Shabbat Meditation

So much about Saturday's experience at the synagogue that makes me smile & makes me think...

The real joy that was present - from the beautiful young lady who was celebrating her BatMitzvah, to her parents and brothers, to the Rabbi and the cantor, to many of the guests who realized this was an inspired moment and celebration...

I love seeing people PRESENT in the moment... in the JOY of it... not just going through the motions...

Everything about the day was deliberate... thoughtful... appreciative.

The deference, respect and ceremony that is given to the Torah is inspiring.  I tend not to be one for "ceremony" and I am too often critical of "traditions" where the original intent and inspiration of whatever started the tradition has been lost in the repetition... and now it's just habit.  The uncovering of the Torah, the opening of the curtain, the handling of the scriptures, the "redressing"...  There was a gratitude and an integrity to every part of it that was palpable.

So then, there was a point in the ceremony where the Rabbi said, let's do this Shabbat a little differently... "Join me if you will in a Shabbat Meditation"...

"Hmmm, I kind of like where this is going..." I thought to myself...

"Think back 7 days, to each and every day this past week, and remember it.  Think about moments you had and moments you were grateful for... and go day by day....  start with Sunday..."

SERIOUSLY... Take a moment right now... close your eyes... WAIT - don't close them yet - read the next sentence and then close them...

In a moment - close your eyes and walk through each day of the week... and remember what you did... and remember what you loved... ok.... GO!...

...

...

Ok - I was IN too!  So, I started thinking...

"What the HECK did I do last Sunday?"... "Come on dude... it was 7 days ago..."  I thought...

Oh yes, I got up early and worked out... I was glad to do so... then I took my son to his basketball tournament in DC... It was a gorgeous morning... We laughed and played great music all the way down.  I was so happy to be with him.  

Actually, just rethinking this as I write, I remember that my wife surprised us and showed up at the game... between games we went to the National Harbor... it was a gorgeous blue sky... we walked along the water.  It was beautiful.  I was so happy to be with both of them, and admiring what an amazing place they had built on the harbor.  There was an ANIMAE ? conference and people dressed as charicatures walked around like we were living in some weird scene from Star Wars.  We had a delicious lunch and got back for the second game.

That night, I cooked a belated Valentine's dinner and we ate in the living room.

Monday... WHAT did I do Monday?  What did I do at work???  Oh, that is right... I didn't go to work... I went to visit colleges with our middle son and my wife.  We had some great conversations, and got to see some great colleges.  I am not sure we had ever spent the day the three of us, or at least not for many, many years.  We found a great Philly Cheesesteak place, which I am still digesting a week later.  We talked... on the way back, my wife and I saw a video from Tony Robbins... I was grateful she was willing to watch it with me... while my son slept in the back... I had a great day...  

And, on I went walking through my week... remembering days that had happened 5 days ago like it was a memory from years ago... 

It amazed me how long it took me to remember specifically what I had done... and I was amazed by how much ground I had covered that week...

On Thursday, we had the best executive meeting we have had in probably 11 years with EMG... we are growing up... people are taking greater charge of their areas... the concept of accountability is slowly working its way into our organization in meaningful ways...

Friday, I got to play 9 holes of golf with my son... we played not so well, but loved almost every minute of it... 

I had an unbelievable week... and here I was in this beautiful synagogue... feeling amazing... but until I started recalling and focusing... my mind was on the coming week, the unresolved stuff, the waves that needed riding...

I breathed deeply... and was grateful for the moment... for the week... for my life...

I want to do that every week... This whole religion thing might be on to something ;-)

Such a simple exercise... such an amazing ride... through MY OWN WEEK... through MY OWN LIFE...

Harmony is right there... ALL THE TIME... just a moment away... just a thought away...

All of the "stuff" of the upcoming week remains...

And, I am off now... creating a whole new set of experiences this week... tackling the things that I am fortunate enough to be able to tackle... 

And, come Saturday or Sunday... I will remember the warm and joyful Rabbi and his melodious friend... and I will think about the words, Shabbat Shalom... 

And, I will reflect back to my week...

day by day...

in harmony,

Nestor

Shabbat Shalom

I love those words... they sound welcoming and peaceful just saying them...

This Saturday, my wife and I were honored to be invited to participate in the BatMitzvah of a dear friend's daughter.

I truly am touched by being included in those events where there is a deliberate decision between people.  I know those decisions are never easy, and it means the world to me to have people I love include me in the important celebration moments of their lives.

I am always taken back by the energy at synagogue.  I am always reminded that Judaism is not only a religion, but it is a culture... and a beautiful and proud and ancient one...

At work, I am often accused of creating a "corporate" culture - and when I am at synagogue I see the difference between the Jewish celebration and the more Catholic/Lutheran ones that I am used to.  There is a "corporateness" to the Catholic/Lutheran celebrations that I struggle with... their is a casualness, a personality to most of the synagogues that I go to that I love.  

I feel like at the synagogue the rabbi is not talking AT me, but TO me... He is not there FOR me, but WITH me... 

I can't help but be transported so many places while I am at synagogue.  "I wish we could all have more opportunity to worship together... Muslims, Catholics, Jews, Atheists, Buddhists..."  I think we could all learn so much from each other - learn to appreciate each other more - learn to disprove so many stereotypes - if we heard the lessons together and held hands in worship... I am convinced, if we kept an open mind, we would see that we are all so similar in our dreams, fears and spirits.

Then, I am transported to being a kid... to hearing so clearly that "Jews were bad people" in so many forms, with so many examples.  Growing up in Peru, I didn't know any Jewish people.  I'd argue my parents knew few themselves.  My dad was always the one trying to carry the "Catholic" narrative in our home.  At least, the "official" narrative.

Then we moved to the United States and many of my friends were Jewish... and I loved them.  Then they started turning 12 and 13 and they started inviting me to their BarMitzvahs.  Some of my friends invited my parents... and my parents never met a party they didn't like.

These "bad" Jews, now were wonderful people and dear friends.  My dad remembers with great joy the party's and the celebrations.  

While we never talked about it in detail, I KNOW that he felt connected with them through the parties - through dancing together - through being included... All of those things spoke to him and the "historical issues" and the narrative that he had been taught from well intentioned but ignorant people largely disappeared.

I saw so many times racism of various kinds disappear or at least evolve meaningfully when relationships were formed... eyes met eyes, people met people, bread was broken, and life was shared.

When I get to go to synagogue I am keenly grateful to have the friends that I have...  grateful for living in this time when diversity is so available and possible all around us...  grateful to lbe included and to be able to love so purely and freely...

And, when I am at a synagogue, I am also keenly aware that we have further to go... that divisiveness, racism, small-mindedness is still so very real...

The people in our world who hate... who feel superior to others... who feel entitled to better and to more... make up a large part of the world... and right now are emboldened to speak out and be heard... 

Hatred, anti-semitism has always existed, and has been for centuries worse than it is today... but we cannot rest and pretend that it is gone, or no longer dangerous...

We must speak to love and to inclusiveness and to what is at the heart of the teachings of virtually all religions...

As those who embrace hate and arrogance feel emboldened, so must we who value and aspire to love and justice...  We must promote reason, common sense and unity in all that we do... 

The world is a dynamic place... harmony happens moment to moment... if we WANT it...

Shabbat Shalom...

