are some moments... and this is one of them...

If someone is presenting MY idea... MY strategy... MY plan...

I want it to be the very best version that I can create...

"I am the author.

Life is my book.

My only work of art."

I'm still getting to know myself... 

and the depth of this emotion 

amuses me...

and DEFINES me.

in harmony,

Nestor

INVISIBLE

I walked by a young man yesterday.

The sign in front of him said,

“I MIGHT AS WELL BE INVISIBLE!”

It made me pause, in my mind, if not in my stride.

He was looking down, legs crossed… I never even saw his eyes.

I had passed a man sleeping splayed out on the side-walk.

“Who am I to judge?”, I thought to myself…

Because I DO… One of the “types” of people, that I still judge,

Is homeless people – people begging on the streets.

“That guy looks young… why doesn’t he get a job?”

“Why doesn’t that person choose a different path?”

“I wonder if that person is making a killing begging?”

“why don’t they choose different????”

“I’m better than that!”, I think to myself (embarrassed now to admit it)…

I think that is at the heart of it.  When we see homeless people or beggars, we can’t help but leverage that moment into a moment of patting ourselves on the back… acknowledging our good decisions, our hard work, our success…

But wait…

“Do I really think that those people are CHOOSING homelessness, poverty, to beg?”

I certainly think they are “choosing” to beg, the others are likely consequences of other choices.

But I have NO idea of what life this person has lived, what set of decisions have transpired by themselves and others to conclude them into this moment.

And, it doesn’t matter…

I think to the idea I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago, “Don’t JUDGE, LOVE!”

“Why do I judge?”, I think to myself?  “Clearly, to make myself feel better about myself”… yup.

This morning walking early to the train station, I see people sleeping sitting up on shelves, against shopping carts, on the ground…

First, my mind goes to empathy.  I remember myself just a night ago, exhausted, trying to find comfort sleeping sitting up in the airport and then on the plane.  Physically awkward and uncomfortable, for me it was one night.  It was my decision.  It was the choice to live a maximum of the two days that bookended the night…

Imagine sleeping in that discomfort every night – OUTSIDE!  And, having likely no reprieve.

“But, why don’t they go to a shelter?”…  I think….

“Doesn’t matter!”   I think to myself.  It does matter to them, but it should now weigh in to me… to my compassion as a fellow human being.

Could that be my brother?

Could that be my father,

Or my friend?

Or my mom or my sister?

Could that be me?

I’d like to believe with certainty that “HELL NO!”, which is why I so quickly shift to judgement…

But, it could be…

It could be any of those…

There by the grace of God, or by the random probability of which genes I got, or which life I got…

I believe in the concept, “Don’t judge, love!”

It is the right truth to embrace.

So, I feel empathy, not pride. 

I feel sadness, not selfishness.

And, perhaps I will still not stop to give them money, but at a minimum I will not pass on them my judgement.

This past weekend, in New Orleans, we talked at length with a guy in his 30s who moved down from Pittsburgh, and was now into “alcohol” and couldn’t get his life in control.  I think it was probably “meth”.  He had a job, painting buildings.  He was an addict, and a nice man.

Perhaps I will not stop to give them money, but I should more often slow down to hear their story.

To SEE them… so that they are not “invisible”…

Perhaps I will not stop to give them money,

but I will from here forward,

choose to LOVE them…

Because they ARE my brother or my sister…

And, I don’t wish that life upon anyone…

And, I don’t need to think otherwise in order to feel better about myself…

Because that is not the human being that I WANT to be,

That is not the human being that I CHOOSE to be…

I WANT to SEE the "INVISIBLE",

WANT to choose gratitude, not pride...

Who am I to judge?

Choosing LOVE

every moment I get…

In harmony,

Nestor

Dream BIG

If you love business and capitalism, you've got to hear the "How I Built This" podcasts from NPR.

30 minute interviews with entrepreneurs that have achieved amazing feats of "business harmony"... 

Things are always so obvious in arrears... and I realize almost nothing in life excites me and inspires me more than creating and expanding a valuable and relevant business idea.

