ONE for the NURSES

Every time I am in a hospital,

and specially experiencing the process of a hospital with someone I love...

I am in awe of the nurses.

Every time...

From seeing the nurses take care of my sisters when I was a boy, to seeing the nurses take care of my father as early as 20 years ago...  to this week...

NURSES are SPECIAL PEOPLE.

PERIOD.

I admire their sense of care.

I admire their dedication.

I admire their humility.

I admire their perseverance.

I envy, a little, the satisfaction they must feel... doing right and good in the world.

NURSES are SPECIAL PEOPLE.

To spend a career, helping people who are sick, with their most basic needs.

To go in day in and day out, knowing that the sick people never stop coming.

To bring your energy everyday to help make people better.

It is a noble calling, and the vast majority that I seem to meet, seem genuine in their concern.

What can I learn from these wonderful people?

How can I build more of what they do into my life?

Can I, in some way, help people get better everyday?

Getting a little geeky on you perhaps here - but in addition to their noble calling and gracious hearts, I love their operational preciseness - the systemic and procedural nature of what they do and how they do it, the real consequences of their ability to follow the right instructions and not make mistakes all intertwined with the humanness required of their calling... of their every day.

I have a deep respect for nurses, a deep appreciation for what they do, a great admiration for their dedication and purpose...

So many people I love who have gone through such difficult times, and I have missed the vast majority of them in the hospital.  But, ALWAYS, there were multiple nurses there with them doing what they do... in the most challenging of times.

Such wonderful unsung heroes... that remind me their is so much love and good in the world.  And, so much more potential for all of us... 

I am in awe of the nurses...

and so deeply grateful for them...

And, a little envious of the wonderful satisfaction they must feel every day, when they can drive home knowing they helped ease pain, they gave hope, they comforted, they shared sadness and fear, they had a real hand in making people better... and they shared intimately in that process...

day in and day out...

always when we absolutely need them most.

To all the nurses out there,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU...

for WHAT YOU DO... 

for HOW YOU DO IT...

And, simply...

for BEING who you are... for all of us.

in harmony,

Nestor

CONSTRUCT - Cracking the Coconuts

I was having dinner a few nights ago with a dear friend...

He is in the engineering and construction space, and is one of the most intelligent, sensitive, capable, thoughtful people that I have ever met.  His energy and his heart are boundless.  He is wildly successful at what he does.  And...

And, I feel his very heavy disharmony.

We had a great long conversation about life... and tears flowed meaningfully and frequently.  He is a strong and powerful man.  And, he is so very human.

As we talked, I thought to myself... he has "everything"... financial independence, a beautiful family, amazing health, a gorgeous home, a dependable job... 

And, I realized.  We ALL NEED  A CONSTRUCT.  That word seemed so appropriate.

A CONSTRUCT... 

to build our life meaningfully from its many amazing components.

A CONSTRUCT...

to give us an approach to solving life's problems.

A CONSTRUCT...

to help us prioritize and focus on what matters.

A CONSTRUCT...

to enable us to make sense of the past and engage in the future effectively.

A CONSTRUCT...

to weave all aspects in our mind into a comforting quilt, into a launching pad... 

Without a CONSTRUCT of some type, we float, we jump from concern to concern, from regret to reward, from work to family, from wishing to wanting... at random, or at least WITHOUT a deliberate plan of how to THINK about those things, how to tie them together, how to squeeze the joy out of them....

I imagine a man stranded on a desert island surrounded by coconuts and pineapples... but not able to open them to enjoy their deliciousness...

HARMONY is my CONSTRUCT...

And, it makes up for all the power I don't have, for all of the things in my life that don't go right, for all the things I am not good at...

My devotion to the concept of THINKING.... or being deliberate in MY THOUGHTS and thus MY ACTIONS... is my greatest gift, and my greatest strength.

And, importantly, as part of that is my constant attempt to understand, accept, and leverage that line between the things I can control from the things I can't...

There are many paths to a meaningful life... a joyful life... but none that I can see without some construct... and, you can have more than one.  

I realize that the more you achieve in life, the longer you live, and very possibly the luckier you are along the way... THE MORE YOU NEED A CONSTRUCT... because you've got more things to make sense of... possibly fewer things (or at least material things) to create purpose or direction...

When you finally "have it all"...

How will you make sense of it?  How will you find meaning in it?  How will you find purpose to keep moving forward?

When you finally "have it all"... What will you WANT for?

What if I already "have it all"?  And, I just don't know how to crack the coconuts? 

HARMONY is my CONSTRUCT.

MOMENTS are my COCONUTS...

Spoiler Alert: (We all already "have it all"... and sometimes we have to get or achieve even more, to realize we had it all, all along...

Commit to a CONSTRUCT...

consider harmony,

Mmmmm delicious... ;-)

Nestor

"Those" topics...

I noticed something this weekend, and again on Monday...

I walked into the office and received two different emails from two different colleagues on topics that made me cringe...

I noticed it in myself.

I reacted a bit quickly, and my response was helpful, but with an edge.  I was saying reasonable things, but I sounded defensive... or maybe angry...or impatient... or frustrated.

And, I smiled.

DISHARMONY

I realized that like some of the topics that I dealt with at home this weekend, the issues that were being discussed at work where issues that I didn't want to discuss.  (I wish I could tell you exactly what they were, but out of respect for people's privacy I will generalize).

There are topics & issues, that are tricky in that...

there is a lot at stake, or

there are a lot of emotions hinging on the different outcomes, or

there is no really good path forward that doesn't cause someone some disappointment...

I am sure you can think of some topics in your life that have these dynamics.  It could be as silly as whether a new car is going to fit into a garage, or if you are or aren't going to put a certain individual in charge of an important program.  It could be relating to someone's role or employment.  It could be simply a matter of where are you are planning on spending your time.

Regardless...

There are issues or topics - that you've come up with a solution for - and you don't really want to revisit.  (Or, sometimes topics for which you don't have an answer, but are just trying to avoid...)

WHY?

Usually, it's either, because you don't love the answer you have, and just don't want to think about it further, or

Or because you can't think of any other path forward so opening up the topic puts the single "acceptable" answer at risk.

It may simply be that you can't imagine a workable solution (or a better solution)...

Sometimes, it's because it's not an important topic and you feel like you've already spent adequate time on it - but usually, if it causes meaningful disharmony its one of the first two.

Here it is... I think it's FEAR.  It's FEAR of failure.  You are either avoiding the topic (which means you don't have to declare failure), or you have a solution of some type (and reopening up the topic may put that solution at risk... which could mean giving up ground, not agreeing on another one... i.e. FAILURE).

SO, when someone wants to reopen the topic, you WISH they wouldn't, and the disharmony shows.

In the various instances that I am thinking about from today, I stepped into the conversations., reluctantly, but constructively.  Reluctantly because of what I discuss above, constructively because I really value my colleagues and want to find elegant, respectful, constructive solutions to all of our "IS's ;-)  I want to move our business forward everyday - and my relationships with the people in it.

In all three instances, I felt my gut twinge.  In one of them, I was disrespectful and cut the person off, then immediately apologized.  I was in it... 

In all three situations, we rolled up our sleeves and stepped into the details, the "IS".  In all 3, I would have probably prefered not to.  BUT, IT'S NOT JUST UP TO ME.  If I want to find elegant solutions - I must allow room in the conversation for my partners and my colleagues until THEY are satisfied with the conclusion... not just me.