I am grateful for it... and I WANT more of it!  

for all of us -

and especially for our children...

NEVER stop working on harmony...

NEVER take peace and justice for granted...

Love can and will in time conquer all...

But, those who believe that must WANT it in every moment, more than those who don't...

Nestor 

CLOSET perfectionist

Years ago, I would have argued to the death, that I was not only, NOT a perfectionist, but that I didn't have a perfectionist cell in my body.

A few days ago, a dear friend sent me an article from the Harvard Business Review, "How to Mentor A Perfectionist" by Brad Johnson and David G. Smith, in response to some of the recent conversation.  He is a wise friend.  Some call him a Sage ;-)

HBR publishes some great stuff, and this bud is a wise and kindred spirit.. So, I thought I'd give it a read.  

The first picture was that of blueberries and blackberries lined up on a white background... those who know me know that is an inside joke and made me laugh.  I feel like blackberries are undervalued, under represented in the market... blue berries are like the "Merlot" of berries ;-)

Anyway, I started reading,

"The erroneous notion of “good perfectionism” is so widespread that many people
struggle to distinguish toxic perfectionism from positive characteristics such as
desiring achievement, striving for excellence, and setting high personal performance
standards."

hmmm... I thought.  So , I read on,

"Perfectionism and the desire to excel are not different locations on the same continuum; they are entirely different constructs. The notion of good perfectionism turns out to be a hopeless oxymoron. If perfectionists are successful at work, it is in spite of their perfectionism, not because of it."

I always say that I am committed to being a better version of myself, but in my mind, am I really shooting for better day over day, or am I criticizing myself CONSTANTLY for not having been better yesterday, or already?

"The science on perfectionismas a personality syndrome reveals that perfectionism
consists of two discrete elements. First, perfectionists set impossibly high — and
clearly unattainable — standards for their own performance. Second, perfectionists
are relentless in severely criticizing themselves for failing to achieve those
performance hurdles."

Ok, now I disagree!  I don't think my standards are "impossibly high or clearly unattainable" - I have friends who are living examples that all of the goals that I set for myself are VERY achievable... but that second part... "relentless in severely criticizing themselves"... GUILTY!

And, I have to be able to see all of me in the mirror... when I look in the mirror in the morning, I need to see the part of me that is now CEO of a company that is on an 8 year growth run, expanding our strategy and slowly creating a healthier and healthier organization and culture.  I need to see that in the mirror, as I look at all the things that I have not been able to resolve or materially improve upon yet.

"Ultimately, perfectionists are afraid of failure, worry about the
possibility of mistakes, are motivated by a strong sense of duty and obligation (rather
than enthusiasm or healthy challenge), and are preoccupied with the possibility that
others will disapprove of them."

I say that I am not afraid of much except "wasting time", but when you think about it, the key way I would waste time is by making mistakes, taking a step backward...  I don't mind making mistakes, but I don't want them to slow me down or set me back... that is not very realistic.

"A perfectionist is a tough person to mentor or coach. The most productive and
meaningful relationships are characterized by transparency, reciprocity, openness,
and trust. Yet a perfectionist never lets a mentor discern areas for growth and
development. Not even relative weaknesses are shared. And so a perfectionist’s
desperate need to appear flawless may sabotage the value of mentoring or coaching."

Ok - I am, or try to be, transparent and open.  And, I believe that I truly and sincerely am.  But, I am because I keep my ego locked in a small container inside my soul... Kind of like Voldemort after he gets his butt kicked by Harry early on... I have an ego, and it is alive and well, but it is delicate... so I keep it protected.  While I am open and transparent - I don't give many people the key to my vulnerability... in fact, I am not sure anyone really has it yet.  And, I am working on that.  It makes me defensive at times when I should be everything but defensive, and it makes me sometimes distant with those I love and cherish most.

So, the article goes on to speak to how to "mentor" a perfectionist.

"Check your own perfectionist in at the door."  Awareness is the first step ;-)

"Firmly but kindly identify perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors in your mentee."  Need to do more of that...

"Focus your mentoring on affirmation, validation, encouragement, and support." - I need to see & acknowledge all of me in the mirror.

"Use humor often but thoughtfully."  Done!

"Push your mentee to be open to the very thing a perfectionist fears the most: imperfection."... Woooorrrrrkkkiiinnng ooonnnn thhhhhaaaatttt onnnneeeeeee!

As, I read through the article - I realized in our company we have perfectionists, and we have some who expect perfectionism in the people around them... the people who don't necessarily espouse these believes but project the expectation on others...

Both the perfectionist, and the individual that expects perfection in their peers, are both very hard to coach.  I would prefer to coach the perfectionist all they long... they suffer from an "uber" and perhaps irrational accountability, whereas the person that expects perfection from others often lacks accountability in themselves.

But, back to yours truly... 

I am a perfectionist... the fact that I don't care about many details is irrelevant... I care about details in other areas.  You don't have to be a perfectionist in every area of your life... just one or a couple... to not only suffer the consequences but have those around you have to suffer with you.

Awareness is the first step...

I don't want to be a perfectionist... I don't like it in other people, so I know I don't like it in myself...

Even if perhaps what i seek perfection is in harmony...

Harmony in and of itself IS what IS... and perfect simply ISN'T real.

I wonder what else I may be, that I never thought I was...

maybe I am really a tall, good looking dude with a full head of hair and ripped abs... (Oh no, that's my buddy Pete)  ;-)

Nope... I'm just me...

a bald, strong, lovable, complicated mess of a man... making the very best choices that he can every day, trying to add value to the world around him... 

trying to live in perfect harmony!

Scratch that... simply,

in harmony,

Nestor

Waiting To Exhale...

I never saw the movie, "Waiting To Exhale"... but I think about the title often.

Do me a favor...

Take a deep breath.

...

NO!  I mean a really deep breath.

Doesn't that feel great?

Be mindful today of your breath.  How often are you holding it, just for a split second?  How often are you breathing quickly or short?  How often are you mindful of it?

Our days happen on at least two levels... there are the immediate, real time situations that you deal with that affect you, and there are the bigger issues that underlie your awareness... both, I believe affect our breathing...

I know what the two fundamental issues are that make me hold my breath.  I can't share them with you just yet.  They are not bad in any way, just real.  They aren't going away anytime soon... I just need to learn to breathe THROUGH them...

Join me today, in being aware of our breathing... 

Check in with yourself, on the hour, and take a deep breath... and really feel it.

I am absolutely living too much of my life, "waiting to exhale"... 

Breathe with me...

Little by little.

in harmony,

Nestor

Just Another Day

I thought about not writing today... 

I am tired, and a busy day lays ahead,

but, I needed to.

Writing helps me stay balanced, and stay focused.

I hope reading gives you a similar satisfaction ;-)

Yesterday was just another day...

Challenges at work, differing opinions, sales never coming in quite as fast as you'd want... Lots of good things happening, but overshadowed by the stuff not going quite my way.

Things at home wonderful - and full of the normal challenges of raising two teenage boys, and managing the daily noise.  Lots of good things happening, but overshadowed by the stuff not going quite my way.

This morning I tried to meditate...

"who and what are you most grateful for?"

is the question constantly asked these days by my wonderful "Headspace" app...

That should not be a hard question.  I am blessed in my life with great fortune, loving people around me... Why is the answer so hard to FEEL?

