Thoughts all part of an on-going conversation searching and finding harmony in life... in business... in love... in every moment.
I am running a little tight again this morning... a few longer conversations I’d like to have soon...
for today
think on this
Philip McKernan wrote a book called, “One Last Talk”... You can imagine the concept. I will share more on him soon...
but, the book starts with this quote from him...
”Your GREATEST gift...
lies next to your DEEPEST wound...”
I love that thought for many reasons...
What is your greatest gift?
Where did it come from?
Think about it...
OWN it!
in harmony,
Nestor
I’m rushing this morning, but wanted to pass this thought / action that I have shared before...
I first heard it at Hoffman Institute...
in some recent meditation I’ve been doing, the gentleman starting off the meditation always says...
for a moment, put your hands on your heart and smile...
I hadn’t done it in months...
Try this...
Sit quietly,
put both of your hands over your heart,
breathe deeply and smile...
stay in this for a minute...
How do you feel?
I am always taken back by the peace I feel... the grounding...
Its a way of reconnecting with myself that seems so trivial, but is so powerful...
the second I am putting my hands on my heart, my brain and ego are saying “really, you are really doing this??? Oh my, you’ve lost your mind”
and then I do...
and I smile...
and the world seems a friendlier place,
and I don’t feel alone...
I don’t feel silly or forced...
I feel grounded, connected... like my loop is closed, my heart is full...
I feel grateful, alive...
If you feel stressed or anxious or lonely... or none of those things ;-)
Try it...
Let me know if it’s just me...
Put your hands over your heart,
Close your loop...
Reconnect with you!
in harmony,
Nestor
I’m not too proud to tell you...
I cried during the Avengers...
(SPOILER)
I won’t tell you who, in case you haven’t seen it, but when he dies...
Yes I know it’s a movie...
Yes I know they are super heroes...
Sure I know he didn’t really die...
Yes I know the plot is like all others... bad guy comes, bad guy seems unbeatable, bad guy gets beaten by the good guys...
And,
I cried when he dies...
and yes, my boys laughed...
But then I was thinking... movies are like life...
We know the general story line... life kicks you in the butt, we succeed and we fail, we make some dreams come true... typically not all... then we die...
Life is a ride... it’s a journey... it’s an experience...
Like a thrill ride at an amusement park...
Like a movie...
So often, I see people living their lives much like they watch a movie... as spectators.
”Life” is on the screen, and they are sitting back eating popcorn while the movie plays...
People come in and go out...
People hurt or celebrate...
Heck real people die... and I see folks just sitting in the audience, waiting for the next scene...
I want to cry at movies...
I want to cry at life...
Because I also want to laugh, and celebrate...
I don’t live my life or watch movies sitting in the audience...
I want to experience it...
Its probably why I love almost every movie I’ve ever seen, every play and musical.. .
I don’t evaluate it as an audience, I try to experience it as a human being... I become pet of the story... at least I try to.
My cousin took me to a play in December... something about a band... it’s the story of a band from somewhere in the Middle East that ends up in a small town in Egypt or somewhere by mistake...
The musical was called, “The Band’s Visit”...
Sone of the folks that went were really disappointed because the musical wasn’t as “grand” as they expected...
I loved it... I became a traveler in that little sleepy Arab town... I could relate to the old Capn’ and his struggles in life and with self awareness, with the young ambitious band member dreaming of making his mark on the world... with the working mother frustrated by her husbands lack of ambition... with the comfort and limitations of the known and the thrill of the unknown...
so.. .
yes...
I cried during the Avengers
because death is always sad
and for just a moment ...
I was a wounded soldier on that field...
and I felt for his wife and young daughter who would live a life without his senae of humor, personality and presence...
and it was real... it was the end of a character that had brought joy and laughter and inspiration to our family... we had bonded watching him grow...
and I thought of this guys life... he had achieved so much as an actor... despite what many had predicted... He overcame and evolved as a human being so much...
I was sad and I was happy...
Sure,
its just a movie...
and for a moment... in the moment...
it was part of my life...
and it moved me...
Don’t just sit in the audience...
Experience every moment,
in harmony,
Nestor
First, let me apologize for yesterday… I “doubled” up. I hate when that happens. It’s like a two yolk egg, it just doesn’t seem right. I had two “conversations” go out on the morning email. I’m sorry - bothers me when that happens. (One was on “purposemapping” and the second was a second conversation on “worry”)…
Second, I am going to share a poem today that I didn’t write. This is silly hard for me. Sharing someone else’s writing in my conversations, is like catering food at my house or serving you someone else’s cooking when you come over… it just feels strange, and not “me”… but for a variety of reasons, this is is very worth sharing…
Trust me - it’s not that I think my own writing is “better”… That’s not it at all, it’s just that I feel that when you come here… I should be serving up my own creations…
Anyway… something different today… I hope you enjoy… A friend of mine shared it with me months ago. He read it out loud to me, and I found it so very thoughtful and moving…
The INVITATION…
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Author: Oriah, "Mountain Dreamer"
I love that line…
I want to know if you can see Beauty, even if its not pretty everyday…
Share this with someone who moves you… and who you want to move and grow with…
So many great lines, so many great thoughts…
such beauty…
in harmony,
Nestor
I try a lot of things…
Some argue perhaps too many…
But, it’s in trying things that I not only learn new things, but find new things.
What is curious - is that very often the things I find, are not the things I thought I was searching for…
For example, I joined an accountability group with a few folks that I admire, and it’s a 30 day “sprint” to try to push through some aspect of your life that you want to make progress on…
Anyway, one of the exercises they gave us is called “purposemapping”.
Honestly, I was half-hearted in trying it…
My ego was taking over the conversation… “you already know what you are about”, “this is going to be a waste of time”, “here we go again”… "
And, I found it to be extremely fast, insightful and meaningful!
I ENCOURAGE YOU TO TRY IT!
Paste this into your browser…
https://purposemapping.com/test-drive/
It goes through a four quadrant diagram in a few minutes - speaking to what you DO vs who you ARE… both positive and negative…
It helps you define your PURPOSE - the things that put you in “flow”…
It is a 30 minute video with an exercise that you do as you go through it…
If you take the time, shoot me a note and tell me your purpose, and I will tell you mine…
It's a really cool process.
I strongly recommend it.
Understanding your purpose, your WHY… the deep core of your IS as a human being, helps to make you clearer about what in your life makes sense and why…
Try new things…
Expand your IS… with an open mind…
in harmony,
Nestor
So, I wrote about “why worry”, but I didn’t really offer an alternative…
And, I know many people struggle with the sense that “worry” is not something they do deliberately, but something they can’t help but feel…
So, what IS the alternative to worry?