In all three situations, we found solutions that were different than were I started in my own mind.  In all three situations, the conclusions better met their needs versus where we had started, and still met mine.  And, the only way to find our way there, was to allow the conversation to continue.

I don't know if this makes sense without more details - but I suspect you can relate.

What conversations at home or at work, are you WISHING won't come up again?

What conversations are you avoiding... or simply "postponing"?

When someone approaches you on those conversations - how will you react?  And, independently from how you react... how will reopening them up make you feel?  Will that affect HOW you show up in those discussions, or how your mind will work?  of course...

It's really hard to enter conversations you'd rather not have in harmony... because by defining them as such, you are painting yourself into disharmony from the get go.

The solution, and its not easy, is for me to commit to myself that ANY CONVERSATION that someone I respect desires to have or needs to have is WORTH having.  And, living in that mindset.

And, I respect everyone.

So, ANY conversation someone wants to have with me is deserving of my time and attention.

Now, while that can lead to some time management issues, it's the right frame of mind to live and work.  And, then you can deal with time management.

The trick, I believe, to living a life of harmony, is to shift from valuing TOPICS, to valuing PEOPLE. 

To create harmony - my commitment to people and healthy relationships MUST be more important than my commitment to my opinion (not my values, but my opinions... my conclusions).

Then, when someone approaches me, I stand firm on my values, and open up a conversation working to understand their perspective and needs, and thoughtfully trying to iterate, evolve or modify my desired conclusion to meet both their needs and mine, without compromising my values or theirs.

It's funny.  And, it's subtle.

I don't know how many people think like this.  And, maybe I am less patient or tolerant in revisiting tricky issues than others.  

I just know I can feel the difference in my being... in my response... in my tone... when we touch on topics that I have subconsciously put in that dangerous category of "Not Ones I Want to Have"...

Value people more than my conclusions.

Trust that new, better conclusions are a simple WANT away...

And, keep working to understand the "IS"... not just from your vantage point, but from the vantage point of those you are dealing with...

Then... you can turn moments of disharmony... into productive conversations that build relationships & businesses.

It's most often "THOSE" topics that you WISH you didn't have to open up, that are the most meaningful to the health and success of the world and the people around you.  If we can figure out how to open those up... and do right by them... progress them... imagine the possibilities.

Not all of my issues are resolved from today...

But, I am in healthy, constructive, meaningful and productive conversations in all of them...

and,

in harmony,

Nestor

over half a million words...

As I mentioned before, I am trying to figure out how to evolve this concept of harmony with a dear friend.

So, I pulled all of my posts through this Summer (or actually my son did) and put them into a word document.

The other day, I printed them out, to read them and categorize them.

Seeing nearly 4 years of posts on paper on my desk was interesting.

According to the document, it's

2,246 pages

and

551,989 words...

It was probably nearly 10 pounds of paper, maybe more.

The 8 by 10s stacked well over a foot on my desk.

I looked at the pile of paper and had such mixed feelings...

Why am I writing?

Am I just saying the same thing over and over again?

Should I keep writing?

More than half a million words... I want to do a little exercise and count key words, but that is the engineer in me.

So, is writing worth it?

I picked up part of the stack of papers, feeling superflous and redundant...

The first page I saw was the day that my son left for college... 

"Joyful Sorrow"

I read a few lines, and was transported.

I picked up the stack again, and saw the post about my son choosing between playing video games and going out shopping for his mom.

I picked up the stack again  and was transported again.

I smiled...

This is life.

It's millions of words, 

if you are lucky enough to live to 89 years old like papapa,

You get to live

32,495 days...

If you stack those days on a desk, they would be piles and piles....

If you picked up the stack and could see a random day...

What would you see?

What would you feel?

Would you feel that your life is just a bunch of repetitive days...

Or, would you be grateful to have lived them...

Grateful to have written them?

I have read many books, and a few of them I remember specifically, but even those, I remember one or two key thoughts.

I have been reading books for many years...

But the pace of my life, of my harmony, shifted when I started writing.

While I like the concept of writing a book, and I love the concept of reading books...

Life is not changed by a book,

Life is not changed by a thought,

Life is changed by LIVING...

By LIVING every day with a constant purpose.

By LIVING deliberately...

By LIVING deliberately... 

EVERY DAY...

DAY IN,

DAY OUT...

The thoughts that make our life worthwhile,

are repetitive...

if we are successful.

The things we do to be happy,

are repetitive...

if we are truly happy.

That is life... 

A lifetime of moments...

In a huge stack of days...

And, you only get to live in this one.

The only "IS" of your life that matters,

is the one you are living.

What do you want the rest of your pages to look like?

Harmony is a discipline.

It's a discipline,

a mindset,

a way of looking at the world,

that I am committed to...

and it may evolve over time.

I am committed to it because every book I have read supports it...

Every inspiring quote I read makes me think about it.

I am 

over half a million words...

into my story of harmony...

and over 50 years.

Today is one more page,

maybe two.

Just one more day of my 32,000...

if I am lucky.

When I turn back on this page...

What will I think?

How will I feel?

How will you?

Over half a million words in nearly four years...

And the only one that matters...

Is the one you are 

THINKING,

SAYING,

LIVING...

right now...

in harmony,

Nestor

CARE

I've been thinking about this concept a lot lately...

And, I saw a facebook post come back up from 4 years ago that I had written (I love that Facebook reminds me what I was thinking years ago...)

Post on Facebook From Dec 2013

"The most powerful single concept that I know - is simply TO CARE.

Show up with people in a way that makes them know that you CARE and almost instantly you build trust.

CARING about people,

about their interests,

about their insecurities,

about their ambitions,

as much or ideally more than about your own.

That's power.

That's AWESOME power!

CARING SINCERELY.

We are wired to defend ourselves against those that don't care about us.

If you want the best from those around you... show up with CARE, not judgement, and watch them CARE back at you...

The difference in life will astound you..."

People don't choose to "not care" on purpose.  I think the challenge is to be mindful of how much we really care about ourselves... to be mindful not just of our EGO, but of our interests... of our opinion.

We must work to really SEE our own interests and our own EGO to be able to separate it from the discussions... from our behavior.  Most people don't see the difference between what they themselves care about - and what others care about.

When you call someone, set up a meeting, approach someone, or even bump into someone by accident... YOU ARE ON A MISSION... On a mission for something.  Maybe it's to get information.  Maybe it's to share information.  Maybe it's to get the person to act on something.  There is SOME interest that YOU have that brings you to that engagement.

Being able to see those interests and SET THEM ASIDE... even for a moment... to check in and see what is on the other person's mind... what are they struggling with... hearing them... 

Being able to see your own interests and SETTING THEM ASIDE... even for a moment.. .to truly hear their perspective on your objective, on the mission that you are on...

There is nothing more powerful and possibly more generous.

One of our company's values.. the first one actually, is "Honest and CARING above all".

And, I think everyone that says it and hears it wants to believe it and do it.  And, then I watch and I see the different levels of care... I see them in myself, in my mind, in my actions... and I know I can do better.

And, I also see when I pause, when I shelve my own EGO... I see the difference in those I love and those I work with... 

CARING... above all...

It's about selflessness...

It's about harmony... 

OTHER people's harmony...

before and enabling your own.

Nestor

Lingering in gratitude

I could be angry that my mother has dementia and can't speak to me,

but I am grateful that she is happy and loved and healthy.

I could be angry that my father died without seeing my second son graduate,

but I am grateful that he lived 89 long, happy and independent years.