The conversation for meditation focuses not just on being grateful in your mind, not just rationally being grateful... but focusing on the FEELING of gratitude... on how gratitude feels in your body... in your being.

I feel rationally very grateful, though I notice that I struggle to give people credit for my gratitude.  I am fairly sure that is some type of self-defense mechanism.

I am more grateful than ever for my wife, my life partner, by most loving friend... and, I could be moreso.

I have not mastered gratitude.  I am keenly aware of it rationally, but it is not an emotion, a feeling, that is born in my by default.  I will not stop pushing until I am there.

Even as I was in the tub this morning (yes I love the bathtub) focusing on gratitude... I noticed that even when I am grateful for things, like my work, my role, my opportunity.... everything I am seems to hedge part of the emotion on the next stage that I am trying to accomplish...

I am grateful for my health (and want to get fitter).

I am grateful for the freedom and the trust I have in my role (and I want to do it better).

I am grateful for my family (and I wand to spend more time with them).

I need to keep pushing to feel gratitude without caveats, to exhale completely, not holding part of my breath in for the next achievement / accomplishment / level that I have somehow defined in my head as important to hit.

It was hard getting out of bed this morning, not because of the amazing life I have to step into, but because of the amazing life I keep chasing and can't seem to fully catch.

I don't know if its a sickness or a gift... I just know its exhausting some days.

Writing helps me balance... it helps me remember...

the IS of my life (and how amazing it is, both relative to the world and in the absolute)...

the WANT of my life - as a healthy energy rather than a constant unmet need...

and turn down the WISHING in my life - that part of me that constantly wishes I was already "there", as if "there" was a place I really understood ;-)

Life is a moment by moment sport... a day by day sport... 

And, yesterday and today... are just another day...

another opportunity to breathe, try, and, to the best of my ability, BE...

Nobody said it was easy ;-)  And, few have it easier than I do...

"who or what are you most grateful for?"

I shouldn't try to find the "perfect" answer... not even the "right" answer...

I should just start answering it... and never stop...

grateful for

my wife's kiss...

that my son's got up healthy this morning...

that my car works...

that I have a great and challenging place to go spend my day...

that I love my office space...

that I have great people to work with everyday...

that I am in the role I have spent a lifetime trying to achieve...

that I am trusted and respected by the vast majority in my role...

that my father is feeling better and our relationship right now is amazing,

that I have amazing friends...

that I will get to see my boys again tonight...

that I am alive...

that I can be a better version of myself...

and there I go again...

grateful for YOU.. for HARMONY... for this conversation... 

for just another day...

Nestor

Robbins Part 1

So, last Friday, instead of being upset about a 2+ hour ride home from the airport, I found Tony Robbins: I am not your guru and decided to just escape listening to his documentary while I drove.

It was such the perfect ending to a really good week.

I will write about it in a few days to keep the conversations shorter.

I have stayed away from Anthony Robbins as he seemed so OVER the TOP, and for some reason, from a distance, I thought he was part of what was wrong with "Self Help Speakers"... too overproduced.

Boy - was I wrong.

He is certainly highly produced, but from what I have read about him and seen, he is so very much the real deal, and has quickly become one of my heroes.

His mission in life is to improve the trajectory of the life of those around him.

If you have not seen:  Tony Robbins: I am not your guru  (documentary on Netflix) you must.

He prides himself on "going deep", 

"Depth is what people are missing, and when you take people deep everyone is riveted because its so rare.

Authenticity will lead to a rich life…  it leads to having life the way you want it, the way you deserve it…"  Tony Robbins.

He does his seminars, this one is called a "Date with Destiny", by calling people out and creating conversations and then dissecting people and their issues.

I love that he quickly cuts through any BS, and dives right to what matters.

The first speaker on the documentary says she is there to improve her nutrition, and within minutes she is talking about her drug taking father whom she struggles to love.

"Rejection breeds obsession."  When you don't get the love you want, you become obsessed with trying to achieve it.

He tells her if she is going to blame, she should blame elegantly and completely, "Blame from the soul, not from the mind."

Blame powerfully, consciously, effectively… If you are going to blame them for all the bad stuff you must blame them for all the good stuff…

"Blame at the level of your soul, not at the level of your head…  Blame him for being the onem man you can love.  Blame him for making you who you are.  If my mom had been the mom I wanted her to be, I would not be the man I am proud to be today…  Our biggest problem is that you think you shouldn’t have them…

Problems are what makes us grow, what shape our soul, what make us more.

If we could only realize that problems happen FOR us, not happening TO us.

Powerful, powerful stuff...

Random but powerful thoughts on a Tuesday morning...

This guy Tony, I met on Friday... wow, he gets it... 

He has helped over 50 million people find a better path.. pretty amazed by him.

Get on Netflix...

In harmony,

Nestor

Eau de Harmony

The other Sunday, at one of our kids basketball games, the mom next to me said,

"WOW, you spell terrific... what are you wearing?"...

I smiled... and wondered...

I couldn't smell anything on me.  I had even forgotten that I had put on cologne earlier that morning.

I liked the thought that even when you can't smell an appealing scent on yourself, because maybe your nose has gotten familiar with it and "tuned it out"... the scent still lingers...  And, in this case lingers enough to make it to a woman several feet down in a crowded gym...

I thought to myself, 

maybe HARMONY,

maybe a mindset of harmony can work like that too!

You read a little bit of it in the morning and hopefully spritz your brain, your smile, your eyes with the possibility of harmony...

And, then you go about your day...

Forgetting that you even put it on...

But, maybe other people around you can still sense it... feel it... react to it...

The funny thing, I thought, about Eau de Harmony is that you spray it from the inside out...

you spray it on your mind... on your soul...

and hopefully it shines through in your eyes and in the spring in your step...

When you spray your soul and mind with harmony in the morning, perhaps it lingers, even after you forget you sprayed it on.

So, I turned back to the woman and said,

"Bulgari"

And, inside my own mind, I smiled... and thought to myself,

"Harmony... Eau de Harmony... too!" ;-)

...

Eau the Harmony...

"Embrace your IS... Chase your WANT... Find your JOY... in EVERY moment..."

SPRITZ AWAY!

Nestor

Reflecting...

It's been a good week... full of gratitude and reflection...

On the way back from the airport on Friday, the traffic was very slow (2 hour plus ride home)...

So, I opened up netflix and listened to "Tony Robbins: I am not your guru" documentary on the ride home.  I don't know why it struck me to listen to it... but what a great exclamation point to a full week.  I will write about Tony Robbins in the next day or two, but a MUST see if you have a couple of hours (and in my opinion, EVERYONE should take a couple of hours to hear/see this...)

There is no single documentary, book, thought, speaker, class, retreat that will ever do the trick...

The only "solution" to life is to adopt a lifestyle, a mindset, a discipline of gratitude... of renewed purpose... of harmony...

I keep coming back to the words I wrote a few years ago... that I should start my everyday with...

My past does not conclude me, but rather propels me...

My dreams do not distract me, but rather direct me...

My present does not consume me, but rather defines me...

... my gratitude... my joy... my effort... my resolve

Have a great Sunday... 

Harmony... is an every day, every moment kind of challenge...

... opportunity ;-)

Nestor

Shaving PAPAPA

As many of you know, I have been here in Peru for the past days looking after my father.

He is doing better and we are leaving the hospital today.

