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FREQUENCY matters

Frequency matters...

How often do you work out?

How often do you have a strategic planning session?

How often do you mediate?

How often do you reset your priorities?  How often do you DEFINE your priorities?

How often do you take a day for yourself to think?

How often do you meet with your direct reports?

How often do you read a book?

How often do you hold hands?

How often do you hug your children?

How often do you have a meaningful conversation?

How OFTEN...

We all have the things we SAY we do... and we are seldom lying...

but FREQUENCY separates what we tell people our story is from who we actually are...

I say I meditate... but I really don't... not any more... last time I did it was maybe 4 or 5 months ago.  It is not part of my behavior set, it is not part of WHO I AM today.  I want to do it.  I hope to do it.  I will build it into my routine... but I do not live the benefits of doing it becuase I don't do it frequently enough.

On the surface, we talk about a lot of things that we say we "DO"... but the TRUTH is that ONLY some of those things are things that truly DEFINE who we actually ARE...

FREQUENCY MATTERS because it defines who we SAY we are from who we ACTUALLY are...

WE ARE TODAY... WHAT WE DO REGULARLY...

That doesn't mean its who we will always be... but WHO we ARE WON"T CHANGE until we CHANGE THE FREQUENCY of our choices...

IF we want to be healthy - we need to work out and eat healthy frequently.

IF we want to be "Strategic" - we need to read and think and learn about strategy frequently.

IF we want to evolve, we have to do with frequency the things required to learn and grow.

Life has various CRANKS... and FREQUENCY is turning the crank... it's feeding ourselves... it builds mindfulness... it creates depth, muscle memory, intuition... it creates momentum.

AND, frequency of things that are unhealthy, or unproductive do the exact opposite... they create momentum in the wrong directions... 

I don't believe in absolutes... I believe very few things are truly BAD for you (unless done frequently), and I don't believe doing "productive" things really matter (unless done frequently)...  

I believe in FREQUENCY...  because I know FREQUENCY matters...

Because harmony is created in moments... and FREQUENCY speaks to the quantity of moments that you ENGAGE & ACT on the WANT...

And, harmony begets harmony... and disharmony begets disharmony...

FREQUENCY begets momentum... 

So choose wisely what you do often, because time is a zero-sum game...

And, ACCEPT the TRUTH that what we do most often defines who we are in this moment.  And, to change our trajectory, or our direction, the only way to achieve that is to change not only 

WHAT WE DO & WHAT WE THINK ABOUT

but 

MOST IMPORTANTLY...

HOW OFTEN WE ENGAGE IN "THE DOING" of it...

eating one healthy meal won't make you healthy

reading one strategy book won't make you strategic

drinking one vodka on the rocks won't make you an alcoholic

FREQUENCY MATTERS?

What do you do OFTEN?

What SHOULD you do MORE OFTEN?

To become who you dream of becoming?  

in harmony,

Nestor

 

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Further down the path...

A couple of days ago, I wrote about the "Path of Least Resistance"... and nature's desire to follow it.

I thought about it more - and can't get it out of my mind...

Harmony requires us to battle our own human NATURE...

The path of least resistance keep us from...

- having hard, difficult conversations that are so fundamentally necessary to grow, to understand, to overcome.

- working our bodies - getting up off the couch - being active.

- facing our own fears honestly, speaking to them and ultimately resolving them... because nature stays away from fear...

- keeps us away from challenging / uncomfortable situations that stretch us...

- speaking in public...

- eating healthy - there are so many easier paths and options at our disposal of less healthy choices...

- taking responsibility... laying BLAME is so much easier...

Human NATURE just like nature itself is thoughtless... it's instinctual... it's primal... and while it "keeps us alive" it certainly doesn't make us "THRIVE"...

"THRIVING" requires deliberate thought... it requires effort... it requires mindfulness.., it requires WILL... it requires COURAGE... 

Constantly stepping up to a better version of yourself requires putting yourself in a constant state of discomfort in order to grow...

It is by learning and stepping away from our primal nature that we have evolved as mankind...

And, possibly, as we have achieved a time where we have such great comfort and safety and peace... we are confused to believe that possibly "mindfulness" means returning back to our nature...

It's turning back to our DELIBERATE nature, not our HUMAN nature...

Harmony doesn't seek the path of least resistance... it is constantly seeking the optimal path FORWARD... it is constantly looking for the most AGREEABLE path forward... the most CONGRUENT path forward...

Harmony BECOMES the path of least resistance, within the options that propel you forward in the moment - so HARMONY does become the path of least resistance... but the DELIBERATE path of least resistance... the PURPOSEFUL path of least resistance... the MEANINGFUL path FORWARD of least resistance...

But, DISHARMONY will ALWAYS be the path of "LEAST" resistance...  WISHING requires NO effort - and immediately (though only temporarily) relieves us of any guilt or accountability... because it's someone else's fault... it's the universe's fault... IF ONLY things were different...

DISHARMONY requires no DELIBERATENESS... No resistance...

More science... WORK equals FORCE times DISTANCE... A FORCE without ANY DISTANCE... IS NOT "WORK"...  An INTENT, A PASSION with NO "Distance" (read progress, read action) is NO WORK...  

Harmony isn't a THOUGHT... it isn't A PASSION... it isn't an INTENT... HARMONY is WORK... It's a DISCIPLINE applied through "DISTANCE".. through SITUATIONS, through TIME, through ACTION...  APPLICATION requires effort... Harmony IS WORK...  WORK requires ACTION... 

Disharmony requires no work... because IT CANNOT BE WORKED ON... Disharmony is a wish... WISHES CANNOT be ACTED on... by nature of what they are...  PHYSICS makes sense and can be reapplied to human dynamics...

THINK about mankind... and our evolution... how much of what has mattered... how much of what has been achieved that was worthwhile came without EFFORT and RESISTANCE... the arguable part is WHAT was the VISION and the VALUES that were applied to the RESISTANCE... to the DELIBERATENESS of man... but the fact that it was RESISTANCE that shaped our current reality and our evolution is unarguable... mankind following path of least resistance would still be primal in a very different way...

It's an important point... purposeful, deliberate, mindful, meaningful RESISTANCE is growth... it's work...

And, we get not only to provide the RESISTANCE... but most importantly we provide the DIRECTION & the OBJECTIVE to our resistance... THEY PURPOSE of our WANT...

Embrace the resistance...

Be mindful of your nature...

and excited about the possibilities...

of LIFE!

in harmony,

Nestor

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Path of least resistance...

I didn’t pay a lot of attention in high school chemistry,

Maybe a little more in physics…

But, I don’t remember much.

I do remember,

“Nature follows the path of least resistance”…

That stuck with me.  It felt like an absolute truth, before I realized that I was seeking absolute truths.

So often in engineering I was reminded of that truth…

When people cut across paved paths creating a shorter route to their destination,

“Nature follows the path of least resistance.”

When a river overflows and floods the homes …

When electric circuits short circuit…

So often I watch nature follow the path of least resistance, and again, I think about human beings…

What is our path of least resistance?

WISHING is our path of least resistance!  Disharmony is our path of least resistance…

Because it requires no accountability.

It simply allows us to “WISH” for a different reality without any required effort.

When we WISH we had studied more.

When we WISH our loved one showed up differently.

When we WISH our employees did things the way we want them to…

It requires no effort – least resistance – just pulls in our desire – and ties it into the past or the future without any accountability or effort.

HARMONY requires effort… it requires the courage to embrace the IS, the gratitude to appreciate the IS, the honesty to accept the IS…

And, then it requires accountability to take responsibility for the IS, and the initiative to take action for the WANT.

It is easier to expect others to change.

It is harder to change ourselves – and to possibly inspire others to grow as a result.

It is harder to consider other people’s points of view.

It is harder to motivate yourself to action over and over again…

But it is also a scientific fact that resistance is how we grow… it’s how we build muscle… it’s how we remember… it’s how we learn and evolve…

It’s easier to turn to drugs and alcohol to find your high…

It’s harder to find the high in our daily life – and WORK to create it…

Nature does follow the path of least resistance and that is why as we become more civilized and the world becomes an “easier” place to navigate – we find a greater kind of human disharmony – or at least a lack of progress where there should be great progress made…

Now that so much is easier… now that so much technology gives us so much wisdom, knowledge, access... health…

It SHOULD be easier to find harmony – and yet we find so often a world full of disharmony…

What do you think?

Is harmony or disharmony the path of least resistance?

Does your answer change in the short term and the long term?