I could be angry that my sisters died young and I don't get to enjoy them as adults,

but I am grateful that they gave me a perspective on life and death at a young age that was the gift of a lifetime.

I could be angry that social media takes up so much of our children's lives, but I am grateful that because of social media I stay so current with so many friends and family that I otherwise could not.

I could be angry that there is so much anger and divisiveness in this country, but I am grateful that we live in a country where that debate is allowed and ultimately serves us.

I could be angry that I can't get these last 10 pounds off, but I am grateful that I am healthy and alive... and lighter than I have been most of my adult life.

I could be angry that my son has to go back to college today, but I am grateful that we have the means and he has the interest to come home to share these holidays.

I could be angry that my father's paperwork for his assets is so painful to resolve, but I am grateful that we don't need those assets to live and can be patient to resolve them.

I could be angry that my son hasn't finished his college applications and seems to lack energy and enthusiasm for his own future, but I am grateful that he is thoughtful and considerate and that he has submitted 3 and continues to make progress on the rest.

I could be angry that life is so busy that I don't get to meditate or work on some things that are important to me, but I am grateful for the success of my business and my family that keeps me busy.

I could be angry at myself for so many reasons... too many to count and you have heard most of them, but I am grateful that I am objective and thoughtful, and I see myself honestly and I am improving over time.

In every aspect of my life, I could be angry and frustrated and WISHING it was different... on the big meaningful things... and on the small meaningless details...

And, in all aspects I try, in every instance, to see the value, the beauty, the good...

THE "IS"...

And, not just SEE it, but APPRECIATE it...

I heard Tony Robbins once say, "anger and gratitude can't coexist.  Those two emotions cannot be felt together."  And, I am fairly convinced it is true...

What are you angry about?

What frustrates you?

Being grateful for the "IS" of it, doesn't eliminate your ability and opportunity to WANT and work on evolving it into a new reality... a new "IS".

Gratitude doesn't have to be complacency with the status-quo... It's just a better place to start our energy and our actions.

It not only changes the flavor of our life for ourselves...

but it changes the flavor of life for those we share it with!

It not only changes the tone of our actions...

It changes our effectiveness and increases the probability of our success.

Gratitude doesn't have to mean ACCEPTANCE going forward,

it simply means APPRECIATION for having made it this far.

We speak to gratitude often, and we often say we understand it's important.  But, so very often I see us leap from those words right to "BUT"... and "ANGER" or "FRUSTRATION" follow.

I WANT BETTER IN MY LIFE - in all aspects of my life - and those of the people I love.

In NO ASPECT of my life am I "ok" with not improving upon it...

AND, I AM GRATEFUL FOR EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE... 

or, I try to be... because I know all of it could be very different... 

There are also of course, those few things which we truly cannot change.  Those are few but absolute.  Possibly the smartest words I've ever heard, you have heard as well, "God, grant me the patience to accept those things that I cannot change, the strength to change the ones that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  Possibly the only thing we ever need to know about success and happiness.

EVERYthing that has the potential to "bother" me about my life is so very clearly a blessing...

I am not hiding from the truth...

I am trying to live fully in it...

And, grateful for it.

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend...  

Linger in gratitude,

and,

in harmony,

Nestor

It starts...

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough,

and more.

It turns denial into acceptance,

chaos to order,

confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home,

a stranger into a friend.” 

—Melody Beattie

A friend and colleague sent me this quote this morning... 

So many thoughts of gratitude on this Thanksgiving eve...

How do we not just SAY it... 

How do we LIVE it?

Thinking about all of you in the beautiful week of Thanksgiving.

Nestor

A Better Man...

A better car doesn’t make me a better man. 

A bigger house doesn’t make me a better man. 

Not a nicer suit, not a watch, not a title of any kind... 

make me a better man. 

Being a better example as a father, 

Being a better, more loving husband, 

Being a better, more present friend... 

a more inspired, more humble leader... 

Being a more considerate, more respectful, more engaged human being... 

Being a better human, 

a more loving, 

more selfless,

more inspired being... 

That,

and that only,  

creates the possibility of

a better man...

of a better me. 

In this moment, 

and

in harmony, 

Nestor

Unhappy People...

We were having this amazing dinner with some colleagues and my wife and the conversation got a little philosophical...

I am not sure what triggered the thought, but I said,

"Most people are unhappy... They live unhappy lives!"

"Why?", someone asked immediately, with genuine curiosity.

I heard myself talking, and my brain was struggling to catch up with my words, and evaluating my own thoughts...  

"Three things" I said.  (Sincerely, as I said it, I wondered to myself what they were).

"First, most people don't take the time to figure out, to understand their purpose.  Most people don't come up with their own answer to 'Why they exist'.  And, without a clear purpose, it's hard to feel sustainable joy."

"Second, most people don't commit themselves to a discipline, a mindfulness, a practice of joy and happiness.  Most people want to be happy, but they don't adopt a discipline for it.  Why do we expect to accomplish something without developing a mastery through a deliberate practice?"

"And, third, most people don't 'frame' their life in the right context.  Most people frame their lives focused on the deficiencies they are trying to resolve or fill, and not on the abundance of blessings that they have received.  Most of us because of some lack of the first or second points, succumb to the 'noise' in the world, and from our own ego, suggesting we 'need' more to be happy."

I smile now as I write this, because who am I to know what the three things are (or even if there are three and not 10).  But, because it's included in your price of membership ;-) I thought I'd share the conversation with you.

Do you agree with these three?

As I think about the conversation two additional thoughts come to mind;

Perhaps I left out the most important component of joy...  Or perhaps it is a further clarification of the first point... Our purpose to be truly happy must be greater than ourselves.  If we are not serving others with our purpose, I believe, we will always struggle to truly know happiness.

And, of course, happiness requires us to realize and embrace that happiness and unhappiness ONLY exists in the moment. 

There is, at the end of the day, a consistency to my madness ;-)

What I should have said from the beginning is,

"I believe, most people experience many more unhappy moments than happy ones...

Most people experience many more moments of disharmony than harmony..."

Because that is more accurate to how we experience life...

in moments...

and, if we work on it deliberately...

in harmony,

Nestor

Grace of God

I heard a friend of mine once say,

“And,

there by the Grace of God,

go I”.

It was years ago, and the first time I heard it, I didn’t get it.

But the words and the thought now play over and over in my head...

So much so, that often these days my eyes well up with tears as I mumble those words under my breath... when I see someone who is disabled or appears to be in pain...

Before, I used to get stuck on the word and possibly the concept of God. 

“Not sure I believe in Him”, I thought. So it would be hypocritical of me to think it.

I am not sure what changed.

As I get older,  I focus less on what I don’t believe and more on what I do. 

Perhaps it is that I now accept God in my life... not as an old man who sits in the clouds and determines my destiny... but as the benevolent force of the universe... as the light that takes away the darkness...

You know the one I am talking about. The one that everyone seems to have a name and a story for...

I don’t know which story to be true... maybe it’s all of them... They are so very similar.

This morning I saw a video on Facebook about a man with no legs doing a Tough Mudder race.

The thought crossed my mind.

I received an email about an employee who had recently lost a child...

The thought crossed my mind.

I watched a elderly man walking through the airport, with some handicap in his gate...

“There by the ...”

My eyes welled up again...

I am also reminded of the thoughts of a few disabled friends who make the point... We are the lucky ones, because you can see our disability.  So many people carry around disabilities, sadness, pain ... that we cannot see.

