Harmony: A different definition

So, I keep bouncing back between the “Coaching for the Human Soul” book, and the Dr. Shefali, “Manifest Your Life” live video series that we are watching...

And, the thought crossed my mind...

Harmony “happens” when we understand, accept and embrace the “IS” of our moment or our life and move toward our “WANT”... Disharmony happens in moments when we are lost in “WISHING” our “IS” was different.

But, there is a different definition that seems to make as much sense as that...

Harmony happens in moments and decisions where we are moving toward our true and authentic self.  Disharmony happens when we are moving away from it...

I like the thought - that what we ultimately WANT, is to be FREE of noise, of nonsense, of distraction...  

What we ultimately WANT is to be TRUE to the most authentic and real version of ourselves possible...

Any moment where we feel we living a life forced upon us, not one we choose, is a moment of disharmony... UNLESS we can tie that moment into our journey in a constructive and logical way.  

In order to live in harmony, we must be able to see each moment, each decision, each reality as a stepping stone to who we want to be... otherwise we lose it.  

And, remember, one of the most basic truths about harmony, the only way to get to where we want to go, is to START with WHERE WE ARE!

Read that last line again ;-)

So - as long as you are in pursuit of your TRUE self... your AUTHENTIC LIFE.... and taking steps toward it... you will live in harmony.

The only question that remains then is simple....

What is your TRUE self?

Who are YOU... when the noise is lowered and the dust of life settles?

Hmmm... 

maybe not such a simple question ;-)  

Figuring THAT out... slowly but surely... IS are the FIRST STEPS...

Learing to walk -

in harmony,

Nestor

Intimacy

What is “intimacy”?

How would you describe it? 

We often mention it as a word, but do we agree what it is we are talking about? 

In the past, I would have said that it is sharing your inner most self...

your most vulnerable self...

That is not a bad definition, but likely not a great one either.

”Intimacy” as a word, we tend to reserve for our spouse, our lover... yet in so many relationships, the person we are supposed to be most intimate with is the one we are most afraid to be vulnerable with... 

Again, in listening to Dr. Sefali Tsabari, I found wisdom.... or at least a different clarity with respect to intimacy. 

She defines “intimacy” as the lifelong journey and the momentary act of shedding of our superficial self for our TRUE, authentic self.

Pretty powerful... 

She makes it clear that intimacy happens for us in many ways... and it starts with ourselves... 

To what extent do we engage in thoughts and conversations on our own, about who we truly are?  What is our true self? 

If we don’t have some level of that conversation with ourselves, how can we have it with anyone else in a meaningful way? 

I love intimacy... 

I seek intimacy... 

I actually think intimacy in and of itself is a meaningful part of my true self. 

I want to know the truth in people... 

It’s what I constantly seek... because it’s the only conversation that truly matters to us... 

I try to see people... in their TRUEST light, and I think that is an important part of what creates the connection that I have with people... 

I try not to get distracted by their noise, their minutia... That is wasteful... 

I truly believe that it is because I seek people’s truth, 

that I see people’s truth... 

I see the giant inside them... 

And, I love the conversation of unleashing their truest being upon the world... 

as I work on unleashing my own... 

That’s what all of my conversations are attempting to do... 

And, possibly why you are drawn to them...

Intimacy is not “sex”... that is just one possible form of it... and not without deliberate intent. 

Don’t protect or categorize intimacy to a small circle of people or topics, I’d argue and encourage you to unleash intimacy upon your world... 

Make your conversations matter... 

Work to find your true self, 

as you gently and caringly explore the conversations with more of those you know...

Our world needs more connection, 

Our world needs more exploration, 

Our world needs more conversation... 

to help us keep finding the truest version of our being... 

Find your courage... 

Broaden your definitions, 

and

find greater

intimacy

and

joy, 

in Harmony, 

Nestor

Ontological Coaching 001

“We are in the habit of looking at things.  

But often we don’t see them.  

Instead,

we see our concept of them,

and the meanings they have for us.”

Alan Seiler - author, “coaching to the human soul”

It’s amazing how this world is so tied together.

A dear friend and business partner gave me this AMAZING book called, COACHING TO THE HUMAN SOUL... I know, with a title like that, how can you not read it ;-)

It puts a structure behind coaching with what is known as “Ontological Coaching”.

”Ontological Coaching” was co-developed it turns out by the one and only Julio Olalla, who coined the quote that I love...

”WIsdom is a love affair with questions.  Knowledge is a love affair with answers.”

This book is rich with insights beyond what I can share in these conversations... but if you appreciate these conversations - you will LOVE this book.  It’s kind of like graduate level harmony...

I am only about 70 pages into the nearly 400 page book, but WOW, WOW, WOW...

I will try to dedicate several conversations to this book over the coming week and will try to give ALL of the credit of these thoughts to Alan and his colleagues.

So much of what I read yesterday speaks to the “IS” and why it’s so hard to really see, understand  the “IS”... the quote I started this conversation with says it so clearly...

”We are in the habit of looking at things.

But, we often don’t see them.”

I also love his thought,

”We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are...”

The hardest part of harmony, I am convinced, is observing our lives objectively...

At the heart of Ontological Coaching - is that we make our decisions, our reality is defined and exists based on three things:

- Our Language

- Our Emotions

- Our Body 

The words we use MATTER.  The state of emotion we are in - DEFINES the world we live in.  And, the physical position from which we view the world INFLUENCES our outlook.

So, very powerful. And, when they refer to language they are not just talking about the words we say outloud, but as importantly (if not more so), the words and the conversation we have with ourselves inside our own mind...

I love the quote,

”Be careful how you see the world,

 because it is that way...”. Unknown (from the book Essentialism, I think)

EVERYDAY I struggle to see the IS...

to see it objectively

and completely...

Perhaps the beginning of being able to TRULY see the IS of every moment,

is to realize that no matter how hard we try, 

we are always affected by our own bias...

We live and collaborate in a world where we are all navigating our own history, our own egos, and our own interests and fears... and amidst that deafening noise...

We try to SEE each other...

So, very challenging...

UNDERSTANDING the “IS” then,

FINDING HARMONY...

becomes a “simple” function of

DEEPLY & OBJECTIVELY UNDERSTANDING

& 

ELIMINATING 

our own

BIAS...

That my friends

is the path toward 

enlightenment...

and JOY!

I am convinced of it...

in harmony,

Nestor

EVERY day...

Everyday

I fail

against my own expectations...

Everyday

I am grateful

for the chance to improve...

Everyday

I find joy

in my infinitesimal advances...

EVERY

day...

...

in harmony,

Nestor

Progression of Knowledge

The relevance and similarities and metaphors of the universe intrigue me.

I am reading the "Theory of Time" by Stephen Hawkins.

Driving to work this morning, I was lost in the thought of relativity and time.

The older I get, the more time that I have lived, the more I try to learn, not just from the lessons in the moment, but the lessons over time... by observing people, decisions, knowledge accumulated over time.

Specifically, I was listening to the genius astronomers, philosophers, scientists... (there was a time when a few where all of these...) and thinking, the amount of knowledge we have today is so amazingly vast compared to ANY other time in the history of the universe.  (At least from the human perspective), and yet, we suffer from the same human dynamics that have plagued civilization since its very start; ignorance, greed, arrogance, righteousness, insecurity.

In the entire history of the Universe (6 billion years), how long has we existed as human beings?  That is arguable.  Society seems to have existed since the last ice age about 10,000 years ago...  How long have we known that the earth was NOT the center of the universe?

I am amused by the similarity of the progression of knowledge.

When we are young, the world revolves around us.

We struggle to understand the needs of others and the laws that govern science and society.

As we learn, we tend to see ourselves as the "center of the universe", exactly like scientists first assumed that the sun rotated around the earth.  WE were the center of all existence.

As we continue to learn, we realize that the earth actually rotates around the sun... and more recently we've learned that our Sun actually rotates around other things, and we float around with some predetermined path set by the Milky Way... and the Milky Way is part of a larger cluster...

The universe is something I struggle to think about, because getting my arms and mind around the "IS" overwhelms me.

As I get older, I am getting more comfortable with my own ignorance, and with the unknown.