He and I have shared some new experiences in the past days, as we have been spending more time than usual together...  I won't share all of the details (for your sake).  but I have to share one experience,

shaving PAPAPA...

shaving is important to my father

he has spent a meaningful part of his life in the process...

He comes from a time when it was less offensive to leave the house with no pants on, versus leaving the house unshaven.

His right hand was swollen and infected from the multiple IV needles, and the left hand had the actual IV in it, so he had no hands available.

The time had come...

after 50 years watching my father during one of his favorite rituals, 

it was time for me to shave him myself...

Aside from needing to give me some final pointers, he seemed calm and happy...

There was a gratitude and a tenderness that was unusual in him...

He felt taken care of, which is something he desperately desires, but seldom feels.

All of a sudden I realized that possibly my father has never liked being independent,

he has always longed to be taken care of... 

ever since his father died, when he was just 4 years old...

If I have a sense of "living my life in someone else's home" from our move to the USA,

then my father must have had that sentiment in spades... as he was a nomad growing up.

He, his sister and his mother lived their childhoods literally in someone else's home - their uncle's, their aunt's... it was occasionally shared, often borrowed, and every so often rented.

My father took a different approach to his "someone else's home" experience...

whereas I strived to be likeable and the kind of guest people would want to invite more often,

my father impersonated the "MASTER & COMMANDER" of a home...  he has always tried to command respect with fear and dominance which has caused him much pain, and made connection almost impossible, throughout his life...

his bark has softened as he has aged... and he's never really had a bite (though it took me over 40 years to realize it.  His constant barks of guilt left real scars on my hide...)

How did I never see this before today... my father's lack of belonging as the core of his being...

It explains why he places such a high value on his material possessions- on his home and its artifacts.  He DEFINES himself by his apartment, and, to my chagrin, has always spoken of his value by the things he will leave behind for others.

My father anchored his spirit to the things around him that he could control and hold onto... I anchored my spirit to understanding connection, why we exist, and why we always long for home... I try to anchor my soul to harmony... to connection... to the moment.

Wow - did I digress... back to shaving...

First, I wrapped my father's face in a towel heated by the hottest luke warm water the bathroom could produce.

Then, I lathered his face excessively as he always like to do... making sure the shaving cream looks like the whipped cream on my youngest son's pancake on Saturday mornings.

Then I warmed the blade in a small stainless container and started to shave.

His face contorting as best as it could trying to follow my slow hand.  He was peaceful and happy.

I was careful with his skin - and very conscious of his age.  I didn't want to cut him.

I caressed his face, as I do mine, to find the roughness that only can be found by touch - and corrected those.

Then I rinsed his face and slapped him around with Skin Bracer from Mennen... the smell of the shave lasting hours on my hands.

Few words were said, but somehow it was a bonding experience like few we've had... and certainly none we've had recently.

This evening I changed him into his pajamas and held him in my arms.  

He was sad, but so very rational and clear.  "I just want to die.  I don't want to live dependent, scared, unable to do any of what I enjoy." 

His sadness was palpable.

He apologizes constantly to me.  I keep telling him to stop.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all of this."

"Pa... you need to stop apologizing.  I am here, because I want to be.  I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you..."

"You are here on your own merit.  You are so very capable and successful."

I could hear the pride fill his eyes as the sadness filled his heart.

My father physically uncomfortable lingering in an embrace.  But, just like when my kids were little... I held on to him, way past his comfort point... and then he settled into the hug.

He allowed my arms to hold him, and his old hands awkwardly but lovingly caressed mine...

"My father never made it home" was the thought that crossed my mind.... and perhaps with me, with his son that resembles him physically if not in other ways, perhaps I am as close as he will get.

Seeing my father need me as my children needed me breaks my heart.

Whereas our children were learning to fly... 

My father is generally waiting to die...

He realizes this earth won't be his home for too much longer.

He has lived a full life... seen and done so much... and truly on his own... 

He's always been afraid to be seen...  to be truly held...

His guard is down in a way that I have never known... 

occassionally he barks... buts just habit... 

he has little energy left... he is giving it all he's got... 

I see you Papa... clearer than you will ever know.. 

I will remember this day, and be grateful for it.

I will remember this day, and be saddened by it.

His life has been long, 

and his face

as smooth as a baby's... 

Whoever thought 

the moment would come, 

where I would find myself,

shaving PAPAPA...

in harmony,

Nestor

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

OWN YOUR HARMONY, OR ALLOW DISHARMONY TO OWN YOU!

HARMONY

is real...

A rich, meaningful, happy life...

is possible.

AND, 

DISHARMONY 

is as real...

And, a stressed, anxious, dissatisfying life

is not only possible, 

but probable,

if you are not deliberately guiding your mind...

and thus your life.

I have the pleasure of visiting my family in Peru.

I have the great fortune of having multiple cultures from which to draw the context of my life.

And, I have examples all around me... 

as do you.

DO YOU PAY ATTENTION?

DO YOU STUDY THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE?

AND THE ONES WHO DON'T?

I can't help myself... I can't stop paying attention...

And, through time... 

I SEE THE AFFECT of HARMONY AND DISHARMONY over time...

And, KNOWING the difference... 

WHY ON EARTH would you choose anything other than growth, joy, mindfulness...

HARMONY.

I have people that I love that are buried so deep in disharmony, that I am not sure they can ever work themselves back out...

You start spinning into an abyss of wishing over time.  I wish this person hadn't died, I wish I hadn't made that decision.  I wish this wasn't happening to me.  I wish people could see me.  I wish I was worth... And, at some point, YOU DEFINE YOURSELF by your WISHES that aren't so, and DISHARMONY DEFINES YOU.

And, the minority of people spin into gratitude over time... by accepting this "IS", owning their wants and acknowledging their blessings.  I miss this person who passed away and am grateful to have lived.  I learned from my decisions in life, good and bad.  I am still working on many aspects of who I am.  People see me.  I am flawed but worthy.  And, at some point, YOU DEFINE YOURSELF by your IS and your WANT and HARMONY DEFINES YOU.

TRUTH IS...

We practice and bring harmony or disharmony to life

IN EVERY MOMENT

AND, because

HARMONY begets HARMONY, 

and

DISHARMONY begets DISHARMONY,

if you give up on moments,

if you assume mindfulness doesn't really matter,

if you throw up your hands and say, I am what I am,

If you can't stop blaming all others for things you affect

If you JUST can't ACCEPT your "IS"... 

SEE IT, EMBRACE IT, LOVE IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH, 

and then shape your moment by moving toward your want..

EITHER YOU WILL OWN YOUR HARMONY,

OR DISHARMONY WILL OWN YOU!

I haven't done the math.  I haven't collected the science (though much of it exists).  You can absolutely choose to disagree, roll your eyes, move along and discount this whole concept...

DO SO AT RISK OF YOUR SUSTAINED JOY...

I only need to do the math or collect the science to convince YOU... because I SEE LIVE EXAMPLES of it EVERY DAY...

THE AFFECT of HARMONY on LIFE IS REAL, MEANINGFUL and WORTH EVERY MOMENT.

ACCEPT YOUR IS,

DRIVE TOWARD YOUR WANT,

OWN YOUR JOY...

OWN YOUR LIFE...

OWN YOUR HARMONY...

Or... roll your dice with EVERYTHING on the line... 

and wish for something other than disharmony...