Think about it…

But resistance builds structure – resistance builds deliberate structures… that make the world a better place…

It is not nature – but man that has channeled the forces of energy to construct a greater existence…

It is resistance that has allowed us to evolve as human beings…

It is resistance that is required for LIGHT…

It is resistance and DELIBERATENESS that is required for harmony…

The BEST path forward is very rarely the easiest one...

Be careful of the paths of least resistance…

They provide short term relief and satisfaction at the high cost of self growth, development, fulfillment…

Joy

AND HARMONY,

Nestor

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CLOSED LOOPS

I love how the concepts of science apply to all living things…

Lately, I have been thinking about energy and two thoughts fill my mind and make me smile…

1.       You need “closed” loops for energy to flow…

And

2.        The path of least resistance can be a dangerous thing…

You can have the greatest generator of energy and yet without a closed loop it is simply potential energy…  It is a tremendous amount of power – waiting to flow – but incapable of accomplishing anything on its own.

Ashuman beings we are part of an open loop and to ourselves we are a closed loop.

There is energy we can create within ourselves and then there is energy we can create with the world.  It’s simple and it’s complicated.

I see the picture of a person with arms wide open, waiting for an embrace… “open loop” that only becomes “closed” when it meets the embrace of another.  Part of the reason I love hugs… it closes our loop, it let’s energy flow.

(Look at closed loop systems in wikipedia or on google - SO MUCH is written about them and NO ONE writes about them as they apply to people.)

The visual closing of the loop… people gathered around a table in prayer holding hands… kids in a circle holding hands… people with their arms around each other in a huddle… all powerful visual pictures of people not just connected – but with energy flowing.

The thing is there are PHYSICAL loops that are easy to see and understand, and then there are emotional, psychological, energy loops that are not visible to the naked eye… Think about “wireless” connections, about cell phones…

As human beings, we can’t see those connections and often we are ignorant tothem or careless to them as a result.

People put energy out into the world, and if it’s not received and somehow returned, it is wasted.

Maybe that is where the concept of Karma comes from… all energy is returned in one way or another.

Are you aware of people’s energy?  Aware of people’s attempts to connect and to provide for others?  Possibly to simply provide for themselves?... the energy they want or need…?

Truth is, we don’t need a ton of energy to survive… but we need energy for joy, for inspiration, for optimizing who we are, for becoming better versions of ourselves…

People are often putting out energy in all kinds of unexpected forms… creatively through music, poetry, art… or philosophically, or professionally, or paternally or maternally, or simply out of curiosity, or altruistically…

All that we do is energy – sometimes very deliberate sometimes subconsciously…

In a conversation, in a professional meeting, in a discussion with our children… there is energy being displaced… and sometimes it is wasted and sometimes it is connected.

That is why it rarely works when one person talks too much… there is no opportunity to close the loop.  That is why discussions are much more powerful and interesting when there is exchange, questions and answers, examples of application in the real world…  Those are closed loop, energetic meetings and exchanges…

In a meeting or a conversation – how OPEN are you to CLOSE someone else’s loop?  To consider what they are saying truly and sincerely and giving them something back that builds on what they are suggesting?  Or how often are you (am I) so ready to put out our own energy that we give people a chance to speak, because we know we are supposed to, and then we are ready to pounce with our own energy, hoping someone closes our loop?

Closing someone else’s loop can sometimes be done by receiving and putting out your own energy in a way that connects with them… that is ideal… there are two power sources in that loop.  But, most often, two power sources remain open loops because they are so focused on their own energy creation that they fail to connect…

What if in life we were conscious in all moments of closing loops – of helping energy flow – of acknowledging efforts – of noticing people for the energy they are displacing deliberately or subconsciously…

To me the concept of Harmony is about closing loops in every moment… in fact, THE IS of the moment IS the ENERGY – because it is what is real – it is truth – and WISHING is forever an open loop… throwing energy into the desires based on realities that are not possible in the moment.

Disharmony comes from the inability to close the loop… it is the subconscious  or conscious realization of lost energy, lost moments, lost time… maybe ultimately fueled by the fear of lost lives…

Harmony comes from the connection with reality… it is the conscious or subconscious realization of connected energy, productive energy, constructive energy… focused energy…

We know the things we know about science.  We read them and believe them because they are written in big books (or at least used to be) with diagrams and pictures and someone makes them into a major in college…

But, WHO says that the concepts and principles of energy don’t apply way beyond Electrical engineering courses and college?  Who says when we talk about people’s energy the principles are any less absolute or definable?

Could this be a field for future exploration?  Could this be part of the “touchy feely” stuff that gets labeled Liberal Arts that us engineers discount as “real” majors?

Could the application – the intersection – of science and art – be where the greatest energy comes from?  Where the greatest understanding of human beings comes from?  Where the greatest success and harmony ultimately comes from?

Onto ourselves, the amazing and confusing thing is that we can “self” close our loop… but it requires a higher level of enlightenment… because instead of closing the loop with other human beings – we close the loop with the energy that flows around us… within us…

We can close the loop ourselves by feeling deep gratitude… by having complete faith in God… or in simpler terms by shifting our need for energy to some professional football team…

Ithelps me understand WHY some people can become SO completely engaged with things that mean nothing to me… they are seeking energy…seeking closed loops… and they attach themselves to things around them that give them energy… at times, I believe, losing discretion as to where the energy comes from…

But, how cool is it, that we can create energy within ourselves… by connecting to nature, by connecting to spirituality, by feeling grateful… by being more aware of our blessings … our great fortune… our IS.

We can create a closed loop with our own IS…

I see this so clearly… and my own lack of enlightenment makes me struggle to enjoy a round of golf or a ski session down a mountain on my own… because when you see a beautiful sight, when you experience something amazing – there is no one there to “close” my loop… to high five… to look back at me and smile…

But I am learning and growing and developing – and my need for closing loops is evolving… at least with people…

My ability to close my loop with spirituality , with gratitude, with my own IS… is happening more and more…

As I become more aware of it - I AM SORRY - SORRY to so many people in so many countless moments where I have "left them hanging"... my parents (my father - oh how open my father has always been), my wife, my sisters, my friends, my colleagues... I have left so many people hanging in so many moments... but "WISHING" that I could have those moments back will get me no where.  I have lived and continue to live conscious of the concept of harmony - and indirectly of the concept of closing loops... and I will simply work to be better... and do better.... and close better.

I actually think it's one of the things that works about me for people... I consciously work to close loops - and people feel it and gravitate to it (even if they wouldn't describe it in these words).

Yet the words we use are so often the same... "connection", "contact", "energy"... why not "closed loop"... the words we use over and over again - why do we think the underlying science and intelligence doesn't apply?  Just because we havent figured out how to measure it in a lab?

What if Harmony was simply the moments we spend in closed loops, and Disharmony was the moments we spend in open loops…

What if someone wrote a new textbook… applying the principles of science to everything…

Most people would laugh at the discongruity… it fails to match a pattern we expect… a truth we know…

But what if the greatest application of the principles of science

Was to understand each other and ourselves?

I will have to write about the “path of least resistance” tomorrow…

What if the whole world connected?  TRULY connected and fed energy back onto itself... ONE person, ONE conversation, ONE moment at a time?

What peace and joy could we achieve?

What if we simply took on that challenge for ourselves?

Or just for this day or this moment?

Could it be the start of a whole new way of living... a whole new consciousness... a whole new ENERGY?

There is too much energy flowing…

I’m heading out to close my loop ;-)

In harmony,

Nestor

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TRY HARDER

“Try harder”… we think.

“Why don’t you just…”

“eat less”,

“exercise more”,

“listen better”,

“worry less”,

“care more”,

“talk less”,

“speak up”,

“think bigger”,

“follow up on the detail”

… and the list goes on and on…

With our kids, with our colleagues, with our friends, with our politicians…

And occasionally with ourselves…

Why can’t we just “TRY HARDER” and do that, whatever “that” is that we need to do to get to the next level of whatever it is we are doing…

What if…

What if… the truth is, we are doing the very best we can in every moment?

Now, I am not one that believes our past defines our future, necessarily.  Or better said, I am not one that believes that our past MUST define our future.  I believe with all that I am that our past is just our past.  And, I believe that WITHOUT DELIBERATENESS by ourselves regarding our actions, our behaviors, our values… we will very likely continue to experience what we have always experienced…

But, I think as human beings we tend to fall into two camps on these frustrating points where someone (possibly ourselves) is telling us… TRY HARDER…

Either

1.       We just don’t feel like it.  We don’t agree.  We don’t buy into it.  We simply AREN’T willing to try anything different because we are just not in agreement or committed to the change.

