TBT - A Glass of Water

As I try to figure out where this all goes, I enjoy thinking back to conversations that hit a chord…

This past week I saw a video that spoke about glasses being half full or half empty, and someone saying simply, “It’s a beautiful glass…”

Indeed…

I hope you enjoy this one.

A GLASS OF WATER

So, it starts and ends with this:

We all seek to live a happy life…

The essence of HAPPY is HARMONY.  (Again, I dislike both words because they sound like they come from a children's book.  They sound potentially corny or overly simplistic, but I can't find better ones for now.)

HARMONY is achieved IN THE MOMENT, by anchoring ourselves in the "IS", the truth, of the moment.  And,  from that place of truth - of gratitude and strength, by then moving our energy toward the truth we want and seek.

That's it!

"A Glass Of Water" - perhaps an overused metaphor, but an important one that always makes me think.

Is the glass of water half full OR half empty?

How do I choose to see the world?  Or, any given situation for that matter?

I always think to myself, is this a "trick question"?  It's not.

My answer:

TRUTH IS - The glass of water is half full AND half empty.  It's not an OR.  To "choose" to see one side AND not the other is to ONLY acknowledge ONE HALF of the truth… and the truth is the truth.

I see the glass of water as half full AND half empty because it is.

Harmony is not about focusing on the full half.  Harmony is about BEING grateful for the the FULL HALF, and then acting on the opportunity to fill the rest!

Disharmony is wishing your glass was already fuller... 

It is important to start by seeing the “full” half (or quarter or eighth for that matter) .  We must see it to acknowledge and be grateful for it in each moment.  

We must see the “fullness”,

in every situation,

in every relationship,

in ourselves…

our gifts, our blessings.  

We must acknowledge it - to ourselves and those around us sharing in the moment.  

That is where we MUST start if we want to achieve HARMONY.  Gratitude for our "FULLNESS" is the source of our strength and motivation.  And, importantly we can help each other see it and reach it.

The empty half (or part) of the glass is what creates the opportunity, our dreams.  

And, perhaps I want to fill the rest of the glass with vodka, or with Sprite or with Protein Powder.  Who says I have to fill it with water?  The half of the glass that is empty is the half that I get to create from here!  How cool is that?  But, I can only see that perspective if I start with gratitude for the fullness.

From the vantage point of the fullness - the empty half is the opportunity.

From the vantage point of the empty - empty is all we see.  There is no opportunity, there is only deficiency and negativity.

For those that choose to only see the full half of the glass.  They are happy… at least for the moment.  But, they don't grow.  They don't dream.  They don't bounce out of bed in the morning.  There is no reason to - the glass is done.  They have no additional contribution / purpose to create desire.

For those that choose to only see the half empty side (and few will actually admit to it) - they are victims, they are lost, they are unworthy, they are forgotten, they make themselves irrelevant.  They are no fun to be around.

SO - next time you hear "are you a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of person"?

Smile…

It's not a trick question.

It's a question that matters.

And,

you have been answering it through how you’ve shown up, whether you realize it or not, in every moment of your life (consciously or subconsciously)... So live deliberately and see it for what it is.

It’s FULL.  It’s EMPTY.  It's both.  It is amazing and full of opportunity. It's everything!

Live deliberately… filling your glass.

My cup runneth over…

It’s a beautiful cup…

It’s a beautiful life…

in harmony,

Nestor Benavides

TBT - Livin' Amongst Giants

This is from June 2014…

It amazes me how quickly time passes…

This concept lives with me everyday and I try to remind myself in every interaction…

speak to the GIANT inside that person’s heart and soul…

because only if you speak to the GIANT… will the GIANT emerge!

I hope you enjoy… Nestor

LIVING AMONG GIANTS!

I was on a long run on Saturday morning and my mind was racing.  I was mindful of my thoughts as I ran through a gorgeous sun filled day…

“I live among GIANTS…” was the thought that kept running through my head as I ran through the woods…

I see amazing people all around me – The people I meet, the people I work with, the boys I coach, my friends, my family… all GIANTS. Even the stranger I pass on the street… the homeless man on the corner…

I see the GIANT in YOU!

It is so clear to me… as clear as a sunny day.  There is a GIANT inside of you that can change the world.

That is why I virtually never get side tracked by that little person, protecting the giant.

The little person is the one who is

insecure

unsure

angry

distracted

confused

lost

tired…

And that little person lives in all of us also.

The little person protects the GIANT… as the GIANT often sleeps.  (I think someone wrote a song about exactly this point ;-)

When I meet people, I work to meet their GIANT.  I look for that amazing person that lives inside of them.  I speak to their potential.  I speak to their intent.  I speak to their ambition. I speak to their dreams… I speak to the vision that I know they have of themselves, but aren’t committed to unleash.

I also speak to the little person, who protects them.  I speak to them with the empathy and the insecurity of my little person.  I try to make friends.

We all know, on some level, that there is a GIANT living inside of us.  There is a version of ourselves that is capable of greatness.  Some of the little people don’t know what they are protecting.  But, they know it is someone special.

Let me take a small tangent (and let the little person and the GIANT rest for a moment)…

Harmony is…

Embrace the absolute truth of the moment (or in this case of who you are), to then expand it into the reality of what you want (or in this case who you want to become).

Close your eyes and accept, realize that there is a GIANT already living silently inside of you

and find it

and set it free.

It is that simple. But, you need to stop listening to the little person - to the doubt, the noise , that hesitation…

So many people get confused, and spend their lives talking to the little people protecting our GIANT.  They confuse the two, or they can only see the little person.

You can’t make the little person into the GIANT… you have to get the little person to STEP OUT OF THE WAY!

The little person is EGO.

The little person is FEAR.

When I coach my soccer team… I see the Pele in each of my players.  I see the spark.  I see the FIRE.  I see the heart that can make magic happen. 

And, I speak to THAT GIANT sitting inside those innocent minds… 

I don’t speak to the little person inside the boy’s head who is afraid to make a mistake.  Not to the little person who sees himself as not good enough, or too good for the rest.  But, I speak to the GIANT inside of my boys, who knows he is a competitor… who knows he is part of a great team… who knows he can make a difference. 

And, so often on the field,

when I least expect it… I see that GIANT come to life.