Maybe my mindfulness for these thoughts are less about my relationship with God and more about my awareness of GRACE...

I feel so very grateful for this amazing life I get to live...

 this bountiful experience that I get to enjoy...

I think about my sisters.

I think about my parents.

“There by the Grace...”

I think of my boys and wonder if they will someday feel as grateful...

I hope so.

And, I know that gratitude cannot be taught or imposed... We need to develop our own relationship with the concept.

It’s not about a perfect life, or perfection in any way.

I fail often at remembering to be grateful, but perhaps less often than I used to.

I feel guilty often... and gratitude is perhaps the only emotion that seems to dissolve guilt.

I do what I love in life...

My dreams every day make up a greater part of my reality...

I get it now...

what my friend once said...

I don’t just hear the words anymore... I feel them in my being.

I get it thoroughly...

In more and more moments...

“There by the Grace of God, go I...”

Here

by the Grace...

in the “IS”... 

In harmony,

Nestor

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ADELE

"No matter what you look like,

the key is to first of all be happy with yourself.

And then you know if you want to try to improve things that you don’t like about yourself,

then do it after you appreciate yourself."

ADELE

You have to love Adele.  Even if you don't love her music, which would be odd, it's hard not to respect how authentic she is... how strong and at the same time how vulnerable.

Maybe, for you, it's not as much "what you look like"...

Maybe, for you, it's more about "your professional success",

or "how much money you make"

or "how successful your kids are in school"

or whatever it may be that you compare against the world.

These words from Adele... These insights regarding her outlook on life... 

"First, be happy with yourself"... Be happy with your "IS"... no matter what the circumstance.

Then try to improve on yourself after you appreciate yourself... Reach for your WANT, after being grateful for your "IS"...

It always makes me smile how similar the feedback we hear is from people who seem to have it figured out.

For me, I call it harmony...

You can call it whatever you want...

But look for the similarity in the words of wisdom from enlightened souls...

Understanding the theory is the first step.

Applying the theory is the lifelong practice...

If everyone is telling us the same thing... in our pursuit for happiness...

maybe we should listen...

maybe we should try it...

In it ;-)

Nestor

THIS

Inspiration, wisdom is everywhere. 

Yesterday, I was watching a random video by Brandon Butchard, author.  He was speaking of a sign in a green room that Oprah had seen.  She says the sign meaningfully changed her life.  The sign read: 

 ”Please 

BE RESPOSIBLE

FOR THE ENERGY YOU BRING

INTO THIS SPACE.”

yes! 

this! 

I see so many people

in so many instances,

the vast majority of them... 

mindful of the energy they WANT, not the energy they GIVE. 

Truth is that the energy we receive in life flows directly from the energy we give. 

LOVE THE THOUGHT... 

LOVE THE MESSAGE... 

and I for some reason appreciate that it starts with the word “please”.  Think about it without that word.  It would change the energy. 

It is our responsibility, and more it is our opportunity, to change, to improve, to transform the energy of our world, of our moment... by our presence in it. 

I really believe that is the motivation behind most of our actions... our posts... our positions... we are trying to affect change for a better outcome... 

Being responsible for the energy that you bring into any space certainly has to do A LITTLE with content, but I️ have found has

A TON MORE TO DO

WITH TONE,

WITH OPEN MINDEDNESS,

WITH TESPECT.,

WITH CONSIDERATION. ...

True that the more serious and difficult the content... the more important that the energy we bring is... 

The energy we bring into a space has so much more to do with HOW YOU SHOW UP and HOW YOU COMMUNICATE than with WHST YOU SAY.

So, so often the energy I️ see people bringing works to create a negative energy against their desired outcome... 

I try to be very mindful and deliberate of the energy I bring with me everywhere I go.  I often fail to make it positive, but I am so very much trying to be aware.... THIS is perhaps my clearest desire and i had never thought of it so simply.  This is what I aspire to, live for...  to change the energy of my world by influencing the energy of my moments.

Ultimately, THIS is EVERYTHING. 

The energy we bring is how we make people feel... It is what makes them seek us in the future or repel us... or remember us at all. 

If we bring no energy... why bother. 

if we bring negative, righteous, arrogant, close minded energy ... who on earth wants to engage and invite that? 

If we bring thoughtful, passionate, curious, respectful, grateful, considerate, can-do energy... who can resist? 

When walking into a space, 

into a moment,

are you thinking of the energy that you seek...

or the energy that you BRING... 

Simple and absolute truth is,

in most cases, 

one begets the other. 

THIS... 

”Please 

BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENERGY THAT YOU BRING INTO THIS SPACE” 

into this life

into this world

into this conversation

into this moment. 

See this sign...

see

THIS

everything and everywhere ...

in Harmony, 

Nestor

SUPERB ANIMATOR

What engages us about people?

What makes us interesting as human beings?

What differentiates us?

I was listening to "Creativity Inc.: Overcoming the Unforseen Forces that Stand in the Way of True Inspiration" a book written by Ed Catmull, co-founder and president of Pixar somewhat distracted, and I hear him say,

"The definition of superb animation

is that each character on the screen makes you think that it is a

thinking being,

if viewers sense not just movement but intention, or put another way emotion,

than the animator has done his or her job.

It's not just lines on paper anymore,

it's a living, feeling entity."

It made me pause and smile.  

INTENTION and EMOTION

so simple, so true, so hard to achieve in stick figures and so often hard to achieve in human beings themselves.

Do you want to be SUPERB ANIMATION?  

I do!

I want to entertain.  I want to engage.  I want to inspire.

WHY?.... I would ask... WHY NOT?  LIfe is more fun if you are inspired.

The same thing that superb animators tried to put into Donald Duck in 1950, I try to put into mine... INTENTION and EMOTION.  I try to be deliberate about the first, and not restrict the second.

That doesn't mean that I let my emotions drive me, or lead me, but I do allow them to be.  Just yesterday I was with a wonderful lady who has gone through great sadness in her life, and my heart hurt with hers.  I didn't try to hold back the tears or the sadness, I was grateful for them and let them flow.

Too often we lack INTENTION because we are "following some rules" that we think ought to be followed.  Again, I am not suggesting that we create chaos, that we all start driving the wrong way down one way streets.. but I am saying... "Ask yourself WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO... and WHY DO YOU DO HOW YOU DO IT?"  

Do you do it INTENTIONALLY or are you walking through your life on auto-pilot, driven by some nameless animator who just drew your lines?

And do you FEEL your life?  Not just the stresses that peak your anxiety... but ALL OF IT.  Do you feel your blessings, your great fortune, your breath... the deliciousness of your food, the freedom of your choices, the touch of your love..."

Again, I am not suggesting that we REBEL against the status quo... I am just saying, Disney became great because it created characters that conveyed INTENTION and EMOTION...

DO YOU CHOOSE THOSE SAME ATTRIBUTES FOR THE CARTOON OF YOUR LIFE?

Now, the danger of showing more intention and emotion is that you may no longer fit in.... people may decide they don't like your intention or emotion.... and, I would say, that is OK.

If I show INTENTION and EMOTION in my life and you don't like me - it means our intentions in life are different.  And, not liking me will make both of us think about it.  And possibly stop being friends, or stop working together... it will make us CHANGE the CHANNEL.