Even though I don't understand it, I hear that the universe is ever expanding and that there are an infinite number of stars and galaxies.

Stop and take that in for just a moment.

Our human nature steps toward that edge of ignorance and then wants to recenter itself around us as the center of the universe.  It makes taking the next step in our own lives easier, more certain, more understood.

I read today that if the universe is indeed infinite with an infinite number of stars, then it has no center... every star in the universe is its own center.

I smiled... maybe we are the center of the universe.

At least in our own minds.

The more we learn, the more we realize we don't know.

The more I learn, the more I realize I don't need to know it all.

I just need to keep understanding and appreciating that I am not the center of the universe.

I need to keep getting more comfortable with the vastness of knowledge that exists and is ever expanding, and my own ignorance.

And then, I need to take my own insignificance

and my own ignorance...

and continue to step into the next moment...

grateful 

mindful

humble...

and then from that "IS"...

once again

engage in our "WANT"...

and

in harmony,

Nestor

About Harmony

So, for those of you who read the "Mic Drop..." yesterday...

The thoughts in that conversation are simple and powerful.

Sometimes people tell me, you often don't write about harmony.  Let me assure you, I am ALWAYS writing about harmony ;-)

CONNECT... ENERGIZE... INFORM

Connection equals connection to the "IS" - the truth of the moment.  The truth is what connects us... our SHARED truth... and when we speak to the truth in a real and authentic way... we CONNECT.  The truth in the absolute, in the way that it affects and matters to others... in the way that it fundamentally IS... not just the truth from our point of view.  When you clarify the "IS" of the situation to rational people - it creates connection.

Energize is the dynamic toward action from the truth...  the sense of urgency, the passion... the motivation... the initiative... that is ENERGY... 

Inform is WHERE YOU ARE TRYING TO GO... It's the WANT... it's the seeds of the moment, the situation, the organization, the world you are trying to create...

CONNECT, ENERGIZE, INFORM...

The "IS", the energy for something better, and the "WANT"...

It's powerful

because

it

is

HARMONY...

Nestor

Mic drop...

I was running along the snowy trail this morning,

thinking about talking to thousands of people on the phone Thursday.

I kept thinking about how to best communicate - and it was really clear...

This folks is as clear as I get... 

1.  CONNECT

2. ENERGIZE

3. INFORM

Stick with me here.  I am not saying it's easy... I am saying try to hear and digest these thoughts...

Communication, when speaking to many or speaking to one, happens as a direct function of these three principles.

CONNECT - We connect through gratitude, through empathy, and through shared fate.  We connect emotionally, intuitively and we connect rationally.  We connect differently with different people, and if we feel no connection we usually achieve no effective communication.

Connection establishes trust - if I don't trust you on some level, why would I listen to you?  If I don't trust that you have some understanding or some interest in who I am, it is hard to overcome the human tendency to disengage and distance myself from you. 

Connection brings us closer.  When we connect as human beings... we open up a pathway to collaboration, we open up a willingness to know more, to think differently...  When we feel connected to other human beings... better is possible... in ourselves and in the world around us.  Connection with other human beings is what we most seek... and the principle where all good starts.

ENERGIZE - This is the principle that is most misunderstood.  Each of us are energized in different ways, and we think that energy only comes in ways that we can see.  But, energizing people doesn't require volume, nor large hand gestures, nor overly dramatic entrances nor conclusions. 

Ultimately, there are two energy sources... ME and YOU.  The funny thing is no one can energize anyone else.  See, here is the thing... IF we are ENERGIZED about our purpose, about that which we are talking about, that which we are doing... AND, we CONNECT... then the ENERGY FLOWS.  Energy motivates, initiates, and accelerates action.  Each of us has our own power source that drives us.   Once we connect, we have the possibility of cross-resourcing and exchanging energy.  Once we connect - we create the possibility of inspiring each other to pursue our interests with greater zeal.  But, energy is invisible... unless it is extreme, it is felt only if we pay close attention.  Most often we feel it simply as gravity... as the desire to be close to someone, spend time with someone, listen to someone, push harder for someone... 

INFORM - This is the principle that requires the most patience... Even though we don't behave this way in our own lives - we expect others to behave this way.  When it comes to us... we never want anyone to tell us what to do.  When it comes to others... we want to tell them exactly what to do. 

You see the only way we can truly inform people... is for them to come to the conclusions on their own.  I love the quote, "You can't teach anyone anything, you can only expose people to ideas, and they decide which to embrace and adopt."  (Unknown author).  If we are able to CONNECT and ENERGIZE... then the best that we can do is to spread the seeds of our ideas, of our principles, of our understanding... and hope that they can grow roots in the thoughts of others... and that they can nurture them, grow them and harvest them for themselves.  We don't control the fruit... we only influence the seeds.  

The more connection we establish... the more energy we exchange... the greater the probability that the seeds will be adopted... and the result remains out of our hands.  But, that is ok... because that is how people, relationships, business, communities... grow... Not by our hand, but by the ripples from each of us on each other...  

The only way to achieve greatness... The only way to achieve meaning... is to influence others, to collaborate with others, and to ultimately become part of something bigger than ourselves...

Communication is the way we do that... All types of communication.

You can think through these principles in all dimensions... and situations.

Our role as parents is difficult because we fail to connect and enegize with our children who are playing on a different generational field.  We try to "inform" them with too much specificity, and if we are not careful as they grow up... we grow apart... But, if we find ways to stay connected... to share our energy... amazing relationships bloom.

Our role as leaders and managers is difficult because we too often fail to make the purpose of our business personal - and again we fail to connect and energize.  We believe that because we are "the boss" we can tell people what to do, or that we know better... it is when we realize we don't know better... and that we can't actually teach anyone anything - that we have the possibility of leading effectively.

This is why emails can be so lifeless and misunderstood.  This is why using video conferencing is better.  This is why nothing ultimately beats face to face for human interaction.

If we connect and energize but provide no meaningful and deliberate seeds... people use our energy and inspiration to potentially feed their own... or the ones they found for themselves in our thoughts... but connection and energy without meaningful and deliberate seeds creates random expansion.  If we want focused strategic, cultural growth in our organizations - the seeds must be thoughtful and deliberate.  We don't control the outcome - but we can best influence the direction this way. 

It requires PATIENCE... and it starts with empathy and gratitude.

Connect and Energize without Inform risks being a momentary high...  With meaningful and powerful seeds - it becomes a great long run, on a bright sunny morning, in a beautiful wood... It has the possibility of sustaining us... of strengthening us... of inspiring us for better.

Folks - this is my secret sauce... my magic formula... this is my most valuable insight...

I chuckle at the thought of putting it out there, and then I realize that these principles without authenticity are meaningless.  I realize that these are just more seeds that I am sprinkling into the world around me.  I realize they are ultimately not even mine... they are the summary of the ones I find more valuable... They have the potential to bear the fruit that I want those I know and care about to harvest... They are the seeds that I work everyday to grow myself... They are the principles that I believe... if we can create ripples... can change lives.

CONNECT...

ENERGIZE...

INFORM...

Mic drop...

in harmony,

Nestor

I know... repost

I came across this conversation a few days ago... 

I remember dictating it one morning as I drove to work... 

Sometimes thoughts come through so clearly... 

It is such a subtle and important observation.  I get it deserved to be posted twice ;-)

I know... 

Sometimes

when I tell my wife I love her

her soft response

is

"I know..."

I notice within myself

how very good that response feels.

it gives me a joy

that is somehow greater than

"I love you too!"

Maybe it's because I'm older,

maybe not, who knows...

But, when I think about it

LOVE is about connection.

Connection is a two-way link.

"I love you too" is a lovely thought.

But, it says "you are sending me energy, and I am sending you energy back in return."

That can be a lot of energy but not necessary a lot of connection.

With the response "I know "

the connection is being completed.

Energy is being sent.

Energy is being acknowledged.

Energy is being received.

To love is a beautiful thing,

but to know that your love is felt

is what truly fuels the soul

(and the relationship).

For love to beget love;

send, received, send, receive,

is a much more powerful formula

than send, send, send, send,...

I am convinced that the greatest opportunity in marriages,

and likely in all relationships,

is to know

with certainty

that your energy is felt...

that the connection is made...

and appreciated.