Everyday, or many days, I start my day by listening to a new story about wild success.

It's like a shark tank meditation ;-) 

This morning getting off a red eye, I put on the story of the Warby Parker brand.  By the time I reached my connecting flight, my 1 hour sleep felt like more than enough time to change the world. 

Warby Parker, like WeWork, are both companies that were launched in the past decade (less time than I have spent at EMG).  Both companies starting from nothing and with essentially no capital are each worth Billions of dollars today.

The business world is so brutally competitive, and yet there are these amazing stories of wild success all around us.

I am proud of our $50 million dollar growth at EMG in the past 4 years... and it feels small... The opportunity at EMG is much larger than that... The problem that we are solving is much bigger than that... 

We so quickly get lost in the small problems of our life and our business that we fail to define and solve the big ones. 

I don't just want to achieve growth... I want to experience MOMENTUM.  And, to do so, I need to be solving a BIG problem in a compelling and unique way...  

TRUTH:  The bigger the problem you choose to work on... THE BIGGER the solution you conceive. 

so often, we can make small problems irrelevant by simply solving the BIGGER problem that engulfs it... 

FIND & COMMIT YOURSELF TO THE BIGGEST PROBLEM YOU CAN GET YOUR ARMS AROUND! 

It surprises me how listening to stories like Warby Parker fills me with energy. 

It reminds me that inspiration is simply the belief / feeling that better IS possible. 

Whether it's Kendra Scott, 5 Hour Energy, Toms Shoes, Power Rangers, Crate & Barrell, Lyft... or so many countless stories and interviews I've heard on "How I Built This"...

BETTER IS INDEED POSSIBLE

And finding a way to be reminded of that with frequency is so very important... 

Life is short... 

Use your minutes wisely... 

Live INSPIRED! 

Our ability to change the world is one idea and one heck of a lot of sweat beads away... 

If you love business... or life...

and want to love the possibility even more... listen to a few episodes. 

BETTER IS POSSIBLE

Stand back world, I'm dreaming BIG today...

And my flight and day is taking off, again...

in harmony, 

Nestor

MANiFESTo

If I ever wrote a manifesto… it would read something like this…

To everyone with a heart:

If I could die for one thing that would have made my life worthwhile, it would be for harmony…

If I could convey one thought to every human being … it would be that we are always simply “… a moment away from home.”

As I wrote my speech for the large CEO audience a few years back speaking of “Harmony”, I started it with the words…

“I have lived my whole life in someone else’s home…”

That is the best way I have of explaining to others how my mind and heart feel.  And, there is nothing wrong with living in anyone else’s home.  I am grateful to simply live – and have enjoyed  and benefited from the hospitality and love given to me by so many who allowed me to virtually, emotionally and physically “live in their home…”.

I believe it is our nature to desire “a home of our own”.

To me, this metaphor is very real, in part because I lived in a rented apartment growing up, and it captured emotionally and physically so many aspects that defined me.

Other people refer to this idea as “finding myself”, “creating myself”, “living a purposeful life”, “finding God”, “achieving mindfulness”, “nirvana”… or “retirement” (kidding) 😉

I believe all of these thoughts are born from the same desire, and likely the same ambition. And, to me, it’s about finding “… home”, as a state of being.

A few years back I was given 5 minutes to explain my philosophy of life to several hundred CEOs… and those who know me, know that I struggle to be concise.

“How do I convey to you a conversation that I have been having with myself for nearly 50 years… in a matter of 5 minutes?” was both my thought and my words.  “How do I share with you in such a short time, all that I have learned, researched, felt, concluded…”

“I am HOME… in this moment… sharing my thoughts with you… and the irony is that I now understand that

I have always lived just a moment away from home…” 

I find “home” in moments of harmony…

moments where I stay away from the “WISH” that my reality was different, and instead fully accept the truth, the “IS”, of my life in that moment and, anchored on that truth, ACT on my “WANT”…

“You can’t touch it, you can’t see it, you can’t hear it… but harmony exists… and, you FEEL it…

and,

in every moment, we have both the power & the opportunity to re-create it!”