I can see it in their eyes & in their smile…

when the GIANT takes over…

I believe this about all “things” that are made up of human beings; teams, organizations, companies…

Companies have GIANT versions of themselves, sleeping inside of them.  Every team, every company, every group, every relationship - has a GIANT version of itself...

There is a GIANT inside of all of us – a GIANT that we dream about, that we aspire to, that we know exists.

Most people don’t see him. 

Most people don’t talk to him. 

Many people don’t even acknowledge his existence!

But we KNOW…

You and I do…

We know deep down inside that we are capable of greatness.

We know deep down inside that we are capable of making a lasting IMPACT on our world!

Speak to the GIANT in those you know and love…

Speak to GIANT inside of your own heart…

Can you speak to him (or her)?

Can you see her (or him)?

Smile…

know that you are not alone.

Whether you are on a nice long run,

or sitting on a beach,

or driving in the car,

or in a meeting

or at the dining table...

Look around.

Look into their eyes.  

…Don't be afraid.

You are living among GIANTS…

Speak to THEM…

Don't ignore the little people protecting them.  

Be gentle with them.  

But SPEAK to the GIANT in the people you know... and love…

WAKE them from their SLUMBER…

and WATCH THEM COME ALIVE!  

in harmony,

Nestor 

Shirt Off Your Back

We had a great holiday break and even managed to enjoy a few memorable, meaningful conversations with our sons…

One of them was around the thought,

“You can’t love others,

until you love yourself.”

I feel like I have hearing this quote in some form since I gained consciousness...

In passing, the idea sounds like apple pie and vanilla ice cream.  Makes sense.  OK.  Got it.

The thought made more sense to me when I heard it expressed recently as…

“A shirtless man cannot give you the shirt off his back.”

I think that may have been Maya Angelou, or some old African saying…

OK

Makes sense

Got it…

But wait… what does “loving yourself” mean?

How do you know when you love yourself?

I have been able to love others quite successfully without really loving myself very much, most of my life…

My son spoke up…

“I don’t think that’s true…” he shared, referíng to the original quote above...

... perhaps for the same reasons that I wasn’t bought in 100%.

I know  love is not a shirt…

and,

I don’t believe love is a zero or one and you don’t “LOVE or NOT LOVE… “, thought we often use those words…

“ Idon’t love that.” or

“ I love that!”

When it’s about people... 

LOVE is alive and nurtured and grown and harvested and fluid and formless and complex and simple…

AND, importantly, there are intensities, maturities, categories of love…  which we lazily often simplify into the single four letter word.

Here is what I know -

about the important concept of

LOVING YOURSELF…

LOVING yourself is being grateful for your self, being compassionate with yourself, respecting yourself, seeing yourself…

...OWNING, being mindful, grateful and deliberate with the GIFT that  is uniquely YOU in the world!

And, the reason that “loving” yourself is so very important in our ability to love others is because,

the better you love yourself

the moré you can LOVE

and

not expect anything in return…

I believe thIs concept, that we often define as,

“unconditional love”

is very difficult, and arguably impossible,

if you don’t love yourself first.

WHY?

Because the level to which there is a gap in your own gratitude and pride and mindfulness for your unique gift … there is a gap in your ability to feel “worthy”…

And, when we don’t feel WORTHY -

We

TRANSACT love

instead of

GIVE love!

When we don’t feel worthy, we love expecting something in return…

This plays out not just in romantic love,

but in all types of human connection…

as parents, as friends, as colleagues, as citizens, as human beings…

though

no one relationship touches our worthiness and “gap” with the same intensity and intimacy of a romantic one…

So,

don’t just dismiss the idea of LOVING yourself…

because

great and meaningful JOY comes from the ability to LOVE unconditionally…

the moment

the person

the soul

That which we most seek…

isn’t a zero or a one…

It is obtained, embraced, understood … over time…

You don’t HAVE to love yourself first to love others, 

but you have to be in the process of learning how to love yourself as you live and learn to love others... 

Do it in parallel, because they both take a lifetime to master... 

And the better you love yourself the more unconditionally, graciously you will be able to love others... 

LOVE is not a zero or one... 

it is alive and infinitely plentiful... 

and we learn slowly over time learn how to channel it... own it... experience it... 

Love is not a shirt... 

Love is IN you... 

Let

LOVE

flow…

from you…

and about you…

into the world around you...

It is infinite... 

It is YOU! 

in harmony,

Nestor

TBT - Hugs

So - this is my first TBT post of 2019 and one of my favorites, “HUGS”…

On the one hand, there is the truth that at our core we seek connection, and nothing connects us like a HUG! It dissolves the space, the awkwardness, the noise between people - all be it for a moment. And, that is why we should be present in that moment!

On the other hand, the concept of harmony is that it happens when we “embrace” the IS of our moment - and a hug is both the physical and emotional embrace of the IS… It brings the core / start of the concept of harmony to life… EMBRACE the IS, EMBRACE the people you care about… It all starts there… It refuels us in a way that nothing else can…

Don’t take hugs lightly… don’t sprint past them… look forward to them, anticipate them, be present in them…

ORIGINAL POST

At the core of HARMONY is embracing the “IS” of the moment.  And, there is nothing that captures the emotion of embracing the IS, like a simple embrace, or in more common words, a HUG!

A friend posted on facebook this morning from a page called “Beloved Festival”…

"The average length of a hug between two people is 3 seconds, but researchers have discovered something fantastic. When a hug lasts 20 seconds, there is a therapeutic effect on the body and mind. 

The reason is that a sincere hug produces a hormone called "oxytocin", also known as the love hormone. This substance has many benefits in our physical andmental health, helps us, among other things, to relax, to feel safe and calm our fears and anxiety. 

This wonderful calming is offered free of charge every time we have a person in our arms, when we cradled a child, cherish a dog or cat, we're dancing with our partner, the closer we get to someone or just hold the shoulders of a friend."

There is something special about a warm and lasting hug.  It can so quickly change the mood of any relationship or conversation.  It can change the entire nature of a simple hello.

I love to hug.  I love to hug Susy.  I love to hug my boys.  I love to hug friends.

I notice the awkwardness that you sometimes feel in a hug.  Notice the thoughts that go through your head…

“Is anyone looking at me?”

“Should I be letting go now?”

“Is this silly?”

