CELEBRANDO Monday

I was talking to a friend today,

"I've never seen a birthday celebration like that...!"

I smiled.  We smiled.

For me, it wasn't a celebration that I was born.

It was an acknowledgement for the gift of the life that I have lived,

and the amazingly loving people that I have gotten to know and connect with along the way.

The gift that is my life was the spark for the celebration, and hopefully in some way the gift

that is all of our lives was the real purpose.

From the beginning, I "branded" the party "CELEBRANDO LIFE".

From the beginning it was an acknowledgment from me that life, all life, and my life, deserves celebration.  And, in all aspects, I have tried to blend my Latin, Peruvian, Spanish heart with my American heart... as part of this celebration was to bring it all into one.

I am happy to be back to my daily routine.

I was going to write, I am happy to be "home".  But, I want the concept of home for me to be where ever I am.

So many people asked me yesterday, "Are you sorry it's over?"

"NOT AT ALL" was the thought in my head.  It's just not how my mind works.  I am glad it happened - grateful it worked out as smoothly and memorably as it did.  I did the best that I could to lose myself in the event... and the moments and love captured in the pictures will allow me to reflect and warm my heart for a lifetime.

I love my life.  I am grateful for it.

We got back at midnight yesterday, and I am happy to be back...

thinking, writing, working, planning, relating...

climbing the mountain once again...

Sometimes you don't know what the summit will look like on Mondays, or on the first days of a new journey.

You just know that you have to start a new part of the journey,

so here I am...

my lungs are full of air, my body feels strong (though a little bit older), and my purpose and meaning are as clear as ever...

It's Monday again...

CELEBRANDO LIFE... last week was the top of a mountain... it was a summit... 

but I will work to weave the concept of CELEBRANDO into my concepts of harmony as I go forward...

The IS of my life... is worthy of celebration... as are all of the beautiful souls that surround me.

Happy Monday,

Breathing deeply and gratefully,

in harmony,

Nestor

DAILY LESSONS: Pinnacle Rock

Everyday I have some experience that brings the concepts of HARMONY to life...

And, trips and vacations seem to always be particularly educational ;-)

Yesterday, 40 of my best friends and I went to Machu Picchu.  It was my 5th time there, and the majority of our time visiting the beautiful Incan City on a mountaintop, was spent ascending Huaynu Picchu.

I have done the hike many times, and I don't think twice about it.

It's fun and the views are beautiful... 

MAGNIFICENT in fact...

Only 180 people are allowed up the mountain per day, and one of my friends did a little research to learn that it was considered the "Hike of Death", and one of the 20 most treacherous hikes on earth.  I am convinced that is marketing hype...

It does have several areas, especially up top, where if you take a wrong step off the side you will enjoy a very long ride into the abyss.  (And, I have seen many hikes on the US West Coast, Asia, etc, where this is the case...)  

The fact that two of our group made it at ages 9 and 7 makes me feel like it really can't be ALL THAT treacherous - but regardless...

I was really excited about it because it's a good measure of how I am doing with my fitness relative to previous attempts, and especially because - the last time I went...

I went all the way to the top and took a picture sitting down on the pinnacle rock.   I was sitting because it is not a large rock, and there is not much to any of the sides.  If you fall in all directions but directly forward you go bye-bye.

I was SCARED... and the best that I could do was SIT. 

And, it BOTHERED me...

So, yesterday, my goal, besides getting as many of our crew up the hillside as possible, was to stand strong on that very top rock.

We worked our way up, and for some reason the fact that 99% of the "hike" was going up old Inca stairs was something I had forgotten.

We made our way up in under an hour and the clouds opened up - giving us all a majestic view of the ruins.

I got up to the pinnacle rock and this guy was sitting there with his girlfriend.  He was taking selfies, video, with his camera, and his go pro, and his cell phone.  He was actually taking pictures with his Go Pro on a selfie stick while taking pictures with his phone at the same time.  it was complicated.

So, I sat and waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

I waited HALF an hour (and mind you, we ONLY get a couple of hours in Machu Picchu...)  

You get up before 5 am to 

take a bus,

to a train,

to wait in a long line

for another bus

to the hike through Machu Picchu,

to get to the hike to Huaynu Picchu,

to then do it all in reverse.

So, here we are - at the pinnacle of the mountain and of the trip for all intensive purposes...

And, I am really TORN...

Torn by lots of thoughts...

"I can't believe this guy has parked himself on the absolute key 5 square feet of real estate on this gorgeous mountain, and won't let anyone else take the spot.  How crazy selfish!"

Time kept ticking... and I started thinking - "I may not be able to get on this rock at all, if I want to see any of the rest of the ruins."

So, eventually, I saw that he was not taking up the WHOLE 5 square feet.  There was about 2 feet behind him.  This rock is kind of a "pyramid" shape, so when you sit on it - you dont fully sit on the "tip"...

I worked myself carefully up around him, asking of course if it was ok, and sat on the very uncomfortable tip of pinacle rock.

I started listening to the guy, because we were almost spooning... 

me, him and his girlfriend...

He was relaxing and just in awe of the mountain, the views...

I felt bad...

"Who am I to be more important than him to be on this spot?"

"Why is this picture so important to me?"

"Why is standing on this beautiful spot such a priority?"

"Doesn't he deserve to sit here as long as he wants?"

Then the other part of my brain would kick in...

"But, a lot of people want to sit on this rock and have their picture moment...

It is unfair to deny everyone that comes up around him the opportunity for the same beautiful shot because of his selfishness".

Here I am - on one of the most gorgeous spots on earth - and I am having a fantastic moment of disharmony wishing this dude would just more - and trying to find my own harmony - and peace of mind in the IS that unless I wanted to ask him to move or push him off... we were going to share this.

I "spooned" with him for what felt like another half hour and I realized - I had to move along.

I kept trying to meditate and just take in the amazing view and moment... and I kept being distracted by my frustration toward this guy.  He wasn't just ruining my "picture", he was so ruining the moment... because, I was letting him.

No... I WAS RUINING the moment - because I had concocted this very specific idea of what success was supposed to look  like on this mountain - and anything shy of that I would perceive as failure... How very silly... I knew it... and I kept trying to work my mind out of it.

This picture, as anticipated as it was, was all about ego.  And, I am smarter than that.

What I really need to do is stand up - I thought.  

Who cares if I take a picture of it?  Why is that important?  Shouldn't it be enough to me to just stand and know I did?

Sure... 

And, having a picture would be cool too,,,

So, I started to stand, and I realized why I hadn't a few years back.  It's a SCARY and SMALL spot.  (and it was more exciting standing up in 2 sq feet versus 5 sq feet)...

I got myself going, I asked him if I could push off his shoulder...

And, breathed deep...

BAM!

I am standing...  not as bad as I thought...

I heard my new found friend start to suggest that he might actually LEAVE this spot.

I had my friends take a picture - and there I am finally in my moment of courage and triumph...

And, the pictures have not just my new found friend and his girlfriend, but another guy that had taken my same approach and spooned on the other side of me...

This picture that is supposed to be my EGO filled SUPERMAN moment, looks like I am the guy standing on the picnic rock! 

I was amused at this point by my own ego, by this guys complete ignorance to what was going on in my mind and his amazing lack of empathy towards everyone that was up at the pinnacle...

He started to shift!

I asked him to move - and got a picture with just the one guy behind me... better - not perfect... it would have to do.

On the way down, I found out everyone had finally moved, and my son who had been more patient than I had gotten a picture all by himself on pinnacle rock.

On the way down.. just a few feet below the rock, I found these terraces where you could actually sit and take in the view all by yourself.