OR

2.       We are trying… we are trying as best as we can… and you continually telling me to try harder ISN’T HELPING.

Think of the wasted effort we spend as human beings, the anxiety that is spent, the countless hours of worry and frustration of “IF he/she would just…”, “Why doesn’the/she just…”…

I think it may be more than 50% of our interactive lives that we spend frustrated about other people not changing, behaving, being the way we want them or need them to be… With some people I know, it might be 90%...

So, before we go further, think for yourself… how much of your life do you spend WISHING people were acting, behaving, being different?  Think about those closest to you… and those you work with… and those you know… and those you read about?

For me, I’d call it 20% of my time, which is about 19% too high.  How much of your time do you spend wishing?  More importantly, how much of your PEACE is consumed by these thoughts?  These frustrations?  These anxiety? And, possibly… their underlying fears?  (That is topic for a separate truth).

SO, if people are possibly only in two camps… 1.  Don’t want to, or 2.  Trying their best…

The FIRST thing you need to figure out, is which one they are in.  Because until you get them to number 2, your energy should not be in transformation toward, but rather in acceptance of your desired behavior.

I think in most cases that I seem to be familiar with and exposed to, people ARE trying… and if they are not succeeding, they are not trying the right approach or in the right way… or they WANT the change and are TRYING hard, but their “trying energy” isn’t enough to overcome their “incumbent behavior energy”…

And, FORCE is unlikely to change that.  Though FORCE occasionally can shake a person out of their behavior… if enough FORCE… maybe it’s taking the phone away, maybe it’s the threat of termination or demotion, maybe its something else.  Force does occasionally work, but it can and does leave scars.  But, it’s an option, and an option that perhaps I don’t use often enough.  I just hate force, because I know how I react to FORCE against me… and I need to realize that the whole world is not like me and may not react in the same way.

But, what about LOVE… LOVE being the opposite of FORCE… Love being empathy, care, concern, respect, appreciation… 

I haven’t conducted enough research (or possibly any) to confirm my theory.  And, yet, I am convinced LOVE is the most powerful FORCE to change behavior.


WHAT IF instead of pushing, shoving, suggesting harder and harder with less and less patience for people to change their behavior, values, etc…

WHAT IF instead of FORCE instead of anxiousness, instead of frustration…

WE SHIFTED… FULLY into LOVE…

What if we made the same “demands” of each other, but without a hint of disappointment and wishing… which I am concerned often confirms for people in some way that we know “they cant or wont change”…

What if, we demanded the change we desire in them, or believe to be best for them… with empathy… with certainty that they can and will achieve it… with appreciation for the effort and energy that they are displacing…

With acknowledgement that change of behaviors, habits, values isn’t easy… it’s possibly the hardest thing we do… and sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes forever…

There are changes that have taken me 30 or 40 years to embrace, adopt, improve…

In golf, “Letting the club lead” is a concept that has taken me decades to understand, and I still can’t do it exactly right…

In eating, “staying away from sugar” is a concept that I do better at than ever before, and yet the dark chocolate still calls my name and gets my attention.

In leading, “Letting others speak and lead their own solutions” is something that I fully embrace, and yet something about the way I am keeps me jumping in at times “to help” before I am supposed to.

In working, “I am thinking bigger than before, but still at times get lost in the little stuff.”

In parenting, I have no idea… I am still at a loss… I have tried to treat my boys with respect and given them the space to grow… and jury still out on how we did ;-)

I am trying really hard… I am trying as hard as I can in all aspects of my life…

And, I KNOW that I can do better.  I know that I can BE better…

And, someone yelling at me or wishing that I was already better, just WON’T help… especially if IT’S ME that is doing the WISHING… ;-)

What if, we replaced frustration and anxiety and disappointment at faster progress…

With empathy, with appreciation with love… with the understanding of how very hard changing our nature can be…

Would we help each other change any faster?  Any better?

Any more effectively?

CHANGE WISHING to WANTING...

CHANGE ANXIOUSNESS to EMPATHY...

CHANGE FRUSTRATION to APPRECIATION...

CHANGE DOUBT to FAITH...

CHANGE FORCE to LOVE...

And then smile and don't try harder...

just try a different approach...

and then keep trying.

In harmony,

Nestor

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Please Don't Be Sorry!

On Saturday morning, I was running in the woods, and as I looked at the beauty all around me, and felt grateful for my own strength...

Tears ran down my face.

I had to stop, and lean up against a tree.  

It fascinates me how emotional loss can have such physical affects...

A beautiful person and friend passed away early on Friday morning.  I will write about her soon...  The emotions she has left behind in so many people have been awesome to watch.  Her passing has reminded me of what truly matters on earth in such a clear and unequivocal way...

What matters is to love and care about others... period.  And, she was masterful at that.  Oh, and making others laugh... 

Her name was Ivolee.  Some called her lovely, some called her Ivy...  I sent this message to our office this morning.  It has been a long, long time, since I have been this moved by someone's death.

I just feel like I wasn't done knowing her... I wasn't even close to done...  There was so much I would have wanted to know and learn from Ivolee... so very much...

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

I am sorry that I will be out of the office today.  I wish I could be there simply to be with all of you as we still process for ourselves and get used to the idea of our office without Ivolee in it.   Robin will be there as will many others.  I will be sending out a message to all employees in a few minutes, but wanted to share this message with those of you who will be in the office… 

 

DON’T BE SORRY FOR BEING SAD! 

 

It’s ok to be emotional. It’s ok to take a moment in a conference room by yourself to breathe and cry. It’s ok  to reach out to each other to tell stories about Ivolee and to laugh and cry together.  And, be mindful of those who loved Ivolee who are not in our office, and reach out to them as well.

 

On Friday, so many people apologized over and over for their tears.  Please don’t. It’s how we heal. 

 

Ivolee was so very special, that she left an impression in our hearts that will never be gone. She cared so very deeply about EMG and the people in it. She brought life, laughter and care to everything she did. 

 

It’s not only ok to be sad, it’s completely expected and appreciated.  It just says we loved her, and we will miss what she brought and meant to us.


So, look out for each other today.  Take moments for yourself if you need them.  I believe Keri and the team are bringing in a grief counselor to have conversations with those who want them.  Expect bursts of emotions to come and go throughout the day and the week.

 

Let’s celebrate Ivolee by keeping her in our minds as we do what we do, in the company that she loved.  Please, never be sorry for being sad, nor for letting your emotions show…

 

Time will quickly dry our tears, and nothing will ever take the image of her smiling face and kind spirit from our hearts.

 

Thinking about all of you today… stay close!...

ALL of you!

in harmony,

Nestor

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How BIG am I thinking?

I listen to podcasts as often as I can...

"How I built this",

"Scale"

and other podcasts talking about people who have built businesses.

I love understanding how people, and most often very normal people, create massive companies with simple ideas.

It amazes me how constrained the vast majority of us are by our current realities.

As human beings, we become iterative as we grow.  We stop dreaming of changing the world, and eventually hesitate before changing internet providers.

But, not everyone falls into the iterative trap and mindset.

Two guys started a shared space office concept in 2010, and their company changed the way thousands of people work and experience their day... and their company, WEWORK is valued at $17 BILLION dollars today!

A woman out of necessity creates a jewellry line, opens up a store where women can create their own designs, during the great recession and launches a retail chain, Kendra Scott, which is now worth over a BILLION dollars.

A guy decides to make an energy drink that doesn't require 44 oz, against everyone's advice names it "5 Hour Energy" and becomes a billionaire, now working to give back all of his money in ways that help those in need.

I just saw a printing company, which is a tough business, reinvent itself by entering the "print your own pictures from your phone in a really cool way"...

Examples of BIG thinking are ALL around us...

How BIG am I thinking?

Anyone who owned office space could have created WEWORK, but only 2 guys did.  Any jewelry maker could have opened up a create your own design store, but only 1 did.

When I think about my company and my life, am I thinking iteratively about how to grow the next 5 or 10% or am I thinking about how to grow it 10,000%?

When I think about "getting fit", am I thinking about taking 30 seconds off my mile time, or am I thinking of running an ultra-marathon?

Before we even conceive an idea, do we establish an order of magnitude?  That might be overwhelming... but it might spark our minds.

When we conceive an idea, do we always first ask, how BIG could this be?  How many people could it impact?  How much revenue?  How many clients?  

Do we truly prioritize our time, our life, our thoughts based on MAGNITUDE of impact?  Should we?  I think so... at least in part...