What is it that makes us want to pull away from a hug so quickly?

Maybe on some level, we are thinking, “Do I deserve this?”

While I love hugging everyone I care about… there is a special awareness I have in hugging my boys.

I remember when the boys where little and having one of their rare but intense fits, I would hug them tight.  They would squirm and push away, and I would just hug them.  A little later they would settle in and relax into the moment… they would then hug me back and their fit would end.

A hug resets us.  A hug recharges us.  A hug takes us and physically brings us into the IS of the moment.

I love that now, as my boys are less boys and more men, we hug more intentionally, we hug more often, and we hug longer.

In an embrace – I believe they sense most clearly and perhaps most naturally my concern for them, my belief in them, my respect for them, my devotion to them, my confidence in them, and  my complete love for them.

A hug, a long hug, a willing hug, a lingering hug communicates so much more than words ever can.

A hug forces out all of the noise that is in our heads. 

If we can get beyond the awkward initial moment, and relax into it, a hug allows us to feel connected in a way that words alone can never achieve.

Don’t even try to put the feelings of a lingering embrace into words… just allow yourself to own them.

A hug is very much the core of harmony brought to life – in feeling.

So, don’t take hugs for granted.  Don’t be conscious of the artificial awkwardness that you might feel in an embrace.  (But, do be sensitive to the awkwardness that others may feel.  You can’t force anyone unless they are very much toddlers to stay in an embrace.)  Just be conscious of not letting go first. 

Words, as eloquent and honest as we may say them, will always have to be filtered by our minds, by connotations and noise, by the world…

Hugs reset us and recharge us…

Let the embrace with those you love linger.   

HUG OFTEN

HUG TIGHTLY

HUG ALWAYS & DON’T LET GO

with your heart

even after your arms come free!

Nestor 

start...

If you are torn about the new year... if all the possibility, the positivity and the expectations make you want to curl up and stay in bed...

you are not alone...

in fact, you are like all of us...

cynical, skeptical, perhaps even tired... before it even begins. 

truth is

It will require work. 

It will be imperfect.

It will be risky and sad...

And,

it will be like no other.

It will be full of laughter,

love

and light...

Listen to the voice that is also inside your heart... 

The one that is often silenced

or in the background... 

but the one that ultimately wins out... 

the one that keeps you going... 

And, 

Never give up on better...

Never give up on tomorrow...

Show up today,

Start to move,

Start To climb...

Start

dancing

... 

do it now... 

the music is playing... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

sun RISE

I decided to go outside in the dark this morning.

My body was tired, but awake.

The darkness filled the air…

I heard some movement and saw two deer, just a few feet away.

We stared at each other through the silence,

then they turned and walked away.

Slowly, the grey skies lit up the morning - and the grey turned to bright silver before my eyes.

I took a deep breath and appreciated the stillness.

Then, through the trees I saw the fire of the rose light rising…

Until the rose and pink brilliance reflected off the silver sky…

Just another day?

Or, the beautiful beginning of a new chapter?

It is up to me… to choose…

It is time to figure out what I want to do when I grow up… and I believe that I have figured out the answer.

It’s not “what” I want to DO , but “who” I want to BE…

I want to BE LIGHT…

I want to SEE PEOPLE…

and help people BE SEEN,

sincerely, 

authentically, 

systemically,  

scalably, 

meaningfully! 

It’s where

the possibility of

beauty,

happiness,

success

starts…

Being SEEN for who we are, 

for what we

uniquely

bring to the world... 

It IS the beginning,

The IS...

It

is

everything…

worthwhile... 

in harmony,

Nestor

P.S.  For those of you wondering… I have been a bit remiss lately, a bit random and scarce with my posts.  I am in a time of transition emotionally, mentally, philosophically.  I am grateful for this time.  I will keep writing, but will do a TBT (Throw Back Thursday) Post with 50 of my favorites posts republished on Thursday’s this year… and publish new material on Sunday’s.  I may post here and there if specific thoughts arise.  I am still waking up… I am onto something… I am afraid again… and that is a good thing… Life is grand.  Happy New Year!

It's not...

It’s not that I feel old…

I just remember when having a job,

having kids

seemed like a distant dream…

Heck - I remember believing in Santa Claus.

I remember the fear that no woman would ever love me enough to marry me…

and my mother assuring me otherwise.

I remember looking so very forward

to having my own wife, my own family…

To wanting to be my own man…

To someday owning my own home…

I remember dreaming about being in business,

about running a company…

I am not sure I ever actually invisioned

being a father…

But, I remember the day my oldest was born.

I remember not knowing how I would take to the ‘father’ thing…

I remember the amazing wonder and excitement of not knowing where I would live,

and the thrill of moving to Cincinnati on my own…

and Baltimore where we bought our first home.

Or, the thrill of moving to China… it felt a world away…

or living in Austin…

I remember dreaming…

too often about things,

but so often about life…

I remember feeling awkward the first time we had an event at nursery school…

I remember feeling so grown up…

and now two of my son’s have graduated high school.

I remember my boys eyes… looking so dependent and demanding…

So lost and found…

I remember being larger than life in their eyes…

and feeling larger than life in my heart.

I remember thinking that someday my father would die

and working to find the patience to see him,

to love him…

I remember that day seeming so far away…

I remember thinking that he never would,

and I remember the night he did.

I don’t remember ever thinking my mother

would not recognize her beloved grandsons…

I remember the day she didn’t…

I remember dreaming about ‘making it” someday…

And, now not knowing exactly what ‘making it’ means…

It’s not that I am old,

I just remember

looking forward to so many things,

to so many events

that are now memories…

It’s not that I am old…

It’s that I am watching

as my life continues to unfold and play itself out

and it is amazing,

and sometimes so very sad,

and often so very wonderful…

It’s not that I am old,

it’s that I sometimes get confused and sometimes out of balance…

between the past,

the present,

and the future…

I want to keep leaning forward onto my skis,

I want to keep dreaming the dreams that keep me young…

It’s not that I’m old…

it’s that my dreams are no longer just ahead of me creating passion and wonder,

but are also behind me and all around me…

It’s not that I am old,

it’s just that I remember when people my age seemed old…

when I looked up more than around,

when I looked forward more than backward…

It’s not that I am old…

I still look up…

I still look forward…

I am just trying to get my footing, find my groove…

I am living…

my dreams,

my sadness,

my joy,

my life…

It’s not that I’m old…

It’s that sometimes remembering

makes me sad and happy…

I am beyond grateful to be here,

I got the muscles that worked…

Let me try to fall asleep,

Christmas is coming…

I remember so many beautiful Christmases,

Let me try to fall asleep,

It’s time…

to dream

again…

in harmony,

Nestor

WITH YOU!