I smiled at the thought that despite reaching the pinnacle of whatever you are attempting - you so very often have to wait to try to stand on the pinnacle by yourself...

I smiled at the size of my ego, and at my awareness of it all...

I smiled at the fact that none of it really mattered, and yet, I was making it matter.

I smiled thinking patience, luck and timing are such a HUGE part of being the guy that gets to stand on the very top... and be "triumphant" in a uniquely egotistical way...

And, the reality that essentially EVERYONE on the mountain top, including my 7 and 9 year old friend, had just accomplished the same feat.

The true WINNERS were those that could actually come up to the top and breathe - and be fully present..  the ones that possibly didnt even need a camera to remember the amazing beauty of that moment...

I was not the triumphant one after all - despite my almost perfect, testosterone filled picture...

It was a GORGEOUS view, and MAGNIFICENT moment... and I was dancing the whole time with my ego.

And, now, I smile... thinking ... I need to hike it again someday.

This time - I wont bring a camera... I wont care where I sit... 

I will simply climb it and breathe...

And, try to tune out the entire world around me...

I wasn't any different, better or wiser than my spooning friend...

My selfie stick was invisible...

And my ego, possibly even bigger than his.

Go figure...

Lesson learned...

in harmony,

Nestor

dreams do come true...

So, I turned 50 yesterday...

FINALLY!

I feel like I have been turning 50 for at least a decade ;-)

I say that because I have THOUGHT about turning 50 for decades...

What does it mean?  What should it mean?

Should I celebrate it?  If so, how?

Is it selfish to be this concerned about this milestone, that only defines "time passing"... and no actual "accomplishment"...

Well, uncharacteristically, I chose to blow it out, to celebrate it BIG... 

My idea, my dream, had always been to bring my two worlds together - my American world, and my Peruvian world... together in Peru, and in Miraflores to be more specific, and on the beach...

I have NEVER thrown myself a party of this magnitude, and never plan to again... but it felt appropriate to do so.  It felt NECESSARY!

I didn't want to celebrate ME...

I most sincerely wanted to celebrate LIFE... 

because I was gifted with it...

Oh, I could write an entire book on the many, many thoughts that crossed my mind in thinking about, planning and executing this silly "party"...

And, it was everything I could have hoped for, 

and more.

I will likely have to write about it over a few days - because I will bore you otherwise.

MY FRIENDS & MY FAMILY

ARE

MY LIFE!

And, they are very much what I wanted to celebrate.

Because of that, I was conscious of the friends that could not attend, but focused very much on the moment, and the nearly 60 that traveled from all over the globe to be there.

I wanted so very much to bring my family, whom I love and have spent a lifetime missing, to meet my amazing friends.

And, I wanted to bring my friends, whom I love and spend a large part of my life with, to meet my amazing family.

The energy was special... truly special.

The locale was the end of the pier of the Lima Marina Club... decked up with beautiful lights highlighting party ground zero, with the gorgeous ocean under a sun setting sky on one side, and the imposing and picturesque cliffs of Miraflores on the other side...

I stepped into the location where the party would be and truly felt like I was in a fairy tale... and smiled when I thought to myself, this is my fairy tale... this is my life.

I was taken back by the beauty of this place... and the moment.

I couldn't think of what to say.  Or, more appropriately, I couldn't decide which of the many, many thoughts circling my mind to share that would not be too drawn out, too corny, too ME focused, too whatever...

The thought I tried to convey was that...

DREAMS DO COME TRUE... and Monday night was proof of it!  

The significance of my 50th birthday is a function of the significance of the meaningful relationships that I have been fortunate enough to construct and enjoy...

And, perhaps the possibility of finding a greater peace and purpose and understanding of LIFE for myself, to be able to share in some useful way with those I love...

My life is a gift... I get it.

I shared in my short speech that my whole life, I have said, "I am the lucky one that got the muscles that worked."  

And, that recently, I had realized perhaps I am wrong.  

Perhaps, God or the universe knew better, and had realized that I needed more time than my sisters to understand what life was about... and that it wasn't just by chance, but in some way DELIBERATE...

I liked the thought.

Regardless of whether it was by random chance, or by deliberate divine choice... I GOT IT... I GET IT and 50 is a pivot point in my life.

I am so very grateful for 50... for greater wisdom... for more sincere and deeply held gratitude... for such little fear and anxiety about nonsense... for the opportunity to experience what happens next...

We danced and danced... 

While not everyone made it till midnight, the majority did... and the ones who didn't were like fuel cells on a rocket that fall off after their work is done... playing an essential part in launching us to our final destination.

At midnight, the music stopped.

Drenched in sweat, surrounded by smiling and loving family and friends, they broke out into Happy Birthday... 

nice...

And then, Frank Sinatra's "My Way" came on... I thought perhaps me and a cousin or friend would get into it and sing along... or not...

What happened next will be a moment I treasure forever...

The nearly 100 friends that remained wrapped around me.... all locked arms... and EVERYONE together BURST into song...  

My son, nestled in behind me and layed his head on my shoulder.... I don't remember exactly who else was right next to me, but it didn't matter... because we were all ONE.

My dream of dancing on the beach together with both of my worlds... becoming ONE was not just a thought - but so very real and present.

I don't know that I was able to take it all in.  But, I know I was trying...

I looked at their faces and their smiles... and they were singing WITH me and FOR me... A song I love, but don't yet deserve.  But, there it was... and, I didn't want to miss it...

"And, through it all...

When there was DOUBT...

I ATE IT UP... and SPIT IT OUT...

I grew tall... through it all...

And, did it... OUR WAY" ;-)

What an absolutely perfect night... beyond words... beyond hope...

It was proof...

Dreams do come true...

And, when they do...

they are not exactly as we imagined,

yet they can be more than perfect...

at least for me...

at midnight of April 11, 2017...

My life, and the moment,

was everything I ever dreamed it could be...

what a night

what a life

what a gift

in harmony,

Nestor

Collateral Beauty

I was really looking to seeing this movie with Will Smith, a year ago (maybe two).  It had Will Smith, who always makes thoughtful movies, and it was about a man's search/relationship/struggle with love, time and death.  

You know what I am thinking,

"YES, SIGN ME UP!"

Then I read various reviews that were critical and negative, and I never saw it...

Until this week on my plane ride to Peru.  Again, maybe it was the universe, trying to make sure I saw it, when I could most clearly, SEE IT.

The movie, I thought, was wonderful, and the whole topic bordered on corniness... so you can;'t fault it for occasionally stepping on the wrong side of the tracks... but it was so very thoughtful and inspiring.

Without spoiling the movie for you, the main actor has a daughter that dies.  On the night the girl is dying, someone says to the mom, "I'm sorry, but look out for the collateral beauty".  She doesn't get it at the time, but she realizes that because of her daughter's death, beacuse of her pain... she is transformed in how she feels about the world... how she sees the world.

"The collateral beauty

is

the

profound connection

to

everything."

I couldn't hold back the tears at that point.  YES!  I get that... I feel that...  I have no idea what losing a child feels like.  But, I have felt tremendous loss in my life, some related to death... some related to life.  I have felt it - and I have benefited from it... 

I do feel a profound connection to everything and everyone... and I love that.

Maybe we get to see the "collateral beauty" in life only after we struggle... only after we hurt... only after we lose.

But, it is such a priceless gift... possibly the only gift that  matters... the gift of connection.

Last night my family gave me and my friends visiting Peru a party.  It was a beautiful and special night, and I was doing my very best at trying to take it all in.  It was a perfect night - in that it was full of MY perfect people... my friends and my family.

These are special and emotional days, reflecting back into the past and projecting forward to the years to come...

So many thoughts crossing my mind... 