It’s critical that you understand this and pursue it deliberately…

because Harmony begets harmony…

and disharmony begets disharmony…

I have been searching for “it”… my whole life…

and, I have been sharing it along the way as best as I have understood it...

Harmony is sometimes who I am AND always who I aspire to be…

And, sharing it with the world

IS what I love,

IS what I do,

IS my meaning & my passion…

And, I WANT to do it better,

more thoughtfully,

more deliberately,

more humbly,

more joyfully,

more completely…

Success, happiness, joy… already exist in all of us… in our hearts… in our lives.

Do you seek greater joy?  greater meaning?  greater success? greater connection?

Do you feel like you live “in someone else’s home” too often?  Be grateful… for all of it, for those who show us warmth and love and hospitality…

And know that we can all find our way “home”…

It starts with accepting that we exist

only in THIS moment…

In harmony,

Nestor

Believe

What do you choose to believe? 

It matters... 

Somedays, I find myself listening too much to the media... to the divided state in which we live... to the hate... to the chaos... 

And, I worry for the future and feel the disharmony of the real complexity of human beings and the world we live in...

Yet,

I look around all the time and see love, beauty and brotherhood... 

all around me... 

all the time. 

I am not saying hate and divisiveness is not real... They absolutely are... 

But they are a small fraction of the world... 

Evil is a small seed with a powerful voice... 

I took an Uber this morning - and like every Uber and Lift driver; working two jobs... sometimes immigrants (often), sometimes veterans, often African American... from all different backgrounds....

Uber, Lift, Taxi drivers are such a wonderful cross section of our world... and they present such a unique & intimate opportunity to exchange ideas and perspectives with different souls in our universe... 

and, I am always energized and full of hope for mankind when I have these random conversations...  regardless of whether we agree or disagree on the topics we discuss...   I find respect, ambition, drive, morality and rationality... and goodness!

NOTICE the world around you... 

BELIEVE in the love and rationality you witness in your life... 

I see is EVERYWHERE, and I BELIEVE! 

Human interactions, one on one, are almost always an expression of respect and love... 

Holding the door for your fellow human being... 

Ceding the way, the lane, the merge... 

Exchanging glances with the people you see on the street... They are most often kind and caring... 

When you smile... others smile... 

I see it everywhere... and I BELIEVE. 

I was walking along the Mississippi River in New Orleans this weekend... we talked to pan handlers... I saw people playing jazz in the street... I saw people waiting in line...  Strangers finding each other... I saw people dancing, sharing, smiling,  laughing, living with goodness in their hearts... 

And, I saw a man, sitting on a bench... spewing hate... insults and evil in the world... and he was alone... no one was talking to him. 

I started with the thought ... SEE there is evil... and this is the consequence of our current divided state... but then I stopped.  I thought to myself, look ALL AROUND you and take it all in... I walked away thinking EVIL is small... LOVE is big!  

In his heart of hearts, this man feels alone, and he is, and he is scared... He is spewing hate from his fear when what he ultimately seeks is love... 

Somehow... the vast majority of the world gets it... and at moments, we get confused, we forget...

I smiled at the the thought... this lonely man's voice is the voice amplified by the media on both sides.  It's not "fake" news... not at all... it's just news lacking context and balance... because the balance is not nearly as scary... When it comes to the media, LOVE is not as marketable as FEAR... 

but the media is feeding us what they know will get us to turn our heads...

they sell us with FEAR, but

the truth is LOVE... 

Human beings in large groups are easier to align behind fear, not love... it's an easier emotion to promote and default to... it's a powerful emotion... we default to it too often in groups, when our face and heart are not seen, and hidden behind an aggregated voice...

BUT, FACE TO FACE... we choose LOVE over and over again... because FACE TO FACE is HEART TO HEART... It's a more intimate and deeper truth of who we are... 

I get the difference... 

Be bold enough, rational enough... to see it... 

and

BELIEVE! 