If there was a “choice” to “not worry” what would we choose instead?
In my opinion, there are three things that I most often choose in lieu of worry…
ACCEPTANCE
Worry is “wishing” that the threat / risk of something did not exist…
I worry that…
my child is going to get in an accident…
my child is not going to be happy or get what he/she wants…
that I may get fired…
that I will run out of money…
that I will fail…
So, the first step is to verbalize what it is we worry about and accept that it COULD happen! Our children may very well get into an accident, possibly even a serious one, our children may grow up and be unhappy, take on jobs they don’t like, get married and have it not work out… We may get fired (I did once despite my fears)… We may be forced to live within our means, or work beyond the years we desire to work…
And, we will most certainly fail…
ACCEPT IT… those things MAY happen… they MAY… WORRYING about them, won’t make them happen or not happen… it just will steal your peace of mind before they ever possibly do…
ACT: TAKE THE ACTION YOU CAN TAKE
You can only control what you control, but within that space TAKE ACTION to increase the probability of the things you want to happen…
Talk to your children openly about where risks exist. Show them by example how to be responsible.
Engage them in meaningful conversations about joy and grief, about purpose and meaning. Have adult discussions with them about how their lives are their responsibilities - and how you are not responsible for their lives.
Engage your employer about your strengths and weaknesses, about the health of the company. Be actively working to understand your value. Be actively networking to have multiple opportunities available to you. Consider starting your own company. Keep learning and keep yourself relevant and valuable. REALLY LISTEN to what people tell you are your opportunities and be truly committed to improving / developing them!!!
And, don’t expect to be able to CONTROL, PREDICT or FORSEE everything… ACT knowing that you can only control a slice of what occurs in your life… ACT & ACCEPT that you can only do and affect what you can do and affect.. NO MORE & NO LESS…
HAVE FAITH… IN PROBABILITY, IN THE ENERGY OF THE UNIVERSE and IN YOURSELF!
Faith opposes worry… Faith is not “optimism”, it’s not the believe that bad things won’t happen to you, but rather the confidence that WHEN things DO happen, that you will have the strength, the character and the ability to see things through…
I believe in probability… there are probabilities that things will happen, and it’s wasteful not to consider them… It’s unlikely my plane will fall from the sky so “worrying” about it is wasteful energy. It is possible, so I should consider it. And, if it does happen, I have taken action (in the form of a will, and being honest and present with those I love about what they mean to me…) so I accept its possible, I have taken action in the unlikely event that it does, and then I have faith… that based on probability and the benevolent forces in the universe - that it’s not likely to happen…
I know many religious people who worry a lot… and I ask them, where is your faith? Not, “trusting that God won’t let that happen to you”, but “trusting that if that happens to you - perhaps it’s because God wanted it to - and He will give you the strength to see it through”…
I don’t think of “God” in those same terms - but the older I get - I realize I live with faith in a very meaningful way… I have great faith… in the universe and in myself…
Not sure if that was redundant…
Or if that was helpful…
But, I realize that “not worrying” is something we all would “choose” for ourselves if we all saw it truly as a “choice”…
And, by being more specific on the deliberate CHOICES & BEHAVIORS that are the alternative to worry - you may be a little more powerful…
With respect to the concepts of HARMONY…
Worrying is not “ACCEPTING” the “IS”… the real risks and probabilities of things going wrong in life…. not “accepting” that “struggle” and the “risk of struggle” are a part of our life…
Worrying is “WISHING” that things that were happening to you - weren’t, or wishing that the risks that exist in life didn’t exist…
And, not accepting the IS and WISHING things were different - are disharmony.
HARMONY is ACCEPTING the absolute truth of our life - the risks and the potential struggle…
And, ACTING ON OUR WANT in every moment… ACTING… TAKING ACTION to reduce risks - where we control or influence the outcome...
And, HARMONY is living in the moment… not in the “possibility” of future events - but in the now… in the NOW where the things that you are concerned about HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET…
WORRYING is almost always - NOT BEING PRESENT IN THE NOW - but trading the NOW for the scary and unlikely negative future moment that hasn’t yet occurred…
Worrying is wasteful…
Worrying is disharmony…
So, accept that it is a choice…
ACT on the behaviors to choose differently,
BE PRESENT in THIS moment… and be mindful enough to be grateful and joyful in it…
And, live with FAITH & CERTAINTY that you are all incredibly powerful, and that those few scary, unfortunate, sad surprises that are ultimately going to meet you somewhere along your journey… will strengthen you when they do occur… and you will persevere…
Enough of that…
in harmony,
Nestor
Every day… I worry less and less…
I used to worry so very much
but I have learned through the years that worry does NOTHING for me.
Worry has never solved a problem.
Worry has never decreased the risk of the problem.
Worry has never made me feel better.
Worry has never done anything for me…
So, why worry?
I am not saying don’t consider the negative consequences of things.
That makes us smarter.
That makes us potentially act to reduce the risk of those things.
That makes us aware and able to affect it in some way.
What is worry?
Worry is fear without action…
Worry is fear without faith…
Worry is fear with hopelessness…
Worry is anxiety, stress over possible outcomes and consequences that haven’t happened yet.
And, here is what I know…
I saw my father worry for 89 years of his life…
worry about running out of money - and he never did…
worry about thieves breaking into his home and stealing all of his stuff - and they never did…
worry that I would stay in the US - and I did and his worrying didn’t stop me…
worry that my mother was getting alzheimers - and she did and his worrying didn’t stop her…
worry that noone would remember him after he died - and I think about him everyday…
worry that after he died my mother would not eat fruit - and she still does…
I see so many people worry more and more as they age,
instead of less and less…
and that makes no sense to me.
Or, better stated - it seems sooooo wasteful to me… I get why it happens…
Here is what I know…
I have never come across anything in my life that stopped me.
I have never come across anything in my life that was bigger than I could handle (though I may not have realized it at the time).
Sure, I have had many surprises in my life, many sad moments, many moments of grief and disapointment and disillusionment… but all of those have made me stronger, all of those have made me wiser, all of those have made me better…
So, why worry?
It is not that I don’t expect to be surprised, disappointed, or even flabbergasted again…
It is not that I expect a life free from tragedy and boundless grief…
Those things will happen - those things are life.
But, why worry?
As worry won’t prevent those things from happening, and will simply steal moments that otherwise could be full of joy and gratitude and presence.