The greatest "loss" in my life, was the day I left Peru.  I feel the sadness of that day like it was yesterday... and I was thinking last night, "I left Peru 42 years ago, but my family never let me go... not in their hearts at least..."

I love the concept of "collateral beauty"...  "the profound connection to everything..."

I feel it.

I am grateful for it.

And, importantly, I think people feel it back...

And, the connection with those you love grows

even stronger.

Beauty and connection exist in the space between us -

and when it does, and you feel it -

we should allow it to engulf us...

There is real beauty in connection... 

or maybe

connection 

and

beauty...

are really one and the same...

in harmony,

Nestor

ANA 007

I am a rational man, but some things are beyond coincidence...

I am here in Peru, about to celebrate my 50th... keenly aware that I am the one of the three siblings who got the muscles that worked (my sisters both passed away young from Muscular Dystrophy).

The license plate on the car I rented... "ANA 007"...

My sister Ana died in February 1978 at the age of 7...

I know it's crazy... but a little part of me wants to believe it's the universe's way of telling me she is right here.

I NEVER notice my license plate... but this morning, I went to the gym and had a great workout...  I felt strong and happy.

I was in the steam room listening to Sting's "Inshallah" over and over enjoying the sweat.

When I got to the car, the alarm sounded and would not stop.. I started driving and it would not stop. I called the car rental place and they kept asking...

"What is the license plate?"...

I finally got out and looked...

"ANA 007"... my goodness... I couldn't hold back my tears...

Maybe, just maybe, she is trying to get my attention?

Yesterday, my father had walked behind the car as I was putting my mother in, and had said "ANA".  I told him, "Pa, it says Avis, don't be silly."  I thought to myself... "My dad wants to see my sister everywhere... silly man."

Twice in the past year, I have felt the hand of the Universe undeniably in my life, nudging me forward in a specific direction.

Part me wants to discount it as simply coincidence, but a bigger part of me feels like that is too easy...  

Yesterday at dinner we talked about religion.  I struggle with man's influence on faith, but I am not so arrogant as to think I understand much about the universe and divine dimensions.

I feel momentum building in my life... momentum toward gratitude and presence... toward peace...

ANA 007...

Gracias por este regalo...

in harmony,

Nestor

LION

If you haven't seen the movie, "Lion"...

YOU SHOULD!

I heard about it, because it's nominated for Best Picture, and then a friend said it was a must...

IT IS!

I live that great stories are being told, and My favorites are always stories that are true. 

I realize there is beauty in fiction, but to me there is no greater beauty, no greater inspiration than reality.   Real people living through unfathomable challenges and overcoming them... 

Look around - TALK to and learn from people around you... 

Inspiration is everywhere. 

I gave a talk to some high school students this weekend.  I love that the concept of inspiration can capture students attention in a powerful way. The kids were full of questions, fully engaged in the topic.  So many came up afterwards to talk more... So very cool.

Inspiration, in my definition, is simply the belief that BETTER is POSSIBLE.

Life sucks us in everyday.  It sucks us into the detail, into the grind, into the struggle. 

Deliberately seeking to be inspired pulls us up - helps us remember that better is possible - and we need that reminder to keep our energy and our smile as we muscle our way through the daily grind.  Without inspiration, without believing that better is possible... life is just struggle. 

Whether its meditation, prayer, music, reading, movies... WHATEVER IT IS that inspires you... find it... everyday!

Lion lit up my heart and was in many ways a metaphor for finding myself in my own life. 

Figure out what makes you ROAR... get out and see Lion... 

To more deep breaths and joy... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

In life... LOOK UP!

I heard somewhere years ago, someone ask the question...

"What do you listen to in the car?"

I thought... music, Howard Stern, a phone call...

"Why not make USE of that time to LEARN? Get books on tape!"

It took me a little while to adopt the idea, but a friend told me about the AUDIBLE app, and then another friend started introducing me to podcasts... and now, many of my mornings, and drives, if not most... I am listening to stories.

100% of the time they are stories that are real... because reality inspires me alot more than fiction.

I have been listening to "A People's History of America", biographies, some of which I have shared... 

Here is the thing... I see people everyday carrying the weight of everyday... looking down at the work, at the STUFF that fills our lives, at the challenge of all of it... and they do a wonderful job of finding their smile through the struggle.

WE NEED TO LOOK UP!

Heck yes, the day to day stuff is NECESSARY, and SOME of it is important, but it's ONLY part of the experience of living, part of our reality, and it is NOT where inspiration comes from.

Imagine LIVING YOUR LIFE never looking up... 

Imagine GOING ON AN AMAZING HIKE and only looking at the trail...

Taking a cruise and never taking your eyes off the ship...

You get the idea...

In life... LOOK UP!

So, as I drive, I listen to stories of people and it forces my mind to LOOK UP at life, at new ways of thinking, new ways of evaluating opportunity, of assessing risk...

LISTENING to biographies...

"How I built this..." Podcasts...

Listening to people that have broken through the noise INSPIRES me more than anything else...

It tells me in no uncertain terms, NOT that I will, but that I CAN...

And, it makes me look up at what I do and evaluate it from outside myself.

I consider all parts of my life as I look up... 

INSPIRATION, in my own definition, is the belief, the feeling, the confidence that BETTER is possible.

When we are looking constantly at the trail under our feet, we aren't thinking better... we are thinking "HOW MUCH FARTHER"...

It makes us forget that our only inevitable destination is DEATH... and I am in no hurry to get there.  

The beauty of this journey is not the trail... LOOK UP...

the beauty of the journey is all that is around us...

the beauty of the journey is the excitement and anticipation of the places we can aspire to reach in the distance...

the beauty of the journey is feeling ourselves get stronger...

the beauty of the journey is looking back and seeing how far we've come...

AND, the beauty of the journey is slowing down every so often, making a fire, pouring a glass of wine and enjoying some laughter with those we love... hiking along with us... 

The beauty is simply in our breath... our deep breaths... and in feeling the gratitude for having the opportunity, the freedom, the possibility of simply being here... wherever you are... doing what you do... embracing the moment and then taking the next step forward...

Figure out how to LOOK UP....and make that a priority... EVERYDAY...

Whether its meditation, biographies, reading, praying...

Whatever it takes... 

LOOK UP... better IS possible... and you are making progress..

BREATHE... 

you are not alone,

we are in this together,

in harmony,

Nestor

DISCLAIMER:  A harmony friend yesterday sent me an email, and said something along the lines of "I hate to share this with you because you seem to bust down all the obstacles in your way..."  That is not an accurate perception of me.  I don't bust down anything... I chip away at things, chip, chip, chip... everyday a little bit more and a little bit more... over weeks, months, years, decades... I struggle through many of my days... but I do keep LOOKING UP... and its looking UP that gives me the spirit to keep chipping away at it... I am with you in the struggle, and I can honestly say, that every so often I look back... and I am in awe and grateful of how far I've come... and you've been a big reason why!  You keep me looking up!  If we never give up, we never fail!  ONWARD... FIRED UP!

THIS SH&T is SERIOUS!

Friends... I am not writing for my health...

(Well - I kind of am... writing improves my well being)...

But, my point is, this is not a NICE conversation about apple pie, joy, vanilla ice cream and lifetime meaning...

THIS SH&T about HARMONY is SERIOUS!

It is LIFE ALTERING - if you join the fight... embrace the struggle and persevere.

It is a long journey to harmony, and one that requires brutal honesty with yourself and those around you, and it never stops.  Once you conquer one level, the next one appears right away...

And, sometimes a moment hits you that pushes you down one level or two and  you have to climb back again.

Don't read these conversations to smile while you drink your coffee... read these conversations to figure out how to live a life of meaning, greater joy and fulfillment... but it takes stamina... and it takes a deliberate desire to understand the difference between harmony and disharmony.