And, it is so critically important

to let each other KNOW

that is the case...

by actually saying it!

This truth is powerful

far beyond

what you may think.

I truly believe that knowing

that our love is felt and received

may be an even greater joy

than feeling loved ourselves.

The greatest gift you can GIVE

to those who love you,

is to let them know you feel it!

We lose our fire

when no one feels our heat.

Nobody wants to waste their energy.

Our real desire,

I believe,

is not "to love"

but to be connected,

to be acknowledged,

to be seen...

to know

that our love is felt. ..

because

only then,

through that connection,

can we be

momentarily

certain

of our worth.

connection...

"I know"

you can feel it...

in harmony,

Nestor

Don’t have meetings... Have CONVERSATIONS!

I sit in a lot of meetings...

It’s an important part of what I do.

Not the meeting thing - but the attempt to bring together lots of information, multiple people, and set a path forward to progress...

I am so often amazed by the on-going struggle to make meetings effective.

It’s not easy.

And, it’s not easy because human beings aren’t typically easy, when it comes to communication.

And, in my opinion, it’s because of two things;

1.  Our EGO’s fight for space in the room - Our egos take the conversations in directions that are often unnecessary, wanting to hear ourselves talk, wanting to sell our ideas harder than we should, pushing back against ideas that we didn’t conceive, scare us in some way, or that we haven’t yet accepted... (but the ego part is for another conversation)...

2.  For some reason - when we have meetings, we want to adopt an impersonal, pseudo-robotic style of communication that too often focuses on process and agenda above communication and progress... above conversation.

It’s about people... EVERYTHING is... 

And, HUMAN BEINGS LIKE CONVERSATION!

When “MEETINGS” become about “process” and about “agendas”... we so very often miss the PURPOSE and the OBJECTIVE of coming together as human beings.

We spend so much money on getting people to the meetings... we invest so much money and time... in the hope of making progress...

From a business standpoint, there is an urgency for return on investment.

From a human standpoint, nobody enjoys or gets satisfaction from wasting time.

And, so often we do... 

and, we don’t HAVE TO...

why just have a meeting - when you can have a conversation? 

How are “great conversations” different than most meetings?

1.  DIALOGUE - There is TWO-WAY communication.  If there is no desire for TWO-WAY communication, why are we coming together?  Just send the information via email, or send a video, or do a WebEx, where people can be working in parallel if needed.  If you are going to spend time and money gathering people, physically or virtually, make it TWO-WAY... encourage questions, dialogue, exploration... build in time for it.

2.  FLUIDITY - Allow the meeting and the conversation to flow.  Be willing to modify the agenda as you go - to serve the meeting and the people in it.  I am not saying embrace chaos, I am saying have a clear objective and allow it to evolve and mature and be realized throughout the meeting.  If people are squirming -  take a break.  If people are hungry - eat!  If people are confused - slow down... Communication, exploration, THINKING requires iterative steps and engaged minds... allow natural steps to happen, don’t truncate them, dismiss them, or ignore them... because people mentally check out.  .. if you are not including them in the conversation.

3.  SURPRISE - Conversations often go places you didn’t expect them to... if you have competent people in the room discussing relevant topics - allow the conversation to go where the need takes it... even if it doesn’t fit the exact formula you had crafted.

4.  PERSONAL - Make it personal... It’s about people... don’t be afraid to speak your mind - about how the conversation makes you feel... Obviously, as long as it is business relevant... but people’s feelings and stories are extremely relevant to where the business ends up going and how it gets there.  What makes conversations meaningful and engaging is very often the level of humanity and personal capital that is committed to it... don’t let meetings be impersonal.

NOTE:  Obviously, I am making the assumption here that I am talking to rational, mature people.  Any of these points can be taken to a level of dysfunction if allowed to drift aimlessly or unreasonably.  Human communication is both an art and a science.  It must be given room AND guided.   In no way, am I recommending a free-for-all, no-rules exchange.  I believe passionately about having a clear objective for the meetings that is explicit, understood and shared by the group.  AND, I believe in allowing room around that objective to re-define it (occasionally) if it serves the larger conversation regarding the higher objective of the group to deliver on the strategy.

The differences between a meeting and a conversation are important:

Meetings tend to (or should) have a clearer pre-determined and communicated objective.  That is great.  Have that... and modify the agenda or objective if the entire group agrees that a bigger, more important objective is necessary as a result of the conversations going on in the meeting.  Changing objective should be rare.  Changing details of the agenda should be frequent - but deliberate.  Make changes to the agenda because the group benefits from a different sequence or flow, not because someone always speaks too long.  Or, agree to have another meeting/conversation about the new objective and stick to the original one.  But, ALLOW for the conversation to consider it.

If you do NOTHING ELSE... I urge you to CHECK-IN with your group during a meeting... 

”How is everyone feeling today?” 

”Do we agree on the objective for today?  Anything we want to modify?” 

”Does the agenda still make sense?” 

”I haven’t heard anyone chime in for awhile... do you understand and agree with the discussion thusfar?” 

 “What do you think?”

”How would this apply to you?” 

”What concerns you?” 

”What should we do from here?” 

”How was the day?” 

”What are our priorities from here?” 

“What would you do / have done differently?” 

... 

Meetings can be,

should be,

the epicenters of progress

of connection,

of communication,

of CONVERSATION!

You get the idea...

It’s about PEOPLE - EVERYTHING is...

Make all communication...

to the best of your ability

a candid and meaningful conversation...

in harmony,

Nestor

IF WE ARE PAYING ATTENTION

As we get older, 

if we are paying attention,

we get wiser...

because we have more data.

Think about it.

The longer we live,

the more we've seen,

the more we've learned.

I ALWAYS feel like I need to put the qualifier,

IF WE ARE PAYING ATTENTION...

Because, older, by itself, doesn't make you smarter.

So many people have "fixed" their beliefs, their conclusions about life, about people in life, that no matter how long they live, they now know "right" from "wrong"... and so they spend their lives disagreeing with anyone who doesn't share their definition of "right"...

Certainly, the longer we live, the more opportunity we have to UNDERSTAND "right" from "wrong"...

And, as I get older I realize very few things that we conclude as "right" or "wrong" usually are... because life is often more complex than we want to make it.

I could take this conversation in lots of directions that challenge the polarization of politics, of social issues... but I'd rather not emotionally charge polarize anyone...

Instead, I'd love for you to consider...

How committed are you to "right" vs "wrong" in your life?

To me, the things I consider truly "right" I label as "absolute truths" (hence the name of this website)...  but I try to virtually NEVER use the terms "right" and "wrong"...

Here are my current top of mind thoughts on things that are "RIGHT"...:

It is right to be true to my word, if my word is sympathetic, well-intended and constructive.

It is right to question the world, as it is the only way to learn more about it.

It is right to care about my fellow human beings, about their future and their well-being.  (And, likely, it is right to care about all things that are living.  I am working on that one as I feel like a hypocrite to believe it as "right" and still live and eat as I do.)

It is right to do all that we can to protect the children of the world and the disabled.

It is right to want peace in the world, as long as I want it for everyone.

It is right to dream, to want for better, to reach deep within ourselves to conceive and create a better environment around us.

It is right to choose for ourselves the lives that we want, to live free - as long as we don't, in the process, take away the same right for anyone around us.

FREEDOM is the ultimate RIGHT... and the only FREEDOM we should seek to create is the one that doesn't encroach on anyone else's ability to live FREE.

I am not sure much else, in my opinion, qualifies for "RIGHT" and "WRONG"... (And, I am sure this could be a lively conversation if we could engage in the conversation).

And, yet think about the plethera of situations and issues that we choose to debate and argue over "right" and "wrong"...

religion, walls, sex, drinking, pot, energy, politics, standing or kneeling, burning or not burning flags, tattoos, piercings, clothes, guns, Gods, technology, curfews, careers, money, marriage/divorce, guns, ... and the list goes on and on and on...