If someone's intentions are selfish or evil, that is always concerning.  I believe, however, that it is through ALLOWING OUR INTENTION AND EMOTION to show that we actually learn about ourselves and can then EVOLVE ourselves... and I believe that we are all inherently good... and it is HIDING or believing that our intentions and emotions are NOT WORTHY that causes evil.

And, possibly find friends, partners, work that is more aligned with who we are, who we want to be, the cartoons that we want to be and watch in life...

if we lived in a world where we all showed our intention and our emotion... I believe we would be more honest, and thus more free.  We would be more authentic, and thus the world would be more interesting.  We would be more inspired, and thus life would be more meaningful.

INTENTION and EMOTION... 

find yours...

celebrate yours...

unleash yours...

in more moments...

And, be seen, be acknowledged, be celebrated... 

as a living, thinking entity...

Don't get tuned out.  Don't encourage others to change your channel.

Try it... you may end up enjoying the show, the day, the life a lot more...

BE YOUR OWN SUPERB ANIMATOR...

BE GRATEFUL FOR HE WHO DREW YOUR LINES...

BRING THEM TO LIFE!

Be like the DONALD...

Duck... that is...!

A biddy a biddy a biddy ah...  That's all folks...!

in harmony,

Nestor

White Beard

I wonder…

At what moment…

did my beard turn white,

did my joints start to ache,

did my eyes turn serious?

At which moment…

did my smile deepen,

did my heart expand,

did time speed up.

When exactly…

Did my boys grow into men,

Did my mama forget my name,

Did I lose my fear of loneliness.

When exactly, was I no longer

afraid of the dark,

afraid of failure,

afraid of death?

At what moment really…

did I succeed,

did I stop feeling guilty,

did I own my life …

It was recently, 

That I stopped looking for a single answer,

That I found gratitude,

That I embraced harmony…

We don’t achieve a life of success.

We don’t experience a lifetime of happiness.

We don’t suffer a lifetime of regret.

Our life, success, suffering, happiness

Happens

One moment

At a time…

And, then we get to look back…

And wonder how many we missed…

And

celebrate all the ones we didn’t…

Truth is…

It doesn’t really matter at what exact moment

any

one thing

happened.

What matters is –

How aware am I of THIS moment?

What fears still haunt me?

What dreams still inspire

my

want?

How grateful am I

to have;

the wrinkles in my smile,

the miles under my feet,

the love in my heart,

the people in my life,

and,

this

deep

and

delicious

breath…

in harmony,

Nestor

WISH vs WANT... All you need to know...

So, I have two thoughts on my mind this morning that both feel paramount to share...

but, I realize two is one too many.  

So... one at a time.

The reason that I call these "conversations" and not "blog posts" is because I don't know what the heck a "blog post" is... I don't know what it's supposed to feel like.

I know what a great conversation feels like... and I hope that my thoughts create conversations...

between us

within you

and possibly, between you and those you care about...

It's easy to read, to check off boxes, to move quickly through our day... but the moments where we pause, where we consider, where we breathe... those are the ones that make our days worth living.

I hope these conversations cause you pause... in fact,  I encourage you to breathe often as you read and just consider how you really feel about things... what you really think about all of it...

I know the three dots "..." are incorrect grammar.  And, I don't really care.

When I use the "..." It's my way of saying, "breathe... consider..."

Yesterday I wrote about MORE vs BETTER, and I realize that BETTER is in many ways a different word for MORE.

The thought that stuck with me yesterday, was that wanting for MORE is NOT disharmony... WANTING for more IS harmony.  It's an important part of harmony.

The question is HOW DO I THINK ABOUT "MORE"...

WHERE DOES THE NEED FOR "MORE" COME FROM...

THAT MATTERS.

I had dinner with a friend last night who wants to find a new job.  He wants a MORE interesting job.  He wants a job that he is  MORE passionate about.  GOOD.  HEALTHY.

Now - does he come at it from...

"My job sucks.  It's not what I expected it to be.  I have to deal with the same issues over and over.  My new manager is horrible. I am tired of it and I want to find another one."

or is it

"I've had a great run at my current job.  It's provided nicely for my family for over a decade.  And, now it's time to move on.  The industry is changing and I want to get into a faster growing space.  I am lucky to be in a position where I can look for my next venture while having the security of a good, existing job."

Both are about WANTING a new gig.  The first one however, has the tone of WISHING that I didn't have the job I have now.

A dear friend of mine is getting divorced.  He wants MORE from his life and from his primary relationship.

Does he come at it from...

"I don't like my wife.  She doesn't get me. She doesn't get us.  I hate being at home.  I have put up with it long enough.   I don't care what it takes.  I WANT out! "

or is it

"My wife is a beautiful woman and a great mother.  We are really different and have grown apart over the past decade.  I want her to happy.  And, I want to be happy.  I am convinced at this point we can't find the happiness we deserve together, so we are working on getting divorced.  We are thinking of the children first, and are going to do whatever it takes to help them through this carefully.  I look forward to getting through this and to have the opportunity to find someone who is a better fit for me."

Both are wanting out.  The first one has the tone of WISHING that "I wasn't in this situation to begin with" or that "I had married someone else" or that "she was different".

Two thoughts...

1.  WHY DO WE WANT MORE?

Do we want more because we want to grow, progress, make good use of our time on earth to improve upon our lives?   Good stuff...  all healthy WANTS.

Do we want more because others have more and we think we somehow are missing out by not having more?  This has a tone of WISHING that you had more already, that the world wasn't unfair, that you had made different decisions...

I think many of us want MORE because somehow subconsciously we believe that by having MORE, we will eventually feel like we are ENOUGH.   I don't think most of us are willing to acknowledge this, or maybe are ready to consider what it means... but I tell you... this has been the main reason in my life for wanting more...  (but as I have achieved more, as I have grown, it has started to become very clear that having MORE will never make me MORE...  MORE VALUABLE or MORE WORTHY of what matters.).  

Why do you want more?  Think about it... Want more for the right reasons... it makes the wanting and the achieving so much more satisfying.

2.  DO WE GET THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISHING AND WANTING?

I hate burying this thought so deep in this conversation, because it was a revelation this morning.  I have struggled with the difference between WANT and WISH... How are they really different?

Let's go with an easy one

I WANT to LOSE WEIGHT

I WISH I COULD LOSE WEIGHT 

Clearly there is a little connotation of CONTROL.  The WANT gives you MORE control.  The WISH takes it out of your control.  That is really important.

But, as I think about all of this WANTING for MORE (or WISHING for MORE)... I come to this conclusion...

The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING AND WISHING is really my ability, my acceptance, my embracing of the "IS"...

The DIFFERENCE between the WANT and the WISH is simply where I anchor myself relative to my "IS"... the TRUTH of my situation.

If you ANCHOR yourself on the truth of where you are.  If you accept your situation as a blessing.  If you acknowledge and own who you are, good and bad, the decisions you have made good and bad... then when you think about achieving better... IT NATURALLY BECOMES A WANT... not a WISH...

If you are not ANCHORED in your truth.  EMBRACING and ACCEPTING your truth... If you reject, ignore or cannot find gratitude for your "IS" for your situation... then your desire for MORE... has no option but to be a WISH... because there is no OWNERSHIP in your situation to change it...

YOU DON'T REALLY CONTROL WHETHER YOU CHOOSE WANT OR WISH... 

YOU DON"T REALLY CONTROL YOUR HARMONY OR DISHARMONY...