When you are struggling, when you are down, when the days or situations are painful to push through... BE THOUGHTFUL...

WHAT ARE YOU WISHING FOR?

WHAT PART OF YOUR "IS" are you NOT ACCEPTING?

DIG, DIG, DIG...

And, then realize anytime we don't accept our "IS" in life... in a given moment... we fall into disharmony,

Until you accept your IS... no amount of "wanting" will work.

Life is a conversation.  

It is in motion.

There is no status quo.

It's either getting better or its getting worse.

And, I would argue that no progress IS progress because status quo doesn't exist, and deterioration is a lot worse.

No progress is progress because if nothing else it makes you smarter to your IS while not giving you a more difficult situation to solve, so if you are engaged and paying full attention, time helps!

HARMONY is incredibly difficult... for some of us more than others... but it's impossible or random at best if you aren't dedicated and committed to exploring your thoughts honestly and evolving them in the right direction.

Life will always have it's challenges and aspects that are simply NOT the way you would have designed it... And, it will be most painful & difficult when it deals with those you love most... YOURSELF included...

But, DIG, DIG, DIG...

You are here so you feel something about this conversation.

Don't patronize it - or let it patronize you.

EMBRACE the concepts of HARMONY into your life... and then stay in the conversation... keep evaluating your IS and live acting on your WANT....

Don't MANAGE the world around you... FALL IN LOVE with it objectively... SEE the beauty in it... and then take action to make it MORE the world you want to live in... and step into the next moment... realizing the "EXACT" world you want to live in doesn't exist.

ONE moment at a time...

Know for certain that I am not writing to be popular, nor to make money... I write to stay in the conversation... I write for no other reason than to share & resolve my own struggle, my lessons, my success with harmony... so that hopefully & possibly you will see something that will allow you in some way to gain momentum along your own journey toward a more meaningful, fulfilling and joyful life.  I ain't quitting my day job ;-)

So, don't give up on it!

First COMMIT to it!

This SH&T is SERIOUS...

and, in my mind, in my experience, it is without doubt THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL FOR THOUGHT that I have ever known...

perhaps other than unwavering faith in the ALMIGHTY.

... perhaps they are one and the same...

Harmony...

Nestor

A Change of Perspective...

I was sitting around the table on Friday night... we were at a fun new restaurant with all 5 family members.  My son had surprised with a visit home from college.  I was happy... joyful... FULL before the meal had even been ordered... Full in the best of ways...

And, my mind drifted...

My whole life I have faulted my father for so many things...

Possibly above all others, I have faulted him for being stingy.

I make note that we didn't go out to dinner much with our family... Heck, we never went out to dinner at a restaurant.  My father felt like why would I ever go out when I can eat better at home.  Countless memories in my mind about money - about not having enough.  

But, most importantly than not having enough - what I remember most is that we were afraid of not having money, and we never talked about how we could make more...  Money was just not something we had a plan for...

I am trying to change that in my life...

But, anyway... there I am at dinner...

I felt grateful that we were all together.  I felt grateful that I am at a point in my life, where taking the family out for special meal feels well within my means...

And, I thought about my father, and somehow I wasn't angry anymore.  I wasn't mad at him for not taking me out to dinner more often... 

I was sad... deeply sad for him.

Imagine, I thought to myself, imagine never having this joy, never feeling the confidence of professional success, never feeling like you are financially stable and capable...

Imagine, always living in fear of not having enough...

That has been my father's life...

He has never known the joy of being around a table with his family - simply excited about the possibility of affording a special moment and memory and a delicious meal - without the weight of whether or not I can really afford it weighing on my mind...

Empathy is a funny thing...

I inherited my fear of not being able to make enough money from my father, and my financial reality has become fairly different from his.    I am not saying I have made it, nor am I saying he never did...

I am just saying... I am confident in my ability to earn a great life, and I am able to enjoy creating experiences for my family fully...

I guess that is what my father feels when he sends my boys chocolates, or when he buys me special fruit when I come to visit.

We all seek and find joy and contentment where we can...

I just have a new appreciation for my father.  I am no longer mad in any way for anything he did or didn't do...

I want to help him know joy, and I want him to feel perhaps a little bit of peace that between him and his son, we can afford a heck of a lot of joy...

And, that there is no need for fear...

Not because we have all the money we will ever need,

but because his son gets that fear is pointless,

and, I don't want to pass it down another generation...

Let's pass down possibility, confidence...

We had a special night... together the 5 of us... 

I talked to my father on the phone the next morning, and I could hear his smile over the phone as I described dinner...

I am grateful that we are still both growing up.

in harmony,

Nestor

My best advice... for anyone looking for a (better) "job"...

I was talking to a friend the other day who is "in the market".

I talk to a lot of people who are in that situation, and I most sincerely want to help them in any way that I can.  I realize this conversation matters whether you already have a job... or don't... because most people I know that have a job, want a better and bigger one!

Most often, people define themselves by what they have done, and the terms, titles and nomenclature of how they have done it.  It often sounds like a long, lifeless, corporate menu that sounds so very similar to everyone else's resume.

And, I find myself working inside my own mind to translate what they have done, combined with what the kind of position they say they are looking for - and I try to "assess" in my mind the proverbial FIT with existing opportunities I know about within my company or to somehow connect them with people that I know.

Then, I start trying to SEE THEM... FIGURE THEM out... what do THEY like, what MOTIVATES them, what they dream about, what are they REALLY looking for... WHO ARE THEY?

Because not having a job, while potentially very stressful... is FREEDOM... It is a moment when you are most likely to be able to have a conversation with yourself and figure out WHO  YOU REALLY ARE & WHAT YOU REALLY LOVE... WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Figuring that stuff out can be a difficult process... or not.  A friend of mine told me yesterday finding my purpose was easy, "What do YOU do for FREE - that's meaningful & productive, because you love it, because it brings you joy?...  Bringing that to the world... That's your purpose", she said...

I digress...

Let me assure you - figuring out your purpose... who you are... is A WHOLE LOT MORE DIFFICULT FOR THE PERSON INTERVIEWING YOU FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE, and almost always it feels like I am trying to peel an onion, solve a mystery, and once I do then plug a square peg into a round hole.

In our conversation yesterday I asked my friend lots of questions - that's kind of my thing... and the more I asked, the more excited and frustrated I got...

Here is this man who is truly gifted; he is intelligent, articulate, passionate, ambitious, organized, hard-working... He has gifts to share... I can tell... but they are hidden under all of the things he has concluded that he is supposed to say and be....

... and I get the challenge of having someone who has had various really valuable experiences "FIT" into an existing new opportunity with all of its "requirements and criteria".

That's when it hit me...

STOP TRYING TO GET A JOB!

SHOW PEOPLE WHO YOU ARE...  BRING IT!!!!  Bring your energized, can-do, open minded, curious, positive soul and being... and you will change the question in their mind from...

"Does this guy FIT the criteria for this role?"

TO

"How do I get this guy ON MY TEAM!"

Ultimately - YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND A JOB... You want to find a group of people that sees you and likes what they see... A group of people playing out a strategy that interests you... that you can get behind... that you can build a passion for...

My advice to people looking for a job is - BRING IT!!!  Bring ENERGY, curiosity, candor, can-do open mindedness to your conversation and watch what happens.

The fact is NONE of us tend to know exactly what we need to know for the next opportunity in our lives.    And, unless you've had the EXACT job you are applying for (often in a similar company) you won't "match" the criteria.

SO - don't work so hard to be a match, to fit the expectations or criteria... work harder at being someone NOBODY WANTS TO PASS UP!  BRING IT!