Good luck with that!

Choose wisely!

Choose harmony!

Nestor

P.S.  I want to write in specifics, and too often I find myself writing in generalities.  I don't write in specifics often because of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, but I need to find a way to help you see the daily behaviors that we display in moments steer you into disharmony.

Look at your life...  honestly... at your moments and consider:

What is the nature of your arguments?  Are they over things that matter and are meaningful?  Or are you making meaningless details matter?

Listen to the stories you tell to people... are they stories of woe, of frustration, of hardship... or are they stories of purpose, and deliberate action and possibility?

What is your mood when you get out of bed in the morning... are you going to "survive" the day, or are you going to "crush it"?

When you run into problems - do you feel like everyone around you is a moron, or do you think that progress is difficult and an important part of life is to constantly solve them?

When you meet people - are you skeptical if they really know what they are doing, or are you grateful for the opportunity to learn something new?

In the silence of your own mind - do you hear the voice of regret, the voice of frustration, or the voice of reality working to solve itself, or of possibility.

When you think about your life... does it feel like its happening to you, or are you making it happen?

When you think about yourself... are you pissed that the world doesn't see you as you deserve to be seen, or are you excited about who you are becoming?

YOU CAN DELIBERATELY OWN YOUR HARMONY... So many people that I see choosing not to, simply do not believe you can change your VALUES, your BEHAVIORS, your THOUGHTS...  And, I know FROM FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE that you can, and I HAVE, and I AM... and I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS...

Part of achieving harmony in my own life, is accepting that everyone owns their own life, and people I love and care about may choose, consciously or subconsciously, never to embrace a different approach to it... and they will struggle with happiness until they die... and that IS what it IS.  

And, part of achieving harmony in my own life is accepting that I don't have to stop trying to communicate to them and all of you, that it's real, possible and always simply a moment away...

Ultimately - Harmony ties into

THEORY X vs THEORY Y thinking.

FIXED mindset vs GROWTH mindset.

And, so many other definitions of human personalities / behavior / etc.

It is that simple and that complicated.

Some people have ASPECTS of their life where they live in HARMONY and aspects where they live in DISHARMONY...

WORK, KIDS, HEALTH, MARRIAGE, SELF, FRIENDS, HOBBIES, SPIRITUALITY

In every aspect - deliberate mindfulness matters...

PSA:  HARMONY IS REAL... EITHER OWN IT, OR ALLOW DISHARMONY TO OWN YOU!

I am NOTHING

read this slow... think about each word... breathe...

I am NOTHING…

Yet, I was born.

I can INSPIRE love, yet

I am NOTHING…

I can HELP others, yet

I am NOTHING…

I can APPRECIATE beauty, yet

I am NOTHING…

And... yet...

I am NATURAL…

I am BIOLOGY…

I am FEAR…

I am LOVE…

I am ART…

I am a MIRACLE... and,

I am NOTHING…

Yet, my mind races…

Yet, my heart pounds…

Yet, my love matters…

And, I am NOTHING…

But…

WE…

we

are SOMETHING…

YOU and ME,

Connected…

are energy,

possibility,

IDEAS,

LOVE,

MEANING…

And

BECAUSE

I am NOTHING…

I am so completely

FREE…

to BE

to CONNECT…

to EVERYTHING…

…

As NOTHING

…

I will DIE…

and

be

NOTHING…

still…

and yet

full with

JOY,

LOVE,

& WONDER...

grateful

to have

LIVED…

in harmony,

Nestor

P.S.  On a separate thread, my sister Ana died February 13, 1978... 39 years ago today.  She was born at the hospital where I sit and write today in Peru.  She taught me about death, after she taught me about love.  She was my best friend... Her and I, we were something... 

The thought of "being nothing" is not meant to be self deprecating, but rather self aware.  I am not trying to discount myself but rather focus myself.  It is when we believe we are something... when we believe we are everything... that disharmony strengthens...  To accept myself as nothing - to value connection as the object of matter... is to know joy.  

I watch my father and his constant attempt to be something, to be everything... and I watch as he finds no joy, but rather constant pain, in working constantly to be affirmed as something.... Life is so much simpler... so much more joyful... when we give into the sentiment... "I am nothing"... nothing but the possibility of connection...

happy valentine's day

White whiskers...

I have loved running along the malecón in Miraflores for years...

the ocean

the smell

the people

the flowers

It's just a perfect place to wake up... 

Virtually every day that I have run, right past LarcoMar as you enter the next park... 

He awaits... 

I don't know his name,  

but he's been there for years... 

SMILING

CHEERING

SHAKING HANDS

LITERALLY KISSING BABIES

He is a slight man...

always smiling  

with a toothless grin, 

in his late 60s or 70s

a great tan ,

always barefoot

and a face full of white whiskers... 

His smile is

pure

genuine

contagious...

He greets and cheers runners and walkers alike that pass his way... 

wave

smile

fist bump

shout ou...

He seems so very happy to be alive, 

and to be standing right there on that very spot... 

leaning against the waist high brick wall... 

he is never looking out at the ocean

but always looking in.. at the people. 

So, today, on my run, 

I stopped... 

"Thank you for spreading your love so generously..."

I told him... 

He said he loved being here. 

"I live in Barranco (3/4 mile away), but I don't like the air there... it's not pure. 

I come out here everyday from 5 am to 8 am... 

to breathe!" 

He said... his eyes in a kind grin. 

I made some small talk.. 

"YES I work... I sweep the perimeter of the church in Barranco.  A lot of smokers who disrespect the church and leave their butts.  I clean them..." 

He was a proud man. ..

A man with a purpose... 

He keeps the church clean, 

he breathes pure air, 

and he spreads cheer and sunshine everyday... 

Life can be so simple... 

life can be so perfect... 

if we choose it. 

I told him I would be back to chat. 

We hugged... 

And I continued my sprint... 

so much that I could learn from this wise and kind soul... 

I thought... 

tomorrow, I will ask his name... 

for now... 

I will continue to think of him as

white whiskers... 

He is probably on his way to work... 

barefoot, 

smiling, 

living... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

A LIGHT, A MIRROR OR A BLACK HOLE

We become one of three things when we communicate - 

A LIGHT

A MIRROR

or A BLACK HOLE...

We become light, when we share wisdom, ideas, suggestions, or stories that have the possibility of "lighting" people up... "lighting the way"... "light new paths that they didn't see before...".

When we use ourselves as LIGHT, in the right way... WE INSPIRE.

We become a mirror, when we reflect back onto others their light.  When through what we say, we help others see themselves, their potential, their beauty, and in some cases their flaws.  Everyone wants to be seen, and we value most to be seen by others... we consciously or subconsciously want them in some form to be our mirrors.  

When we use ourselves as MIRRORS, in the right way... WE REFLECT.

We also can become black holes when we consciously or sub-consciously decide 'not to care'.  When we become black holes, we most often don't even respond... our minds either reject what we hear or are distracted so far in another direction that we are absent from the conversation.

When we use ourselves as BLACK HOLES, in whatever way... WE IGNORE.

As I think about myself, I aspire to be the light and to reflect, and I often ignore the minutia, the detail, the things that I decide don't matter.  I spend too much time trying to be the light, and I could do better by people by being more of a mirror.  I need to be careful not to be so selfish on the things that don't matter to me, so as not to ignore and disrespect others who move those things that "don't matter" to me, forward.