I so often see the world divided into two…

This week, there were numerous times where I was involved / called into situations that involved:

• two parties

• at least one difficult topic/situation

• hurt feelings & misunderstandings

• important consequences

It’s constant….

every week,

and virtually every day…

Everything is about people,

and people are about

connectedness

or

disconnectedness,

and the difference happens through communication,

but it’s not communication,

it’s values and mindset.

I see the world divided into two:

Most people, in most conversations, live in a place of “you are WITH me or you are NOT WITH ME!”

I come at every conversation from a place of “I am always with you”.

And, that makes a WORLD of difference.

If your thinking is “you are with me or not with me”,

it is a world of RIGHT and WRONG…

and the only “RIGHT” place is the one that agrees with you.

If your thinking is “you are with me or not with me”,

it is a world of black and white, of zeroes and ones,

of preset conditions and hard lines.

It is a common world, a divided world, a positioned world…

an anxious world.

And, if you are from that world, your communication reflects it, and your words reflect it, and your heart reflects it…

We all know that world….

I LIVE and WORK in a different place…

I am ALWAYS WITH YOU!

I am!

Because I believe in you, I trust that you are working in the very best interest that you deem appropriate for our business, for our team…

Because I appreciate the value that you bring - the competence that you have, the experiences that you’ve lived, the context that you’ve lived…

Because I know in your heart of heart you want to do great and be great…

Because I know at your core, you want to be connected…

And you are worthy of connnection…

I believe that and because I do,

when I talk to you,

you hear it

and you feel it…

And the world stops being

black

or white…

and it becomes a wonderful shade of grey…

The lines blur into slopes,

and right and wrong

start to overlap

into options and solutions…

but above all,

what matters is that I am not asking you to choose…

between “right” and “wrong”…

I am asking you to choose

between “forward” or “backward”

and importantly,

we are choosing it together…

The world changes from that place…

We may be wearing different jerseys,

but no one is playing a game…

we are brothers and sisters,

not in a game,

but on a journey…

How do I help others… how do I help myself find this world more often…

This week, there were numerous times where I was involved / called into situations that involved two parties…

I was brought in

because I communicate differently,

because I believe & see differently.

because

I never I saw it as TWO…

I saw it always as one…

I saw YOU,

and, I am always WITH YOU!

No matter what path we chose or choose,

even if we choose disagreement,

we choose it together…

because I respect you,

And

it will connect us,

move us …

and we will be connected

through the grey…

forward

in harmony,

Nestor

Succeeding...

This year has been amazing, sad, wonderful... all in one. 

This year was a dream come true for me per the definition of success that I have been chasing since I was a boy...

per the definition of success that I had adopted from the outside world... 

Now, the door opens... 

I “succeeded” and yet I’m the same guy, with the same struggles and the same voices in my head... 

And it’s clear... 

Now it’s time to really define success, not per the definition of the outside world...

but per the definition of my soul... 

now, the rest of the journey begins. 

Harmony has been my GPS, with the destination being in every moment... 

What will truly fill my soul? 

What will make me own my worth? 

What is the definition, 

what are the priorities, 

what is the behavior, 

what is the lifestyle

of 

a

JOY

FULL

SOUL? 

I start from this moment... 

ready to dream again... 

to reach inward

instead of outward...

We travel so far to go nowhere... 

What if I am already home? 

In harmony,

Nestor

Sometimes, you have to kick’em in the ___!

I have many friends and colleagues that believe, and say out loud,  

“Sometimes,  

you just have to kick people in the ass!”

And,  

always,  

I feel the same visceral response. 

1.  I am not sure exactly what that means. 

2. It feels like something, that is NEVER a good idea! 

Stay with me for a minute...  

If you are thinking, “ Well, of course, those people don’t literally mean KICK them in the butt!”

I know THAT! 

If you are thinking, “Well, maybe those aren’t the right words, but I get it and I agree...” 

I would say, “Words MATTER, so, so very much.  Words speak to our intent, create a personality, and communicate powerful messages literally, boldly, AND subtly!”

What is the difference between “kicking people in the ass”, and “kicking people when they are down?”  They have come to mean different things - at least connotatively.  The former, people tend to agree with.  The latter, people tend to disagree with... 

BUT... 

Isn’t the “appropriate” moment, to “kick someone in the —-“ when they are usually at a low point?... when they are struggling with something?  Does “kicking” them, literally or figuratively, in that moment seem like the best course of action? 

I think people mean lots of different things when they suggest, “sometimes, you have to kick people in the...”. And, I am challenging you to consider... change your thinking, change your the words you choose, and very possibly change your course of action. 

1.  I believe “kicking someone in the ___” is NEVER appropriate to say or do, for the simple reason that I would never want anyone to do it to me. 

I believe in our core - in our absolute being - human beings not only “want” but “NEED” to be seen & valued.  It is what we are all working toward with every breath and every action, whether we acknowledge it or not.

If that is our fundamental need as humans, when exactly is “kicking you” required?   

If our most basic need is to be seen & valued, does “kicking you” ever help? 

2.  I believe the desire to say or convey “kicking someone in the ___” conveys arrogance & righteousness and is patronizing - most often without intending to be.

To believe that someone needs to be “kicked” means that “I know better”, that I am more intelligent, powerful, knowing than you are...  It conveys no compassion, no humility, no EMPATHY... And, I am convinced that anytime we are acting without compassion or empathy, or from a place of “knowing right from wrong” we are not at our best. 

So, let me cut to it. 

When people say that someone needs a “kick in the ass”...  I think they are really saying that someone needs “the raw truth.”  

The “raw truth” without couching, hesitation or deflections.   

I believe when people say it, they mean that the person needs to be “jolted”... they need an IMPACTFUL conversation that rattles their understanding of normal... that MOVES them to see a different reality about themselves - about a situation. 