I should do a top of mind list about what is "BETTER' instead of "RIGHT", because there are many things that I believe are BETTER than their alternative... but better doesn't mean right... better is simply a more productive choice... For example, INCLUSION is better than EXCLUSION... HONESTY is better than DECEPTION...  GRATITUDE is better than INGRATITUDE, but neither is absolute, they are choices we get to make in how we live our lives and engage with those around us, and there are situations when the less desired approach may be the better choice (disclaimer: not sure Gratitude is EVER the wrong choice ;-)

Think about it...

If all of the leaders of the religions... If God, Jesus, Allah, Bhrama and Buddha all lived today... Do you think they would argue over "right" and "wrong"?  Do you think they would take arms against each other? OR, do you think they would engage in a meaningful discussion to better understand the universe, spirituality, mankind and how we live and treat each other?

To be enlightened, I believe, is to stop seeking to understand "right" from "wrong"... 

and to start seeking a better understanding of life, death and our relationships and dynamics with our fellow human beings.

To be enlightened, I believe, is to be open to new ways of thinking... to be humble in the little that we know...

To be enlightened, I believe, is to want better for EVERYONE around us, and to believe in the goodness of mankind...

To be enlightened, I believe, doesn't mean to ignore the dangers of evil - nor to choose not to engage with them... it simply means to always choose rationality, respect, morality, and love as our primary tools for resolving them...

To be enlightened means to seek LIGHT... not RIGHT... 

And, LIGHTNESS comes from freeing ourselves from the desire to know "RIGHT"...

LIGHTNESS comes from connecting to what is positive, what is meaningful...

LIGHTNESS comes from connecting to those around us... 

Those who are also seeking a more meaningful understanding of it all...

The older I get,

the less I know...

The older I get,

the less I need to know...

and,

the more I want to pay attention,

the more I want to learn...

and connect...

in harmony,

Nestor

Frustration-Appreciation Ratio

We were having a conversation with some colleagues a few days ago about our effectiveness managing personalities...

And, as we talked, a thought that I had in the past seemed kept knocking on my brain...

When

FRUSTRATION outweighs APPRECIATION,

relationships, 

situations, 

spiral into disharmony.

This is not necessarily a new thought, but it is an absolute truth for me.  And it is a powerful powerful thought, because it represents the fundamental EMOTIONS underlying disharmony outweighing harmony.

The reason I keep writing, and keep thinking, is because I realize that as simple as these concepts are - translating them in understandable ways into our daily lives is a lifelong challenge and discipline. 

Many people upon hearing the concept of "harmony", appreciate it, want to leverage it, maybe even want to embrace it, but they struggle with, "HOW EXACTLY DO I DO THAT?".

Everything I write - can be related to "harmony" - and life.  And, it's my attempt to help tie the concept of harmony and the desire to apply it to life - together.

Disharmony is "WISHING" in any moment that things were different.  And, WISHING comes from a place of "we don't control it".  Hence, we can only WISH for it.  And, as human beings when we can't control achieving something that we want - it's deeply FRUSTRATING!  It causes stress, anxiety, anger, detachment, and if nothing else it distances us from those we care about and with whom we work.

HARMONY is ACCEPTING the "IS" in the moment, and pushing toward the "WANT".  Harmony is ALL about understanding and APPRECIATING the value of what is already there... LEVERAGING the value and the beauty of what is already there in the people we are relating to - in the situations we are trying to improve upon.  And not only appreciating, but then taking action in the direction of the moment and the life we WANT to create. 

When you are working from a place of HARMONY - you are grateful and empowered... you APPRECIATE both all that makes up the moment and your ability to influence it.

When you think of people or situations -  perhaps don't think about "HARMONY" or "DISHARMONY" - because you may not be clear about what those actually FEEL like...

Look inside yourself and look around...

To what level do you feel FRUSTRATION?

To what level do you feel APPRECIATION?

Think about relationships -

the good ones - the ones you go to - what is the ratio of Frustration to Appreciation?

the not-so-good ones - what is the ratio?

Think about situations or conversations where you have felt joyful or stressed... what was the ratio?

And, relationships are FLUID right?  The ratio flows over time... and when Frustration/Appreciation is greater than 1 (for you math geeks ;-) it feels COMPLETELY different than when Frustration/Appreciation is less than 1. 

A small shift in appreciation or frustration - can tip the ratio and change the way you feel about people, situations... life!  For the better OR for the worse.

This is key... FRUSTRATION doesn't have to be extreme to create disharmony in a relationship or a situation - it just has to be SLIGHTLY greater than appreciation.

AND -

YOU can CONTROL APPRECIATION!

This is the magic, the power, the beauty of HARMONY...

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO APPRECIATE A LITTLE BIT MORE - and flip that ratio.

And, here is why that is so critically important in relationships that you value, or situations that are important to your business or your life....

Because, SURE, it does help YOU... it does help the person establishing the ratio...

IT FEELS FUNDAMENTALLY BETTER TO HAVE AN APPRECIATION/FRUSTRATION RATIO above 1.  (For those of you math geeks out there - I just did a reciprocal - because I think leading with Appreciation is better ;-) 

LIVING WITH APPRECIATION outweighing FRUSTRATION is LIVING in HARMONY... (and then you keep pushing that ratio toward appreciation as much as possible).

BUT AS IMPORTANTLY, IF NOT MOST IMPORTANTLY...

THE PEOPLE WE LOVE... THE PEOPLE WE WORK WITH... THE PEOPLE WE ARE TRYING TO RELATE TO...

THEY FEEL AND FEED OFF OUR ENERGY. 

IF OUR APPRECIATION TO FRUSTRATION RATIO IS LOW...

THE PEOPLE WE ARE TRYING TO CONNECT TO -  FEEL OUR DISHARMONY.

AND...

DISHARMONY BEGETS DISHARMONY!

While you can significantly influence turning the energy of a frustrated colleague or spouse or friend.... it is hard!  And, you have to be conscious and deliberate to even have the possibility of turning it...  MOST PEOPLE aren't awake and proactive enough to do that... MOST PEOPLE tend to simply feed off the energy that you are projecting...

SO - if Appreciation to Frustration ratio is low - you will struggle to connect and engage with the people around you.  And, if you are a leader or a manager - that is going to further increase your frustration.

AND... AND... AND...

REMEMBER-

YOU CAN CONTROL AND DIAL UP THE APPRECIATION YOURSELF!

That is within YOUR POWER.

And, let me tell you - It is A SUPER POWER.

I swear!  Try it!

Go to a relationship that is trying and difficult - and come in with a completely different appreciation to frustration ratio - and see and feel how different the conversation is...

And, if you do that day in and day out - you will be amazed how the relationship can turn...

but it takes energy...

it takes effort...

And, when you succeed... it feeds your energy back... And, it starts to expand and feed others.

HARMONY begets HARMONY....

I hope this makes sense... and I so very much hope you think about it and apply it more to everyday.  

It is easier to apply at work than at home, because the emotional ties are not as deep, the vulnerability not as intimate, and the consequences not as life-altering... but at home moreso than work - the level of our harmony creates the foundation for the level of harmony in our life.

It matters EVERYWHERE...

because it's all part of our "IS"...

part of our moments...

which make up our life.

Appreciation vs Frustration...

be mindful of it...

be deliberate with it...

it's not just about me...

it's about you...

and everyone in the conversation...

and whether or not we connect and progress our business and our lives forward.

in harmony ;-)

Nestor

The Gift

So, we had the CEO of our $5 Billion dollar company visit us this week for a full day.

We had more "build up" for his visit than for any other visitor we've ever had at our company.  In part, because the CEO for North America, my new manager, was also coming and she wanted to make sure that the day went well.

Everyone was excited to meet our new global leader.  We cleaned up around the office,  We all, breaking standards, wore ties that day.  We brought in special food.  We made tea in addition to coffee. We discussed our presentations ahead of time.  

It was a big deal...  and, it was the first time that we were presenting our company with our full executive team together.

The eve of his visit, I got an email from my manager's assistant... "Are you getting Didier a gift?"

The thought hadn't crossed my mind.  I am not really a good gift giver, and my mind had been distracted on about 1,000 other things, but regardless... "I hadn't planned to, but what did you have in mind?"  I responded.

"I don't know, maybe a bottle of wine or a bottle of champagne."  She suggested.

hmmm... I am not bold enough to give our CEO, a French man, a bottle of wine... "We'll take care of it.  Thanks!"