Now, be careful, you certainly don't want to come across as a know it all... don't pretend to HAVE the answers... but be OPEN to finding the answers, to the experience, and be CONFIDENT that you can and will figure it out because you've always figured it out before.

Ray Krok met the McDonald's brothers when he was 52.  I heard about a book written by a homeless woman that got a small job and started working with a computer and created a 100 million dollar company selling goods through ebay or amazon... 

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE... and almost everyone wants to work with people that TRULY believe that!

ASK QUESTIONS, but you must be authentically curious.

SHARE THOUGHTS, but they must be relevant and thoughtful (not just the soundbyte you always use)...

BRING IT!  BE FULLY ENGAGED in the CONVERSATION... Don't ask canned questions... follow the energy.  "What are you missing on the team today?", "Why are YOU excited to come into work everyday?", "What's the thing you wish you could change about this business?  About the way you guys approach it?"  ASK MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS - AND BE INTERESTED in the answer...

ANYTHING is POSSIBLE with effort and plans and brainstorming and teamwork...   There is a line between coming across as trying to reinvent everything and passionate about making stuff better.  There is a line between being a know it all, and being crazy confident that there is virtually nothing that you can't learn.

BRING IT!  BE FULLY ENGAGED in the CONVERSATION... Don't ask canned questions... follow the energy.  "What are you missing on the team today?", "Why are YOU excited to come into work everyday?", "What's the thing you wish you could change about this business?  About the way you guys approach it?"  ASK MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS - AND BE INTERESTED in the answer...

Don't go into an interview (in my opinion) trying to get a job...

Go into an interview ready to SHOW and SHARE YOUR ENERGY... YOUR PASSION... YOUR AMBITION... YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS... heck, EVEN YOUR FEARS... and if you are talking to the right company - they won't want to live without you.

Go into an interview to show them why they'd be crazy to want to live without you... BRING IT!

It's BOLD... but BOLD stands out... 

I see SO MANY people hiding who they are behind the person they think they are supposed to be... hiding what they really think behind the things they feel they are supposed to say...

Don't hide in humility... BE BOLD & AMBITIOUSLY HUMBLE...

Don't be your little self... be your BIG self... be the BIGGEST version of yourself, not with arrogance, but with energy and authenticity... BE YOUR SELF!

Don't put it on the interviewee to FIGURE out if you are a FIT... put it on them to be CONVINCED you've GOT TO BE ON THEIR TEAM - the role is almost an afterthought.

There are NO pegs and holes... real jobs and real people are complex and complicated... AND POWERFUL.

I would argue - I could put a person with a GREAT ATTITUDE, A WILLINGNESS TO LEARN, and A HUMILITY TO ASK QUESTIONS into ANY job in the company... and they would do GREAT and bring unique value to the role.

I've been there... I've seen "BRING IT"... and I know how COMPLETELY different the conversation becomes behind closed doors.

If you don't have a job you like or a job at all...

EVERY conversation you have is a LEAD and an OPPORTUNITY!

And, pace matters... you need to make lots of meetings happen... every meeting you have should get you leads to at least two more... More meetings means more possibilities and more opportunity to practice your boldness... 

BE BIG & BOLD... BRING YOUR ENERGY and stop worrying about the fit... The fit will either be there or it wont... but if you bring ENERGY - people will want to help you even if they can't place you in their firm.

And, if they don't like you, don't SEE you, don't value your energy - YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THERE ANYWAY!

Remember, nobody "wants" to help someone else find a job...

But everyone would LOVE to make introductions to someone who will knock your socks off... who will wow you... who will make you think...

"TRUST ME, JUST MEET THIS GUY"...

If you BRING IT, I am not asking people for a favor to meet with you, I am DOING THEM a favor by introducing you!

BE

THAT

GUY (or GAL)!

BRING IT... SHARE IT!  

ENERGY!

That's the best I got...

In harmony,

Nestor

27,120 hours and CHANGE!

I am at the airport heading to North Carolina to celebrate a truly wonderful accomplishment.

Our team who runs operations for a very large utility plant on a government contract crossed the 1,000 day mark for SAFE DAYS. 

It amuses me that people think my presence there somehow makes the celebration more meaningful or important... what is meaningful and important is that THEY ARE THERE EVERYDAY... MAKING IT HAPPEN!

It is a feat and a milestone that I can learn so very much from... and I am so very honored to be part of this in a small way, and to be able to be there to help recognize them and their success.

We are actually at 27,120 hours and change... ;-)  Somewhere over 1,130 days in a row... or if you are counting, nearly 38 months, or just over 3 years....

but whose counting?

EVERYBODY!

Why is this milestone and lesson so very valuable to me?

1.  Put Committed, Intelligent, Reasonable People In Charge, Give Them Space To Create Their Own Reality, And Great Things Happen!  I have had literally NOTHING to do with this success, except one thing... finding a putting a great man in charge of the operation.  This has been his baby.  And, he in turn, has put people in leadership positions, and has fought for the Safety Manager position to be staffed... and the results have been truly awesome.

2.  Our Past Need NOT Define Our Future!  We bought this company in 2012, and recordable incidents were happening literally almost every month.  Candidly, the previous owner was reporting lower accident rates to reduce insurance rates, and when we came on board, most insurances would not even take the account.  There was too much risk.  Too many people were getting hurt.  And, sadly, it wasn't just paper cuts - there were some serious accidents that happened before our watch altering people's lifestyles for a lifetime.  But, because we were not a SAFE operation, meant nothing to the new leadership that was put in place.  SAFETY became a priority, and with the priority came a really different way of working.  The previous leadership blamed the people for not being safe, the new leadership took responsibility for creating an environment of safety.  So crazy impressive!

3.  I Care About People.  I Want To Create A Company That Does Right By People - And Is A Safe Place To Work... AND THAT MEANS NOTHING!  The fact that I care about people... I truly do, means NOTHING, accomplishes NOTHING without acting on that concern.  You can have the very best intentions all day long and not go more than a month without a recordable incident, not increase sales, not improve a relationship, not progress.  Intentions alone accomplish nothing.  

The team in North Carolina didn't stand up and say "We Care About People"... They said, "We are going to put in a safety program.  We are going to staff a safety manager.  We are no longer going to take short cuts to safety.  We are going to invest in the right tools to make safe work possible."  And then, importantly, THEY DID THAT!  They put in processes, created an on-going conversation, and made SAFETY HAPPEN!

Most of us have good intentions.  Heck many of us have amazing and wonderful intentions.  And, we accomplish so little.  ORGANIZATIONS AND BUSINESSES AND HUMAN BEINGS DON'T BENEFIT FROM INTENTIONS... THEY BENEFIT FROM ACTION, and CHANGE REQUIRES SUSTAINABLE ACTIONS WHICH REQUIRE PROCESSES THAT HAVE OWNERSHIP TO ENSURE COMPLIANCE.  I know this sounds a little like corporate non-sense, but SCOREBOARD, SCOREBOARD... Check out our scoreboard...  The results have been amazing.

New realities happen, not because we have the best of intentions... they happen because someone owns those intentions, creates a group for on-going conversation, and creates processes, and educates, inspires and ensures compliance...

And, what makes it hard?  Distractions... ALL THE OTHER STUFF those people could choose to focus on, once the initial discussion is set.  It is SO EASY to get distracted by the other goals that pop up.  And by dissent.  How many people roll their eyes at safety?  I know I have, and I am not proud of that.  I have always valued it, but not led it, not been an example for it.  How many people roll their eyes at discussions on accountability, at putting  PROCESSES in place...

"I know what I'm doing - I've done it this way for years..."

"I don't need that system, it doesn't understand my needs."

"I am a people person - I work off relationships."