The small voice of evil cannot and will not win over our minds, over our hearts, over the overwhelming majority of love...

I have deeply seated issues with the morality of the current politics... and yet, the people I know on BOTH sides of the aisle are kind, caring, generous people. 

I ask myself, can I embrace people with values that are so different than my own? 

And, the answer without hesitation is a resounding  YES... 

because our TRUTH is complicated, and as human beings it is hard for us not to be in some meaningful disagreement on ANY and EVERY issue... moral, political, religious, philosophical, or simply behavioral.. 

Life and TRUTHS are complex and simple at the same time... 

The current state of dividedness challenges all of us... meaningfully.  In ways, we have not been exposed to for generations... but it doesn't challenge us more than separation from England did hundreds of years ago, or than the concept of slavery did during the Civil War (or more recently), or Women's Rights... or during the difficult times of World War II...

And, GOODNESS and LOVE WIN... OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

BELIEVE!

Life will always find a new way to challenge human kind...

And, we need to keep SEEING each other... 

Seeing each other's truth... and the love in our hearts...

ACCEPT our right to a different perspective... 

And, never stop believing that GOOD and LOVE is more powerful than FEAR and EVIL... 

and we find GOODNESS, the moment we accept that no one fully owns the RIGHT answer. 

I say this while still feeling some disharmony and concern that at some point a desire for compromise and understanding leads to terrible tragedy and immorality... when a vocal minority overwhelms a moral majority...

Yet, I BELIEVE!!! 

I believe because I SEE the abundant love all around me in the people I know and the people I don't... 

I believe... because I accept that life and situations and truth in the moment are complex... and our "dividedness" is rational and unavoidable... 

And, ultimately I don't believe we are divided as a majority that at the core of our being, as a species, as individuals on the basics of MORALITY, HUMAN KINDNESS, and LOVE...

What do YOU choose to believe? 

...choose wisely... 

I BELIEVE because I realize ONLY through believing in the goodness of our fellow man, can GOOD win! 

I don't believe because I have to... 

I believe because I SEE kindness and vulnerability...

I see love and I see fear...  in EVERYONE I meet... 

Even in the man spewing hate... because he hasn't embraced the difference.

I see it in myself... 

I see it in every moment... 

in music... in art... in business...  in all of it...

in every being, 

in every handshake... 

in every glance... 

in every exchange! 

I SEE IT...

And, I BELIEVE!

in harmony, 

Nestor

Pack Animals

William Byon first published,

"Human beings are pack animals." 

He was the first, if not one of the first people to try group therapy and study human behaviors in groups. 

He also wrote that,

"Independent thought is a myth." 

The first time I heard this, I noted it, and disagreed.   

I believe so very much in "individualism", in "free will", in "objectivism".  Could I be wrong in that my thoughts are not mine....? 

We had a great speaker in last week to talk to our executive team, and he spoke about effective and accountable teams, team dynamics, human behavior... It was based on Byron's work and it was powerful. 

He argues that we are indeed "pack animals"... 

We seek our own kind... not only in gender, or in color, but in values...

We need to belong to groups - as they define us, they give us purpose. 

And, the groups that we have been a part of, last in us, long after we may be physically separated from them... 

Our families... 

our friends... 

the places we've worked... 

the teams we've belonged to... 

they stay with us... they guide us and influence our decisions... 

I generally buy that... 

And the challenge and opportunity then becomes how do I help create a new pack with a shared purpose... that helps guide us as one? 

Most of my life I say that I have felt as though I've lived in someone else's home. 

Ive struggled with a feeling of belonging to a "pack" forever. 

I've defined myself trying not to belong to a pack... 

I didn't feel like I belonged in the Peruvian pack... 

Nor the American one... 

I didn't quite fit into the "soccer team" in high school, nor into my "fraternity" in college.  I was an outlier when I joined "P&G" out of school.  Felt like an outsider at the dot coms and at 180s and EMG. 

I have always held out that I am neither Republican nor Democrat, but an independent. 