There is this fantastic balance I see in GREAT success... people conceive a SINGLE idea, they solve a SINGLE problem, in a truly unique way... and in a way that has BIG POTENTIAL!

They are single ideas - but the are BIG ideas!

So many of us - make the mistake of trying to "think BIG" by thinking of lots and lots of iterative ideas and putting them all on our to do list... but lots of iteratives ideas is SMALL thinking... and working on multiple iterative ideas creates MINIMAL return that you can usually barely feel...

Thinking BIG - requires thinking SIMPLY...

Isn't life much more fun if you are pursuing BIG ideas?

Aren't we much more satisfied when we are achieving BIG ideas?

I want to think BIG,  I want to make a BIG impact on the world around me.  I want to be able to SEE the impact of my own volition, of my own initiative.

Why think small?  Sure, we need to get done what we need to get done.  The world needs all of us to be moving our piece forward on the board, and keeping the engines of life running...

We don't ALL need to think BIG... We are all motivated differently and have different levels of ambition.  

For those of us who want BIG - we need to be careful not to fall into the "wishing" we were executing BIGGER (and face disharmony).  We must EMBRACE our ability to think BIG and then GET AFTER IT!

We are so very clearly our greatest limiting force... our own mind... "the level to which we can conceive, we can achieve..." unknown.

I am READY TO THINK BIG!  (And, have been trying to think bigger and bigger in the past few years).

We have grown our company by $50 Million dollars in the past 4 years which is 166% growth.  
I need to be careful not to think of growing by 10% per year, but brainstorm how we create enough value to grow by 1,000% in the next 5 years...  to AT LEAST create the possibility.

How can I help others?  Thousands of others?

How can I maximize my limited time on this earth?

How BIG do I want my experience to be?

It depends...

How BIG am I thinking?

How BIG are you thinking?

in harmony,

Nestor

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The Science of Happiness...

I rewatched "The Surprising Science of Happiness" again from Dan Gilbert.

It's a TED Talk - and it never stops amazing me, what amazing content is available for FREE... all over the internet.

You've got to see it.

Dr. Dan explains that our pre-frontal cortex is "an experience simulator" which makes us so different from all of the other species on the planet.  We can VISUALIZE things before we make them happen and make conclusions about how they will turn out... in a way that is most sophisticated than other species.

But, our pre-frontal cortex, he argues is FAULTY.  It draws the wrong conclusions.

For example, he tested people who became paraplegics and people who won the lottery.  We would all expect that lottery winners would be happier than people that have suffered a debilitating accident...

RIGHT?

But, the research shows that just 3 MONTHS after the "event" be it - suffering a debilitating accident or winning the lottery - both sets of people in the research where EQUALLY HAPPY!

He relates that "HAPPINESS CAN BE SYNTHESIZED", meaning HAPPINESS can be concluded in our lives, regardless of our situations.

All of us have the ability.

He explains the difference between "natural happiness' - the happiness that you get when what you want actually happens, and "synthetic happiness" - the happiness that you get when what you want doesn't actually happens, but you learn to find the positive in it.

He proves through research that BOTH happiness' are the SAME physiologically...

He suggests that SURE, it's appropriate to have PREFERENCES about how we want our lives to turn out.  It's appropriate to want to select ourselves into one future versus another... but those should be PREFERENCES... not SINGLE OPTIONS.

So often in my life, I have seen people in misery because life turns out differently than they expected.  Sometimes it is through tragic events, like death of a loved one.  Sometimes it is through sad events, like a divorce.  Very often it is through unfortunate events like the loss of a job, or a missed opportunity.

DIFFERENT PEOPLE trigger anxiety, sadness, anger,,, call it "unhappiness" based on different stimuli...

AND, we all have the ability to PRODUCE happiness in our lives SIMPLY by CHOOSING IT!

Dr. Dan introduces the concept of "unbounded" ambition for "happiness".  I call it "single option" happiness.  When we convince ourselves that we can only reach happiness via one path, according to Dr. Dan..."it leads us to lie, to cheat, to steal, to hurt others and to sacrifice things of real value." 

As much as I hate to admit it, I have been guilty of that at different times throughout my life - often in trivial ways, sometimes in very meaningful ways.

And, it's not just unbounded pursuit of happiness, but also an unbounded level of fear that causes similar levels of anxiety and departure from our desired life.  

"FEARS bounded make us prudent, cautious, thoughtful.

FEARS unbounded make us reckless and cowardly" and I would argue, DISTRUSTFUL.

We have the capacity to create happiness if we choose it, and being mindful that the paths to happiness are boundless and many is essential.

As I have grown, I have come to realize that no one can take my joy except me, and no one can offer me joy, unless I am willing to accept it.

As I write, I can't help but think of my parents... I wasn't thinking about them when I started but i do now.  I talk about my sisters often, but I don't often think about the affect they had on my parents.  My parents had TWO disabled daughters that required their attention EVERY MINUTE, at a time and in a place when people felt disabled children were given to parents who had sinned against God.  They gave so very much for Dee and Ana... they left their country... And, then they saw both of my sisters die in front of them at the ages of 7 and 15.  And, yes there was sadness... there was great sadness... but there was also eventually joy... GREAT JOY and HAPPINESS in their lives...  They created synthetic happiness in a way that I never fully appreciated possibly until right now...

Dr. Dan says, its FINE to have preferences... but "when those preferences drive us too hard or too fast because we have OVERRATED the difference between these future options, we are at risk!"  

We are at risk of unhappiness and of betraying our value and of living without joy!

AND, our pre-frontal cortex as proven by the research between debilitating accidents and winning the lottery - is FAULTY by DESIGN.  It EXAGGERATES and AMPLIFIES the difference between future realities... beyond what is experienced in reality.

Have you heard "The Grass Is Always Greener"...

It's JUST NOT... at least not as "green" as our imagination would like to lead us to believe.

We are all flawed.  And, reality is flawed.   And, it's where we live and where we are and it is amazingly and perfectly imperfect.

So, be MINDFUL of our own tendencies to OVER AMPLIFY how good one scenario can be over another... 

be MINDFUL of the reality that we can CREATE happiness in EVERY life situation...

be MINDFUL that if we define our path to joy and happiness in single terms... via a single life experience... amount of money in the bank, a single relationship, a professional want, some eventuality that speaks to us...

"WHEN I, IF I... accomplish, experience, complete __________ then I will be happy..."

And, so very often, we don't say it out loud.  In fact, we rarely speak to that thing that we most covet in life... but it speaks to us from inside of our mind all the time...

IF we define our lives, and more importantly our happiness by that ONE criteria... and we fail to deliver it, experience it, accomplish it...

It can bring our whole life down... it can consume our capacity for JOY...

DON'T LET IT!  SEE PAST IT or SEE AROUND IT!  ZOOM OUT... See your life... all of your life... your health... your love... and CREATE HAPPINESS...

BECAUSE YOU CAN!

and YOU WILL...

if you want to...

just ask Dr. Dan (or watch his TEDx talk).  I highly recommend it.

I WANT TO...

and, I AM

in harmony,

Nestor

 

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WOW

We were sitting in our Executive meeting, when a very dear employee looked through the glass door and came in…

“You all are needed downstairs.

RIGHT NOW”, she said.

“We are in a meeting”, several of us said in our slightly confused state.

“You are all needed downstairs.

NOW”, she persisted.

She seemed determined, and we followed her lead. 

We let the people on the conference call we were stepping out, and took the 8 or so Execs in the meeting downstairs…

We went into the elevator, and quiet filled the space.

“You are sure this is worth the risk?” I asked her, not specifying if I was talking about my risk or hers.

She shook her head confidently.

Ok, I thought to myself, either;

A.      Our management company is giving us some kind of surprise award, or

B.      The staff is having an intervention and pulling management into a room to give us a piece of their mind.

We walked in a single file out of the elevator and around the hallway to the conference room in the lobby…

A large table was set with a table cloth, candles and a beautiful breakfast spread.  The Baltimore employees filled the room, and when we walked in, they started clapping.

I took a deep breath and tried to take it in…

A couple of employees spoke about how much they appreciated management, how unique a company we were, and how happy they were to be a part of the company.

As they spoke, I couldn’t help but have my mind wonder,

“I wonder if everyone here really feels the same way. 

How many employees feel obliged to be here, because everyone else came?”

But then, I also thought,

“This is special.  We’ve reached at least a few employees deeply.  They SEE our intent.”