"All those people care about is process."

"You can't manage me by a spreadsheet."

"I've always done it this way... I know better... that won't work for me."

Have you heard any of those?  EVER?  Those are the thoughts that keep us where we are, and in the case of the North Carolina facility - it kept people getting hurt...

The success in North Carolina, as you would expect, required the departure of good and dedicated people, who just could not embrace the new processes and values.  You just cannot create a new reality with people who are not willing to leave the past behind.

I am beyond proud of what the team has accomplished.

Heck. I'm not just proud.  I am humbled by the lesson they have taught me, by their example... and by the AMAZING CARE & RESPECT they have shown each other by embracing the values of a safe work place.  Is there any greater way to value each other - than to work to make sure we come home safely to our families.

And, they realize by the "digital nature" of the trophy on the wall, that one slip, one day, one moment where we take a short cut... one wrong play of probability... and the streak will end.  And, it will take NOTHING away from the amazing accomplishment they have achieved.  The culture is in place. But success and life is that delicate, that important, and that quick to pivot.

We bought this company in 2012, and the transformation has been complete.  We had employees that didn't want to be part of the company, clients that didn't want to be served by the company, and it was losing money.  Today, it runs with a very modest profit, but most importantly, it delivers on its promise to the clients and the employees... and that is a reality that is a result of the great leadership, management and team that makes it happen every day.

If they only knew that it is not my presence today that makes this meaningful and special... but THEIRS.  I will try to convey that to them as best as I can... and, I will never forget the lesson that the experience with this team and its leaders has taught me.

27,120 hours plus... and change is happening...

And, I am so very proud, 

grateful,

and so very

humbled.

in harmony,

Nestor

Emotions Unleashed

I had a great conversation yesterday with a colleague and a friend that I admire and appreciate...

We talked about passion.

It was a short conversation, but it unearthed a truth that caused me pause.

I am not "emotionally" engaged at work right now.

And, I have achieved that state deliberately.  If I stay emotionally 'unattached',

I can execute my role responsibly and adequately, and I don't set myself up for disappointment.

It is a 'protection' mechanism that I take pride in. 

It keeps me from going through the emotional ups and downs of some of my peers.

But, the cost of that 'uber rationality' is living without passion.

I like to be emotionally connected to my life.

In many ways I am at my best when I am 'feeling' the moment.

But, I have convinced myself of something very different - that the oppossite is true.

Now, don't get me wrong.  It's not that I don't care.  

It's that I divest my emotion from the situation.

So that, while I still care, I will not be altered by any outcome, and I will be minimally emotionally influenced by the possibility of either outcome.  I will execute and be the voice of reason and rationality.

Where else in my life do I do this?  Lots of places.

And, at what cost?  At the cost of my passion... my joy.

Is there a way to unleash my emotion, while still letting my rationality drive?

That is a different thought for me... and potentially a very powerful one.

Unleash my emotion?

Commit to an answer before I know its real or true, and fail?  Or feel the disappointment?

Could that be a much more joyful way to live?

People see me as so emotionally connected, and those who know me best know that I can be so extremely cold...

Behaviors we commit to so confidently...

Behaviors that we take pride in...

Can sometimes be so wrong...

Or at least, so incomplete.

Unleashing emotions?

Considering a different way of living...?

COMMITTING to MY DREAMS...

EMOTIONALY... 

hmmm...

in harmony,

Nestor

Passion

What is my passion? 

What is my purpose? 

I got called out yesterday for not appearing to have much of either right now... 

And, it's true. 

Figuring out how you are doing with regards to living with purpose is easy. 

just pay attention to your mindset when you wake up...

These days I find it really hard to wake up early, to wake up in the morning... I am unclear as to what I look forward to in my day...  

I am walking through my days responsibly, but without fire... 

And, those who know me best, know that I like fire... I seek fire... I want fire. 

What is my passion? 

And, how do I bring it into my everyday? 

I am passionate

about writing. 

about love. 

about learning. 

about leading. 

about developing myself, 

and those around me. 

about nature. 

about strength... 

and most certainly I am passionate about harmony. 

I am passionate about many things,  

but what I am passionate about is different, I believe, from... 

What is MY passion? 

I am not sure if I know how to figure that out, I am just fairly sure I haven't yet. 

I know I need to... 

Life is too short  

not to... 

And, I know the difference. 

(laugh) 

Maybe my passion

right now

ahould be

to actually  

find my

passion ;-) 

Don't YOU stop lookin' either! 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Life Altering Subtlety...

There is a SINGLE, SIMPLE truth

that is the reason why I bounce

so frequently between 

harmony

and 

disharmony,..

I wrote about that perfectionist article a few weeks back, 

and was stuck on where it says,

"perfectionism and the desire to improve yourself are not made of the same construct."

That thought kept playing over and over in my mind,

HERE IT IS...

The SOURCE of my disharmony...

The desire to improve yourself is defined by a passion for learning and a commitment to want to be a better version of yourself TOMORROW.

I have that...

It's what keeps me focused on harmony, on wisdom, on evolution...

It's what gives me hope and purpose...

But, if I look into my heart of hearts,

and am really honest - 

there are so, so many moments where

I WISH I WAS ALREADY BETTER.

I wish I had possibly had a different upbringing.

I wish I had made better, smarter, bolder decisions at a young age...

I wish, I wish, I wish...

And, I KNOW that leads me nowhere good.  

I KNOW wishing is the essence of disharmony.

And, I am doing better, MUCH better than just a few years ago at reducing the number of those moments.. staying more and more in the focus of improving for tomorrow.

I KNOW that I must replace the wish of already being better with gratitude...

with gratitude for my IS...

because the IS of my life is more than wonderful.

And, not just being grateful for the IS of my life,

but OWNING that had a large part in creating that IS.

I need to give myself credit and OWN  my IS,

and then keep working toward my WANT.

That's harmony - period...

It's that subtle.  That simple.

work for your WANT for a better you for tomorrow.

OWN and be grateful for the IS of your life today.

The shift of wishing you were already a better version of you today - 

CHANGES EVERY emotion in your life - IN THOSE MOMENTS.

Harmony can be so subtle and yet so powerful.

As I round the corner on 50 years old - this is the ONE concept I want to internalize fully...

My IS is my everything... and being anything less than overwhelmingly grateful for it is simply arrogant or ignorant or selfish beyond measure.

My IS is absolutely AMAZING - and I had a big hand in creating it, and some great fortune, and I believe at times some divine intervention.

This is it folks...  I just need to re-visit this conversation over and over until I believe in no other truth.  This is the answer sheet.  Now, I just have to keep going back to the problem and keep learning how to get to it ;-)

So often, it's not about KNOWING the answer... but being able to FIND YOUR WAY to the answer you know to be correct - as life hands you new and different moments.

Subtle, but

life altering...

in harmony,

Nestor

Mindfulness...

This week...

I have felt

more of my deep breaths.

the breeze on my face while sitting in the park with my son, and on a lift with my niece.

the strength of my body.

gratitude for so many aspects of my life...

I have been in awe of people, of mountains, of beauty...

And, I know all the while there are difficult, challenging, complex issues to be resolved...

It all happens at the same time.

We don't reach point in our lives where everything just GOES right...

We perhaps reach a point in our lives where we are simply grateful for all of it...

Even the things that don't go - our way... 

Those things teach us great lessons, and often open up doors we would have never seen otherwise...

It's not about me, as much as I lose sight of that sometimes.

The world spins, and I get to ride along...

In some moments it spins in my direction, in others it spins away...

Maybe the concept of "flow" is real and powerful,

and simply "go with the spin", go where it takes you...

face the challenges, simplify the complexity, feel the burn and the pain and the joy...

keep learning, keep growing...

help those around you who need to be reminded...