So, I asked our team and we while preparing and finishing up presentations and carrying on with our daily work, we talked about what our GIFT would be...

"No wine, maybe Bourbon"

"hmmm... there is a local distillery."

"Let's make him a basket of Maryland products"

"Local Bourbon, old bay seasoning"

"How about some cookies - the Maryland ones with all the icing?"

"I don't like a basket"

"how about a bottle of Maryland wine and those things"

"ok,,, ok,,, Thanks for the feedback folks... I will take it from here"  I suggested.

"ok - but don't forget the Utz Crab Chips..."

So, my lovely and gracious wife made a mad dash to the store while I was at the office and I kept texting here...

"and old bay"

"and chips" ;-)

She was amused and happy to help.

So, I am driving home at night trying to figure out how and when to buy the actual bourbon because I have two dinner meetings that night... and, my boss calls...

"We had an AMAZING day today" (they were visiting the other acquisition that our company had done in the area 4 months ago).  "So the reason I suggested a gift was because as a surprise the CEO started the meeting by giving DIdier a beautiful set of cufflinks ..."

I didn't hear the rest, but it was something about the cufflinks having some special kind of meaning and DIdier loving them and the gesture.

I thought to myself... I cant give this guy "potato chips and cookies" as a gift.. it will be a bust - a BIG BUST!  

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO???

I truly breathed deeply and said - ok - let's focus on the "IS" and figure out something more meaningful...

I racked my brain and thought... "I think I have a second signed Blue Ocean Strategy book".

(SO - three years ago, when EMG bought QPM, the executive team came together for the first time and spent several days crafting our strategy and our plan.  At the time we were a $58 Million dollar company.  I had leveraged the concepts of the book, so at the end of the three days, I had asked each member of the Executive Team (about 16 of us at the time) to sign the book in pre-congratulations to each other...  I thought it was a good idea as a gesture of becoming one, and stepping confidently to start our journey toward our mountain).

I was pretty sure, I had a signed copy on my desk and one on my shelves at home.  Somehow, we had signed an extra one and I had kept it.  But, I wasn't sure there were two and that I hadnt actually moved it from one place to the other and thought it was two.

So, I crossed my fingers and hoped to find one at home.  I knew I had one in the office.  Maybe worst case I give him my copy... or I just go with the chips and cookies.

I got home at night and found the book.  Sweet!  Then I realized, I have the second version of the book "Blue Ocean Shift" also - and I could give him the book and then we could sign the next version of that book with our new expanded Executive team that was also attending the meeting. And, set off on a new journey).

So, I had a plan and was completely bouncing between give him one book or give him two?

I kept thinking I should ask someone for their suggestion but for some reason I wanted to own the decision.

I am known for giving out books in the company - and some people think its silly - so I didnt want to get into the "you are giving Didier a BOOK???" conversation.

"I don't need to make this decision until the last minute", I thought.  So, I won't. I brought both books with me...

The morning started off great, the office looked amazing... we were all dressed up... everyone got there on time...  Natalia, my boss, welcomed the crew and gave us the high level strategy for North America... "and now Nestor, it's all you."

So.... here I go...

I grab my little bag and stand up...

"Didier, I heard that yesterday you were given a nice token of appreciation from my colleague down South, and we wanted to give you something also to say Thank You!.  Just over three years ago, the Executive Team who welcomes you today came together for the first time and drafted our strategy, our mountain for the future.  In a gesture of solidarity and confidence, we dedicated the book to each other and wrote a few words in the cover and signed it..."

I opened the inside cover and showed all the signatures...

"Our goal was to craft a great strategy, to become one company and to lead us from $58 Million to $100 million by 2018, and to find the right buyer to take us forward from there." (I forgot to say - which I had intended to - and now we join BV at shy of $700 million and are committed to taking it to 1 Billion by 2020).

"It all starts with a great team and a great strategy... and anything is possible.  On that day we signed for some reason, an extra book, which I kept.  And, I thought it most appropriate that it should be yours - as the new leader of our team and for helping to make our dreams come true. And, we now continue our journey toward a higher and more exciting mountain."

"I signed the book again"  I turned the page... "Didier, Thank you for believing in us, in our strategy, and in our company... let's continue on our journey and make more dreams come true!"

I walked forward - gave him the book - and we had a nice exchange.

Literally as I walked toward him, I thought - NO SECOND BOOK right now (so I left it at my desk).

The gift worked out well.  Not only Didier, but both the rest of the executives from BV as well as our team from EMG thought it was the perfect gift...

We had an amazing day.  The presentations went extremely well, and it was clear that he and everyone were very impressed and excited to have us on board.  In many ways, I was prouder and happier yesterday than I was on the day the transaction happened.  I was so very proud of who we were, what we had built, and the recognition we had received.

He mentioned that he sees many companies and that he has seen almost no company our size with as thought out, deliberate and impactful strategy and team as ours... and he loved the openness, the diversity, and most of all the energy that he found in our team in our office...

It was an amazing day...

I realized and felt deeply the power of harmony... and the massive hand that it has played in all that we've done... I realize how deeply it plays into every situation I consider, every decision I make.... and into who I am...

Nestor

I share this story for so many reasons, on a grand scale... the impact of harmony on our company, on our trajectory, on our success... 

and, in the moment... in my realization that no decision, no action is part of my "IS" until it actually happens... which means I can hesitate and wait until the IS demands that I make the decision (when I actually give the gift).  Until that moment - I can choose not to give a gift, to give something different.. etc.  

Introducing a second book - tied the story together with the future, engaged the rest of the team, would have made the 14 new people in the room feel included in the moment in a different way... it would have created a new IS... but my "want" in the moment was to show "gratitude" and to give "meaning and significance to the gift and the value of it".

As I was presenting - it felt so clear that introducing a second book - while it made sense, would take away value from the previous book - and would for many feel like "too much" emotion and confuse what the gift was about...

No decision was "right" or "wrong"... but I wanted to evaluate the IS of that moment as clearly as possible and move it toward my WANT... I wanted Didier to know we were thoughtful and grateful... I wanted it to feel and be authentic... 

I felt bad that I had made Susy run around buying the chips and cookies, but I knew that we would enjoy them and I served them up at lunch...

I see people want to "make" decisions so that they can move on... I get that - and there is real value to that... but some decisions are worth lingering on...

I knew that in the moment - I would know what to do - and I was grateful that I had remembered the book...

The second book will have its moment, and it will be more meaningful in that next moment because it will leverage the meaning of the past.

It was an amazing day...

for me, for our team... and hopefully for our new leaders and teammates...

We are standing on top of our mountain... continuing our journey toward the peak in the horizon...

and, I think to myself...

the greatest gift I hope to give him, is the greatest gift that I have ever received and known...

HARMONY!

;-)

Cooking Somethin'

I was having this conversation "by the water cooler" yesterday with one of my colleagues who had pulled me aside... 

"I don't feel this way about many people, but I really think I can learn from you."

He sounded very sincere.

I responded just as sincerely... "We can learn from everyone around us, my friend..."

We got into a short but intense discussion about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  

I know, I know... you are surprised ;-)  It's how I like to roll...

He told me that he was committed to learning...

And, I stopped him... revved up in my mind by the conversation...

It's NOT about LEARNING...  I hear so many people say they want to learn, they are committed to learning...  And, I believe them.  But, that is not what sets us apart.

It's sincerely ACCEPTING that we CAN be better... It's about KNOWING that we are FLAWED and IMPERFECT and at the same time working to APPLY what we are learning...

It's about APPLYING what we learn, over and over and over again EVERYDAY that sets us apart...

It's not about trying to get "smarter" or finding the right "answer".  There is NOTHING that you can learn and apply today that will "get you there", or that will get you to happiness...

It is about learning EVERY DAY and APPLYING EVERY DAY what you are learning... Constantly accepting that we are imperfect and it can be done better...

I said it because I know that in his mind he is committed to "learning", and even "getting better"... but there is a difference being RATIONALLY knowing that "learning" is good, and being EMOTIONALLY committed to our imperfection and the fact that we can do it better EVERYDAY.  

There is a huge difference.  Most people SAY they want to learn, and even mean it.  But they say it logically, not viscerally...