And, HELL YES - I agree with that... 

If you need to “rattle” someone... “jolt” them to hearing something that may be difficult to hear, perhaps... 

you could change your normal location for the conversation... take them somewhere meaningful... outside... somewhere that quiets the noise and amplifies their ability to hear... 

you could invite different people into the conversation... change the normal group of people to highlight the different consequence or reality that you are attempting to convey... 

you could change the tone of your voice, the context of your message... you could change your own vulnerability in the conversation... your own humility... 

those type of things can help people hear things they haven’t heard before or haven’t been able to hear... see things they haven’t seen before... 

People sometimes need to be told the raw truth - in a way that is different, that is unexpected and impactful - that rattles their mind, makes them uncomfortable enough to consider a DIFFERENT way of seeing themselves, their behavior or the world... 

But, “kicking” people, saying it or doing it - suggests no compassion or empathy...  no creativity!

No matter how “raw” the truth you are sharing EVER is... we owe it to each other to stay OPEN... in our own hearts and minds... maybe there is more to the story...  maybe there is some “raw truth” that we ourselves don’t understand...

WHAT? 

If someone is resisting normal attempts to convey caring feedback, 

maybe they are in a difficult situation that you don’t know about... 

maybe they have been in difficult situations that shapes their ability to hear certain things... 

maybe there is something about the way YOU are conveying it that makes it hard to hear, understand or accept... 

or maybe, just maybe... 

maybe you’ve never made it clear before! 

Often I hear that someone needs to be “kicked” and they are shocked because they had no idea that the “issue” was an “issue” at all... 

Often I think if people (i.e. coaches, managers and maybe parents)  aren’t able to convey the truth - unless they turn off compassion and empathy... they have to “psyche” themselves up to convey “truth”... because otherwise they stay in the “overly nice” headspace and couch their messages too much, make them too indirect for someone to understand...

Communicating the RAW TRUTH , or truth in general requires 

COURAGE... 

both to say it

and to receive it... 

And, COURAGE meant to assist someone, meant to support someone... 

requires COMPASSION... 

Instead of saying and THINKING that “sometimes people need a kick in the ass” ...

We should consider

THINKING

and saying... 

”Sometimes, we have to reach deeper into ourselves for a different level of courage and compassion... 

Sometimes we have to convey things that might poke at one of our core insecurities, or unearth a truth about someone that might scare us or place us in an uncomfortable place of raw honesty... of human intimacy... that may make both people uncomfortable...  but, acknowledging that, being compassionate to that - is what makes magic (growth) in the moment... possible.

The thought that we have to “kick someone in the ass” gives us the excuse to CARE LESS... or, possibly not to care.  That is only to give ourselves permission... or the strength to say what needs to be said... but,

In caring less, perhaps some can convey a clearer truth... but, whose issue is that?

I would argue in that vulnerable moment of raw truth, what is called for above all else is for us to 

CARE MORE THAN EVER! 

When I am sharing a truth with you that is meaningful and consequential... 

That is affecting your livelihood, and potentially your future... 

Why would doing that without COMPASSION EVER be the preferred method? 

Even in my own self interest - if I am interested in helping you... which I would argue is then helping the company, and helping me... 

WHY WOULD I EVER DO THAT  

without empathy... 

COMPASSION is the ELIXIR to make some of the most painful truths digestible...  

Without COMPASSION - people very often can’t hear - because they stay in a state of defensiveness... 

And, why... 

why is it “sometimes”... 

I want to live in a world...

I want to create relationships... 

I want to construct a culture... 

where COMPASSIONATE COURAGE is ever-present... 

where the truth is the only currency... 

and open, courageous compassion the only market for exchange... 

And, we are OPEN... 

to hear each other,

to help each other,

to grow ourselves! 

Words matter... 

because people matter... 

and “kicking”

is NEVER

necessary. 

in harmony, 

Nestor

He sleeps in my bed...

Why is it harder to write?

Perhaps because I feel like I’ve said it all before.

And yet, the conversation in my own mind continues...

But, it’s different than it once was.

My mind is quieter, more peaceful, more focused, less urgent than it was just a few weeks ago.

I had an amazing break in November - unplugged from the world but connected to myself, and a group of wonderful and amazing people I had never met before.

I learned, or perhaps embraced, a few meaningful truths about how I think, behave and live... that have absolutely helped me achieve a deeper, better state of harmony.

Sometimes I don’t write, because I don’t know where to catch you up in the conversation that is ever present in my mind.

Sometimes I don’t write, because I question my own arrogance in thinking anyone will find value in my musings... (though from your gracious comments and notes - I know that there are at least a few of you who do).

Life is such a beautiful journey... learning about the universe, the world, each other, ourselves... keeps us alive!

I am 51 years old, and there are so many things that I have just recently come to know - that help me love myself and my life and those around me so much more fully...

I don’t write as much for all the wrong reasons...

For the same reasons that we don’t ask ourselves the basic and important questions...

Why do I exist?

What matters?

What am I grateful for?

Where am I seeing beauty now?

What hurts?

What is keeping me from me?

We get so wrapped up in the doing in life that we so very often dismiss

the thinking

the being 

the loving

The exploring

in life...

And, it’s the exploring where we find

The doors

The keys

The lessons

Ourselves...

The conversation,

My conversation,

Is not over...

About harmony,

About success,

About happiness...

About life...

In so many important ways,

It is only just beginning...

Never give up!  Never stop asking yourself the important questions.  Never stop dreaming.  Never stop exploring!

One of the greatest insights that I learned, or better said - that I accepted and embraced, in my week away...

Is that I don’t want to be a “better version” of myself...

I actually want to be a “truer version” of myself...

It’s not about me becoming “more”, but about me becoming “less”...

About me becoming me...

It’s not that “I” am great, it’s that every one of us truly is an amazing, beautiful, harmonious soul.

And, this whole pursuit of harmony, I understand now, is a pursuit of truth... the truth of life, the truth of love, the truth of connectedness, the truth of you... and very importantly,

The truth of me...

The purest, truest, most liberated “me”...

That’s where I am headed...

And, it doesn’t exist “out there somewhere”.

It exists deep in my heart and mind...

The pursuit of harmony - is our own journey toward accepting that -

WE already ARE..

...