WHAT YOU, and I, CONTROL IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR "IS".  YOU CONTROL HOW YOU UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT, EMBRACE YOUR REALITY.   YOU CONTROL HOW YOU OWN WHO YOU ARE AND THE LIFE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN... YOU CONTROL YOUR GRATITUDE. 

And, if we do that - our desire for more becomes a want... and our experience, our moment, becomes one of harmony. 

If we don't own our IS - our desire for more becomes a wish... and our experience, our moment, becomes one of disharmony.

And, when you CONTROL and OWN that... YOUR "IS" in any given moment...

THEN your human desire for more comes to life as a WANT not a WISH...

This is different than I understood it before.  I thought WANTING vs WISHING was a choice... it's not.  ONLY THROUGH EMBRACING MY IS can I show up with my WANT in a healthy way.  I can only wish if I cannot anchor myself in gratitude.

not sure if you are still with me... 

but this makes the concept of harmony simpler...

I used to say, understand and embrace your "IS", choose "WANT", stay away from the "WISH" and harmony happens...

But, I think harmony simply happens from EMBRACING your "IS".... then let yourself loose upon the world and let harmony flow...

still digesting this...

I WANT MORE... so much more... more meaning, to make more contribution to the world, more success, more harmony, more happiness, more joy, more purpose, more days on the beach, more time with people I love... more, more, more...

And, I start with breathing deeper... trying to fully OWN my life, my moment, my short comings, my failures, my successes, my habits, my behaviors... embracing all aspects of my life and accepting them... leveraging them... being grateful for them...

then, letting myself loose upon the world...

in harmony,

Nestor

More Better...

So much of our angst comes from wanting more...

So much of our disharmony and our discontent comes from our desire and expectation for more...

And, at the same time, so much of our drive and our desire and our hope comes from wanting those same things...

Is it wrong to want for more?

Is it wrong to want for better?

I think both of those are fundamental human reactions, desires, behaviors...

And, every enterprise in America is fueling and speaking to your desire for more (and most often MORE of what you don't need... more beer, more burgers, more spending, more, more, more...)

So, two thoughts on this cloudy Monday to keep myself focused and in harmony...

1.  FOCUS ON ACHIEVING BETTER, NOT MORE...

Better tends to make me think more about performance, about mindset, about behavior, about life... MORE tends to make me think more about things...

2.  And, second, stay focused on achieving BETTER... TODAY!

When I start to think or more or better in totality, it quickly if not immediately becomes overwhelming.

So much to learn, so much to improve on, so much to resolve, so much to do... 

I think it is a delicate balance and in some ways a subtle point.

It is our DESIRE for better that fuels us and inspires us, and yet it is our desire for more that frustrates us.

It is our DESIRE for MORE from LIFE in the absolute that makes our efforts and our progress and our success feel so inconsequential, so minimal, so meaningless...  And, yet, it is our ABILITY to take some step toward being BETTER TODAY that makes us smile, that fills our hearts and our sails... that gives us the confidence and that makes today worthwhile and tomorrow possible...

Whatever it is that you desire, dream about, WANT for...  don't judge it... embrace it...

Don't define it as SOMETHING you don't have today, but as a better version of the life you are living.  Don't look at your life today as DEFICIENT of it, but rather as able to improve upon it... 

Don't WISH you had it, WANT to accomplish it.

It's not wrong to want for more.  It's just better to want for better... and your only ability to achieve it... is to act on it today.

It's Monday...  everything is possible...

in harmony,

Nestor

Which Monkey Are You?

So, one more from the Power of Habit book...  (If you read yesterday's, Where's Your Chocolate?...)

They speak about another test... 

They have these monkey's in a room pressing a button when something comes up on the screen (cue).  When they push the button (behavior), they get a little bit of juice (reward).

They have monkey's do this test and they see the same pattern as with the rats.  Once they have been doing the drill for a while, as soon as the screen shows the figure (cue), they start already feeling the pleasure of the juice (reward).

Then they modify the test.  Halfway through the test, they stop the test and offer the monkeys the chance to go play outside (something they normally LOVE to do).

The monkey's that have not yet developed the "habit" are thrilled to go outside.  They leave the test willingly and happily.

The monkey's that have developed a "habit" don't go outside.  They become agitated, angry, frustrated.  They stay inside even though the screen is turned off and keep hitting the button wanting, expecting, desiring the juice.

Most of us live in the land of plenty - with great comfort, limitless channels, abundant sugar and snacks, and warmth in our homes.  By and large, we enjoy freedom and peace in our lives, and as much as we may hate government and politics they generally stay out of our way.

The monkeys are starting to demonstrate the dangers of CRAVINGS... CRAVINGS happen when you EXPECT the reward, but don't get it.  And, when we live our lives out of habit, we expect rewards ALL THE TIME as soon as we get the cue... whatever that may be.

This is why achieving a meaningful compensation is such a difficult topic.  It is because the moment you get compensated at a certain level, it becomes the given.  What you do to earn your living becomes largely "automatic".  

This is why kids (and adults) have a tough time leaving their video games, their phones... we create digital habits that bring us short term pleasure... and then we get cravings that are constant and somewhat insatiable.  When we get the opportunity to "go outside", or "have a meaningful conversation", or "try something new", or "something that we used to love to do..."  We sit there pushing the button over and over, waiting for our reward...

CRAVING is WISHING...

And, WISHING is DISHARMONY...

We get to a point in living a life of habit where we simply expect comfort, expect more... 

And when anyone proposes changes, it puts our known reward at risk... and we get defensive, and we push back on change.

Ultimately there are good habits and bad habits, and so there are good cravings and bad cravings...

But, I would argue what is MOST IMPORTANT is to maintain a MINDFULNESS to ALL OF OUR HABITS...  To create a daily habit of mindfulness...  It is the only way that you can stay truly in control of your mind, of your thoughts and thus OF YOUR ACTIONS...

I see it all around me (and in myself)... We are "creatures of habit", and if we are not committed to habits that help us LEARN, we start living a routine life of stagnation.  We start doing the same things over and over again.  We limit our minds to the same solution set.  We don't need to ask questions because we already know all of the answers.

There are two types of monkeys in the test - the MONKEY who is still grateful and happy to go outside, and the MONKEY who has locked into a single source of pleasure and is angry at any other outcome.  The monkey who remains open to new experiences and the monkey that has become slave to his craving.

There are two types of human beings - that I believe mirror the same dynamics.

The ones committed to learning, and the ones who believe they know all they need to know.

The ones open to change, and the ones who resist change.

The ones who believe their best is still ahead of them, and the ones who believe their best has already happened.

The ones who embrace their imperfection, and the ones afraid to fail.

The ones who continue to ask questions with a sense of wonderment, and the ones who ridicule the question askers because they should already know the answers.

Which MONKEY are you?

Are you aware of the cravings in your life?  Of the habits creating those cravings?

Are you the one still asking yourself questions...  still trying SINCERELY to become stronger, smarter, kinder, better?

Or, are you one of the ones pissed off at the world because not everyone is "as smart as you are"?

What CRAVINGS drive your life?  What CRAVINGS keep you from playing outside?

Mindfulness is not only about shifting ourselves out of automatic into manual transmission...

Mindfulness is about getting out of the car... choosing to walk... then allowing yourself to walk down a completely different path...

Mindfulness is about checking in with your sense of wonder... your sense of creativity... your sense of uniqueness... your believe in BETTER.

The rats, the monkey's, the human beings... our brains are all so very similar in some ways... our biology dictates SOME of how we think...