I was proud and joyful for many reasons… and my two sons, who are working for the company this Summer, got to witness it firsthand.

I was pleased, truly pleased, that several employees feel the genuine interest that we have in making our company a special experience that is authentic and caring and interesting.

And, my mind was constantly on all of our employees who don’t share their sentiment, who don’t see our efforts, and on what we could do to help more people enjoy their time and be grateful for our time together.

It was a special morning…

A wonderful surprise…

I thought, it takes a lot of effort to pull something like this off.  We have some very special people in our company to take the initiative, to go through this effort, to say “Thank you!”.

“You are always acknowledging, thanking and noticing us.”  One said.  “We felt it was time to acknowledge you.”

A part of me wants to own exactly that feeling – that emotion – that our intent is truly felt and experienced by our company.

A part of me can’t help but focus on all of our employees that aren’t yet at a place that they can feel it.

And, there it IS… the “IS”… As with all of these situations, the question is not OR but AND.

It’s not, “Do all of our employees feel this way OR not?”

The truth is, “Some of our employees see our efforts and are thrilled to be here, AND others are not.  We have an amazing company, with amazing people.  Some are thrilled AND we have to keep working to make sure more and more of our employees benefit from our strategy and from our continued success as we grow along this journey.”

I was more than touched by the display of gratitude, by the graciousness of my colleagues, by the impetus to say “thank you.”

I thought to myself… this doesn’t happen too often.  ENJOY IT!

I thought to myself, today is yet another little sliver of a life-long dream come true.  And, our work is far from done.

We received engraved glasses and customized t-shirts that on the front said, “EMG EXEC”… and on the back simply said…

“WOW!”

WOW indeed.

And, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart

for the interruption...

In harmony,

Nestor

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... AMEN ...

I sat there in my good friend's living room  

admiring the scene  

and

appreciatiing the moment... 

Twenty four of us, young and old, gathered around the coffee table

which now acted as the altar. 

I loved that this table that I had never noticed had transformed into a beautiful altar... 

by clearing it off save for the napkin place mat, the plate of bread and the glass of wine... 

"This is the way mass should be" I thought to myself... 

imagine if every Sunday you broke bread, and heard and talked about scripture with a thoughtful priest and among friends...  

It was a very special moment in so many ways... 

Many of my friends know me as the one who doesn't practice religion, but in my mind and in my heart, I am deeply committed to God and the values of most religions... I just use different words and have always struggled to follow the rules. 

 

The priest was older, and at times struggled to find the next word, but the thoughts he shared were powerful. 

Jesus said, "I say to you.  He who receives whomever I send, receives Me, and he who receives Me, receives He who sent Me."  John 13:20

The priest went on...

"There is a Presence with a capital P, in all of us.  He exists in all of us.  And when you receive whomever you meet with care and kindness and love, you receive The Presence in them. 

Inagine what the world would be, if we all lived in this way." 

He went on to say," The Presence is inside all of us, and it is our ego that keeps us from feeling it.  When we feel most alone we must turn to it and feel the boundless love that exists in us."

My words are not exact, but the sentiments are... 

I wanted to stand up and shout

AMEN!

YES!!! 

I feel all of that... I used to struggle and still go with personifying God, but now I get, God isn't a person...  

God is Grace

God is Goodness

God is Love

and He exists in pain and suffering also. 

The priest talked about the importance of "mindfulness of the Presence in all of us..." which sounds Bhuddhist in some ways...

It was a beautiful, intimate moment of faith shared and celebrated... 

I am in no way "against" religion, 

I am against divisiveness and righteousness and above all against hypocrisy. 

I can't say I believe in things that I don't. 

I can't say that I will follow rules that I won't.

The Mass was special.  The priest allowed us to give each other the body and blood of Christ as passed the bread and wine around... 

I couldn't help but feel, this is the way it should be... 

My pursuit of harmony

IS my pursuit of Grace... 

My struggle with religion is any sentiment that suggests "mine is the right one... or mine is better"... 

Should be de divided because we grew up with a different cultural history and interpretation of God? 

What would the world be like if we focused on the true message of love and unity that all spiritual teachings tend to recommend, instead of using religion as a tool for man to serve his ego? 

I feel Grace and God in my life more and more as I grow older

and

as I achieve greater  

harmony... 

they do not exclude each other... 

they complement each other...

A coffee table can become an altar, 

a home can become a place of worship, 

a welcoming smile can become a friendship, 

an open mind can become a more peaceful world, 

a moment can become a way of life... 

It was a beautiful morning and a special moment.

I have deep faith...

in man,

in inclusion,

in community,

in Goodness and in Grace...

in harmony, 

Nestor

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What if...

What if

FOCUS

HAPPINESS

PEACE

HARMONY

already exist in us... 

What if those things are actually our default... who we are naturally? 

What if instead of trying to achieve happiness or harmony... 

we actually tried to get rid of unhappiness and disharmony from our being? 

I think that is probably more accurate... 

In order to achieve harmony, perhaps it's much less about embracing the IS and unleashing the WANT,  

and much more about

simply staying away  

from WISHING life or the moment was different... 

I see wishing all around me, 

all the time... 

I do it myself, 

much more often than I should... 

I have worked out wishing

in my trivial world... 

in weather, in traffic, in details of life that are simply not worth wasting energy on... 

but I still too often WISH for what matters... 

instead of owning all that matters in gratitude. 

If we can stop the WISH

we can eliminate the disharmony... 

and the natural

state

of who we are

will fill the void... 

and soothe our soul. 

Don't try to stop wishing forever... 

just for this moment... 

and then the next... 

What if we are already there, 

there is just

too much noise

in our minds

and in our hearts

to feel it? 

What if we are already... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

 

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Aurelius

Thinking about all of you, and about harmony.

I will write soon...

for now, a friend of mine shared a quote that I thought you would all appreciate...

"He who lives in harmony with himself, lives in harmony with the universe."

Marcus Aurelius

Mr. Aurelius was emperor of Rome 150 AD.  

The concept and power of harmony has always existed.  It is not forgotten, just buried under so much noise in the world.

There is more noise than ever as a result of technology, transparency, and access to data.

I suspect that it has never been harder to focus our minds and decipher our peace than it is today.  And yet, with all of this technology and access to knowledge, man remains an emotional and imperfect being... searching for balance.

Even in the world of "mindfulness" or "spirituality" the vast amounts of options can be overwhelming, and the entire genre feels over-done or over-marketed.

This is why I favor harmony and my understanding of the IS, the WANT, and the WISH.

It gives me something extremely simple, and absolutely true

to build from...

to relate to...

to focus on...

to frame with...

It centers my mind and my heart...

It helps me steer.

It always points me in the right direction.

Stay away from the WISH,

Embrace the IS,

Drive for the WANT...

in every moment...

"He who lives in harmony with himself, lives in harmony with the universe."  M.A.

I feel the absolute truth of it in my soul.

Nestor

 

 

 

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Inherently curious

BE CURIOUS!

I tell my son... BE INHERENTLY, GENUINELY CURIOUS!

Don't look into the future so much that you miss the present.

Don't be so focused on how today fits into your tomorrow...

Be genuinely curious about today...

Be curious about the people that you meet, not because of how they may help you in the future, but because of who they may be...

Be genuinely curious about people - to hear their story - to demand their story - to help you understand who YOU are... and then possibly, who you want to be.

I have always wanted more for tomorrow - but I have always been genuinely curious about the now.

There is a difference.

People feel it.

When you are genuinely curious about people... they engage with you and give you an insight into who they are that is far different then if you really don't care...

And, not only do they give you more, but YOU see more, you LEARN more, you APPRECIATE more...

Being genuinely curious creates genuine connection...

People FEEL when you don't care, or when you only care selfishly (about yourself).

Ultimately, the vast majority of us are trying to uncover our own truth, navigate our own journey, achieve our own goals...

But, when you can truly embrace that sincerely dedicating yourself to others... to the story of others... to the needs of others... to the interest of others... THEN you actually grow the most and gain the most...

It all starts with being genuinely curious...

when you extend your hand - leaving your world - and entering theirs...

And, committing yourself to the questions...

What is your name?

What do you do?

What is your story?

... then listen intently... 

and be genuinely and inherently curious...

in harmony,

Nestor

 

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COExIST

The final chapter of "Unshakeable" - the must read financial book from Tony Robbins is about emotional wealth...

The incredible importance of your attitude and outlook when it comes to your overall "financial" success and happiness.

Among many very powerful thoughts he shares,

"Grace and Fear DO NOT coexist."

