“If I let the sadness of the world into my heart… it is beyond bearable.
If I let the joy of the world into my heart… it is beyond beautiful.
Somedays accepting the "is” of the world and mankind are harder than others…
It all coexists…”
I wrote yesterday on Facebook. I don’t know if I’m “woke”… I am not sure what it means.
But I am pretty sure it’s a better direction than being asleep or unaware.
As I grow older and better understand the size of my ego and the huge filter it’s played in my life, and still does, I am embarrassed. I am reset. I am re-searching for the meaning of things, the purpose of things, the flavor of things.
“The older I get,
the less I know,
the more I understand…”
I wrote on Facebook last week. I know so much less than I ever thought I’d know, but I understand so much more. Getting older has its benefits.
I just finished reading “Just Mercy” by Bryan Stevenson and I beg you to read it. I don’t want to convince you of anything. I just want you to see what I see.
We are all right, but it’s our desire to believe that those that disagree with us are wrong that makes the world such a sad place.
The world is more complicated than we want to admit. Both our egos and our nature wants to simplify things to make them easier to understand, easier to remember.
Black Lives Matter and so do White Ones and Brown Ones. (And, blue ones for that matter!)
People who do really bad things should go to jail, or to mental hospitals, if appropriate.
Every system is imperfect, especially if its made up of people, because people are inherently imperfect.
The prison system in the US is broken, and capitalism is fueling a broken system for profit (watch Thirteen on Netflix).
Being a policeman is a dangerous job - it likely has seldom, if ever, been more dangerous or less gratifying. The current wave against law enforcement is a dangerous one that will not serve us in the short term or long term. And, police systems need reform.
Racism is real.
I am so very sorry for the people in Afghanistan, especially the women and girls… to have tasted freedom and then have it taken away is worse than never having tasted it at all.
And, the US can’t stand up freedom on a global scale. And, we spent an amazing amount of money in Afghanistan that could have done so much lasting good in the US… but the government would have never appropriated it for those purposes (like education). And, if it had been spent on existing education methods it would have fallen short of what it should be - as the education methods are uninspired and grossly ineffective in a changing world.
I am so sorry for Afghanistan, and it was right to leave. And, we could have left in such a better, more organized way.
I am sorry for the people of Haiti, and New Orleans.
We are imperfect.
And, yet I go about my life and drink espressos and overeat eat gelato.
I try to be informed, but what do I really do with the little that I know?
If we truly allow ourselves to feel the responsibility of humanity it is overwhelming… it’s not ours alone to solve. And, yet, there are some who do make it their cause. There are many ways of doing good - and requiring ourselves to suffer in order to understand suffering is
We all need to listen to our own voices… the ones that no one else can hear.
It’s hard to celebrate individual success while observing our collective state. I love American culture and espouse it in so many ways - and in many ways it feels foreign to my soul. But, it’s not “American Culture”, it’s more the purpose I have been giving myself, the objective for life that I have been pursuing…
I am imperfect.
And, I am blessed everyday -
So very blessed and fortunate.
I am confused, and energized, and RE searching for clearer meaning and purpose.
I’m trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up…
These conversations help -
We are not alone in the search -
Perhaps we’ve never been closer together.
I want to do good and do well…
Life is more complicated than I care to admit, and so very simple at the same time.
There is seldom a need for “right” and “wrong”… all constructs made by the ego, or mankind to simplify the score.
But, there is some form of justice and injustice. There is love and fear. There is courage and cowardice.
There is engagement and disengagement.
Engagement is productive - though not always for love, too often for fear.
Selfishness, the ego, makes it complicated. Love, the “heart”, makes it simple.
The yin and yang… the self and the universe… the inner and the outer… the disconnected and the connected…
And, there is joy spread everywhere with love… fighting valiantly against the millions of egos confounding it all.
How much is too much…? How much is not enough?
There can never be too much love… and, a little ego goes a long way ;-)
It’s about finding balance.
Your balance.
My balance.
I am out of balance…
and still searching.
in harmony,
Nestor