But, unlike monkeys and rats... we possess a consciousness... that makes us so very unique... that gives us the possibility of deliberate action... of a deliberately GREAT LIFE!

Ultimately, habits are choices are minds make which lead to actions... and through repetition... the actions become automatic no longer requiring our volition, our deliberateness, our minds, our thoughtfulness...

And, we possess a consciousness... that we can choose to engage... that we can choose to embrace...

in each moment...

that leads us to question...

that leads us to wonder...

that leads us to experience...

JOY...

What do you TRULY, DELIBERATELY crave?

Which monkey ARE you?

Which monkey DO YOU WANT to be?

in harmony,

Nestor

Where's YOUR chocolate?

I just read an amazing book, "The Power of Habit", by Charless Duhigg.

It's been out and on my shelf for a couple of years.  I knew it would be good.  I knew I'd love it.  And, it took me a little time to get to it.

Endless thoughts and immeasurable value in this book... I encourage you to read it.

From the very many things to take away, a few of which I may write about... this was possibly the most powerful...

The whole concept of habits is that they are made up of three parts...

CUE - BEHAVIOR - REWARD

The majority of things we do during the day, we do out of habit.  Have you ever been driving home and wondered, "Where have I been the past 10 minutes?"  It happens to me often...

"How did I get here?"... crosses my mind... not in the esoteric way... but physically... how did I actually just drive for 10 minutes being so UNAWARE...

The book talks about many studies (which I always love) and tests done to understand the human mind.  And, one stuck with me.  

They put a rat through a maze.  A sound goes off (CUE), the rat starts to run through the maze looking for a way out but smells chocolate.  The rat starts to sniff actively every corner, every nook and cranny.  It runs and turns, and tries to push down walls or chew threw them, tries something, if it doesn't work, tries something else... (BEHAVIOR).  Then eventually it finds the chocolate (REWARD).  

They measure the rats mind and heart through this process.  Initially, when the sound goes off, the rat's heart is racing, it's adrenaline is pumping.  It's mind is fully active looking for options, LEARNING, picking up clues, WORKING, TRYING... and then when the chocolate is finally found there is PLEASURE.  Not surprising.  (I hope it was dark chocolate ;-)

But, after the rats do this OVER and OVER and OVER again, they notice that as soon as the sound goes off, the RATS minds go straight to the feeling of PLEASURE.  They KNOW they will get the reward.  The adrenaline level is LOW, or non existent.  The mind is less and less active, and becomes passive as the rats go through the BEHAVIOR... that becomes HABIT or ROUTINE... until they find the CHOCOLATE?

I read this and sighed...

I saw the entire human species as rats running through a maze... looking down at our phones... adrenaline down.... mind activity down... FEEDING OFF of our digital REWARD...

I saw the entire human race... and not just the POWER but the JOY of MINDFULNESS.

This whole craze about MINDFULNESS is simply the ACTIVE attempt at not taking our journey for granted.. 

It's about NOT living simply for the pleasure of CHOCOLATE... but rather for the PLEASURE of LIVING... of SEARCHING, of LEARNING, of BEING CURIOUS... of DISCOVERY...

How much of our lives are LOST in our habits?   With our minds and hearts wandering... about... and we find ourselves asking "How did I get here?"

At work...

In parenting...

In our health...

In love...

ARE YOU STILL ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR YOUR CHOCOLATE?  Or, do you get it everyday without even enjoying the day?

In today's world when more and more things are handed to us... where hard boiled eggs are boiled, put in little bags of two and put in the convenience store in the lobby of our offices... in a world where we don't have to raise our own chickens, harvest our own eggs, fetch our own wood, boil and peel our own eggs, clean up our own mess...  Do we appreciate it all the same...

OR ARE WE MINDLESSLY looking at our phones as we pull the pre-hard boiled eggs out of the fridge and stuff them down our mouths...

I am GUILTY!

We as humans are HABIT formers... our brains do that not to be LAZY, but to be EFFICIENT.

But, EFFICIENCY makes life AUTOMATIC... and AUTOMATIC makes life BORING and it makes us UNGRATEFUL.

If there is no perceived effort... 

If there is no curiosity required...

If there is no learning and discovery...

If there is no sense of growth or accomplishment...

THERE IS NO JOY... and THERE IS ALSO NO GROWTH...

TELL ME THIS STUFF ISN'T CRAZY SIMPLE and CRAZY MIND BLOWING...

HABITS are important... it's how great athletes achieve greatness... it is what makes our military arguably unbeatable... it is what makes companies great....

AND... it is what allows us to SLEEP WALK through our days... 

HABIT is what takes JOY out of our lives, what limits our options, what dulls our mind, what makes life move faster and faster with less and less of our consideration or PARTICIPATION.

And, there are good habits.  For me, two of the most important habits are weighing myself daily (which I need to keep doing) and writing these conversations... 

BOTH of those habits force me to consider my life differently... They are HABITS that actually GIVE ME MINDFULNESS instead of taking it away...

Knowing that our minds and beings REQUIRE, DEMAND habits... We MUST... WE MUST... if we want to live a live of harmony... STAY MINDFUL TO IT...

If I can be DELIBERATE about my habits, I can work to minimize the BAD ones and create more and more good ones...

It's why I sometimes HATE using the GPS... or looking at YELP....

If I am not in a hurry... maybe I should just find my own chocolate...

It's why I sometimes take the back roads to work, or simply take a turn I've never been on...

It's WHY I READ... and try to consume content... because NEW CONTENT creates NEW THOUGHTS... in my mind... READING... is possibly my most JOYFUL habit... I am not trying to consume books... I LOVE what it does for my mind and my heart...  

When I lived in CHINA... MY mind was so awake... EVERYTHING registered in my mind.  When we would visit the United States (or any western country) EVERYTHING registered in our minds... the freedom and joy of driving a car... the smoothness of the roads... the respect of the fellow drivers... the size of the portions... the freshness of the vegetables... the selection on the menus... the blueness of the sky... the selection at the grocery store... the ease of communication... the options for entertainment... the lack of smog... the COLORS of EVERYTHING... the beauty of the trees... the number of channels on the TV... the comfortable temperature in every home... the plentifulness in the stores... the lack of poverty... the availability of everything delicious... the opportunity... the familiarity... EVERYTHING...

I love the sense of wonderment that living some place so FOREIGN gave me... 

As human beings we so very often RESIST change, IGNORE change, REJECT change...

And yet, CHANGE is a GIFT... CHANGE is an opportunity for new and greater joy... change is an opportunity to LEARN... to be FULLY ALIVE and ENGAGED...

RESIST efficiency... RESIST routine... RESIST MINDLESS LIVING...

And, maybe don't resist it - just STAY AWAKE to it - AND REALIZE the difference...

Don't limit these comments to our PHYSICAL behaviors... think about our MENTAL behaviors...  how I think?  how we think?  how YOU think?  To what extent are your thoughts themselves HABITS... Do you consider NEW ideas with curiosity?  OR do you reject new ideas because our old ideas are so ingrained in our behavior?  How often do we simply STOP thinking... because WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER?

Harmony is acting on your WANT... If you aren't acting on your WANT deliberately... mindfully... there is no harmony... there is no joy...

If you are simply going through the motions... you are not moving toward your WANT... you are just moving... And, there is no harmony in purposeless motion... mindless living...

What are your good habits?

What are your bad habits?

Seriously... think about them... write them down... 

Can you see yourself in the maze?

Are you looking up or are you looking down at your phone?