When you ask good questions... it's like an assist for light.  A good question forces someone else to seek their own light... It encourage people to do the work to SHINE.  Questions are a sophisticated way to shine your light indirectly.

Above else, I believe we need more mirrors.  And, I need to be more of a mirror.  Ultimately, everyone is left to fend for themselves, to solve their own problems, to live off of their own initiative.

"Life is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" I believe Benjamin Franklin said...

People need a lot less "LIGHT" than "REFLECTION"... When we are a mirror... when we help people see and believe in their abilities in their beauty... that gives them the confidence, the where-with-all to ACT or to KEEP AT IT...

So often, so many people jump from black hole to light and back.  We are so focused on the wisdom we have to share, on the ideas we believe to be right, that we sit there ignoring the other person's contribution, words, thoughts and are simply waiting for the next opportunity to pounce and SHINE again...

That is an EGO driven communication pattern, and it serves only ourselves.  Communication doesn't work without some amount of MIRROR in it...

Think of so much of today's political dialogue... black holes and lights, shining and ignoring, finding no CONNECTION, no RELEVANCE, and most often no VALUE in the exchange.  In so many political dialogues, it's like too trains heading toward each other on the same track... the lights irrelevant to their motion... on a collision track - unwilling to move diferently.

Think of those insecure souls that you know... burning so bright but unable to see their reflection anywhere... they spend all of their energy shining, shining trying to light something up... anything.  Then there are those that no matter how much you reflect back onto them... they don't believe it's their light... 

The more insecure people are, the less they believe the light shining back on them could be theirs... they actually become BLACK HOLES to their own reflection, their own value... and their light they see reflecting from mirrors is ignored... "that's not me... everyone shines like that."

Then there are egomaniacs.. those that believe their light is brighter and better than everyone else's... They want and expect everyone to be a mirror.... they want to live in a hall of mirrors that only projects back perfect images of their perfect light... no amount of reflection is too much... the more the better. They tolerate black holes (as long as they are not too obvious)... they just don't want any other lights in the room to possibly distract or alter any of the mirrors pointing to them.

There are so many lights out there... everything is lit up in one form or another... And, many of the lights make no sense to us, shine in a direction that we have no desire to go, are irrelevant or misunderstood.

JUST being ONE more LIGHT is POINTLESS...

YOU need to become a RELEVANT light,

A LIGHT that SHINES in a way that enhances and adds value...

A LIGHT that FINDS a MIRROR...

Ultimately, that is the energy we ALL SEEK... from communication, from our fellow man...

A sense of connection is our deepest desire our most core need... because a sense of connection is what we use to know that we are SEEN... that we EXIST...

WE SHINE OUR LIGHT DESPERATELY SEEKING A MIRROR TO BE SEEN, TO SHINE IT BACK...

Love is light reflecting back onto itself and shining brighter as a result... in all directions...

Think about what YOU become in conversations...

Are you different with different people?

Are you different on different topics or situations?

What would it take for you to become more of a mirror?

How can you be less of a black hole?

How often do you shine bright?

Which would those who need you most say that you are?

A LIGHT...

A MIRROR...

or

A BLACK HOLE...

Reflect on it ;-)

in harmony,

Nestor

AM I HOLDING MY BREATH?

Are you holding your breath?  

Or are you breathing deeply, taking each and every breath... 

grateful for it?

Don't just answer...

THINK about it.

Am I holding MY breath?

Am I waiting to reach a certain position or title at work?

Am I waiting to have my children hit a certain milestone?

Am I waiting to be a certain weight?

Am I waiting for my relationship with my wife to be a certain type of happy?

Personally, I find myself holding my breath, way too often...

Holding it to reach some level of financial "success" or "level" that I defined at some point in my youth as being "when you've 'made' it".

My focus and my struggle daily, is not to live holding my breath - 

but rather to breathe fully and deeply... so as not to miss these precious moments.

I am going to be 50 this year, and I HATE admitting that I have lived the majority of my life

holding my breath...

I am more present in my own life than I have ever been,

more grateful for it,

more deliberate in it...

And, I still have to remind myself to breathe.

When you hold your breath, you spend all of your time counting the seconds until you don't have to anymore...  It is exhausting... You spend so much of your time wishing time would move faster... wanting to be there already...

I am a paradox...

Most people see me as breathing deeply, because I do, and I speak to it more than most.

But, it's with effort and consciousness...

I see those people who breathe deeply by default... they are the exception.

Most of us live in some combined state... perhaps breathing deeply in some aspects of our live while holding our breath in others... 

Some people, I would argue, have compartmentalized their lives so much that they are dead in some aspects of their lives and wildly alive in others...

Think about it...

at work,

at home, 

with your spouse,

with your children,

in the silence of your own mind...

Are you holding your breath?

And, if so... 

remind yourself to EXHALE...

And, then do it again...

We are here, exactly where we are supposed to be... exactly where we deserve... and so very fortunate...

And, it's ok if we want to go further.

Heck... that is what keeps us alive.

But, let's exhale as we go...

teaching our souls to breathe deeply...

to be present 

and 

grateful

and present

for each

and every...

inhale...

exhale... (hold it)...

in harmony,

Nestor

P.S.  That is the beauty of staying in motion... it's hard to hold your breath when you are pushing yourself... but, it's in the moments of silence, of pause, that you need to ask yourself the question...  So many of us stay in motion, because it feels better... it keeps us breathing...

FAILURE IS AN OPTION

There are days when the issues on our plates seem too large to resolve, or at least, too large to steer...

Those are the days you are running around trying to find the handle, the wheel... some component of your issue or to do list that gives you a sense of control...

Those are the days when it is hard to get out of bed... at least for me.

It's probably a function of control.

I would never have described myself as a control freak, but enough people have made that comment for me not to at least consider the possibility.

I do believe it is seeking "control" of some level that fills my days... 

It's perhaps why I am so enamored with the constant concept of harmony, as it is a constant reminder that all I can truly "control", or more accurately, the ONLY moment in which I exist and can affect my future is THIS one!

I struggle some days to get out of bed, because I am afraid about the possibility of failure.  Less for myself... I can stomach the idea of failing myself... heck I fail myself everyday in some way...

When I think about failing OTHERS... where my failures can negatively impact others... that is when my mind races and disharmony starts...

Again - is it a realistic expectation never to "fail", nor make mistakes... probably not.  Should it be my inspiration to do that as infrequently as possible, and ideally never, sure.

I can't stand the idea of failing others... and I also know that I have failed and will fail again.

Failure, as much as I hate to admit it, is an option.  And, when I accept that, then I stay mindfully in a place to avoid it, minimize it, and simply do my best.

On the other side of failure is just another challenge... another situation to work through... another problem to solve.

Life has taught me that I can steer complicated things... 

Failure is an option as part of the journey, and I do believe that you truly never "FAIL" unless you give up.  And, I never give up.

I asked my elevator partner this morning, "Are you ready for the day?"

She gave me a resounding "NO!"

That's not me.

Once I get out of bed... I AM READY!  I AM FIGHTING FORWARD!  I AM SOLVING PROBLEMS! 

Failure in the moment is an option, clearly never the preferred option.

Once you ACCEPT that, and along with it, OWN your ability NOT TO GIVE UP on it....