We had a good discussion - and only lightly connected on the topic... we are going to get together very soon and I am going to push harder ;-)

But, I got back to my desk and felt compelled to write the following on facebook...

Reading and learning to me are like "buying ingredients", and my passion in life is not about filling my cupboards but "cooking up somethin' amazing"!

I love how clear and right that feels for me...

It's not about collecting knowledge...

It's about being sincerely OPEN to change...

It's about being deeply and wholly committed to EVOLVING...

EVERY

DAY!

in harmony,

Nestor

Energy Trading

I heard the thought the other day...

Money is not an actual "thing"... it's truly a "concept"...

Money is really "energy"...

I had never heard that thought before, but it kind of made sense.

Money is this concept that man created to increase the efficiency of trading things. Instead of finding the guy that makes the coat, we get a paycheck, and then we go to the store and buy the coat using our money.  The guy who made the coat got money from someone completely different... but the exchange still happened.

We all "need" things and "want" things and money is the "thing" we exchange for "things" - and for "experiences"...

But, it got me thinking... beyond money...

ENERGY TRADING...

Isn't EVERYTHING we do an exchange of energy? and for energy?

We listen to music in our cars in order to relax and enjoy ourselves.

We wake up and "spend" our energy all throughout the day in exchange for things that hopefully we find meaningful.

I don't think many people act a certain way - just to receive something in return from someone else.

Life and energy is not about constant bartering... with others...

But isn't it on some level a constant bartering with ourselves?

Aren't we constantly evaluating our "return" on our energy...

Don't we say "I'm tired" at times when what we actually mean... I have been spending energy like crazy and haven't gotten fulfillment back as I expected?

I don't think I am bartering with my energy with other people - meaning I am often not trying to get something back (though often I am)...

But, I am ALWAYS bartering with myself... I am going to work early this morning and mindful that I can't get to workout. I am going to stay late today at work (and in my mind I am mindful of what I am passing up)... And, I do all that I do for some feeling of satisfaction... some feeling of accomplishment... of self-pride... of self accomplishment.

This is why PURPOSE matters. It matters at your place of work - and it matters in all aspects of your life...

Because a CLEAR PURPOSE means that you are deliberately TRADING your ENERGY for something worthwhile...

Without clear purpose on the grand scale or on the tactical scale... there is a sense human beings have of wasting time, of going through the motions... and that feels "wasteful"...  And, I am convinced no human being wants to trade their energy wastefully.

We all are in the pursuit of feeling "worthy"... 

And, our time is our ultimate currency.

If we don't feel like we are getting a return on our time - we get depressed, angry, or anxious... and we often can't put our finger on it.

We are all in the business of Energy Trading... We ARE!

Money is cool... but isn't our desire for money (once our basic needs are met) in large part driven by our desire for time and for return on time?

There are many studies that show that MONEY (once you make more than enough to have a home and food) is not tied to JOYFUL and HAPPY LIVES...

Because a JOYFUL life - a truly meaningful life - is based on the return on our ENERGY TRADING...

If what we "get" in return for our efforts is "money" and "money" alone - it means nothing... 

If what we "get" in return for our efforts is fulfilfment... joy... knowledge...  then it means so very much... and "money" is at best a part of that.

I love the idea that today and everyday, I am an ENERGY TRADER...

I am looking for people that can take my investment and increase it...

People, companies, books, content, ideas, organizations, activities... that WHEN I SPEND MYSELF on them... they FILL ME with a sense of accomplishment... with JOY.. .with MORE ENERGY to go spend elsewhere.

You are an ENERGY TRADER...

How are your returns?

Do you wake up every day ready to invest again... or dreading that you are investing on a losing plan?

Your ENERGY is made up of your breaths... of your moments... of your life...

In every moment - you are making an investment.

invest your energy

deliberately...

keep looking honestly

at the return

you are getting

and the return you want...

And, think hard about your overall investment portfolio.

Are you trading 

consciously?

Are you a day trader, or a long term investor?

Find the GREATEST returns...

in harmony,

Nestor

REAL “NET” WORTH

What is your real NET WORTH?

Am I really going there?

You bet...

I heard someone ask today on some video,

Imagine if you lost EVERY “THING” that you have... you lost absolutely every one of your possessions.

Imagine if you found yourself tomorrow morning with NO THING, no car, no house, no clothes other than the ones on your back, no money in the bank, no job, no jewelry, absolutely NOthing...

How would you feel about your WORTH?

So often in this world of ours we work so hard to build our “NET” worth.  We work all of our lives to build our “NET” worth so that we can have things and have the means to live a good quality of life in our old age (should we be so fortunate as to get old...)

And, believe me, there is NOTHING wrong with any of that... but, what I find amusing is that is not really your “NET” worth...

Your real NET worth - should be your worth as a human being NET of our possessions...  

Our net - being our essence - our worth...

How would you feel about the WORTH of that human being waking up with nothing?

After the initial surprise and sense of loss...

would you have lost anything that is truly valuable?

would you have lost anything that truly matters?

Would you have lost in any way your sense of self?

Would you like the “net” person that is left?

I really like this thought... 

What “NET” worth are you focused on building?  

The one that can be lost with a bad market, or the one no one can take away from you?  Or both?  Be honest?

So many people work so hard and feel such pressure from achieving a higher net worth... and are constantly comparing (at least in their minds) their net worth relative to others.

The beauty of our real net worth is that we are all born wealthy... meaning WORTHY... We are born with inherent worth as human beings... and as we grow up we get distracted by the other kind of worth that you can put in the bank.

Sometimes, I believe in the pursuit of “things” worth, we forget or even worse compromise our real net worth.  

I believe we are born wealthy - but it takes enlightenment and intention to uncover who we are, understand who we are, to unleash who we are...

It takes effort to appreciate who we are stripped of all of the things that we put around ourselves.

It takes courage to explore who we are stripped of all of the things that we put around ourselves.

It’s so much easier in some ways to reach for the kind of wealth that you put in the bank... it saves us from the difficult task of getting to know who we really, really are... deep down inside.

And, stripped of who we are... the only “things” we have left besides our dreams, our motivation, our character, our abilities, our passions... are the memories, the relationships, the people that we are connected to... and the joy we share with them...

Think about it... think of the people that you admire, the people that inspire you, the people that matter to you... the ones that are VALUABLE to you....

Do they matter because of the things that build up their worth - or for the qualities as a human being that make them worthy... worthy of your admiration?

People that are confused by which worth is more valuable are often confused in the people that they choose to matter to them... 

As for me...

I am a rich, rich man... when I think about the “worth” I enjoy in the friends & the family that surround me... 

With respect to my own “net”...

I’ve been spent my life chasing the kind of net worth that goes on statements, AND perhaps less deliberately but more passionately I have been working on understanding, increasing and appreciating my real net worth.

And, I get now how much more important our real net worth is... Because it’s our real net worth that drives the true meaning in our life, the ability to experience true joy... 

I like who I am today, independent of the things that I’ve put around myself... more than I ever have... and I see my worth in the eyes of those I love, those I work and play with...

But you know the drill... life happens in moments... and there are many moments where I forget, I get distracted, I get confused... and now, I am more aware of focusing appropriately...

Who are you?

Do you know your REAL net worth?

Do you know how to increase it?

Are you ready to unleash it?

I’d argue...

you can’t afford not to...

In harmony,

Nestor

courage

Ok – I know most of you probably didn’t see the TED talk – so I will give you the second quote…  😉

Too much build up?

Sorry…

…

“Courage

is

fear

walking…”

Susan David

It struck me…

While not in EVERY case, but I believe in MOST cases, courage isn’t the absence of fear… courage isn’t about learning how not to fear… courage is proceeding, moving forward, despite fear…

I do think that over time, you can feel less and less fear…

I feel less fear than I ever have…

And, I think it comes from walking with fear for years, for decades…

And having

a conversation with fear,

a relationship with fear…

I have never let fear, or possibly more appropriately doubt…

I have never let doubt keep me from walking…

Doubt weighed me down.

It’s kicked my butt.