Why worry before something happens - if it won’t alter the probability?
Why worry after something happens - if its already happened?
I know some people say that worry is “bigger than I am”…
It’s not.
It may be bigger than you are in this moment, but it is absolutely not bigger than you are… You are wonderfully powerful!
You must start by accepting that you are as powerful as you are…
You must start by being grateful for the amazing life that you already live…
You must start by embracing that suffering is part of our journey…
You must start by accepting that there are external factors that by definition WILL BE outside of your control…
You mus start by owning the factors that you DO control and leveraging those…
Why would I worry about a plane falling from the sky, but not worry about lowering my cholesterol.
If the plane falls it falls… and I am not willing not to fly.
If I want to do what is in my power to live a healthy life - then I should eat differently. If I am not willing to eat a different diet and exercise, why worry about my cholesterol…
I don’t worry about dying… because I know I will.
I don’t worry about failing… because I know I will.
I don’t worry… about almost anything
because it does nothing for me…
and, what I can control
is how I spend my moments,
how I live my life,
how much deliberate control I exert about those aspects of my life that I can and should control…
I don’t worry about my boys beyond a certain point, because their life is their life, not mine…
I have concerns - but I do what I can to influence in the outcomes of those things that concern my by affecting the variables that I can control…
Step into your strength, into your resilience, into your peace… and it’s a discipline that takes years to master, and you never fully do…
Why worry?
Don’t…
Live deliberately, humbly, and ready to embrace the joy and the pain…
It’s all part of the journey,
and the moment…
and moments are momentary ;-)
and moments are life…
in harmony,
Nestor
I don’t know why it’s a thing with me, but I always wanted to have jury duty.
I think it’s alot like wanting to be able to work at a fast food chain when I was young…
It’s about belonging.
Those are not things I was allowed to do as a kid, because I wasn’t a citizen and legal to work. The thought of being able to work at McDonald’s seemed like the coolest thing in the world, as did having to serve on a jury to be part of the American Justice system.
For whatever reason, I never got called. I have been a citizen since 1995, and I never got called. I truly believed that I had been blackballed from that whole process, as everyone I know has served at least once.
Well, I finally got called a month ago, and this week was my first week with JURY DUTY.
In some ways it was a little disappointing, in other ways it was so very special.
Truth is, I never showed up anywhere nor sat in a small jury box hearing testimony. I called from my cell phone 3 days in a row to be told,
“Groups 1 - 40 do not need to report tomorrow, Please call again tomorrow”
Truth is - I’ve got a ton going on, so not having Jury Duty is FOUND time, and a gift.
I hope to be called someday again, and to actually sit in a jury box and help the justice system function, but for now it sits on that shelf with so many other experiences, “they are better in the movies”.
BUT, HERE IS A THOUGHT…
What if life was more like the Jury Duty Process in Howard County, Maryland?
What do I mean?
Every day this week, I didn’t own my time… my day. I didn’t know if I’d get the day or have the day “taken from me” by a higher power…
IMAGINE if life was like that…
EVERYDAY you have to call in at 5:00 pm, and a voice on the other line will tell you…
“Tomorrow is YOURS, You get to live ONE more day!”
IMAGINE how our lives would be different if we had to make that call everyday to find out…
Maybe it would become a pain in the ass, and we’d all expect to simply hear that we were free to live another day… after all the “you don’t get a tomorrow” message would only be heard once.
What if the call was different, what if someone controlled your life so that it was not life or death, but rather FREEDOM or NOT…
“Tomorrow your life will be owned by the State” or
“Tomorrow you get to life your life fully”
And, with some regularity - the state took your freedom on random days…
What if the call was about your joy or happiness, and you were told which days you got to feel your full range of emotions and other days you were controlled in what you were able to feel…”
OK - maybe I am getting too much sleep lately,
or not enough..
But, it was an elating, exciting, refreshing feeling to have to call everyday…
to hear if tomorrow belonged to me or not?
How would your life be different if you couldn’t plan ahead…
if you didn’t know if tomorrow
was a given…
It’s
NOT!
Life deliberately, gratefully, and responsibly impulsively…
in harmony,
Nestor
I was walking up the hill this morning from our high school field…
I looked up, “Home of the Eagles”…
I’m 52 and it’s 2019…
And, walking up the hill always takes me back…
It was 1984, 35 years ago, that I first walked up this hill…
I was running late because I had to take the TOEFL test - some test that I had been told would be good for me to take - something about “English as a Foreign Language”… Did ok on that test, but it never did anything for me…
I had to skip taking the bus with the rest of the soccer team, because I was scheduled to take the test long before… this was a playoff game…
I drove myself and the school seemed to be so crazy far away… Centennial High School in Howard County. It felt like another country.
I drove up in my mother’s Toyota Tercel, caramel colored, two door, with a kick-ass $80 stereo that we had bought for it - because we knew we could get a better deal buying a stereo post-factory. It had a built in cassette deck and it ROCKED!
35 years ago… and I was running down that hill to meet up with my team. And, I remember looking up at that hill… “Dang, that is one steep hill” I remember thinking…
So often, life has brought me back…
It takes me all around and then keeps bringing me back…
Whether it’s to Centennial High School and the hills around the field,
or to Cincinnati to live,
or to the cliffs of Miraflores,
or to the surf at Rehoboth beach…
or to Rockville…
or to Carmel…
or to the hills of Italy or San Francisco…
There are so many moments, when I get this sense…
I’ve been here before at a different time in my life and so much has changed and so much has stayed the same…
I remember struggling back in 1984 at the age of 17 with whether to miss the game or not, whether to cancel my TOEFL test that seemed so important… I remember how bad I felt for being late and for letting the coach down… I remember how good I felt seeing my friends… I remember how free I felt driving the car… I remember…
And for me, remembering is special, because there is so much I’ve forgotten.
I smile at how much time has passed since those days… I smile at the thought of being old… I smile at how small the world is and how some things never change…
I am grateful for the time that has passed, and at times frustrated that I still feel so torn to let people down, to choose between multiple things that feel valuable and relevant… I still hate to be late…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that time is not stopping…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I must be more present in the moments…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I am who I’ve always been…
Life keeps bringing me back and making it so clear that I have been so very fortunate…
As desperately and passionately as I want to grow and evolve and improve…
Life keeps bringing me back…
And, reminding me
that I am who I am,
and who I have always been…
Perhaps it’s trying to tell me something…
maybe to
look inward instead of outward,
maybe that
it’s been amazing all along,
maybe that
I am trying too hard to change it…
Or, maybe simply
that
life is good…
Let it take you back…
Go Wildcats!