And, always feel the breeze on your face...

the satisfaction in your own deep breath... 

And the warmth in the connections that make

the journey

matter...

in harmony,

Nestor

Adios Tio...

So the text this morning read,

"Se murio el Tio Alejandro."

(Uncle Alejandro died last night)...

He wasn't doing well.  He was only 78ish.  But, I wasn't expecting it.

He was an exceptional man, a man devoted above all else to his wife and children, and his profession.  He was a curious man, a generous man, a simple man.  

But he was pure - and his love was pure - and his soul was pure...

He was my aunt Ileana's husband - and their relationship stands possibly above all others in my life about what a marriage can be... should be.  He loved her - deeply  - completely - unconditionally.  

He was always excited to see me when I visited Lima.  He would make time for me. He would make me feel so very SEEN.  We would go work out together and lift weights - then go get a big ceviche.  He LOVED to eat, but was always skinny, always disciplined... except for desserts.  If you invited him over for dinner - there would almost certainly be a finger swipe of any dessert prior to it being served.

He loved his desserts - almost as much as his wife and children.

He was a man of principle - who is one of the beautiful mentors in my life, in ways I didn't fully realize years ago.

 He was the one who never wanted for a nicer car, a bigger house, a nicer watch... a bigger title.  None of that stuff mattered to him... at all.

What mattered to him was spending time outdoors walking in the park, admiring the trees, the green, the squirrels... It mattered to him to swim in the cold ocean... it mattered to him to feel alive. It mattered to him to be with his wife and spend time with his children and his grandchildren.  Oh - his family matttered so very much.... so completely.  It mattered to him to learn - to understand... He would light up when he figured something out - and he was constantly reading.   He was one of the most curious men, I've ever known...  It mattered to him to know better.

He had an amazing life - one of the wealthiest men I've ever known - and money had NOTHING to do with it.

I'm sorry I didn't learn more from him... but maybe it's not too late.

These are the moments that distance hurts... not being able to share in the moment with my cousins, his kids, who are two kindred and beautiful spirits.  These are the moments when not being able to hug them and be there for them... hurts.

Thank you Tio Alejandro... for being exactly who you were... one of the most beautiful men and human beings that I have ever known... You lived an amazing life... You set an example... 

Thank you Tio...

Perhaps the greatest lesson that you ever taught me... I am just now able to learn & appreciate...

Remembering you, will always inspire me to be a better man...

Tio... Adios!

In harmony,

Nestor

What do you HEAR?

It's funny, what people say, versus what we hear...

And, I am not just talking about misinterpretations...

I am talking about deeply emotional ALTERATIONS...

For example, I said to my wife the other day,

"We should plan a trip somewhere just the two of us..."

And, she responded...

"We really don't have the money right now..."

not an unreasonable response.  And, while I disagree with that general sentiment,  we are planning a big and rather expensive 50th birthday celebration for me, and a trip to Peru to go along with it, and we have one in college, and we just went to Costa Rica... so, our expenses are flowing and we should be careful...

but, if I am honest... 

what I also heard - and what I heard first was...

"You don't make enough money for us..."

"You are not successful enough for us..."

"You are still not enough..."

"Spending time with you is not a priority..."

WOAH... Ease up killer!  ALL SHE SAID WAS, "we really don't have enough money right now..." and that is a rational statement, and one that has some merit.  And, she said it BECAUSE she loves you, and she is trying to protect you from yourself... 

"WTF MAN... You are nuts!"  Now the voice is screaming at me ;-)

I am exaggerating what I heard, a little, but not drastically.

And, I feel embarrassed to share it - because it sounds so weak, so insecure to go to those places with that simple statement.  But, I did emotionally touch those places.

You may be rolling your eyes and thinking I am perhaps a little too in touch with my own feminine side...

And, you may be right...

But, I would I would challenge you to think about is...

"What do YOU hear?  When people say things..."

DO YOU KNOW?

I see the reaction of people to things their spouses say, their managers say, their children say... and I see in their reaction that they are hearing A LOT more than what was actually said.

I would argue that on some level we emotionally don't just interpret but ALTER so many things we hear at home and at work... 

Maybe I am crazy... but, I don't think so.  I definitely do have an insecure side, that I try to keep in check - that is true.  

But, I think I hear more of the voices in my head than the typical being, and I don't ignore them, I acknowledge them and try to learn from them, and try to stay objective to them, and try to evolve them over time... to be more rational, more true, more productive... to evolve myself.

Years ago, I would have FELT things from her statement... and I would have reacted either to her or emotionally in my own mind... blaming MY voice, or the affect of my voice, on her.  And, that is unfair, and inaccurate.

There may be instances, where our voices are right, and people do mean a lot more than their words convey - but that is something that works both in the positive as well as the negative.  

How often do our inner voices AMPLIFY the positive of what is said?  There is definitely a bias there (at least for me)...

Though - I only know what MY voices say...

I do know that other friends voices would first go to BLAME their spouses as an initial response for not being a bigger part of the solution.

My mind truly never goes there...

But, I would argue EVEN if that is where your mind goes first, is that not really a protectionist interpretation to the same insecurity that "I am not enough, and not providing enough?"

Truth is - none of the people I am thinking about, myself included, is anything short of incredibly blessed and incredibly "well off" by virtually all of the world's standards...

And yet, our voices do what they do... when they hear what they hear...

As human beings, we are all so similar, so fragile, and often too unaware...

But, isn't that a beautiful thing?  

Isn't that what makes us vulnerable?

And, isn't vulnerability the essence of true and authentic emotion?

What do YOU hear?

And, how is it altered from what is said?

Beware of your own voice...

And, go ahead... plan a trip with your loved one... just set a mutually agreed to budget ;-)

in harmony,

Nestor

HURTS SO GOOD

Most Saturday's I go on an 8 mile woods run with a couple of special friends...

Almost every Saturday we do the same path...

0.75 mile of "traily" downhill

2.5 mile stretch along the river

0.75 mile uphill to the tree where we stop and stretch for a moment, and turn around...

And, go back...

It is the "PERFECT" amount of pain...

It HURTS... but it's a KNOWN level of pain... and, importantly, I know it's a pain that I can tolerate, survive, and feel good about when its over.

Also, because it's the same course, I can calibrate myself and assess how I am doing... how is the "known" pain relative to other days on the same course.

Bottom line - it's SAFE pain.

I am always surprised by how DIFFERENTLY I feel when someone suggests we run a different path...

I have another good friend who picks me up and we always try a different run... a run of "UNKNOWN" pain...

Often those runs are less far and less difficult - but the fact that I don't know what to expect creates real "physical" anxiety for me.  It comes from fear, I believe.  From the fear of not knowing if I will be able to "finish" it or "keep up", adequately.

Who cares, really?  If I have to walk or if I fall behind?

Why does my mind and body react so differently to an unknown course?

Yesterday, as we ran, I thought to myself, most people we mention this run to, get wide eyes and say, "Wow, that's far..."... "I couldn't do that."... "You guys are crazy"  (answer to a lot of things I say... "I like running on the road"...

Ultimately, few people try it.

I know that when I feel FITTER, I welcome new courses very differently... when I get to the point where I trust my body and my strength to be able to overcome... I like the different challenge.

So... I thought to myself... 

Where else in my life - do I default to "KNOWN PAIN"... where else do I steer away from new paths... because of fear... (even if it is not acknowledged as such?)...

Does the desire for "PERFECT PAIN" serve us well, or hold us back?

Sure, when you stay on the same path, you notice the trees that have fallen, you notice the change of season, and, most importantly, you experience a familiar kind of joy... one that is generally free of "stress" or "anxiety" because of its familiarity...