It’s made more days than I care to admit, less joyful…

But, we must keep walking…

Because it’s only through the experience of time, of persistence, of stubbornness, of resilience

That fear and doubt weaken…

We slowly, step by step, become clearer about who we are, about how strong we are, about what we can overcome…

If you just KEEP walking…

Eventually,

You look around

And notice…

Fear is far away…

It’s just you

and the sun

lowering

on

the

horizon.

You feel lighter and freer than you ever have before…

“Courage is fear walking…”

Maybe I have more courage now than ever…

Maybe I am just getting old 😉

In harmony,

Nestor

Susan David

I heard a TEDTalk yesterday that was very powerful... by Susan David.

the topic was about denial... and about our “emotional agility”...

great thoughts and worth a watch... 

she had had two quotes that struck me... the kind of quotes that I will attempt to remember for all of my life. 

 “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life” 

While the thought is probably not new to you, it captures the importance of “suffering” as a core part of our life in such a perfect way... 

all “meaningful” aspects of our life so often start with discomfort, with us recognizing that on some level, in some regard, our life, our IS, is NOT what we want it to be...

being mindful of discomfort

being open to discomfort

being curious of discomfort

is where the thoughtful understanding... 

is where our deliberate living...

is where our motivation... 

BEGINS

I don’t know anyone who is living a meaningful life who has not dealt with discomfort... 

when people, friends, colleagues come to us in sadness, in difficulty, in pain... 

we should not ignore the pain, talk away the pain, try to convince them there is no pain... 

we should hold their hand  and help them navigate THROUGH the pain... 

when we are facing those same situations... we shouldn’t ignore them... deny them... we should start to RESOLVE them... quickly sometimes...  slowly much more often... as we grow up through an entire lifetime. 

I love the concept of making discomfort the beginning, 

not the end... 

I love the concept of making discomfort the spark,

not the fire... 

I love the concept of making discomfort the opportunity,

Not the result!

its the “price of admission” 

I will share the second one tomorrow... ;-)

leave you hanging with anticipation (unless of course you choose to watch the TEDTalk today...) 

When you feel discomfort...

dont walk away. 

Stroll right into it... 

into the IS... 

and then

to the  

WANT... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

p.s. Written in the 5 minutes before my flight took off... sorry for any typos... 

simple

running into meetings this morning...

but wanted to share a quick thought. 

last week as my dreams kept flashing by, and things I’d been chasing for decades and decades became real... 

It felt so clear... 

What matters more than anything else... 

is  

simple... 

TIME spent with people we love, 

and

HEALTH to enjoy that time... 

not just to “be around” because that is often out of our hands.  

Not just to live a long time... 

but to LIVE proud in your own body... grateful in your own body... comfortable in your own body... 

Those are the ultimate joy and our most precious gifts... 

What am I doing to carve out more time? 

What am I doing to improve my wellness?

Being present in the moment makes all time meaningful... 

TIME with people you care about...

HEALTH to enjoy that time... 

Consider  

this

simple

truth. 

It gets no better, 

in Harmony, 

Nestor

Day One(ish)

So, brand new day, same old dreams...

So much to share, and at the same time, it's just the same old life and the same old dreams... to make a positive difference in the world around me - and in the lives of those I know.

So, with the announcement of any acquisition such as the one that we have gone through, there is always some concern.  The overall vibe in the company is neutral to positive.

One of the concerns that has been voiced by several people is, "is our leadership going to change"?

That touches my heart... I love that people trust our intent.

Of all of the things that transpired last week - I gotta tell you - that is one of the most special for me - hearing the affirmation not just that our strategy and company was valuable - but also hearing that people value what we bring - on a personal level.

One of our teammates sent this into our "WOW" email (that highlights special contributors)...

This may be perceived as “brown nosing” or “sucking up”….that’s not my intention, and I hope it doesn’t come off that way ultimately, but I’m okay with the perception if that lets me relay how I feel at the moment. 

3 years ago….a baby as EMG tenure goes…I sat in an orientation, with a bunch of PM’s, and Nestor gave us a welcome speech that confirmed what I knew in my first interview…this was the company I wanted to be a part of. 

He put his cell number up on the projector and said “call me if you need anything”.  In 3 years, I’ve come to believe that he meant that.  As we go into the new, scary, unknown, I believe that Nestor’s number is still on the projector. 

It’s a leadership style I’ve never known before, didn’t believe before I saw it, and now believe is real.  To be very mainstream and modern, I say #inNestorweTrust….WOW to him, for leading us into everything our future may have to offer. 

This was something that ALL of us accomplished...   I make it a point to have a session with EVERY new person that comes into the company.  I want to "set the tone" and really "set an expectation" for them about me and about the company.  I LOVE that people remember that... I say to them, "This is a conversation, a relationship that starts today and goes on for the rest of our lives... and I am committed to doing the very best that I can to help you take meaningful steps toward your dreams..."

Last year we hired nearly 200 new employees.  It's eveyr month a discussion with a handful of people... and I keep thinking... "does it make sense" - and truly, I don't know if there is anything that I do, that is more important for the company, then "setting the expectations" for our new employees.  Not the expectations of them (though there is some of that) - but the expectations they should have of me, of our leadership, and of their experience with our company.  Imperfect - yes... but deeply committed to evolving, growing with each person in it.

And, I mean it!  I only wish I could help make a bigger impact - and at a faster pace.

Nothing has changed - other than perhaps just a little bit - that promise or objective that I set last year when I turned 50... that I wanted to CHASE it less... and BE it and LIVE it more... I think last week helps me really move meaningfully from chasing to living...

The thought crossed my mind last week - as it all became so very clear...

It's not about ARRIVING... It's about STRIVING... It's about REACHING... It's about LIVING...

For so much of my life - I wondered what was on the other side of that invisible wall... and, I now know... 

Just the same amazing life with most of the same wonderful challenges... I am just as imperfect as I was a few days ago... ;-)  Just a little more accepting perhaps of my imperfections.

There is no "arriving"... as an objective for a life.

There is simply a "being"... as an objective for each moment.

HARMONY... It SO works...

Nestor

VERITAS

I have waited all of my life for this week.. (spoiler - this one goes on a little long...)

and, many months to share it with you.

This past Thursday we announced to the world that our company, EMG, had been acquired by the $5 Billion global leader, Bureau Veritas... or BV.

No one will appreciate more than all of you... Bureau Veritas is Latin for...

“The Organization of TRUTH”..

Let’s take a step back...

Let’s go back, oh...

40 years...

Essentially my whole life I have wanted to be a “successful” business man.  I have wanted to add value to a company - to grow a company.  My whole life I have dreamt of being on top... leading a company... creating great strategy and culture... and creating greater financial certainty for my colleagues and my company.

This has been a life-long dream...  a life LOOOONNNNGGGGG pursuit.  

When I left Procter & Gamble in 1998, I left to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond.  I left to take greater risk and to try to have a more influencial role in affecting the trajectory of a smaller business and the lives of those who depended on it.

“I believe I can fly, and to fly, I let go...” I wrote on the day I left.

That was 1999.. nearly 20 YEARS AGO!

I have “failed” at 4 different companies, before landing at EMG.  And, I say “failed” only in that the 4 companies I worked in after P&G and prior to EMG, don’t exist today.  They didn’t make it.

So very much to share about the lessons I learned in those years between 1999 and 2006, What a ride... And then the ride since 2006 at EMG... In so many ways, my life felt like it was happening at random, until I started visualizing the concepts of harmony.

I spent so much energy - so I effectively wishing for things to be different - and wastefully placing my energy on the past or the future instead of in the moment...

And, it was searching for truth... searching to understand the progress of my own pursuit... that kept teaching me... kept clarifying “the way”...

I don’t consider those companies life failures...

I do consider them business failures.

I have been at EMG now for 12 years, and I have certainly grown up here.

I have learned so very much about who I am as a leader, and who I am as a person.

I have learned so very much about what makes great strategy and great culture, and we have been reaching for it together with so many colleagues who get it and are passionate about making us better.

I created this Harmony blog in 2014, almost a year before we merged with the company QPM.  Ironically, while we had been talking to them for years, they reached out to us “ready to do something” about two weeks after I started this blog.

I named my homepage for the blog, “absolute truth” because that was at the heart, I realized, of what I had always been pursuing... trying to uncover.