Go Eagles!
in harmony,
Nestor
I can’t remember if I have written about this before,
so I am hoping you don’t remember reading about it before either ;-)
I rewatched Brene Brown’s - The Anatomy of Trust video on line...
If you haven’t seen it, you should! It’s on Soul Sessions...
Brene takes a topic that we discuss often in work and in life, TRUST, and breaks it down into its “anatomy”... or components, making it easier to comprehend, and objectively address and discuss...
Trust is one of those paramount concepts that human connection desperately needs, but that can be so very fragile and fickle...
A few lines stand out for me - and felt particularly powerful...
- “Trust is built in the smallest of moments” - Dr. Gottman (hmmm why does this sound familiar?)
- “To choose not to connect when the opportunity for trust presents itself is to betray”... along the lines of - in every moment you either achieve harmony or disharmony.... the idea here is that it is hard in human relationships to navigate a status quo... with our actions we are sending constant signals - either those that build trust or those that destruct it...
this is a huge one... how often do you ask someone “what did I do to make you angry?”... because you don’t know... and the truth is you didn’t do anything... but possibly missed a moment where they expected that you would...
- “Trust is choosing to make something important to you, vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Distrust is
, “what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you...” Definitions from Charles Feldman...
She creates an acronym around the anatomy of trust that she calls...
BRAVING
B - Boundaries
R - Reliability
A - Accountability
V - Vault
I - Integrity
N -
G - Generosity
I missed what N was... I am going to have to go back and watch it again ;-)
Two powerful concepts that she brings out in these explanations is the idea of :
COMMON ENEMY INTIMACY - which is what Brene calls it when you “get close / feel close” to someone else by choosing to “hate or judge or criticize” someone you both dislike. This is a dynamic that happens too often in business, and I am guilty of it as well (not something I am proud of)... But, the idea of being mindful about why we feel like we trust someone - and to ensure its based on the merits of the relationship and not the common dislike of another... and, after all, who am I to judge anyone?
INTEGRITY - Brene comes up with her own definition which I think is spot on...
Choosing courage over comfort
Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy.
Practicing your values not just professing your values.
On integrity she goes on to speak about how judgemental we get when people need help.
Ah.... I think that is maybe the N... NEED... Someone who isn’t afraid to ask for help when they need it! Not sure if that is N, but she definitely says that... and it hits home for me...
She says, if you judge yourself for needing help, then you will consciously or subconsciously also judge others when they need help - and that disables trust. Another powerful insight for me to better embrace and weave into my being....
She finishes with the concept of self-trust...
If it’s about people, everything is, as I like to say, And, we as human beings are about connection, then connection happens through trust... and, trust is something we need to better understand, something we need to master.... not just self-trust, but how to objectively we build trust with others and coach others to build trust...
with your children,
your spouse,
your colleagues...
your friends...
look up Beene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust on YouTube... look at it on my digital gold on my web page... absolutetruth.squarespace.com... it’s worth while...
So much powerful content out there... we watched this with our executive team years ago and had some great dialogue. I am going to try it again with our exec team of our parent company...
All there waiting for you... for us...
in harmony,
Nestor
I was reading “How To Change Your Mind” yesterday, a book by Michael Pollan on how psychedelic drugs can be a powerful agent in helping you to see the world in a more meaningful way… A well written book with lots of research countering many myths on the topic.
He touches on two topics early in the book that struck a chord and caused me pause:
As adult human beings, we start to live by default, and as a result we start to miss the amazingness in so many things… We become consumed by the transactional noise of our everyday and our brains truly go into auto-pilot, worrying about so much that simply doesnt matter… It’s why when we travel or try new things it makes us see simple things in such new light…
We are so terribly insignificant as human beings… we are such a small spec in the universe. Life is so extremely quick and transient… When you think about the awesomeness of the universe… and of the vastness that we have no concept nor knowledge…. even to the vastness within earth and science itself… we are so bound by the dimensions that we understand…
So, I have those thoughts in my mind, and then I listened to Joe Rogan’s podcast with Elon Musk this morning where they go into similar topics…
Then this afternoon, I find out one of my colleagues Brian “Jake” Jakubiak died on Friday. And it took the wind out of me momentarily.
We hired Jake in October of 2011… and he was full of life. He brought great energy and great competence to our team, and I had the pleasure of having him in the office for two years before he moved out West. He was funny and kind. During our 25th Anniversary party for the company, he took it upon himself to make Jello Shots… and brought them served on a silver platter.
I remember the night on the boat party in 2015 when he told me that he had recently found out that he was sick. It didn’t sound good, but he was in such good spirits. He was going to fight it and spend as much time as he could with his kids. We had a wonderful night that night… sitting on the top deck watching the DC skyline… Kindness always filled his eyes, and a huge smile was ever present on his face.
I don’t think we’d actually talked since. We’d exchanged a few emails here and there always with kindness and pleasantries - but that night on the ship was 3 and a half years ago… How could I have not called him once?
He was in his mid 40’s… his kids are about 10 years old… and he is no longer with us… His manager talked to him on Monday…
Life is short.
How much of my life do I spend on auto-pilot? How much of my time do I spend managing and talking about the simple transactions of my days?
How much of my life do I spend reaching out to people I know and care about, who I know are in some sort of pain?
How in awe do we live … how aware of the amazing beauty and comfort that surrounds us?
Or, how much do we take those amazing things for granted… and replace them with frustration over nothingness?
I am sad about Jake… sad for his family… sad not to ever see his smiling face or feel the warm friendliness of his eyes… He is gone way too soon…
I know this conversation may be a bit all over the place… but here is the question for you this morning…
HOW DEEPLY ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR LIFE?
HOW GENUINELY ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR YOUR DAYS?
I am somewhat consumed by the reality that I have already lived a long life… and, I want to be wiser as I age…
Life is so very brief…
Life is so very beautiful…
I want to feel it everyday… I want to see it everyday… I want to live it everyday…
Rest in peace Jake…
I don’t want to fly past the announcement of your passing simply because distance reduced our communication to the occassional email. I don’t want to ignore the sadness that those closest to you must be feeling.
I am so very sorry you are gone…
I will miss you my good man and am so fortunate to have known you…
I will learn from you and I will grow…
Life is so very short… and you lived it so very well…
in harmony,
Nestor
So now we are in sync with respect to our dark voice and our light...
Do you know what triggers them?
Both voices converse in our mind, but we have things, behaviors that TRIGGER the voices to dominate our mind...