He goes on to describe the thought in more detail, but it struck me, and strikes me daily...

He says that if you are truly grateful you do not fear.  If you are truly grateful you do not get angry.

I notice that in my life as I continue to grow and evolve, it is harder and harder for me to feel anger, and I do not feel afraid of anything (almost).

Now - please understand the difference... it is not that I do not GET angry, it is that I don't FEEL anger.  I get angry at things, and frustrated with things and concerned about things... and then I work to develop plans and behaviors to deal with them.

I see people around me anxious, insecure, fearful, frustrated and angry... AND I see them feel the feelings of those mind states.  It's normal and human... and ultimately A CHOICE.

First, I understand every day more and more how truly blessed I am, and to not be aware of that would be ungrateful.

Second, I think to myself, will the feeling SERVE ME?  If feelings don't SERVE me and my goal (in most cases of influencing others or feeling more peace and joy for myself) then why would I choose those feelings (realizing as I do that it is a choice)?  Using my feelings to SOLVE my problems and remain grateful instead of worrying about my problems SERVES me and others much more.

I see the weight of anxiety, fear, stress and concern on people I care about, and it makes me sad (and those feelings won't help either).

I can't wait to share with you the 1% / 99% concept from Kabbalah that hits on this same point from a different angle...

So... think about it... don't just talk about it.

Do you want to BE grateful... not just acknowledge gratitude but feel it and own it?

In fact, we deal with gratitude in a similar way.  

We THINK gratitude.

We RATIONALIZE gratitude.

We SPEAK gratitude.

But, we don't commit to it... we don't FEEL it...

because when you do, 

it takes the place of so many feelings that are less desirable.

If we know and accept that gratitude, and thus joy, cannot coexist with fear and anxiety and stress... 

then WHY would you not work tirelessly,

day in and day out, 

to embrace it more deeply and profoundly?

harmony and disharmony

don't 

coexist

either

;-)

Nestor

 

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U of L... Class of '4EVER!

I am at that age, when I am attending a lot of college visits…

Inevitably, the question is asked of the groups,

“Do you know what you want to study?”

Or

“Do you know what you want to major in?”

Or

“Who knows what they want to be?”

Now, I have had more years than most to think about that question,

And the question still stumps me.

In fact, I don’t like the question…

It’s limiting and overwhelming…

“What do you want to learn?”

If I was a teenager and didn’t know better, I’d think the decision was a once in a lifetime decision.

My issue with colleges is that they speak as if the 4 years (or 5 for some of us) that it takes to earn a degree, are the ONLY years that matter…

Or at least, the only years where we will be learning.

Do you want to do business?

Math?

Sociology?

Psychology?

Engineering?

Computer Science?

Pre-Med?

Biology?

How about English?

Or art?

Or literature?

Or international whatever…

Or physics or philosophy…

I want to stand up and YELL…

“YES PLEASE!”

The insinuation that these next 4 years will be the core of my studies and knowledge is simply WRONG!

The fact that what I study is who I will be is simply WRONG!

The biggest fallacy that, in my opinion, they infer or suggest, is that college will be the greatest learning experience of your life.

Sure, some people do know that they want to be a vetenarian from the moment they pick up their first cat…

But, SO MANY people don’t know what they want to be until later into adulthood… or EVER!

The structure of all of it bothers me…

I think EVERYONE needs to learn about “psychology”.

And, no matter what you do you will be in “business” and need “math”.

If you expect to be an adult, basic “finance and accounting” is a must.

If you want to appreciate culture and travel “international anything” is valuable.

To appreciate human beings and possibly do the only type of time travel available, spending time with “literature” is a good idea.

And, “English” is generally a good thing to know. "History” is also good to learn, so that we don’t repeat it.

The emphasis on “picking one” as your “choice” feels simply WRONG!

As you may know, I turned 50 this year.

The first 5 years of my life… I don’t really remember.

The next 13 years of my life… I learned the basics of math, language and science.

Then I went to college… I studied Engineering, because that is what the men I admired "were".

The truth is I am not a “technical” person.  I studied engineering because I wanted to be a business man, and that was the normal progression in South America.  I took a round about path in the U.S.A. as people expect you to want to be an engineer if you studied engineering.

A few years after I started working, I was driving home, and I had this realization… “I am not done learning.”  Until that moment, I lived in a mindset of, “I have graduated now… I am an engineer… now I need to go make money and live my life…”

The thought that perhaps “NOW… the learning just BEGINS” was completely new to me.

I had heard an executive at Procter & Gamble speak that day.  I considered him an "old" man.  And, I was in AWE of his relevance, his intellect, his understanding of the world as it was and where it was headed.  It became obvious to me that he had never stopped learning.

I spent 5 years in college, and while I majored in Engineering, that is likely the least of what I learned. 

Above all else, college taught me to survive.

It taught me the importance of taking initiative.

It taught me that winning is easier if you play a different game than everyone else.

It taught me that things are not what they appear, and ultimately, the world regardless of how big it is, is made up from little social circles, not big ones.

It taught me that the more people that I know, understand and appreciate... the more interesting life becomes. .. the more I learn.

It taught me that Shakespeare has a lot to offer.

It taught me that the harder I worked, the “luckier” I got.

It taught me that there are people who give me life and people who take life away.

It taught me that I was a leader, and that life was not always fair.

It tried to teach me that asking for help is a good thing.

And yes, I learned that moment increases the further the force is away from the beam, and that there is a similar pattern to all science... and on some level to all knowledge.

It taught me that all things are related. 

It taught me that when science starts to require Calculus, I have a tougher time keeping up, not because I don’t understand Calculus, but because for some reason when the world becomes non-linear my mind wonders..  

It taught me, possibly above all, that showing up is more than half of the battle, and never giving up is the rest.

I am sure I learned more things about engineering, but they seem so much less important than the ones above.

It was AFTER college, that I learned that learning should never stop…

Colleges should tell you from the very first moment that we are all enrolled in the University of LIFE!

And, that no one has ever graduated… 

And, that is the BEST part!

In the University of LIFE, you never pick a “major”, you just keep on figuring out what to learn NEXT…

And at U of L, everyone has to do at least 2 COOPs; one that engages your mind first, and one that engages your heart first... most people do hundreds or thousands!

U of L is heavy on experiential learning – but encourages all learning.

It has been 27 years since I graduated college (yikes)… and my greatest learning happened last year…

I have had the chance to “earn” almost 7, “4 year” degrees since I graduated.

The University of LIFE can be tough.  The tests are seldom, if ever, announced, and you often don’t know how you did until years later… But, it’s nice to know you will never get kicked out… no matter how many lessons or tests you fail…

The UNIVERSITY of LIFE is FREE…

EVERYONE you meet is a TA or a professor,

EVERYTHING you read is part of the content,

EVERYTHING you do can matter…

And, EVERYONE'S curriculum is unique.

WHAT IF, instead of colleges touting how wonderful they are and pushing you to “make a decision” and “get specific” about your life, instead taught you to…

“OPEN YOUR MIND and START YOUR JOURNEY OF LEARNING AND LIVING”…

What if instead of being so “conclusive”…

“Colleges and Universities” presented themselves as…

THE FIRST STEP in a lifelong learning process?

What if they took the pressure off of you and said – YOU CANNOT DECLARE A MAJOR until AFTER you graduate?

What if colleges forced everyone to TRULY get exposed to the world, to reading, to science, to math, to engineer, to finance, to art…

What if college instead of trying to “make us into something” simply “showed us more of everything?”

What if colleges instead of making us get SPECIFIC about what we wanted to learn, taught us the INTERCONNECTEDNESS of all professions?”

Ok – that is probably not very practical… maybe schools should do a better job of that…

There is a really good reason why very few people actually do what they “study” in college. 

The world is a much more complex and beautiful place than they let on… and the opportunities in it are much more interesting and require many more skills than any one major can teach you…

So, don’t worry so much about the 4 year thing… realize that the diploma that matters most is the one you get with your final breath... and often it is those you impacted most who decide what you actually mastered in...

WHERE YOU GO matters little... WHAT YOU DO matters all...

WHAT YOU MAJOR IN matters little... WHAT YOU LEARN matters all...

Young adults out there going to college - do what makes sense.  Don't overthink it or get overwhelmed. Your 4 year degree is ultimately an important but VERY small part of your lifetime diploma and journey...

Worry more about your attitude than your major.

Worry more about finding meaning in your life than finding the library.

Worry more about following your passions than following your curriculum.

Worry more about your mind plan and your soul plan than your meal plan.