I am already who I want to be, who I’ve dreamt of being, who I admire, who I respect, who makes me proud...

That amazing vision of a man, that I have been admiring on my wall...

He doesn’t exist outside of “me”... heck, he doesn’t exist WITHOUT me.  In fact, 

He sleeps in my bed...

He lives in my core...

He inspires my mind...

He lights up my soul...

And, he hides in my heart...

So very well...

Because he

Has been hiding for so long...

And, occasionally...

I see him,

In the distance,

In the silence of my mind,

In the warmth of my heart, 

In the light of of my soul...

In absolute truth! 

In harmony,

Nestor

X-mas for Adults

It’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving. 

We don’t have too many traditions in our family, but one of them is that today is the day we start Christmas - the day the tree goes up. 

I remember the day my father stopped loving Christmas. 

I remember the day Christmas became more of a reminder of happy times gone by, rather than the gift and celebration of family and life. 

The last few years putting up the tree has felt a little more like a chore than a treat...

I understand, more than ever, that ‘exhaustion’ or ‘sadness’ that I’ve seen in older friends and family as we near the holidays. 

And, I am sad and a little embarrassed to admit that I had joined them... 

But, this is a new Sunday, in a new year, and instead of feeling the heaviness of times gone by - today, I am calling on the little boy inside of me to help me... 

I am calling on the little boy that loves Christmas... the music, the colorful lights, the cheer, the story, the time off... and I am getting that little boy to help me. 

That little boy who loved putting up X-mas trees so much, that I would go to the homes of some of the older residents in my building to help them put up theirs... 

As I bring up the tree, I am going to remember my father and how much he used to love X-mas, my mom was never a big fan (I think in rebellion to my father’s love for it).  I am going to remember how very inspired and happy my father would get during the holidays.  It was the happiest I ever saw him. 

I am going to enjoy whatever time I can borrow from my boys to help.  I am going to be grateful for the beautiful home we have - that I dreamt of having as a boy. 

I am going to pause on those special ornaments that remind me of special moments and people in our lives. 

The gifts under the tree are much less important to me than they were to the little boy inside of me.  But, the gifts that the tree reminds me of - the gifts that I have around the tree and not under it are still being unwrapped with every year that passes. 

I have always loved Christmas because it brings people together in celebration... for whatever reason it filled me with joy and hope as a boy, and I am going to allow it to fill me again. 

Maybe now as an adult - it is both exciting for the joy and hope for the world around me and to come - as much as for the many X-mases already enjoyed... 

It was easy as parents to be inspired for our boys when they were kids - because in many ways their energy for X-mas was contagious.    

But, I should not need their “energy” to find my hope and joy for X-mas... in fact, maybe I should be the one showing them the way. 

I realize for those more relegious, I am leaving out the true spirit of X-mas, the Celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. 

Christmas has become so full and confusing - but ultimately for me - it is a celebration of life and family... and a moment to celebrate “God” however you define him (or her ;-)...

My point today is this...  

X-mas this year won’t be a chore. 

It won’t be a box to check. 

X-mas will be an opportunity to let the child in me dream, and play, and love and remember...  

I don’t want my boys someday in the future to think about the day “Dad stopped loving X-mas” ...

I don’t want to miss the joy and beauty and magic of the season... 

It’s a beautiful time of year - whether for you it’s the celebration of the birth of Jesus, or the celebration of the end of another year lived, or the celebration of friends and family...

And, who knows... maybe somewhere through dimensions I don’t understand or simply deep in my own heart and mind... loved ones who are no longer with us will join in the celebration.

It’s a magical time...

to experience,

to reflect,

to be present,

and to shine our light and love on those we care about most... 

Heading down to the basement once more...

in my PJs... 

There’s beauty and memories and magic in those red boxes sitting in the back of the storage. 

Santa Clause is coming to town.

We need to get ready. ..

in harmony, 

Nestor

Giving Gratitude

Gratitude

Is

Joyful Acceptance...

Confident Humility... 

Unconditional Love... 

Delicious Satisfaction...

Deliberate Quenching... 

Thoughtful Reception... 

Abundant Reflection... 

Mind Fullness...

Heart Connectedness...

APPLIED Harmony... 

Today...

Thanks

Giving, 

Nestor

a WALK in the WOODS

Just a few days ago,

I found myself walking in the woods.

It was early in the morning.  

I had been practicing silence for an extended period, 

and decided to take in some fresh air... 

The thought in my head,

“You’ve got 25 minutes... That’s about 12 minutes out and 12 back.”

It was a beautiful winding path in the woods... and I heard my footsteps.

I thought about the 12 minutes again and I heard my footsteps speed up.

I walked briskly focused on the sound of my own footsteps... and my pace... and the clock ticking down... 

And then... 

“Where am I going?”, I thought to myself?

“Why must I go fast, ‘there’?”... I didn’t have any specific place I was going, but I clearly wanted to go as far as I could.

After all, I only had 12 minutes... and I was already two minutes in...

“I don’t want to go fast”

“I’m not going anywhere...”

“Why is ‘fast’ necessary?  Why is ‘far’ an objective?”

I smiled at myself... amused and befuddled... 

And I heard my footsteps start to slow...

“That feels better...”

My footsteps slowed to the beat of my heart... and I breathed deeper.

I could hear my footsteps less and the woods more...

My feet kept slowing down.

“Why even go this fast?”

All of a sudden, I found myself stopped... in front of the woods... inside the woods... and I looked up.

The colors seemed brighter.  And, the volume seemed to rise.  My footsteps had been the only noise in my head, but now there were so many soft and beautiful sounds all around me... 

I look up and around.  There was more to see than I had time to see, but having stopped, I could actually see so much more...

I focused on the leaves - on the trees, carpeting the ground, floating in the stream, gliding through the air... filling the scene,

the fallen trees,

the rustling,

the creek,

the hill...

the vines and the branches...

the wind...

I listened as the sounds of the woods came to life...

I breathed deeply and calmly...

“How is it that I see more, I hear more, I even learn more if I slow down... if I stand still...?”

This ‘speed’ felt right... the world was moving and I was observing and enjoying and understanding.

If each moment mattered,

Time would be irrelevant...

And distance traveled even more so... 

How much of my life do I miss by walking too fast?  By trying to get as many steps in as I can before I have to ‘turn around’... before time runs out?

