My mind is changing…
evolving…
as I get older.
And, I like it!
I realize more and more - that it’s all about time.
Time is finite and precious.
And, we waste, I waste, so very much of it.
I don’t have time to do all that I want to do -
if I want to do everything.
And, that is where my mind is changing.
I no longer want to do everything.
I realize I cannot read every book,
go everywhere,
meet with everyone.
Or, at least -
I realize the desire, expectation, need for those things -
come from this strange sense
that in those things I will find the answer,
or some sense of accompiishment or satisfaction.
More and more, as I get older,
I want to do less not more.
But, I want what I do to mean more,
to be more joyful,
and to be more present while I do it.
While it may sound cliche,
life in many ways for me used to be about quantity,
and now I seek not just quality - but meaningfulness, presence, joy.
I want to spend time doing things that feel worth doing,
with people I love.
My body,
My mind,
it seeks a slower pace, it seeks rest.
I don’t like the way that sounds,
but it’s true.
I want to live slower in large part because I’m tired of trying to live faster.
I want to live slower because I can’t recall too many moments that I have sprinted through…
I want to live slower because I feel in my heart that I will actually learn more, feel more, understand more.
I still want to do big things.
in fact, I want to do bigger things than I’ve ever done -
I want to make a much bigger impact than I’ve made.
But, I want to do it in less of a hurry, with more deliberateness…
I don’t want to be busy -
I want to be thoughtfully engaged.
I don’t want to make excuses,
I want to choose wisely.
I don’t want to wait for things that call to me,
I want to do them first.
We don’t know exactly how much time we have -
And, it’s not the fact that time is limited that most inspires me.
It’s how different time feels - when I am doing as I choose, as I know, as I want.
It’s how less good life feels when I am showing up in moments because I need to, not because I want to or choose to.
Something is changing in me as I get older,
and, I like it.
Things that used to be important to me, are less so.
I don’t want to rush to “check boxes”…
I want to stay where I am - and get to know it better.
I want to be where I am and enjoy it more thoroughly.
It’s almost like what I have been seeking in more -
I am realizing may be in less.
What I have been looking for everywhere else -
I am realizing has been possibly inside me all along.
Listen -
I realize, what I have chosen to do, good or bad, has gotten me here.
I am the product of all of my decisions, my pace, my impatience and my perseverance.
I own that - and it has served me well - and it hasn’t.
Here I am.
And, from here, I want to choose more wisely
my thoughts
my actions
my time…
I want to sit in silence.
I want to share and experience life with people whose existence
make my soul smile
and my mind and heart open….
I want to watch the water flow and the sun rise and set…
I want to listen to my body
and my heart…
I want to close my eyes and not be in a hurry to open them.
I want to inhale and not be in a rush to exhale.
I am aware of time -
of time I am wasting
so much time -
less by what I am choosing to do,
and more by how I am choosing to do it.
I want to think of life - not in terms of hours, days and weeks…
but in terms of breaths, and hugs and dreams…
I don’t want “urgent” as my default setting.
I want to make acceptance the priority -
not so much of life,
but of the moment.
I am going to move slower and more deliberately,
choose more wisely,
experience time differently…
Don’t worry about the slight of hand,
find the magic in a slower pace.
It’s so not a race,
it’s a ride…
find joy in every breath…
slow dance to your heart’s beat…
hold hands and don’t let go.
Close your eyes.
Inhale…
keep evolving…
slowly.
in harmony,
Nestor