Worry more about building wealth in your heart and less about your wallet.

And then, stop worrying and start living!

As I walked through the impressive library at yesterday's visit I listened to the schpeal... "This is the biggest library on campus... it has over 5 million books... you can check out 200 at a time..."   It was an AWESOME library and a great university...

And, Amazon has even more books, and Audible has them on line, and then there are endless podcasts and you tube and movies and the content of all time has never been more accessible!

The knowledge of all mankind is at our fingertips...

I am a grateful student and a rising senior in the UNIVERSITY of LIFE ;-)!

The WORLD is our MOST amazing campus!

Elon Musk is working on the study abroad program!

Wear the colors proud…

Don’t worry about choosing a major…

Just keep figuring out

what am I going to learn next?

MAJOR: harmony, MINOR: empathy, psychology, engineering, husbanding, parenting, strategic planning, servant leadership, project management, kabbalah, culinary arts, poetry, latin american and asian studies & maybe computer science & french horn ;-)  

Class of '4EVER,

Nestor

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happy belated father's day...

I am not good at holidays... 

Possibly because I question whether they are really necessary,

and then, because I question whether I deserve them.

Not asking for reassurance in any way, just sharing what is on my mind.

It turns out Sonora Dodd was listening to a sermon on mother's in 1910 and decided father's should be celebrated too.  She fought to make it a national holiday, and made it happen here and there.  It wasn't until 1966 or 1972 that Father's Day was made an official national holiday, by non other than Richard Nixon.

So, on the one hand, it feels like a forced and unnecessary recognition for a role that we all  (or almost all of us) entered willingly and of our own volition.

And, on the other hand, it is nice to take a breath and give father's a nod for their efforts.

For me, Father's Day is really about my dad.  I am proud of the relationship that we have grown over my 50 years.

But, to be honest, Father's Day always reminds me of the distance that separates us... not more of a physical distance than an emotional one.  Like so many days, I feel a constant sense of guilt on these holidays that are really more than anything about being together.  I realize now at this point in my life, I probably spent about 19 or 20 Father's Days with my dad, possibly 15 of them conscious.  And, I have now spent 31 of them from a distance of some kind... 

It's partly that I wish I could hug him on Father's Day and help him know that I am grateful.  It's more because I know that he also feels the distance deeply, and the fact that he gets to spend days like this with "other" people's children.

I think about my father - at one point father of three... now father of one... his wife in a home unable to rationally acknowledge him... and his one son half a world away... and I know he feels lonely... and that makes me sad... and that makes me feel guilty.  What can I do... it's the way I am wired.

So, I am getting close to that point with my own boys, where we are reaching that age when they are becoming men and will be leaving "the nest" soon, and Father's Day's may enjoy less proximity.

And, so I think about my boys, and I feel guilty on some level... have I been the father they deserve and need?

I used to feel very proud of my fatherhood skills.  I felt like I really understood the role.  And now, as they grow older, I am not so sure.  Maybe it's partly embracing that I don't know what I don't know... maybe it's that the relationship becomes so much more complex as they get older.

I realized recently that I have been very focused on being the father I wish I'd had... I have tried to be present for them.  I have tried to respect them always. I wanted to be the dad that was not scared, but provided certainty.  I wanted to give them space to be who they are. I wanted to be the dad that was on the field with them as their coach.  I wanted to be the dad that transitioned with them as they grew from father to mentor and eventually to old friend...

And, I realize that was the father I wanted to have, perhaps not the father they needed me to be.

Maybe they needed more structure than I have provided.

Maybe they needed more guidance than I have given.

Maybe they needed less cynicism and more spirituality.

Maybe they have picked up on my many risk aversions and my propensity to overthink life...

Maybe...

The thought that perhaps I have been the father I wanted and not the father they really needed causes me pause.

I know I have done many things right, but now the possibility of also having done many things wrong is also possible.

Maybe that is the circle of life... each of us being the parents we wished we had... and always leaving a gap with who our children needed us to be...

Or maybe we are all so unique that being a perfect father, or mother, is not an option, and we just all simply do the best that we can.

I take responsibility... it's who I am.

Father's day causes me pause... as a son, then as a father... with feelings of disharmony pulling at me.

I have a gravity for disharmony...

And, I am grateful for my IS... grateful for the man who taught me harmony... grateful for having created the space to have my own life... grateful for so many dreams that have come true... grateful to be the father, or really close to the father, that I wish I'd had... and grateful for the humility to know that I am so far from perfect that my children will have to figure out their own paths and their own peace of mind...

And, hopeful, hopeful that they will each find their way... and that with time they will understand how very much I have loved them, how very hard I have tried... and more than anything, hopeful, that they will someday have the opportunity that someday they will get the chance to be the father they'd wish they would have had... 

that they may feel the pride, love and complexity of fatherhood...

Part of getting older and wiser means facing up to our imperfections...

I too often live on the line between disharmony and harmony.

I am an imperfect man,

and a lucky one...

guilty AND grateful...

to have my father around trying to enjoy the sunset of his days...

and to have 3 amazing, unique boys who are just starting their own journeys...

life is an imperfect dream come true... and I mean that in the most grateful of ways...

I used to pray that God not take me before I could set my boys off on their way as independent men,

Now I pray that God doesn't take me before my father, so that he doesn't have to feel completely alone...

And, I realize, perhaps we just do all that we can, while we can... and if we do it right, we are never done...

Ironically, maybe the greatest gift we can give our fathers (and our children) is the certainty of our love without the weight of our guilt...

maybe that is what we are all striving for, knowingly or not...

the circle of life and harmony is palpable.

Yesterday was just another day...

another father's day...

happy belated

men,

in harmony,

Nestor

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What is LOYALTY in business and in life? What should it be?

Earlier this week, we had a 

"strategic partner",

a vendor,

a dear friend...

visit our company to talk about our "FUTURE"...

Several times throughout the conversation, he would stress...

"I am loyal to you."

"I want to be loyal."

"Being loyal to you is really important to me."

And, every time I felt like we were talking different languages.

In college, when I was President of my fraternity, brothers would talk of "loyalty" with the thought  "We are brothers.... You have to be loyal to me... To support me.... NO MATTER WHAT!"

In my work life, I have had people get angry with me because I wasn't "loyal" to them, and I disagreed with them in important meetings...

Loyalty is so often expected... so often misunderstood... 

in business and in life...

what is LOYALTY?  

To me, LOYALTY is not always doing, working, believing or even loving the same thing or person that you have always done, worked, believed or loved. 

I don't think it's disloyal if a strategic partner stops working with me.

I don't think it's disloyal if a business partner disagrees with me in public.

I don't think it's disloyal if a client stops using us.

I don't even think it's disloyal if an employee leaves or if a marriage doesn't stay together forever..

LOYALTY is to always care about the integrity of an individual or relationship.

LOYALTY is to always wanting the very best for them.

LOYALTY is telling the truth, specially when it's hard.

A single dimension of loyalty is simple.  And, no relationship exists with a single dlmension of loyalty, IN a simple two person relationship, you have...

1. My loyalty to you.

2. Your loyalty to me.

3. My loyalty to myself!

4. Your loyalty to yourself!

I don't want a strategic partner to continue to serve my interests, if it is no longer in their greatest self interest.

I don't want a client to continue to use our services, if it no longer serves their need in the most beneficial way.

I don't want an employee to stay in our company, if it no longer meets their own interests in the best way possible.

I don't want anyone to "support" me in an argument or an issue, if they disagree with my premise or conclusion.

Because if you being loyal to me means doing what is RIGHT for me at the cost of doing what is WRONG for you - I'd be DISLOYAL if I allowed you to do it!

LOYALTY should NOT mean I DO WHAT I'VE ALWAYS DONE.  It does not require me to behave as I have always behaved.  It should NOT mean I WILL BE WITH YOU FOREVER.  IF - forever no longer makes sense.

As companies and as human beings - if we are healthy - WE ARE EVOLVING.

LOYALTY should ultimately mean HONESTY!  

To be loyal is to always be courageously candid, caring and concerned about each other's integrity.... not to always keep doing what we've always done... and certainly not to keep being who we've always been... 

LOYALTY should always respect each other's need to continue to evolve...

And, the greatest probability of remaining together over time is to be courageously candid, caring and concerned about each other...  and, if we evolve in different directions... as companies or as people... being loyal to you requires me to let go.

When meeting with this wonderful friend, this kindred spirit, this strategic partner... all I expect from him is honesty... and he always delivers.  It's the same exact thing I would ask a client who is dissatisfied or an employee who is leaving...