Once you embrace your ability to continue to steer and climb and fight forward and resolve...

you realize a step backwards isn't failure...

It's REALITY,

It's LIFE!

Are you ready for the day?

HELL YES!

in harmony,

Nestor

AM I BOLD ENOUGH?

Am I BOLD enough?

That is a question that is constantly pops in my head.

And, I hear answer the voice in my head speak, “NO!”

Am I BOLD enough in my life, in my vision, in my dreams, in my ambition?

I watched “Jobs” this past weekend – the movie with Ashton Kutcher.  Steve Jobs is the Benjamin Franklin of our time.  I have seen various movies, read his biography, and am always drawn to his story.

I love seeing & learning from real life examples of people who have such clear visions & such BOLDNESS.

“Comparison is the thief of joy…” Unknown

There is truth to that quote, and I still believe there is also value in comparison.

Steve Jobs saw the possibility of things before they were so…

He not only saw the possibility…

He BELIEVED his vision was not only possible, but NECESSARY in the world,

And that anyone standing in his way,

Anyone not willing to buy into what he saw fully,

Needed to be removed from the equation.

Wow, I envy that clarity, that passion, that courage.

What is MY vision?  For my life?  For my company?

Steve Jobs for much of his life lived in disharmony. 

He lived frustrated by the limitations of reality and people and the status quo.

He was disliked by many, and as he aged – he seemed to find a much more Zen approach to his ambition.  It probably happened AFTER he started bringing his vision to life.  When people started to realize if they followed him, they would likely be part of something amazing. 

After his vision started becoming real through his products and success,

the fear of failing was propped up by his genius,

and all you needed to do was work hard and believe and not get fired ;-)

Steve Jobs was a true genius, and he was an imperfect man.  We share the “imperfect man” part, and I figure that’s as good a part to start as any ;-)

What VISION am I passionate about?  ...do I believe to be NECESSARY in the world?

I have a vision for my life, and it is slowly and steadily my reality.  I have a vision for being a father and a husband, and it is slowly and steadily my reality.

What is my VISION for my company? 

Not just the one that I write into the presentations, but the one that I believe is NECESSARY and POSSIBLE?  Because, I am getting old enough to know THAT ONE is the one that I will make our reality.  People can tell the difference. 

This is why a “hired gun”, someone from the “outside”, of a company so rarely accomplishes true breakthroughs and greatness…

It is impossible to borrow a VISION.

It is almost impossible to define a VISION that compels you from research or diligence.

The VISIONS that change the world are born within our souls…

VISIONS are not FOUND, but rather ACKNOWLEDGED and ADMITTED.

VISIONS are not FOUND, THEY FIND US... would be more what Lee Thayer would say.

So, to be effective leaders of companies - to truly lead transformation and bring to life breakthrough VISION - we must find the direction within our FIBER...

To be completely honest – there is the VISION of my company that I put on the presentations, there is the VISION of my company that I hold in my heart, and there is the VISION of the company that I believe to be possible – and they are different.  They all share some of the same components – but they create different pictures.

It is the inconsistency between those three visions that unsettles my soul and, at times, makes me question my own integrity.  NOT because I lack integrity or purpose, but because I aspire to a fantastic level of it.

I EXPECT of myself a pure alignment between those three visions.  I believe I owe it to myself and my colleagues.  And, that is a very high expectation.  Per our conversation from yesterday, I should attempt to make that my inspiration, not my expectation.

I should be INSPIRED by the possibility of fully aligning the vision of my company with my passion for strategy and human beings and doing right, and I am.

I watch “Jobs”, and I am both inspired and humbled…

I understand the importance and the power of VISION more clearly than I ever have. 

VISION IS THE FUTURE VERSION OF MY COMPANY THAT IS POSSIBLE, COMPELLING AND NECESSARY TO ACHIEVE & BRING TO LIFE.

I understand the criticality of my role as CEO with respect to VISION more clearly than I ever have.

MY ROLE IS TO MAKE THAT VISION NECESSARY, TO ENSURE PEOPLE SEE IT & UNDERSTAND IT, and TO PUT PEOPLE WHO GET IT OUT IN FRONT and REMOVE ANYONE WHO IS NOT FULLY COMMITTED TO IT.

I am not going to bring to life the next ianything. 

I do not have Jobs’ brilliance, creativity, genius…  but I can help bring to life an amazing company, a unique place to work, a truly valuable proposition for companies that own lots of properties…

I have a huge opportunity to influence and change the world around me by creating a one-of-a-kind company…

And, for ME, my ultimate VISION for the company embraces fully the concept of HARMONY.  For me, HARMONY is what I see as POSSIBLE and NECESSARY, to make real in the world around me... and it is HARMONY - the POWER of IS, the value of QUESTIONS, the value of HONESTY that wraps into and around my vision of the company's value proposition that I know will produce something amazing...

IF I AM HONEST with myself - there is ABSOLUTELY a clear VISION that I have, that I am compelled to bring to life...

AM I BEING BOLD ENOUGH? 

Is my VISION slowly and steadily becoming our reality?

Are YOU?

In harmony,

Nesto

What do you EXPECT?

Such a simple question...

what do you EXPECT?

Such a consequential question...

what DO YOU expect?

from LIFE...

from YOURSELF...

from your partner...

from those who love you...

from those who work with you...

Disharmony happens by definition from UNMET expectations...

which lead you to WISH that they were met.

Think about it...

When you feel anxiety, angst, stress, unhappiness, anger... doesn't it come from UNMET expectations?

You wish your spouse had been more considerate...

You wish the referee had seen that double dribble...

You wish your son had worked harder than he did...

You wish you had made a different decision, taken more risk, known sooner, been smarter...

What do you EXPECT?

from yourself?

Do you expect not to make mistakes?

Do you expect to know better?

Do you expect to be perfect?

from your children...

Do you expect them to behave more responsibly than many adults you know?

Better than you did at their age?

Better than they do?

Better than they can?

from your employer...

Do you expect them to know what you need, even if you've never told them?

Do you expect them to pay you more than they do?

Be more considerate?  Be smarter?  Be more gracious?

What do you EXPECT?

And, WHY do you expect that...?

Have you thought about that...?

Why do we expect not to have to suffer?  Not to know sadness?  Not to know pain?

Why do we expect to have the answers?  

To be better than we are?

Disharmony comes from unmet expectations...

We most often try to address our disharmony with the expectations as the GIVEN...

TRUST ME... I get it... I EXPECT STRENGTH... INDEPENDENCE... GREATNESS... MEANING... PURPOSE... INSPIRATION... JOY...

from myself...

And, the reason... the WHY... is because

I am ambitious... and I DESIRE it... or because

I believe I am CAPABLE of it...

I believe MY EXPECTING it is the first step to making "achieving it"... possible...

But... MAYBE I AM WRONG...

When you EXPECT it... then every moment that you are not achieving it creates disharmony... "wishing you were delivering it... living it..."

MAYBE it's a lot less important to EXPECT accomplishment, success, progress...

MAYBE we should be much more focused on 

INSPIRATION rather than EXPECTATION...

WHAT DO YOU INSPIRE?

in yourself?  in those you love? in those you work with?

after all... inspiration enables the belief in better...

Should I EXPECT strength from myself in all moments, 

or should I INSPIRE strength from myself in all moments?