I don't root for any one NFL team (maybe the Ravens and Redskins a little). 

I don't generally root for college teams.

I have always struggled with religion and associating with a church.  I've never really belonged to a social club. 

What pack am I a part of?

What pack defines me? 

Do you know?

I have always longed to belong. 

I have always longed to belong with what I considered successful people... and I defined success loosely. 

I have wanted to belong to the group of "entrepreneurs", despite not feeling like one based on my adversion to risk.  I have wanted to create an entity and organization with intrinsic value. 

I have wanted to belong to the group with "wealth" because I was convinced that would solve so many problems.  Yet, I have seen no correlation between money and happiness. 

I have wanted to belong to packs all of my life... and I have always struggled to fit in... or perhaps more appropriately to "feel" like I fit in... 

And yet, I have longed to... 

Perhaps I am part of a. Eclectic pack that I defined for myself... 

the friends 

the family members

the colleagues

the individuals

that were looking to serve in a pack for harmony... 

As I grow older, I still struggle to belong to teams or "packs". 

I so desperately want to have a unique and authentic story... 

And something within me truly creates a visceral "push away" from assimilation... 

I don't want to adopt any platform, root for any team, believe in any one thing in the absolute... because I see that as limiting my TRUTH... 

And yet, I long to belong deeply and fully to something... 

Are we truly all pack animals? 

Or could some of us possibly be wired to roam free? 

Are we a pack... in harmony? 

Can you belong to a pack that you've never met? 

I actually believe that is possible... 

I do believe we all seek the assurance, the comfort, the confidence and belonging that being in a pack gives us... 

And I also believe that we have different appetites for authenticity and uniqueness...  and deliberateness...

I want a pack that pushes me, that celebrates me, that sees me, that is critical of me.... while always believing in me...   

I want a pack to be proud of, to aspire to, to be part of... 

I am likely a part of many packs that I fail to acknowledge... 

I am a pack animal... 

I buy into that... 

I have a deep desire to belong, 

and an even deeper desire for authenticity and a meaningful truth... 

And, that sets a high bar

too often an unreachable bar... 

Still searching...

for truth... 

my truth... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Nepo

"The pain was necessary to know the truth.  But we don't have to keep the pain alive, to keep the truth alive."

Mark Nepo

I saw this quote yesterday in an article about grief, and it struck me. 

I have come across various thoughts and quotes in the past week about TRUTH. 

For me... TRUTH is another word for the IS. 

I am forever searching for it. 

Trying to understand it... in myself. 

Perhaps too often overthinking it. 

My mind is full right now. 

My truth feels unnecessarily complicated.

I always feel guilty when I reach this point...  because my life seems so plentiful and occasionally empty at the same time.

I think we all go through these emotions... 

I just note them more deliberately. 

I am a fortunate man, and our greatest fortune comes from meaning... and from selflessness. 

I remain too selfish. 

"The pain was necessary to know the truth.  But we don't have to keep the pain alive, to keep the truth alive." 

Keep finding the truth in your life... 

Keep it alive... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Pleasure versus Happiness

Perhaps this topic has been addressed before, but it is so very fundamental and obvious, and yet, so very infrequently considered...

I saw an article this morning from the Dalai Lama - and it brought the topic to mind...

What is the difference between

pleasure

and

happiness?

Which do you seek?

So very often, our seeking pleasure gets in the way of us achieving happiness.

Pleasure is achieved in moments through external means; food, entertainment, touch... 

Pleasure is a high...  satisfying the craving of desire in the moment.

Happiness on the other hand is born within us... it took me a long time to truly understand that... and even longer to fully achieve it...

And, in the spirit of harmony... I realize now that even though happiness comes from within me... it happens in the moment... and is achieved moment by moment...

Happiness comes from within my IS...

Not from my WANT... 

And, never from my WISH...

Pleasure is a WANT...

And too often for us human beings these days a WISH...

Understanding the difference allows us to choose more wisely our decisions in life.

The greater our happiness from within....

The stronger our foundation for harmony...