Some triggers are so strong that they almost cause us to knee jerk with dark behavior...
Some triggers almost skip the dark voice and cause us to just react...
I’ve seen it be forms of disrespect...
People using phrases that suggest
one is not intelligent enough...
one is physically not who they are supposed to be... too fat, skinny, weak...
one is ignored...
one is compared to someone... maybe a parent or a sibling...
One is treated unfairly...
someone is treated unjustly...
someone is bullied...
Someone touches us...
or doesn’t ...
It’s important to become aware of our triggers...
both to our dark and to our LIGHT...
When I work out, it helps my light...
When I am outdoors and near water, it helps my light...
Words of affirmation...
A caring touch...
Being Productive...
silence...
sunrises and sunsets...
gratitude...
so many things trigger my LIGHT...
what triggers yours?
When you know... you can be more deliberate and create those that trigger light... and attempt to avoid those that trigger dark...
But the thing about it is... often those triggers are “pulled” by others.
As we become more emotionally intelligent, more enlightened, more aware...
And sometimes you don’t realize something is a trigger until after you are already in a dark behavior... So, if you find yourself in darkness... don’t be afraid to pause...
What happened?
What outside voice, or what inside voice or event or behavior triggered me here?
Maybe you figure it out... maybe you don’t... but you keep trying...
Eventually, we realize that there is no trigger that ANYONE can pull to create our reaction...
WE OWN OUR REACTION
WE HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL THOSE...
WE OWN HOW WHAT SOMEONE SAYS MAKES US FEEL...
Ant that is the KEY... words, phrases, voices ultimately make us FEEL SOMETHING... and those feelings are what ultimately trigger our reaction our RESPONSE...
DARKNESS TRIGGERS
FEELINGS
FEELINGS TRIGGER
BEHAVIORS...
BUT WE CAN SO CONTROL WHAT WE FEEL... How we choose to see the world and the moments in it...
Very, very occasionally do I get triggered these days by anyone else...
It’s a wonderful feeling to notice... to know and to own your own reactions to the world around you...
There is still a lot of darkness in my conversations... but less and less...
Become alert to your triggers...
keep evolving...
keep growing...
keep shining...
in harmony,
Nestor
Let me introduce you to your dark side…
Though you’ve probably already met.
Say “hello” to your dark side. You know the one I am talking about.
This is the voice in your head that doesn’t just tell you all of the things that you do wrong, but the voice that tells you aren’t ever really going to change anyway.
This is the voice in your head that doesn’t just tell you that other people around you are better than you are, but tells you that you really don’t deserve better anyway.
This is the voice that makes you doubt yourself… It’s not the one that makes you pause to be careful in your execution, but because it tells you, you’ll probably fail at it anyway.
This is the voice in your head that questions whether anyone wants to hear your story… the one that tells you that you are just like everyone else… or probably not as good.
This is the one that tells you - you are not worthy.
Now, some of you may be reading this and saying, “I don’t have that voice.”
Or possibly, “my dark side voice is not nearly that dark…”
I would argue we all have that voice… what varies is how often & how clearly we hear it… and most importantly, how well can our LIGHT side negate it.
The most difficult people I know - would likely argue they don’t have that voice… but their interactions with the world would dictate otherwise.
When you don’t realize you have that voice… it’s possibly because you’ve become that voice. It’s the only one you hear, so you don’t know the difference.
If you are not happy… your dark side is talking.
If you are angry… your dark side is talking.
If you are scared (unless its for your physical safety)… your dark side is talking.
If you are defensive, close minded, ego-centric, judgemental, anxious, arrogant, unapproachable…
Say “hello” to your dark side…
I think its super important to accept that we all have a dark side voice. Because when we do a few things happen…
We start hearing it more - and are able to acknowledge it as a “voice” instead of mistaking it as a feeling about who we truly are…
We start hearing it more - and are able to rationalize with it, argue with it, and simply disagree with what it is trying to tell us…
We are able to ignore it - but not without acknowledgement… Ignoring our dark side voice without accepting it - makes it such that our behaviors and reactions are influenced by it, without us owning that. Ignoring our dark side, while acknowledging and accepting it allows us to observe and check in with our behaviors and reactions to make sure they reflect more who we want to be…
Yes, we all have a dark side. And, those who do not acknowledge it, and there are many…. (in fact, I think most people don’t) have their lives influenced in dark ways without being able to address it… or affect it…
I am not proud of my dark side voice.
I don’t like my dark side voice.
But, I hear it clearer and clearer everyday…. and it helps me grow.
It helps me get clearer on what I want to believe and hear about myself.
It helps me to own the behaviors that it encourages, and hold myself accountable to them.
And, thus, it helps me to engage my LIGHT side… and have it join in on the conversation.
How often do you “check-in” with your dark voice and engage it in a conversation deliberately?
How often do you engage in a candid and real conversation with your anger, with your insecurities, with your anxiety, with your depression, with your dark side?
I don’t do it enough…
I’m embarrased that my dark side voice still has as much to say as it does…
But pretending that it doesn’t… won’t make it go away.
It simply makes me aware of how very badly I need my light side… my spiritual side… It makes me clearer that the only way to feel the light of my being… the only way to embrace the “IS” of my life… the only way to find the courage to step into the greatest possible love and the most beautiful version of myself…
I must invite my light voice into the conversation…
Because, in the silence of my own mind… when the voices rest…
I feel the light and love of my being…
I know at my very core - that we are all LIGHT and LOVE…
It makes the word “enlightenment” make more sense to me.
As with all concepts in harmony… life happens in the moment… and we have moments where our dark voice sets the tone and others where it doesn’t. Harmony is about setting the tone for our moments DELIBERATELY and in the direction of our WANT…
Joy, harmony, is about moments where you tap into and see and feel your own light… and shine it on yourself and on the world. It’s the stuff that makes your dark voice cringe and fade away…
Now that you have been introduced to your dark voice, work to remove it slowly and thoughtfully from your conversations.
It’s what life is all about…
in harmony,
Nestor
I love to be surprised,
and it happens less and less when you get to be an adult.
We are living in a world of everything available all the time,
and we are blessed that when we want something,
we can usually open our Amazon app and simply buy it.
My mom used to always say, anticipation was one of life’s hidden treasures.
She was right… and it is a rarer and rarer gift these days… in the time of right now…
Anyway, long intro - SORRY!…
A few weeks ago, while meeting with a long lost friend, whose become a dear new friend, a mentor and an inspiration… Joe Mechlinsky - he gave me a gift.