But, when you take a new path.. try a new distance... you see NEW things... you learn about your body, about your conditioning... you run across new people... and there is a different type of joy and pride that you feel...

There is NOTHING wrong with our run... nor with enjoying the familiarity with it.., it is a GREAT RUN... It is the "perfect pain"...

And, there is NOTHING wrong with trying new ones...

I like that I can appreciate both.

I aspire to have the strength, stamina and confidence to welcome all new courses... in running, in relationships, in professional challenges, in LIFE...

I do - have that confidence in many areas of my life... and I do - lack that confidence in many other areas...

The thing about me - I still run the new paths... I just don't SEEK them enough.

I trust my body, my mind - to resolve new courses and enjoy the feeling once I have survived them...

But, I am aware of the difference... and I encourage you to be as well...

Enjoy the PERFECT PAIN of your known strength... and life...

And, find the people, the catalysts, the moments to RUN NEW TRAILS... to train that stress... to feel that adrenaline... to build your confidence...

Celebrate the JOY in the familiar - that makes us stronger and helps us know exactly where we are...

and also, STEP into the JOY of discovery, of exploration, of NEW courses that tap into your sense of wonderment, fear and thrill...

You are strong enough to navigate the pain, and smart enough to consider the consequences...

There is a fine line between pleasure and pain... possibly no line at all... kind-a-kinky ;-)

Life sometimes just...

HURTS SO GOOD!

in harmony,

Nestor

IMPERFECT SOLUTIONS

Life is a whole bunch of imperfect solutions...

I have this friend... ;-)

who keeps waiting for the perfect solution.  No solution is good enough.  So he waits,  He fights most if not all solutions that are proposed, because they are not "good enough"... and along the way... his business keeps struggling and getting worse... people struggle to work with him... and nothing is "perfect"...

Life ain't perfect because humans ain't perfect...  And, situations require complex solutions...

So - in life - you can be someone who waits for perfect solutions... or just keeps making BETTER solutions... and iterating and evolving those BETTER solutions every day to be just a little better...

Now - there are some thresholds that are worth being clear about.  If you are hiring a key role, if you are making an acquisition, if you are working on anything that matters... just "better" could be dangerous... 

While iteration is a great life philosophy... step changes and discontinuous improvements are amazing gifts when you can find them...

But, they don't require perfection - they just require someone to take a moment to define what creates a DISCONTINUOUSLY BETTER solution... NOT PERFECT... discontinuously BETTER on some core components...

LIFE is a COLLECTION, a SYMPHONY, a QUILT of IMPERFECT solutions... 

And, it can be simply amazing...

But, life doesn't wait for you...

And, it doesn't give you perfect choices or perfect solutions...

which is a gift in itself... because... think of it... if life was perfect -

There would be nothing to strive for, nothing to improve upon, no opportunity to pursue...

It's life's imperfection that creates the possibility for meaning and contribution...

And, humility...  it starts by accepting that I am not the perfect solution to anything...

Just striving to be a better one...

in harmony,

Nestor

NO GUARANTEE

Life comes with no guarantees.

NOPE...

NOT an OPTION...

You can't get your money back.  

You can't really buy insurance for anything that matters.

You may get a dented, scratched, or otherwise flawed life...

In fact, possibly the ONLY guarantee in life is that it will surprise you at times, it will be unpredictable at times...

The ONLY guarantee LIFE will give you is that it will be imperfect... it won't be exactly as you hoped or imagined... 

And, that is not necessarily a bad thing, because, in many aspects it may be so much more.

Life has no guarantees...

You aren't guaranteed a long life.

You aren't guaranteed to know what your dreams are...

You aren't guaranteed to have children, have healthy children, or if you do, have children that will do as you say and become the adults you expect or envision...

You aren't guaranteed that you will marry, or that you will understand love... or that your relationships will last...

You aren't guaranteed that a friend won't turn on you, that you won't be sued, that a loved one won't die...

You aren't guaranteed that you will be happy, that you will find your purpose, that you will live with meaning...

You aren't guaranteed that you will not fail in your ventures, that you will not hurt, that you will not suffer, that you will not be lonely...

You aren't guaranteed justice, nor freedom, nor democracy...

We live desiring guarantees, and if not guarantees, then perhaps we live trying to stack the deck more in our favor... 

if I exercise, I will live longer.

If I work hard, I will achieve more of my dreams.

If I do right, I will be done right.

If I love my spouse, we will be together forever.

If I go to church, I will go to heaven.

And, clearly, there are BETTER ways to LIVE your life than others... and you can shift your odds depending on your choices and disciplines...

BUT, there are NO guarantees... and that bothers us (consciously or subconsciously)... we fight that reality...

We want guarantees because they provide boundaries for our comfort (or discomfort)... they provide borders for our fear.

To accept that life has no boundaries and that anything is possible - makes life scarier...

maybe...

Or, it makes life AND WHAT WE CHOOSE TO DO IN IT more meaningful.... more purposeful... more consequential...

LIFE HAS NO GUARANTEES so how we choose to live it makes virtually all of the difference to the LIFE we live...

And, the fact that LIFE has NO GUARANTEE should remind us to not LIVE FOR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL OUT IN TIME, but rather LIVE MEANINGFULLY IN THE NOW...

The fact that life has no guarantees should condition us to expect the unexpected, take nothing for granted, and not be surprised when the unexpected happens.

The fact that life has no guarantees should make us more humble, more present, more empathetic, more deliberate, more flexible...

We live at our own risk... And, we can reduce risk, but never eliminate it...

If we accept life has no guarantees - we'd live more gratefully... grateful for every moment we get without pain, without suffering, without worry, without failure, without loss...  

We'd be less likely "hold" our gratitude until something really good happened. Because gratitude is not limited or fixed... and we can be grateful then too!

Maybe you already knew all of this... but think about where you wish you had guarantees, where you have created a specific vision of your life that will feel like failure if it doesn't pan out in that specific way... and, realize now that it may not.

That should not deter you, heck, if anything, it should inspire to work even harder and smarter...

BUT, it should also keep in your mind that the eventuality is at risk - and you shouldn't waste this moment in the hope of it nor in the expectation of it...

You should enjoy this moment in the journey toward the possibility of it...

Life has no guarantees - and I spend so much of my energy trying or expecting a certain outcome...  trying not to take a step back.... trying to construct on yesterday...

NOT GUARANTEED...

Kind of like that game of bricks or sticks - where you keep building it up and up and up and the higher you build it - the more sticks you put on, the greater the probability that it can topple over...

THE MORE THINGS YOU EXPECT in the aggregate, the more you tie them all together into your definition of success.. the greater the risk that they could come toppling down...

This conversation is not meant to scare you, but to inspire you....

To inspire you with the IS of life... 

To love all that you love - INDEPENDENT of the other things - and AS THEY ARE not as you hope they someday evolve...

To be all that you are - INDEPENDENT of your flaws - and AS YOU ARE not as you hope to be someday...

To appreciate all of the people around you - INDEPENDENT of your expectations of them - AS THEY ARE not as you wish they were or hope they become someday...

Life has no guarantee's...

You can't really make reservations long in advance for your dreams, you can't reserve the table by the window to see the perfect sunset of your future...

Because restaurants close, sunsets can be cloudy, people evolve and hearts stop...

You can, however, look out right now at the reflection of the sunrise on the building next to you... you can linger in the peacefulness of a deep breath.... you can feel the warmth of the hand next to you... 

No moment or vision from here forward is guaranteed beyond the moment itself....

but you can live THiS moment, this dented, flawed, imperfect moment, joyfully in the deliberate purpose of your want...

and 

in harmony,

Nestor