It’s natural and human
to be overly focused on today.
Heck - everyone preaches that we should be present in the moment.
So, by being human - we are just following directions.
—
But, it didn’t always feel like it does today.
At least, I didn’t.
—-
Our parents, our aunts and uncles, our mentors, our friends…
they age.
For some reason, at a faster pace than we do ;-)
All kidding aside - I am thinking about my aunt,
but also about other important souls in my life.
—
I am emotionally, physically, financially and in almost every way
an independent adult.
I seek counsel, advise, perspective - often…
but, I am comfortable in my own skin (generally)
and able to navigate my life fairly well and maturely.
But, it didn’t always feel like this…
—
Years ago, I was scared. I was lost.
If not with trying to figure better who I was,
then it was trying to figure out my relationship with my parents.
Or, it was trying to find peace and harmony with my straddling two cultures.
Or, it was the overwhelming concept of life at an early age - and trying to make sense of it.
—
It was then - and that then wasn’t so long ago,
that my Tia Ileana was a mentor, a sounding board, an even keel, a source of light.
When my mom would come to visit, as early as 10 years ago,
and go into a depressed spiral.
it was Aunt Ileana, that helped me navigate the situation -
not telling me what to do -
but helping me not take it personally.
—
When I struggled with the relationship between my mom and dad,
When I needed someone to convince me that I was not crazy,
When I needed someone to ground me in me - and help me separate from the instability that my parents made me feel…
it was Aunt Ileana - that was always the one.
She could help me understand the IS of my parents.
She would help me see all that they were… and help me find empathy and patience for the balance.
—
When my sisters died… It was my Tia Ileana that came to visit us in the US from Peru.
Her presence ever-loving and rational and confident - helped me to know that we would be ok.
Just her presence made me feel at peace.
—
She loved to smoke in the bathroom like a little girl.
She laughed from the heart…
Her eyes were always full of wonder and graciousness…
She was so committed to seeing the very best of what was there
in every moment.
Her words were always real, honest, caring, thoughtful.
She is a short woman, probably 5 feet tall, and she would laugh at herself often…
But, when she needed to be - she seemed 8 feet tall and invincible
when defending her values or her family.
And, when she had to choose - she chose values.
—
She always wanted to sit right next to me, or my mom, or my kids….
She wanted to feel the warmth of your body next to hers.
She didn’t want to miss the connection - when the connection was possible.
—
I could hear in her voice always
the sincere excitement and gratitude - in seeing me.
I could hear in her voice always
the sincere awareness of the price of distance -
and, the complexity of the world.
But, I could see in her eyes always
the joy - her joy of simply living in the moment.
She loved the sun and the rain. The Summer and the Winter.
She loved the city and the mountains. The old and the new.
—
My Tia Ileana was LOVE and REASON…
She was my net - that never let me hit the ground…
She is a beautiful flower - that will forever be in bloom…
She is one of the most special gifts in my life…
And, I will miss her more than I ever realized.
—-
It didn’t always feel like this…
There was a time - when she helped me stand up straight,
she helped me never give up,
she helped me see and love my parents,
she helped me see and love myself…
And, she was never trying…
She was simply LOVE…
—
She was always LOVE…
—
She was and is a most beautiful HARMONY…
—
And, I am so very fortunate to have had her in my life.
Nestor