The smarter our choices for pleasure...

Pleasure and happiness can coexist in a moment... and often do... 

Happiness in and of itself brings pleasure...

Happiness allows us to find pleasure in everything...

Pleasure doesn't create happiness,

but

happiness does create pleasure.

I understand the difference better everyday,

and I use my moments to try to embrace what I learn...

to strengthen my resolve and my clarity for harmony...

Such simple and powerful truths...

Such simple and powerful lessons...

Such a simple and powerful IS...

Seek happiness,

be selective

in pleasure...

in this

and 

every 

moment,

in harmony,

Nestor

My "Will" for harmony

This will be the last conversation about my father for awhile.

I hesitated to write it, because I question my motives, but it's part of my truth.

Papapa (my father) left a will.

Will's are such cold and detached documents.  I need to make sure I leave a letter with mine, to make the last thoughts my son's hear from me, not be some legal version of me distributing my assets.

Regardless... other than the generic statements about my mother and I being the benefactors of his assets, my father made one specific request...

that "my son, Nestor Miguel Benavides, return to his roots as a Catholic", or some version of those words...

I heard them once, reread them, and now I try to some extent to forget them.

The first time I heard them, it hurt.  In one moment, I was back to all of the moments in my life where my father made me feel like I was "not enough", like my decisions where always "wrong".  

My immediate reaction in that moment, and I FELT it, was my SHIELD go UP!  I, for a brief moment, distanced myself from loving him, from his memory, from all of it.

And, I breathed, and a moment later, I was back.

I smiled, "My father just couldn't help himself.  He just was who he was and believed what he believed.  And, he wrote that because in some strange way, he felt he was supposed to."

Years ago, this would have been the type of "symbol" that I would have used to hate him.  And, maybe not hate him, but to disassociate myself from him emotionally and in all ways that I could.

Years ago, this would have hurt me deeply.

No more.

Obviously, you may be thinking, is he just ignoring the anger?  

I don't think so, because I felt it for a moment.  I am just choosing to see it differently.

I know my father loved me.  I know he was proud of me.  And, I know that my decision to not follow Jesus more closely was against all that he had been taught.  I know that my choosing the Lutheran religion for my family, for my children and thus for myself hurt him.  It hurt him possibly more than his words may have ever hurt me.  It was me saying, in his mind, I don't value what you taught me, nor what you stood for.

I am not a religious person, and while I try to live by Christian Values (which I think are most moral values matching most religions) I am truly no more Lutheran than Catholic.  

So, I think of my father's last will and testament, and I find myself thinking, "Sorry father, no can do."  And, I am certain he knew that would be my answer.  And, yet he still felt compelled to write it and leave that as his dying wish.

As much as I would love to honor his last wish, I cannot do it without feeling it authentically.  I don't know that he ever truly understood that.

Now, it's not that I will not be a devout Christian, I very well may be.  But, I will never do it "because my father asked me to".  That is not in my fiber.

What stings more than his request for me to believe something that he knew I struggled to believe, was that he died still not really knowing who I am... not realizing that I am not someone who does something because I am asked.... I do things because I am compelled to do them, because I believe them to be right and necessary.

And, the irony, is that for that to "sting" me, requires me to not realize who he was... He was a man who did not understand the difference between those two things, so he did the best that he could with what he knew.

The irony of that truly makes me laugh.  My hurt comes from him not understanding me, but by choosing to believe that I fail to understand him.

My dad didn't put that in his will to hurt me.  He didn't put a "wish" in his will to leave his last words to me as a reminder of our disharmony.

He loved me, and he didn't know the difference.

I get that and can't fault him for who he was and what he didn't know.   I will keep missing him.

And, because I get that,

I won't leave that a will of wishes for my children...

My will, will embrace and celebrate their IS... will respect and fuel their WANT...

My WILL will be ;-)

Will always be...

in harmony,

Nestor 

Sometimes...

Sometimes life demands more from us...