It’s called “MUSE”.
If you are one of those people who likes to meditate, or tries to meditate, or wants to meditate… read on.
So, I’ve been trying to meditate for years now, on and off. I’ve read much about it, and tried it. I’ve downloaded the apps. I seem to go in spurts. I do it for awhile, and then less so.
A BIG part of my problem is that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. I don’t know if I’m doing it right. I don’t know if it’s working or not…
So… I take my new gift home and open it up.
MUSE is an electronic sensor headband that ties to an app that tells you REAL TIME the activity in your brain. All of a sudden you are able not just to figure out how “effective” your meditation practice was, but moment by moment it tells you through the increased rain or waves or wind - the increased activity in your brain.
Safe to say….
It’s AWESOME…
I initially thought to myself, “oh no, not another device”. But, it’s a device that makes great sense and adds great value.
Additionally, the app tells you how many seconds you have of
ACTIVE brain
NEUTRAL brain, and
CALM brain…
First time out - my first 15 minutes - I had 3 SECONDS of calm brain in 15 MINUTES and NO BIRDS!
3 SECONDS of calm!
Oh - and the “BIRDS”… when you achieve a certain level of calm for several seconds then you hear a bird… and you can measure your “success” if you will (at least if you are a competitive num nut like myself) in number of birds you heard (which the app quantifies).
For the past several weeks, I sat down and put on my electronic headband and acted out my best zen mind… and day after day ZERO birds…
“I don’t feel stressed” I thought to myself. Maybe because I don’t know what stress is… But, I did feel unsettled.
Day after day I tried, and day after day the birds stayed quiet…
The past two days the birds have been singing… yesterday I heard 17 birds and today I heard 26… that is the second highest number of birds I’ve ever recorded and the highest on dry land ;-) (my highest was one day a month ago when I meditated in my hot tub… crazy results 55 birds…).
Anyway, MUSE is so very awesome. It helps rational, engineering minded Zen seekers, like myself to be able to tap into the universal spirit…. and still quantify the results to measure efficacy and progress ;-)
It is a special gift… when you get a gift that gives you the ability to get better at life… the ability to more effectively measure and clear your mind…
It was a beautiful surprise and I expect it will be a surprise gift that keeps on giving…
Meditation is not for everyone…
it’s for everyone that is trying for a more open mind, a more open heart, and an ever more spiritual ride…
I recommend MUSE to any and all…
It’s interesting… we can tell ourselves whatever we want about the state of our peace and joy… the state of our calm. But, our brains don’t lie. Whether it’s “stress” or simply “noise'“… We don’t function the same. We don’t feel the same. We can’t connect the same… when our brains have a constant state of background noise…
Kind of like trying to enjoy a great movie with the loud sound of static in your ears… or on the soundtrack… it’s agitating, distracting, frustrating… and so often we get used to the noise and the static as part of the movie’s soundtrack.
Meditation is the practice to turn down the static … so that we can fully enjoy the show of life…
and, MUSE helps…
NOTE: I receive no residuals nor am incented in any way to promote this product… ;-)
in calmer harmony,
Nestor
I was talking to a young friend and mentor a few days ago,
and out of the blue, he suggested we do a visualization.
I am not particularly good at visualizations, because I struggle to step out of my rational mind.
“Close your eyes”, he said
“And, imagine that you are you… at the very end of your life…
You are sitting by a beautiful lake,
on a gorgeous mountain side…
… look around…
and breathe…
now as you look down to your right you see a row of people heading up to you…
one by one…”
I was following along as best as I could,
trying to picture a lake
and mountains…
“and one by one those people get close to you,
and they are all of the people
that you have loved,
that you have connected with,
that you have impacted
in your life.
Each one stops for a moment -
you exchange a few words,
an embrace and you say goodbye,
and onto the next one…
one by one…”
Again, I am not good at visualizations,
and even though the lake was somewhat non-descript,
the faces were so very clear…
so many people I have had the gift of knowing,
from my current company,
who are still with us,
who have left us,
from 180s my previous company,
from previous lives,
from school,
friends…
old friends,
new friends,
dear friends,
far away friends,
close by friends,
long lost friends,
friends that came and went…
but each and every person caused me pause
and warmed my heart….
my soccer players,
my family…
from Peru
from the US…
my parents,
my wife…
The people just kept coming and coming…
Even after I opened my eyes and we went on with our discussion…
even into the evening…
and even into this morning…
new faces would appear.
So many beautiful souls,
so many priceless gifts,
so many heartfelt exchanges,
such authentic, gracious, easy-flowing love….
My heart was and is full…
So many different chapters…
Close your eyes and join me at the lake…
My life… your life…
is so full of love and impact,
though we spend such little time
reflecting and rejoycing in that truth…
When you think about your current “situation”,
try to find yourself by that lake, not in line to see me,
but on top of the mountain… watching the line of those coming for you…
I am walking up the mountain to see you -
as you are walking up the mountain to see me...
All of the lives we have impacted, influenced, affected
are part of who we are and our “current” situation…
Close your eyes…
Fill your heart…
in harmony,
Nestor
I’ve been away… but I am here now…
Have you ever pulled out
the X-mas lights from a long year in storage…
flown a kite…
found the outdoor extension chord…
reached into your backpack for your earbuds…
And found a MESS of an tangled chord?
I suspect you have… I know I have.
I’ve always been able to untangle chords. It’s ultimately easy.
You simply need to find one end, and slowly, methodically unresolve each tangle.
And, with each tangle that you undo, the chord loosens, you feel more confident, where toward the end you are flying through the untanglement and feel that wonderful sense of freedom and accomplishment.
BUT…
There are times when you are angry that the chord is tangled…
And you think…
“maybe if I just pull it hard enough” I will extend it far enough that it will work… and rarely when it does, it only does for a short while.
Pulling a tangled chord actually tightens the knot… and makes it harder and harder to untangle.
Life is all about untangling chords…
Or, about pulling as hard as you can every day and feeling the tightness of knot, the stress in the chord.
I have been pulling on a tangled chord in recent months…
maybe for the past year.
And, lately, very recently, I am feeling the knot loosen… maybe even starting to build my confidence ever slowly.
Untangling chords is very much about harmony…
“What is the tangle I am currently working… where do I want to put the end in order to reach the next step?”
It’s actually an extremely easy exercise
as long as
you
ACCEPT
that the only way to untangle the chord is one tangle at a time.
Those that look at untangling a chord,
or a life
quickly
with a single thrust or push or activity…
end up frustrated, overwhelmed, disheartened…
I know…
I’ve been pulling hard on the knot -
or simply WISHING that I could untangle it all at once.