In how many of my moments lived do I fail to see or hear or experience the detail, the beauty, because all I can hear and think about are my pace and my footsteps and covering more ground before the music stops?

Could whatever it is I’m chasing already be there at every step...?

Could I possibly find it, see it, experience it... if I was was just willing to slow down or stop and look around?

I think it’s

very possibly

so...

I need to remember my walk in the woods...

I need to keep listening and leaning into silence. 

I need to slow down...

stop, at times, even...

care

less

about time...

and more

about  

life... 

... 

Stop... 

Listen

carefully.

Look up

and  

around... 

Experience

beauty

everywhere... 

Breathe...

Smile,

JOY! 

In harmony,

Nestor

Unplug and Restart ;-)

Here I sit,

In complete silence…

In my simple room…

About to start a week long retreat to better understand how I think.

I will be completely removed from the “grid”, completely “unplugged”…

CAN’T WAIT!  I am very excited to try it…

I am sorry that I have not been writing very often.

I am often stuck somewhere in the space between my harmony and my disharmony.

And,

I truly seek truth, not my truth, but the truth…

And, I write when I have clarity,

When I am compelled to write.

I never write because I think  I am “supposed” to… because when the hell is that 😉

I love change…

I love growth…

I live for it.

And, it is time for me to grow through this transition.

Harmony does give me great clarity.

I have so many exchanges with people… in conversations, in emails, in texts…

Everyday I feel clearer about how powerful harmony is…

Everyday I feel clearer about how simple harmony is…

And, everyday I feel more perplexed about how elusive harmony can be…

How hard, how far

And how near.

You can jump from disharmony to harmony, or back, from one moment to the next…

And yet, when you are in a moment of disharmony, harmony seems forever away…

It’s because the two feelings are so drastically different… so vehemently opposed,

And, yet because, we experience our life in moments – so time travel is literally possible 😉

I am so very excited to be clearing my mind for a week… to have the means, the support, the desire, the ability to step away from the world, that I otherwise feel is so intertwined with my every moment.

So excited and so grateful…

I seek truth…

Not “my” truth…

But “the” truth…

So that I can better define “my” purpose and navigate “my” journey, “my” dreams and “my” joy…

Can’t wait to share what I learn and experience.

Thank you for being out there…

Thank you for inspiring me to explore truth…

Here I sit,

in my simple room,

in complete silence… smiling…

In harmony,

Nestor

LOVE

What is LOVE is the answer…

There is LOVE, and there is HATE…

There is LIGHT, and there is DARK…

There is HARMONY, and there is DISHARMONY…

What if LOVE is everything?

Why do we exist?

What is our purpose?

What brings us joy?

LOVE is connectedness to others…

LOVE is being seen…

LOVE is being appreciated…

What if LIFE is all about LOVE…

It’s what fuels us, what drives us, what inspires us…

I have said for some time,

It’s about PEOPLE, everything is…

But, what if PEOPLE are about LOVE…

Then, It’s about LOVE, everything is…

Why we work hard…

Why we work out…

And, they say it starts with “Loving Yourself”…

You MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

I have heard that - many times…

But, I think perhaps for many of us, we find that if we work hard enough on love…

We ultimately LOVE OURSELVES LAST…

By that, I mean, it is once we realize that LOVE is everything,

and we allow ourselves to be defined by our LOVE for others,

that we can then finally SEE and LOVE ourselves…

I am sorry if this is circular -

or repetitive…

but I am puzzled and excited

that perhaps…

it is all that simple…

Life is short.

It’s about LOVE…

everything is…

in harmony,

Nestor

COURAGE big and SMALL!

I’ve always wanted to have the courage to make BIG decisions…

In 1999, I left Procter & Gamble and wrote,

“As I leapt off the cliff, leaving all of the gold,

I opened my eyes, to look, to be bold.

All based on this dream that I had long ago.

I believed I could fly, and to fly, I let go!”

I have always a story that included LEAPING off the cliff into greatness…

I have always wanted that COURAGE.

Leaving Procter & Gamble was one of the biggest decisions I ever made, maybe it is the only cliff i ever leapt from…

In all aspects of my life, I want to show that I have the vision to see big things, and the courage to leap when I see them…

But, to be honest, that is not me.

I don’t know if its that I don’t have the courage, or if I never truly committed to discontinuous vision…

But, to be honest, that hasn’t been me.

And, the questions still hound me…

Do I lack the courage to be authentic?

Do I believe in myself enough to truly leap?

Am I afraid - and do I stay the course because of the comfort with the known?

I don’t have a great answer.

But, here is what I do know.

I have had an amazing life. And, I have learned how to fly. My dreams, many at least, have come true. And, leaping isn’t my style… at least it hasn’t been how I got here.

At least not BIG leaps… I often say, I suck at quitting, and I say that because it’s true. I always see the possibility in things, and i define myself by working crazy hard to make those possibilities real.

And, the cost of that may be that I don’t reach as high, nor as far, nor learn to fly as fast nor as well…

But, to be honest, I think that is me.

I haven’t had the courage to take big leaps, other than the one to leave P&Gin 1999, and I leapt then because I asked myself the question, “when I look back at my life, will I regret not leaaping?” and in 1999, the answer was yes… So, I jumped.

Most importantly, as I look back on my life and my courage, or lack thereof, I notice one thing…

I push myself to leap every day, in every moment..

I don’t know if millions of tiny leaps are greater than or less than a few big leaps… but, small amounts of courage over millions of exchanges has been an approach that has served me well…

Do I have the courage to try new things?

Do I have the courage to reset how I think about things?

Do I have the courage to speak explicitly to my vision?

Do I have the courage to try a little harder every day?

Do I have the courage to tell people what I think?

Do I have the courage to be critical of myself?

Do I have the courage to be honest with myself?

Do I have the courage to not make myself first?

Do I have the courage to tell people things they dont really want to hear?

Do I have the courage to disagree, to be patient, to listen?

Do I have the courage to be wrong?

Do I have the courage to try again?

Do I have the courage to trust that little things can become giant things with time?

Why aren’t all those courages as important to me as… Do I have the courage to leave things behind to try something completely different?