I feel that these days, and achieving harmony becomes harder...

because embracing the "IS" becomes more overwhelming...

and, if not overwhelming, it is less joyful, because part of the "IS" ISN'T what you want it to be...

but, that is disharmony itself.

When I don't want the IS to be the IS... I am "WISHING" it wasn't...

and BAM... I'm in moments of disharmony.

That's the problem with WISHING situations were different... it stops harmony before it even has the possibility of happening.

I think of the people losing their entire lives... fighting for their lives and their homes in Houston... and my IS seems quite simple.

I think of the people struggling with poverty... struggling with the basics of life and my IS seems quite simple.

I think of the many people living without love and support... struggling with depression and loneliness and my IS seems so simple.

My IS seems not just simple, but bountiful.

I am finding my way back to harmony, but it's been a tough few days.

And, the truth is, the "IS" of my life is abundant in so many ways... in all ways...

Just sharing it with you this morning that becomes clearer... I start to feel guilty for not being more grateful through these moments and my life and my moment changes.

An exciting few days await.  

I am pushing for my WANT with my colleagues and my team.

I am breathing deep,

trying to help all of us see our IS

and trying to align us on a more cohesive WANT.

Life is indeed full...

full of opportunity,

to keep learning,

and to keep growing...

in every moment.

Sometimes life demands more from us...

but it always really demands the same thing...

EMBRACE THE IS

REACH FOR THE WANT

AVOID THE WISH...

Sometimes, in some moments, it's just harder to achieve...

and in those moments...

Default to gratitude.

in harmony,

Nestor

Our Deepest Fear...

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

We heard this poem from a basketball movie.  A coach says it to his players.  My son always remembers it.

I love it, and yet, I am not sure I understand it.

I feel it.  Not that I am "powerful beyond measure" but that I have so much that I want to offer, and I feel an urgency, and possibly a fear, of not delivering on my potential, on my promise.

I have always felt that if anything, I am afraid of failure, not success.   And, that still feels more accurate.

And, as I watch my life, I see myself also shy away from my strengths.  I want to constantly underplay the things that go well.  I want to understate the things that work.

I do that because I embrace that "success" and life itself happens in moments, and I don't want to take credit for a sustained success that hasn't happened... 

And yet, I see my life, and I am proud of it... if I allow myself to reflect and own it.

I am proud of all of it... not that I would do it all the same, because I know better now, but I accept that I did what I could, with what I had and who I was at the time.

I don't know if I buy into that my greatest fear is my light... 

And, yet, I don't know...

But, I like to think about, "what if it is?"  "What if I accept that as the truth for a moment, and chose not to be afraid of my own light, my own power?"  

"How would I show up differently in the world?"

Maybe fear is fear... and it doesn't matter where it comes from, when you operate with fear it slows you down, it makes you cautious in ways you should not be...

Maybe fear itself keeps us from being the ultimate version of ourselves.

... of that I am convinced...

So maybe whether it's fear of our own light, or of darkness, the resulting behavior is the same.

In any case...  I love the sentiment, and I deeply believe that we are ALL powerful beyond measure.  I believe in the truth that we all are blessed with AMAZING light.  

True to me, I love what this poem says to the WHOLE WORLD.  And, I believe it for the world.  I see GREATNESS in everyone, tucked under our insecurities, our fears, our shields.

I see the LIGHT in everyone, shining like the sun behind a closed door... and I try, all the time... or at least I think I do, to open the door... to let the light shine as bright as possible...

What is your deepest fear?

Is your door open?

Is your light blazing through?

stop resisting...

stop holding back...

unleash the GIANT within you...

in harmony,

Nestor

NON FICTION IS ART

First, THANK YOU for the warm and amazing responses to my request for feedback yesterday.  Thank you indeed...

Second, at dinner last night I was talking to a colleague and friend about "content" and reading...

And, we talked about books of FICTION.  And, I have read and enjoyed them from time to time.... but I feel less and less compelled or interested in picking one up.

"What do you read for ENTERTAINMENT?" he said...

I took it to mean, "What do you read for 'fun' or 'enJOYment'?"

NON FICTION...