It’s a metaphor that clarifies it so simply for me
so accurately
so beautifully
how’s your life?
Is it tangled at all?
Are you pulling as hard as you can,
or thoughtfully untangling?
I’ve missed you…
sincerely!
And, I’ve missed me.
Here we go,
one tangle at a time…
in harmony,
Nestor
Thinking about father today...
He loved his birthday most of his life
His final years he didn’t love it so, ‘Cause I think his desire to celebrate life was dampened by real sadness about those no longer able to celebrate it with him...
It’s hard, I am sure to keep finding the joy in life, as the sadness of watching those you love leave this earth fills you...
but sadness shouldn’t replace joy
sadness complements joy
it gives it context...
And, the death of lives well lived should bring us joy as well as sadness...
I am still amazed at how grateful I feel for having had him as my father, because so much of my life I struggled with him and his influence on my mind and heart...
But, I am so very deeply grateful for him... for how hard he tried... for how much he loved me... for how much he taught me... and possibly most of all for how much we were able to grow together...
I miss him and that does have a tinge of sadness flavoring his memory...
but I am so very full of the memory and the love of him...
he was not a great man...
he was a good man...
a special man...
a true
humble
insecure
loving
real
imperfect
joyful
man...
whom I grew to sincerely respect, admire and love unconditionally...
and whom I will forever hold in my heart...
and aspire to make proud...
Feliz Cumpleaños padre...
I miss you... and thank you for more than I can ever put in words...
in great harmony,
Nestor
I do what’s right… or probably better, what I believe is right - for me, for my family, for my business…
Sure, some things are clearer to me than others, but ultimately what makes most sense, makes most sense.
So often I find that people spend so much time factoring, considering what to do - not based on what they know is right, but what they think people will think…
I care what people think… because I care about people.
I consider how people may react… because I am not out to intentionally make anyone angry…
But, I do or I propose to do what makes the most sense.
It makes life so much easier… and efficient.
I don’t propose what people want to hear, unless that is what makes the most sense.
When people ask me for my opinion - I give them MY opinion, not the opinion I think they want to hear. It’s simpler that way.
Why am I sharing this? Because so often we make something that should be otherwise simple, complicated.
I communicate what I am doing WITH CARE & CONCERN & CONSIDERATION for others… because I truly care about people… but, I don’t ALTER what I think is right to do because of what others might think.
BRING your voice & your open mind to the party - and see what happens…
Don’t get lost in the “well if I do A then they are going to say B and then what are we going to do?” Just DO A - if A is the right thing! And, no matter what they say, you tell them you did it because it was the right thing to do!
Sounds crazy simple, because it is!
I see so much energy lost in the “but he (or she) doesn’t agree?”, “what is he / she going to say”…
DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT… and communicate it in a considerate and caring way… and keep an open mind, as what you hear may evolve what you deem to be “right” next time…
but stay away from the over-thinking, over-analysis, over-evaluation of what to do…
I do what’s right… or probably better, what I believe is right - for me, for my family, for my business…
Harmony happens in the doing…
And, in the experiencing and navigating and the lessons of the what comes next…
Missed you all -
in harmony!
Nestor
Lately, I am intrigued by the differences between pride and gratitude.
The vast differences in how those words and emotions FEEL, where they come from, and how they metasticize in our being...
I used to want to be “proud” of myself. I used to say, “I just want to get to a place where I am proud of my life...”
As with other thoughts we discuss, is there an option to think of AND versus OR here? Certainly. But, I find that pride doesn’t serve me like gratitude does... and the extent to which I can play to gratitude vs pride, I am better off...
Take the sale of EMG for example... I am proud of what we did, what I did to get EMG to a point where it could be sold and bought by a powerful global company... but when I zoom out, how much did I really do, versus so very many others?
I can be proud of the impact I had on our strategy and our decisions over the past decade, AND I can be grateful for the massive help I had in achieving that goal... in fact, when I zoom out, my role in my own success is so minimal and trivial...
I find myself grateful for Michael Logsdon, who started EMG in the first place... without him there would have been no company.
I am grateful to Claude Limoges who gave me the space to lead, who trusted me with his livelihood, with his dream...
I am grateful to Gib Mason who introduced me to Gib.
I am so very grateful for the team around me of extremely devoted professionals... Robin Cook, Ron Stupi, Matt Munter, Aliza Stern, Gus Guerrero, Chris Varney, Greg Bailey, Ted Beeghly, Justin Arias, Warren Johnson, Jessica Rogers, Kristin Taylor... and the list goes on... I could write an entire chapter on each one of those individuals and how instrumental they were to our success...
And, the list doesn’t end there... I am grateful for the hundreds of devoted colleagues who make EMG what it is every day... the ones that carry the weight of the company on their shoulders - who travel so very often away from their families, who are faced constantly with new deadlines and challenges.
I am grateful for Bharat and JR and the various individuals on the investment banking team.
Grateful for the people at Bureau Veritas who saw the value and the opportunity at EMG and who bought into our dream, not just our progress, and who championed the acquisition.
Grateful to my friends and colleagues at 180s that taught me so much about business. And, the ones at Procter and Gamble. And my buddies from college, including Brian LeGette who gave me the opportunity to join 180s where I had an amazing time, grew up, and met Gib Mason who brought me to EMG.
Grateful for my wife Susy who allowed me to let my career be first while she took care of all the other life needs - primarily our boys, so that I could change jobs or roles as I needed or fly around the country or the world. She was and is always there to love me and support me - so that I can chase my dreams.
Grateful to my parents who gave me life - who brought me to the States - who made me ambitious consciously and subconsciously with how they raised me. Grateful for my genes, for my intellect, for my sisters - who taught me emotional strength...
Grateful for the ones that created the “corporation” and allowed entreprenuers to take more risks. Grateful for the bankers. Grateful to the United States - and the people that fought to create it...
Grateful for the universe... for my health....
Do you catch my drift... the list of people who made my success possible is endless... I brought a small little, tiny, thin slice to the party...
And, pride, I realize comes from the ego... Gratitude comes more from the soul. The issue with pride is that it fills me up with me... and, importantly, it stays conscious of the things that I should NOT be proud of... The same beast that wants me to be proud, is the beast that so very often makes me feel inadequate... that makes me feel unworthy.
Whereas, the giant that shows me gratitude... is always showing me gratitude... it is an infinite well of energy and the more gratitude I feel - the smaller I become - yet the more joyful I become...