I am more certain as I get older that I don’t like taking big leaps… but I don’t know if its because I am afraid of falling/falling, or if its because I see the beauty and the gigantic possibilities that still exist in what I can create from where I am…

I am more certain as I get older that I have been courageous in my life… in my own way…

Courage can be big and courage can be small… Maybe it takes courage to not give up. Maybe it takes even more courage to leap every day in small ways… or, maybe that is stamina.

It doesn’t make the story as exciting as those who have leapt farther and higher… who have created something from nothing.

I tend to be someone who dreams of creating something from nothing - but yet I truly live to create something better than what existed before I arrived. I am compelled to prove that greatness exists everywhere and in everyone - and I want to help bring it to life wherever I am.

Why is it important to me that my story be more or less exciting than anyone else’s?

Maybe the greatest courage of all

is having the courage to accept who I am…

to accept how I am…

not just to tolerate myself

but

optimize myself

even reinvent myself…

without becoming someone I am simply not…

Maybe I do have courage after all..

Maybe…

Just

maybe…

And, the better question may be…

What should I find courage for today?

in harmony,

Nestor

Don’t

Don’t leave relationships to chance... 

Don’t stop listening when someone opens their heart...

Don’t always believe you are right... 

Don’t always believe you’ve been wronged... 

Don’t assume a relationship isn’t worth the fight... 

Don’t expect it to fix itself... or to simply improve with time... 

Don’t lose heart just because you’ve tried before... 

Don’t ever give up on better... 

Just  

Don’t... 

Because the moment you do... 

There will be nothing left...

Loss is brutal pain.

And, you will begin to build again. 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Before Harmony...

Before Harmony

I worried about where I would be buried after I died. 

Now, I want my ashes blown into the ocean... I am here now! 

Before Harmony

I was anxious when I would run late because of unexpected traffic. 

Now, I know I will arrive when I arrive. 

Before Harmony

I would believe that my state of mind was an on-going state that lingered. 

Now, I know that in every moment, I get a choice and make a decision about what state I am in. 

Before Harmony

I worried that I would never “make it”. 

Now I know there is no such thing as “making it” but only “living it”. 

Before Harmony

I wasted tremendous time wishing my life was different. 

Now, I am grateful for all that I am, and I take actions on how I want my life to be better. 

Before Harmony

I longed for all the moments I wasn’t living...  because I wasn’t “there” (physically, mentally, financially, etc...)

Now, I am grateful for the amazing moments I get to experience and I try to be more present in them... 

Before Harmony

I missed much of my life regretting decisions I made or didnt make, or anxiety about the future to come. 

Now, I realize that I only exist in the moment... 

Before Harmony

Those around me often wondered what I thought. 

Now they know... 

Before Harmony

I wanted to know all of the right answers. 

Now, I am at peace simply asking the right questions over and over... 

Before Harmony

I tried to tackle my life, my problems, my goals all at once.  It was overwhelming...

Now, I only tackle today... and break down my life and dreams into deliberate actions over moments... 

Before Harmony

I struggled...

Now, I continue to struggle, but with greater appreciation for my amazing life... with much greater acceptance of the things that are out of my control... and with greater deliberateness over the things That aren’t!

Before Harmony fades into the distance of time... 

And with every rising sun, 

with every new moment...

I keep finding more light... 

I fear virtually nothing. 

I work and MAKE THE CHOICE IN MY MOMENTS more and more deliberately... 

I more often embrace the IS,

I better define my WANT,

and I live my dreams in more and more moments...

in Harmony,

Nestor

Disagreement...

The biggest issue with communication, with leadership, and often with connection

is disagreement.

Not the kind of disagreement that happens after there has been a thoughtful discussion about something, a rich conversation where both sides have heard each other’s points of view.

The kind of disagreement that happens the moment you year an idea.

Someone mentions something…

Let’s go to ___________.

Let’s reduce costs on _____________.

Let’s pursue ______________.

Let’s give Betty ___________.

Whatever it may be… the MOMENT you heard the idea you thought to yourself,

WHY WOULD WE EVER DO THAT?

WE TRIED THAT LAST TIME & IT FAILED?

THAT’S STUPID!

THAT’LL NEVER WORK.

I DON’T AGREE.

NO!

The moment we hear an idea or a suggestion, we so very often immediately decide whether we agree or not,

and if we disagree,

EVEN THOUGH WE USUALLY DON’T VERBALIZE IT at that point…

We’ve taken a POSITION.

We put a stake in the ground.

We have defined our NORTH and our SOUTH.

We have DECIDED what we already think!

This is human nature. AND, it’s devastating to business, to communication, to healthy relationships and to good decision making.

A few months ago, we introduced the concept of “predisposed opinions” to our executive teams. The conclusion was that too many of us had “predetermined ideas” before we engaged in discussions and that was hindering debate, alignment, decision making and most importantly the willingness to all stand by a decision once it was made.

I struggled for a while what the difference was between “predisposed opinions” and simply “opinions”. We all have points of view that we have already embedded in our minds.

The difference, I think is not having “opinions” but MAKING decisions BEFORE having CONVERSATIONS.

If people I respect suggest an idea, I must give room for conversation, for exchange before agreeing or disagreeing. Otherwise, it’s not a conversation or an exploration, but a ping-pong game of two conclusions trying to see who is going to be able to slam the point home. Unlike Ping Pong - nobody usually wins the point, and we both go home holding our own paddle.

Be mindful of DISAGREEMENT that is unspoken and immediate and become more conscious of how that affects exchanges, communication and leadership.

DISAGREEMENT before communication is DISRESPECTFUL.

Or, at best, INEFFICIENT and COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Even if in the end we don’t agree, a thoughtful exchange MAY

help us understand the context of the situation which we did not before,

or may spark a different idea that may be more agreeable to both parties,

or simply may give us the credibility we need to convey our countering point of view.

It is perhaps one of the most DIFFICULT aspects of communication… and one of the MOST IMPORTANT…

Don’t DISAGREE

before you’ve even had the conversation.

It KILLS communication and ultimately erodes trust and collaboration…

And, more than anything it meaningfully limits understanding,

making it impossible to reach a shared “IS”…

Keep an OPEN mind…

Practice HUMILITY…

And maybe, just maybe, consider that you could be wrong,

Or that a better conclusion than yours is possible…

in this situation…

in harmony,

Nestor