- How are you EVOLVING?  What is the RIGHT and BEST path forward for you?

- How could I possibly help you or support you to achieve your strategy, your dreams, your expectations (WITHOUT stepping on or compromising my own)?

- Am I doing ANYTHING that his holding you back?  

My job as CEO is to MAXIMIZE both the extent to which their personal strategy overlaps with the company's strategy, and the duration!  My loyalty to them, makes me want the very best for them... and my job as CEO is to deliver on their needs with EMG if at all possible, or help them find or support them in their next venture when we no longer can.

My job as CEO is to work to MAXIMIZE the value that we bring to our target clients in the market... and what services we use to make that value real could evolve... and the definition of who our target clients is could shift some over time... and in order to best serve our key client, we may over time make us shed other clients... It's all part of a healthy evolution.

And, the loyalty I expect from our employees, partners, and clients is honesty.... an honest assessment of how well we serve them, and how well we are executing our mission.... I don't expect to be perfect.  I do expect to be better and better over time.

Being loyal to others, in my heart, means wanting the very best for them with the same integrity and passion, if not more, that I want the best for myself... 

And, in business and in life, that sometimes doesn't mean forever buying the same products or having the same behavior in our relationship that we have always had... interacting in the same way...

LOYALTY means FOREVER believing and supporting WHO you are... and telling you candidly along the way how well you are doing or how far you are straying - from your own greatness...

LOYALTY means caring like crazy about your on going evolution and growth and about the ultimate success and integrity of your journey.

I don't want my clients, my customers, my friends to always stick with me no matter what... I want them to challenge me with the truth... to be the greatest version of myself, to hold me to my own definition of greatness... 

Being loyal to me as a company - means buying my services as long as I am best serving your needs, and then telling me if I ever disappoint you, let you down or cause you concern about my ability to keep doing so...

THAT is being LOYAL.

To be loyal to each other - means to always be committed to each other's growth, purpose, and success... even if it costs us the known comfort and the current benefit of the relationship we have always enjoyed...

EVEN if the truth you see is hard to share...

EVEN if the truth you share, in my own interest, will hurt me.

And perhaps most important of all... 

LOYALTY means mutually, ferociously, tenaciously, and tirelessly working to find the way to make OUR journey, OUR growth, OUR evolution OVERLAP with integrity ...

if there is ANY possible way to do so...

So that...

WE can best continue look after each other... and help each other succeed...

even if in the end,

we are not buying each other's services or holding each other's hands...

In its purest form, being LOYAL means always supporting the greatest version of YOU,

even if it no longer serves or includes me...

THAT

IS

LOYALTY...

in business,

in life,

and

in harmony,

Nestor

 

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I don't know what I don't know

When I first started working, nearly 30 years ago, my manager drew a little circle that I have never forgotten...

he divided it into three...

he drew a small sliver, maybe 5% of the circle.

"This is what you know that you know!" he said.

Then, he drew a bigger part of the circle, maybe 15%,

"This is what you know that you don't know!" he said, "the things that you know you need to learn".

And then, the remaining 80% of the circle...

"THIS IS WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, THAT YOU DON'T KNOW!"

It struck me.  Because it was an absolute truth, and it spoke to the level of my ignorance,

(and to that of most human beings).  But, I was young and focussed on me.

I have never forgotten that conversation.  

I have always remained conscious of it.

I believe myself to be a life long learner - and more committed to learning than most people I know...

And yet, yesterday, in a conversation with my executive coach, he said,

"You are not curious.  

You don't spend time in the 'you don't know what you don't know' ".

My initial reaction was to stand up and say

"NO WAY"... 

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME...?"

"I am not curious??? "

I am trying to read 10 books at once right now, and listen to 5 more concurrently on audio.  I am so damn curious, that I am overwhelmed by all that I do not know... and I am active in trying to learn...

Spiritually, professionally, emotionally, etc., etc...

I didn't stand up, or become visibly defensive.

Instead, I said, "help me see what you see.... because I sure as heck feel curious and define myself by my willingness to learn..."

We talked... and I tried really hard to keep an open mind.

There is a part of me that has become more deliberately confident in who I am...

And, who stays away from the "you don't know what you don't know" world... 

I am very curious and vested in what "I know that I do not know..."

I believe that I am very curious, and stepping into the world and living from the world of "not knowing what we don't know" causes me anxiety... it sucks out my confidence...  it overwhelms me and makes me feel too worthless to stay in it for too long.

I respectfully disagreed with his general sentiment, but searched as best as I could with an open mind to see what he saw...

It is another THIN LINE... to be a leader, to navigate the direction of my company, of my family, of my own life... with humility, with an open mind, and yet with deliberateness and conviction.

If I live from the "don't know what I don't know world"... can I instill confidence in those around me?  Can I make decisions for my company with enough conviction and confidence that others will follow?

I try to caveat all that I say, always giving room for external factors to play their role.

I never speak in absolutes (or almost never ;-) because I do realize that there is so much that is out of my control, and out of my knowledge base...

And, yet, everyday I am more comfortable with what I know - to set direction.  Not because I am certain of where it will take me, but because I am certain that I can handle whatever comes next.  I believe I have the emotional intelligence to deal with absolutely anything...

and

BECAUSE I cannot know all that is going to happen...

my confidence DOESN'T COME from being or pretending to be all knowing...

IT comes from being confident that I am now mature enough, and certain enough in who I am, and trusting enough in HOW I am, and believing enough in WHY I am... that nothing rattles me...

I know very little...

but, I know that I can handle whatever happens next...

And, I know that my decisions are made with objectivity, rationality, care, concern, and with the limited knowledge that I do have... and so far in life, it has served me well...

I never want to appear arrogant...

I never want to appear certain of ANY outcome...

Because life has taught me otherwise...

Yet, I want to appear certain of WHO I am, and confident that I will stand on WHY I am and WHO I am in front of whatever comes next...

I don't know so very much...

but,

I KNOW the principles of harmony...

and I TRUST them

in the absolute...

there is so much left to learn,

so much that I don't know that I don't know...

And, that will never stop me from 

EMBRACING my IS "KNOW that I KNOW",

and stepping into the WANT, which is what "I KNOW THAT I DON"T KNOW"...

and in each and every moment... 

I am discovering 

what lies beyond...

in harmony,

Nestor

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Thin Lines

We walk in life on such thin lines... 

the line between pushing someone to be a bigger and better version of themselves... AND giving them enough room to figure out who they really are. 

 

the line between feeling like your life has never been better... AND something really important is still missing...

 

the line between being proud of ourselves for what we've accomplished... AND being hard on ourselves for not achieving the next step...

 

the line between harmony and disharmony... 

 

the line one between being grateful for the IS and wanting more... AND wishing you already had it... or that it wasn't so difficult to achieve.. .

 

life is about THIN lines, 

and thus it requires precision, deliberateness, and delicacy... 

THIN lines... 

separating different WORLDS...

As much as I want to live on the side of harmony, I think perhaps greatness is achieved by walking that line with great care and mindfulness...

Could greatness come from the tension of those two worlds?

Or, is tension the journey, and when we are able to truly anchor in harmony, 

have we then arrived?

It's a tight rope...

It's a thin line...

It's the IS...

in harmony, 

Nestor

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TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE

When my friend Amy years ago, said to me, 

there are two types of people in the world,

"Those who give you life,

and those who take life away!"

It struck a chord with me, it spoke to an absolute truth,

that I had always felt but never articulated quite as eloquently.

This morning driving into work, 

I felt grateful for the very special friends that I have had in my life...

The people that have constantly GIVEN me life...

Some through their ability to SEE me,

Some through their willingness to share their story,

Some through their ability to be vulnerable,

Some through their humility,

Some through their excitement,

I am such a RICH man... I have enjoyed a FORTUNE in my life - 

of wisdom 

of inspiration 

of education

of joy

from people that have crossed my path, 

friends, with whom we share the journey.

WHO you spend your time with...

WHO you invest in... 

WHO you know...  

MATTERS so very MUCH!

My friends have not only brought joy to my life, through the years,

but have shaped, emboldened, reignited, and propelled my dreams...

They have seen the bigger version of me, before I could see it myself.

They are so very often the sigh behind my smile...

I am a rich man... 

because I have deliberately chosen people around me,

that have GIVEN me life, so very consistently, and so very generously.

WHO do you spend your time with?

INVEST in people who help you grow...

who give you life!

in harmony,

Nestor

 

 

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