Sure, we all have an opportunity to impact our lives - in important and meaningful ways... but all that we do or don’t do is built on the backs, the lives, the hearts of so many souls that have made our situation possible in the first place...
The more we realize gratitude - the greater that we can achieve - because we start to leverage not just ourselves, but the entire world around us... past and present...
And, our efforts become less about impacting our own success - and we start to see that success is actually being someone that someone else can be grateful for...
The more I live - the more I realize pride will close me down... pride will corner me in... pride will turn on me when I fail to deliver...
Where gratitude... gratitude is a force that is always there... around us... serving us up opportunities and possibilities... and helping us create greatness all around us...
There is no need to seek pride... instead, be grateful.... and watch the world around you come alive... and your dreams start to become real...
No matter where you are...
Embracing gratitude allows you to live every moment FULLY and JOYFULLY...
The next time you think of pride (or dissappointment) in yourself... think again... think instead of the amazing grace that gives you the opportunity to reach higher and farther in the next moment... Accept how small we are, and how minimal our contribution really is relative to those who have carried us here...
Embrace gratitude and live in a way that ensures others will be grateful for your role, your contribution in their journey... Help create opportunities and possibilities for them...
And, feel the powerful light of universe on your soul...
in harmony,
Nestor
I heard it first in the movie “Avatar”… “I SEE you” they would say, instead of “I love you”… And, from the first time I heard it - it sounded right, it sounded powerful, it sounded true.
The more I learn and understand about human beings, the more I realize, “I SEE YOU” is the ultimate way to connect, to love… There is no greater gift than to SEE someone, and there is no greater need that we have as human beings than to be SEEN…
for who we are…
and, for who we aspire to be.
At the retreat I went to in November, we used to say, “I see you, and I love you!” It felt a little awkward… until i didn’t.
It takes selflessness to truly SEE others…
it is the ultimate gift that we can give…
or receive…
I hope you enjoy!
I SEE YOUI
t’s so silly… one word, one fewer letter…
nobody I talked to after the movie seemed moved by that line. Yet to me, it was one of the most romantic and powerful lines that I had ever heard (used in that sense).
The word “LOVE” is used so very often…
Valentine cards have done the word a disservice.
It’s just overused and under understood.
What IS “love”? Probably better left for a separate conversation. I promise to dig into that one soon…
But, think about, “ I SEE YOU!”
I’ve shared with you my thoughts on our deepest motivation…
Sexual desire? (NO… we think so when we are young, specially us men… but NO)
Desire for connectedness? (MAYBE… definitely closer, but still not the nucleus of our motivation).
Desire for worthiness? (I think that is it. I do think Dr. Brene Brown nailed it.)
WORTHINESS is felt through CONNECTEDNESS (physical and emotional), of which, SEXUAL CONNECTEDNESS is one form (of BOTH physical AND emotional). To feel connected you need to felt seen - because how can you connect without “seeing” someone?
And, I am talking about the type of “seeing” that you do with your heart, not with your eyes…
When I hear, “I SEE YOU”…
I hear…
I see through your fear…
I see through your insecurity…
I see who you are...
I see who you are becoming...
I see your effort…
I see your passion…
I see your pain…
I see your loneliness…
I see your sadness...
I see your joy...
I see your beauty…
I see your dreams…
I see your heart…
I see your motivation…
I see your intent…
I see your values…
I see your UNIQUE soul …
I SEE YOUR WORTHINESS!
And, my soul fills… in a way that hearing “I LOVE YOU” just can’t compete with..”.
In my opinion, “to love” is “to see worthiness”, because you can’t see worthiness without appreciating it, without embracing it, without valuing it, without respecting it…
I SEE YOU is so much clearer than I love yo
It’s a higher bar…
If you think about it, you know who in your life “SEES” you. It’s the people you are most drawn to… the people you want to spend time with… the people you miss… the people you long for… the people who make you feel full, whole, WORTHY…
In fact, I would argue, that the VAST majority of human problems across ALL categories … Race, Geography, Culture, Gender, Political… are caused by our INABILITY or UNWILLINGNESS to SEE each other.
Our human nature… our most primal instinct and motivation to be worthy FIGHTS against anyone and everyone TO BE SEEN! And, so very often, we just CAN’T! We CAN’T see through our emotions, our filters, our bias, our EGO, our upbringing… We can’t see people’s intent and unique passion through our own insecurity, our own complex interpretations of the world and how “it’s SUPPOSED to be.”
People’s ambition, or lack of ambition,
For money, or for fame, or for impact, or for intellect, or for nurturing…
People’s selfishness or selflessness,
People’s way of expressing themselves in music, in art, in words, in fashion…
We become
someone who sees color or doesn’t…
someone who sees monetary ambition, or experiential ambition, or altruistic ambition, or academic ambition...
someone who sees things the same way over and over again, or someone who sees change…
someone who sees tattoos or doesn’t…
someone who sees risk as good or doesn’t…
someone who sees sex as good or doesn’t…
someone who sees business as good or doesn’t…
someone who sees emotions or doesn’t…
You get the idea…
We become someone who SEES the world, through the values of how WE want to be seen… and in the process, we make it so that fewer and fewer people can really see us. We distance ourselves from others through our ever narrowing or intolerant range.
But, it DOESN'T have to be that way... To me "getting old" doesn't have to mean narrowing my values and thus my RANGE... I am convinced that we "stay young" by keeping our ability to SEE broad... by constantly challenging what we have defined as "beautiful" or "meaningful" or “righteous” and EXPANDING ON IT! Or, by simply opening our hearts to be able to simply SEE people as unique expressions of love.
That is why as couples we so very often FADE away instead of LIGHTING EACH OTHER UP… because our differences make it less and less easy to SEE the unique beauty of those around us… often those closest to us.
It is a discipline. It is a strength. I believe the ability to SEE people is part of our emotional intelligence…
If you can work on separating YOUR desire to be SEEN, with YOUR ABILITY to SEE and appreciate others… You become LIGHT! You LIGHT UP the world around you!
It allows you to see the giant in people.
It allows people around you to feel worthy.
And, it helps you achieve HARMONY by seeing TRUE!
Who knows... maybe we can even learn to love blue people with big eyes who ride colorful birds and wear loin cloths and worship beautiful trees on far away planets. (If you don’t get this - you need to see the movie)
I SEE YOU!
Or, I try to -
in every moment…
Because...
in those moments, when I am able to TRULY SEE YOU…
You just might be able to SEE me too!
I see you, and I love you!
in harmony,
Nestor