The pursuit of “harmony” - the discipline of embracing the “IS” of every moment and then reaching for the want, and staying away from the wish... is about finding joy... and its about the never ending search for TRUTH.

Embracing the “IS”, at the heart and core of harmony, is working to understand the ABSOLUTE TRUTH of the moment...

The ABSOLUTE TRUTH of the moment, being the absolute truth of the universe, of human kind, of situations, and, for me, also the absolute truth of ME.

The ABSOLUTE TRUTH being the reality free from human bias, human emotion, human intervention...  Understanding what simply “IS”...

The website is absolutetruth.squarespace.com... It is the “home” of harmony... 

Now, 90+% of my brain realizes that it is simply coincidence that my life-long dream of reaching “success” happened at the hands of the company called “Bureau Veritas”... a company founded in 1828 on the premise that companies deserved to know the truth about their business, their products, their shipments.  At the heart of the company is the desire to bring companies information with integrity, without bias, without error, without corruption.  Bureau Veritas means the office of truth... ;-)

And, 10% of my brain believes that it could very well be the forces of the universe acting for me... my pursuit of truth in all aspects of my life, professionally and personally, flows beautifully and deliberately into this new “company of truth”...  and, with it, we become part of a company that is reaching to grow to $1 Billion in North America employing more than 6,000 people.

How did it all happen?  How did I get here?

Did something really happen this week?  Or, was this week simply the announcement of what has been happening at my company and in my life for years?

What “happened” started happening decades ago, and it started at the hands of others.  Michael Logsdon had a dream and he started EMG.  Claude Limoges also had a dream and he pursued multiple companies until acquiring EMG in 2005.  Warren Johnson and Paul Masica had a dream and started QPM in 1996.  And, I joined the party in 2006 with my own dreams...

But, I can tell you, for the past 12 years as part of this company I have been relentlessly trying to understand and embrace our “IS”, more clearly define our “WANT” and align our team to it, stay away from “WISHING” we were someone else... 

Day in and day out... we have been at it together... battling volatility in markets... the Great Recession...  challenging acquisitions... legal matters... all the ‘normal’ business dynamics that happen... 

And, day in and day out... we have been getting sharper at who we are, at what our “IS” was, aiming and working for “what we wanted”... and we have been moving steadily toward our want...

To transform the company and transition it to a larger investor or owner that could help us bring our vision to life...

We have been working on finding that partner, that investor for years.  And, in middle of 2017 we started the process for real.  We sent our story to hundreds and hundreds of possible investors of different types.  We had calls with more than 80 potential investors.  We had multiple hour meetings with more than 20.

And, from the very first moment we spoke on the phone with the team at BV, my partners and I knew, there was one company for us... one company we needed to close the deal with...

I smiled...

Bureau Veritas... The Bureau of “Truth”... 

Our certainty came NOT because of it’s name (as perfect as I thought it was), but because they unlike anyone else embraced our “IS”.  They not only saw the potential in our financials, but they saw the clarity of our strategy - “Technical Excellence in a Scalable Way” and they identified with it...  They had been pursuing it in different words for nearly 200 years.  
 

Our IS was their IS...

We shared our “IS”...

And, our desire and vision of becoming the “most accurate, reliable, consistent and timely provider of technical assessment and project management services in the United States” was their vision as well.

From the very first conversation we knew that this company brought great value to our clients and our employees, and leveraged EMG for all that it was... to become a larger version of ourselves... to expand on the definition of who we were while keeping our core and values intact...

From the very first conversations, through the interviews, through the due diligence... we kept defining and accepting the “IS” defining the “WANT” and moving into the next moment...

There have been so many amazing moments of harmony and disharmony for me in my pursuit of this eventual professional consummation... I have wanted to share them with you as we went... but I couldn’t.

My most compelling dream, outside of living in harmony with my wife and boys... came true in the past few months... and became completely real in the past few days...

I so wish my father had made it just a little longer to share this celebration with me... It was his desire for financial independence, for control of his own life, for a story of success that he was proud to tell, that defined so much of who I am and how I have lived my life... to a fault perhaps...

I have been so motivated, have so defined my want, by trying to achieve what he admired but never truly pursued...

I have always admired entrepreneurs, I still do.  To me the ultimate entrepreneur is the man that “jumps into the deepest ocean and tries to build his own ship...”. I have never been that entrepreneur.  I have never wanted to risk drowning.  But I jumped off the big ship (P&G) because I knew I could hide on the big ship and never be truly at risk... I wanted to jump into a small vessel and make it faster, make it bigger, make it better... I wanted to hold myself accountable for my own results... I wanted to see them impact something meaningfully for the better...

Clearly, life has only one finish line, and I am in no way eager to cross that.  

It all continues... my desire to build a better company is no less relevant today than it was yesterday.  

I wake up today, in many ways, to a brand new world, and my same old dream.

Now, as a company, we have more tools, more resources, more people, more complexity and more opportunity... 

The “IS” of who we are is now larger and more complex, and I must start to understand it, embrace it, so that I can help steer it toward our “WANT”... 

I have had to redefine my expectations of this day, and now I am thrilled to be part of expanding who we are into the next version of who we have always wanted to become.

As we approached this milestone, I realized that I have been living my dreams for some time.  I have been at the helm, having an impact on the trajectory of my company for years... and despite all that we still need to do to improve and become more who we want to be... I can see how far we’ve come... and I know it’s been meaningful for many of my colleagues... And, I humbly and gratefully am trying to own my little role in making our journey better.

This week, a life-long dream came true... Perhaps the dream that had most notably filled my mind... And, created a hole in my life.

I am so very humbly aware that my life IS my dreams... they are now one and the same...

and now, I want to start dreaming again...

now with a fuller heart, with greater understanding of what matters, and with an even greater desire to impact the lives of those around me more so than my own.

Many people congratulate me... “You’ve worked so hard”, they say.  And, that feels so wrong.  So wrong, because I have worked no harder than anyone else, and in many cases less hard.  I have, however, been consciously trying to help steer us this direction deliberately to this day...  I have had a small hand in steering us constantly toward our absolute TRUTH... and, have been learning every step of the way...

Yesterday, nothing changed and everything changed...

I don’t know if it’s coincidence or fate...

I do know that I am here because of HARMONY...

So many days, I have pushed myself from moment to moment, with the certainty and the comfort that I only existed in those moments... and that all I could do was push infinitesimally into our want...

12 years, 144 months, 4,646 days... nearly 40,000 hours and a nearly infinite number of moments... working to understand our TRUTH - embracing our “IS” and steering ever more wisely into our “WANT”... 

So many moments distracted by wishing... and wasted...

All to get ever closer to our truth... of who we were... and who we wanted to be...

This week, a huge part of my dreams became reality... my life will NEVER be the same...

I love what I do... I believe in it... deeply...  

And, I strive to do better with it... daily.

MY life is a tribute to harmony, and a real and constant struggle with disharmony...

I have an unwavering commitment to see it through...

to refocus... redefine... reengage... and recreate...

Every day... in every moment... 

I try a little harder everyday to understand the power of the universe.  

I try everyday to accept my own insignificance.

I try to achieve a greater integrity with who I am, and what I believe... to be “TRUTH”... 

And, I try to share it and apply it with those I love, those I care about, those I know... 

Those I hold myself accountable to...

I am LIVING my dreams...  And, I am grateful and humbled...

I want to make dreams come true... NOT just my own...  the dreams of the many great, passionate, dedicated people I work with, play with, and love...  THAT is still my WANT...

Every moment I live... 

I reconsider my “IS”... and launch myself as best as I can into my “WANT”...

Thank YOU for being part of my journey... for sharing in my dreams, my conversations, my passion...

Every moment, I try to live my life more and more...

In a greater understanding of the absolute truth...

in “VERITAS”...

Is it by chance, or by design...

In either case - my faith in the framework of IS & WANT, and my mindfulness around WISHING...Is now unshakeable...

it really, really, really works!

Success truly is simply NEVER GIVING UP!

It’s funny...

My life-long dream just came true...

And, its helped me realize I was already living my dreams...

And, it feels so very clear, that this is no end, but the most joyful of beginnings..

again...

in harmony,

Nestor

P.S.  So much left to share...