I get that fictional tales allow our mind to wonder and expand.  I get that it's art.  I get that it creates an escape.

BUT,

I get ALL of that, AND more from NON FICTION.

Reading non-fiction helps me continue to build on the IS, in a more direct way, with more direct application than reading fictional tales.  You get value from both, I just get a lot more value from the one.

AND...

Reading non-fiction doesn't just entertain me... 

I consume content for three reasons:

- FOR INSPIRATION- To have more energy, more confidence, more certainty that BETTER is POSSIBLE... GREATNESS is possible and happens all of the time, through dedication, through perseverance, through purpose, through honesty.  And, stories that are REAL inspire me much more so than stories that are made up.

- FOR INTUITION - I am convinced that while I cannot recall every book that I have read, or every podcast that I have listened to,  entering data into our minds shapes our values and our intuition.  It helps form our subconscious thought.  The more data I "input' into my system, the more data that is processed by my being in my thoughts and idea creation.  I realize my mind can hold much more than it can remember, because occasionally we get a glimpse into it when we remember something.  But, those memories are in there - and they are affecting our minds in how they process information.  And, reading NON-FICTION, fills my mind with data that is real - so I am operating more of the IS.

- FOR A PLATFORM - Occasionally I come across a book that I want to linger on... Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Any of Goldratt's books, The Rockerfeller Habits, Winning with Accountability, Leadership:Thinking, Being, Doing, and lately, Traction.  These are books that are RICH with content, with applicable content.  They are books that I don't want to enter into my mind as a single data point.  They are books that offer multiple tools that are worthwhile.  They are books that can help us adopt behavior and thus transform behavior.  I don't tend to stay in these books for more than 6 months, and there would be more value if I did.  These books create a platform to drive consistency not just for me, but for a team I am on.  They help create consistency, clarity and ideally a momentum and direction change  in a way that would be hard to achieve without them.

My mind wonders as I read books that help me to better understand the difference in how we think, how our bodies interpret, how our physiology is impacted...

My heart fills when I read biographies of great men or women... I gain respect for perseverance.  I realize NOTHING is easy.  I realize great results require great investment and most often great sacrifice.

My mind expands when I read about how differently people think and act,...  and when I read books like 'The Power of Kabbalah" that helps me make sense of why the universe and mankind might exist.

I just don't need FICTIONAL tales for much... I appreciate the creativity to create them.  I respect those who enjoy them.

Ayn Rand wrote that art is man capturing his ideals, his values, perfection in some indirect medium (music, oil on canvas, a book, a song, a sculpture...).

To me... REAL LIFE captures our ideals, our values, 'perfection' to the level that it is achievable.... in a direct medium... 

"I am the author.  Life is my book.  My only work of art."  I wrote in a poem back in 1999.  And, it so clearly reflects who I am and what I believe.

We all have the freedom to express our "ART" in whatever way we want.  

The world would be a better place if we all simply realized we are ARTISTS.

I don't believe that if its not an oil on canvas, or a sculpture, or a piece of music, it's NOT art... 

LIFE is ultimately to such a GREAT DEGREE... an INTERPRETATION and a CREATION of our minds...

from NOTHING - we CREATE SOMETHING...

We choose a career... a spouse... or we choose not to... we bring in children into the world and educate them... we pick a profession... we help shape our company... our community... our gardens... 

The ultimate ART to me is LIFE... 

The TRUTH is my MUSE...  NON FICTION is my paint, my colors and in some way my MEDIUM...

Would you live differently, if your life was somehow "hung up" in a museum for people to see forever and ever after you died?  If your life was a sculpture that sat on the lawns of those you know for as long as they lived?

IT IS!

We all ARTISTS... 

We are the authors, or the artists, or the sculptors...

Life is our book, or our canvas, or our marble...

Our LIFE IS our MASTERPIECE!

Shape it...

COLOR IT...

Craft it...

because you will

and are

sharing it with the world...

And, it is

and can be even more...

INSPIRING and

BEAUTIFUL...

in harmony,

Nestor