Do you smell the chocolate?

Are you still looking for it? 

Or are you stuffing your face with it not knowing how you got here?

STAY AWAKE....

Where is your chocolate?

Seeking it mindfully...

is harmony,

Nestor

p.s. PART 2 TO THIS TOMORROW... How Habit creates Craving... and why Craving is disharmony...

What Matters...

Perhaps I have written about this before...

But, it certainly feels important enough to write again.

I was having a great conversation over a glass of wine, with a friend whose mother recently died, and she said... "Watching her die... it begs the question so clearly...

'What Matters?'"

It made me think of the moment standing above my father's casket... 

holding his hand which felt so familiar, despite the chemical smells of preservatives in the air.

(Side note - I feel like I can draw my father's hands... I can picture them in such complete detail... I can touch them with my mind... They were small & delicate & deliberate when it came to cutting his food.  I miss him... still... more than I ever imagined that I would)

So anyway, I am holding his hand standing by his casket... 

and the words pounding on my head, 

"It doesn't matter how you die,

it matters how you live,

it matters how you live..."

Those words just kept playing in my mind over and over.

What matters?  to me?  

I know the answer...

CONNECTION... 

knowing people, seeing people, connecting with people... with their stories... with their needs... with their fears... with their dreams...

CONNECTION matters above all else...

Because when we CONNECT... we are most alive... our purpose lives... and we feel joy.

CONNECTION matters... everything we do, arguably, we do to CONNECT... to be seen, to be worthy... of connection...

And, don't "limit" connection to only a "touchy feely" thing that happens in romantic relationships...   REALIZE, CELEBRATE, EMBRACE that connection CAN happen ALL the time with EVERYBODY... 

CONNECTION is a warm greeting...  it's acknowledging a strangers eyes on the street... it's a nod... it's listening... it's pausing... it's hearing... it's taking a small moment to ACKNOWLEDGE people... individually... ACKNOWLEDGE their BEING... 

EVERY exchange is an opportunity for connection...

EVERY exchange is an opportunity for harmony...

And, if what matters in life is CONNECTION...   then every moment we don't connect in some form creates the possibility of a moment of disharmony...  "wishing we connected"...

Think about it... 

We are constantly bouncing between harmony and disharmony on some level, and I would strongly argue that it correlates meaningfully and materially with how we bounce between connecting and not connecting with others...

CONNECTION is powerful... the energy from connecting lasts and lingers... but does dissipate between human beings without resupplying it...

So, that is "what matters?" in my opinion.

And, what is my purpose in life?  What makes my life matter?

I believe that my purpose in life is 

To live and share the joy of connection...

to help everyone I know live a little bit more in the moment, to think a little deeper, to see their dreams a little more possible...

I want to make the world around me to breathe a little deeper, smile a little bigger, to believe in themselves a little bit more... 

because I believe we possess that energy but are very often unaware of it.  That is the energy  that we all control, that we all seek... and it is our collective energy of making our lives and the world better... that allows the world to continue to spin in the right direction... 

in the direction of love... 

of knowing that we are not alone...

that we are all,

indeed,

connected...

because that IS what matters...

Breathe deep...

Smile big...

Feel it?

in harmony,

Nestor

"THERE"

Here is what I know...

I am in greater harmony, when I am writing about harmony EVERY day.

Because writing about harmony, 

requires thinking about harmony,

and thinking about harmony is essential to disarm the disharmony that life builds on its own...

The disharmony that is created by noise, by human nature, by a lack of discipline, a lack of mindfulness, a lack of gratitude...

So, I am going to try to keep writing...

And, I hope  you keep reading ;-)

Yesterday, in talking about life with a friend, I thought to myself (and then said out loud to him)...

What if I lived my life as if I was ALREADY "THERE"!

(Wherever the heck "THERE" is...)

I mean that, as opposed to the living my life TRYING TO GET "THERE"?

hmmm...

He looked puzzled.  "When you've spent your life asking questions and wanting more... can you ever stop?  Is asking questions and trying to make things better and reaching for more something you control?"  he asked.

Asking questions and the desire to make things better, heck even the desire for more, are all healthy signs of a curious, alive and ambitious spirit.

I NEVER want to live a life without those things.

"Then how is living as if you were already there and constantly trying to get there any different?" he asked.

AH... I would argue...

COMPLETELY, FUNDAMENTALLY, ENTIRELY DIFFERENT...

One is harmony.

The other disharmony.

If I can live my life as if I am already "there"... I own my success.  I give myself credit for the life that I have created, for the person that I already am.  It starts me from a place of gratitude, of abundance.  "I already MADE it... I am already THERE".  Being "THERE" means ACCEPTING who I am, as I am, in this moment.  It means starting from a point of confidence, from a point of gratitude, from a point of worthiness.  It is starting to construct my day, my moment,on a solid foundation.  It means you are SITTING on your "IS"... MY "IS" is "THERE"...

As opposed to...

If I live my life feeling like I need to get "there"... I am NOT owning my own success.  Nothing I have done thusfar has gotten me "THERE".  I don't give myself credit for the decisions I have made, the progress I have made, the things that I have learned.  It keeps me in a place lacking gratitude for the beautiful life I have achieved and enjoy.  It means living from a point of deficiency... I am NOT "THERE"... and thus I am NO WHERE.... I am NOT YET WORTHY.  It is starting to construct my day, my moment, on NO foundation.  It keeps me in a place floating... WISHING I was there.

Harmony vs Disharmony.

So, how does curiosity, ambition and a desire for more factor in?

I can WANT to make my THERE BETTER!  That is human and healthy.  I can want to IMPROVE on my THERE.  I can WANT even MORE "THERE" right "HERE" ;-)  The desire to BE BETTER, to ACHIEVE BETTER... even to ACHIEVE MORE... is healthy when I accept who I am, where I am... and where I am is inherently enough... HARMONY REQUIRES CLARITY OF OUR WANT.  EMBRACING OUR IS without a WANT is complacency... status quo... it eventually creates a lack of purpose and meaning... and then DISHARMONY.  Wanting for better is an essential part of Harmony.

When I want for BETTER - and I am still trying to GET "THERE"... the better, the more I want IS to get there.  The want for better almost immediately becomes a WISH that I was already there.  Even if the desire for better is equally healthy in this scenario versus the one above, it is trying to build construct something withtout a foundation.  It sees and JUDGES the work to be done, the growth to be gotten... as a DEFICIENCY instead of an OPPORTUNITY.  IT FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGES THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING...  IT FEELS and THUS IT IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT.

A life of harmony REQUIRES, DEMANDS... that we live our moments as if we are already "THERE"... wherever "there" is.

And, then our lives are spent making our THERE... richer, more meaningful, more beautiful.

The desire for those things is driven by our purpose, our meaning.

A life trying to get "THERE"... is a life of disharmony.

And, trust me, as the author and the student of this conversation, let me assure you that understanding that difference does not mean living that difference.  But, understanding it, writing about it, reading about it, is the practice that we so desperately need to embrace it, adopt it, and live it.

REMEMBER... Life... Harmony... happens in the moment.

It is not that I don't LIVE AS IF I AM ALREADY THERE...

It is that I spend WAY TOO MANY of my moments still trying to get there...

And, I know how different both feel.

And, you know it too.

Harmony requires practice... requires thinking, requires writing, requires reading...

And, thanks to you... right now... right here...  I am completely THERE...

Ready to construct my day...

in harmony,

Nestor