Should I EXPECT graciousness and respect from those I work with,

or should I INSPIRE those things in them?

EXPECTATION defines a behavior, a "line" out in space or in time, that we will fail to realize until its realized...

INSPIRATION defines the fire, the motivation, the energy to move ourselves forward... upward... 

EXPECTATIONS set goals outside of ourselves...

INSPIRATION lights the fire within ourselves...

The question I should be asking myself is not...

WHAT DO I EXPECT, but rather... WHAT DO I INSPIRE?

And, ironically... if I focus my efforts there...

I will experience JOY so much more often...

I will overcome PAIN so much more quickly...

I will find MEANING so much more readily...

"Wisdom is a love affair with questions... the questions alone will be your guide."  Julio Olalla

Be thoughtful and careful with what questions you ask yourself...

What do you EXPECT?

or,

What do you INSPIRE?

or maybe even better yet...

What inspires YOU?

To the extent to which I make my life, my ambition, my focus about

INSPIRATION

and not

EXPECTATION

is the extent to which I find joy, meaning and

harmony

in

it!

Nestor

P.S. Was INSPIRATION what you expected? ;-)

A Non- Christian Christian

A dear friend told me the other day that I was a good "Non-Christian Christian"...

It made me smile,

and as with so many other things,

it made me think...

She said it was the highest compliment that she could pay me, 

and I took it as such.

I was touched.

And, there was a little part of me that for a moment wished I was different,

and I quickly realized that was an old emotion... possibly born of guilt of what my father would think of that compliment... or my mother-in-law for that matter...

but part of the beauty of becoming a "young" old man, is that I am old enough now to be proud of who I am, and how I am seen independent of what my father would think...

I grew up with my father as the self-proclaimed example of a good catholic.

I have, my whole life, observed people and behaviors along my journey to a live with deliberate and greater integrity every step of the way.

My father insisted that I believe in Jesus, that I go to church in order to be a good Catholic.  I have watched so many people who carry the flag of Catholicism or Christianity so very high, and yet fail against so many of its core values... fail sometimes knowingly, sometimes ignorantly... I have seen so many people carry the flags of religion as a trump card... 

Now I know enough to know that I cannot and should not judge anything based on part of its universe... and I have seen many religions friends who not only carry the flag of their faith high, but also sincerely strive to live to its values... those I respect and hold in the highest regard...

This friend of mine who paid me the compliment is one of the latter...

You see, as a young boy I saw that there are the "rules" of being Christian, and the "spirit" of being Christian...  I didn't much care for the rules, but I believed in the vast majority of the values.  I love what the bible preaches.  I love the teachings of Jesus.  

I love and appreciate the values of FAITH... and actually of many religions, as they are ultimately so very similar.

I believe Jesus was an inspired soul touched by the hand of the benevolent force that is at the core of all things... but I do not know that he was a God.

And, I also believe that man in his infinite imperfection has applied a layer of politics and humanity to faith, and called it religion... and in so doing, has applied rules to it that define it.

In that regard, I love the teachings of Martin Luther, whom my father despised because of his opposition to traditional Catholic values... I love the concept that our religion with God or whatever this magical and benevolent force is - is DIRECTLY with MAN... it need not have a middle man.

As an engineer, I believe with every new system, filter, process - you introduce a margin of error, a degree of separation...

I don't want the imperfections of man, and certainly not the imperfections of greedy men, and possibly obsolete greedy men to define the level of my character today - nor to set my standard of right from wrong.

I see and feel the forces of the world on me...  I have a deep faith in man and mankind... I see pure beauty in all human beings (and so often hidden under layers or confusion or ignorance)...

The thing is I trust no single individual with my interpretation of life, nor with setting the direction for my own integrity... I believe the forces of the universe, which many like to call God, are best understood by trying hard to understand the collective voice of goodness...

The collective voice of good people, of wise people, of devoted people... is free from greed or power.  The smaller the group - the greater it's imperfection. I believe "God" exists in all human beings and communicates via love and concern and acceptance and inclusion...

What IS the truth about who I am?  What I believe...

If being a Christian means believing that Jesus is my God, then I would be a hypocrite to say that I am a Christian... because I am just not sure.

If being a Christian means deeply espousing Christian values in my life and working with absolutely all of my might not just to embrace them but to live them, then I am a Christian through and through...

And, I have heard people use both descriptions - and I also know that the former by the rules, is the "dictionary" definition...

So, a Non-Christian Christian is actually a pretty accurate description.

I am touched by my friends words because not only do I believe they are true... but because she appreciates me for who I am, and how I am... she sees me... and that is a special and generous gift.

And, my journey and my discovery of faith is far from over...

in faithful harmony,

Nestor

Hold that door...

I always rush in to our office building,

love that the new elevator electronics knows enough to have a door open waiting for me...

A woman went in ahead of me, and held the door...

"Lovely", I thought... she held the door.

So, I ran in... and was ready to go.

The lovely woman then held the door for the next person,

and I felt myself cringing...

"Let's GO!" was the thought in my head...

We waited for another 3 seconds and the next woman boarded our soon to be ascending ride...

"What a selfish prick!"  I thought to myself...

3 seconds... 

3 seconds spent waiting for that woman, and she felt the same consideration that I did...

3 seconds to have someone start their day with just a little sense that someone out there is looking out for them...

3 seconds to make a connection, share a smile and wish each other a good day...

3 seconds was too much for my ego...

"I want to get rolling" had been the original thought in my mind...

and the thought now was, "You my dear friend have a bigger ego than you realize..."

Am I that magnanamous that once I am in an elevator it must wait for no one else.

In the moments when the world revolves around me - I am alone and frustrated...

In the moments when I embrace that we are all on the same ride and should help each other out - I am relaxed and grateful and connected...

REALLY NESTOR?  

It's just an elevator door...

It's just 3 seconds...

Are you blowing this A LITTLE BIT out of proportion?

I don't think so...

I think almost every moment of the day, we have an opportunity to hold a virtual door for someone else...

I am often gracious and  considerate and patient with those moments...

and, this morning I was reminded by my inner voice, that I still have a long way to go...

So, I will be more mindful to take 3 seconds...

to wish someone I don't know a great day,

connect with a smile, and

I will be more gracious in remembering to 

hold the door...

virtual or otherwise...

for harmony,

Nestor

rest my friend

"Jon passed away"

was the text that I received last night before midnight.

People die every day,

and each and every one leaves a mark...

Jon was a kindred spirit and a young man... 

I received a face time at 9:23 pm... from some 203 number.

I was hosting a call with 40 people from work and couldn't jump off.

I didn't know it was Jon's wife's number.

I don't know if it was a butt dial, or a deliberate attempt to connect.

I realize things are what they are, but I cant' help but feel a little disharmony...

I get that I have no power to change anything...

And, I feel like I failed him 3 times...

I failed to make it a point to go see him when he sounded different on the phone over a year ago.

I failed to jump out to see him as soon as I heard he had been hospitalized 2 weeks ago.

And, I failed to pick up his call last night...

Regardless, none of those things matter...

Jon has left an impression me... I see his smile everywhere I look today.

I am a better man for knowing him... a more grateful man...

I am reminded in no uncertain terms not to take moments for granted, not to leave things unsaid...

Thank you for your warmth and your light my friend...

thank you for being exactly who you were...

you left your message on my soul.

in harmony,

Nestor