"I GET to..."

There is powerful content and concepts all around us, and all of us walk around generally like impenetrable studs that don’t need any more wisdom in our days…

I don’t mean that critically. I mean it caringly.

All of the answers that we need are already out there - they exist - and chances are that we’ve likely read them, seen them and heard them several times over.

The question becomes… what does it take to truly embrace them, adopt them, live them?

I’ve had a few of those A HA moments… in my life. While I fail everyday at the application, there was a pivotal moment in my life when the idea “The Power of NOW” hit me… I’d heard it so many times before… but there was a day, a moment, when it just HIT me…

THERE is NO PAST…

THERE is NO PRESENT…

There is ONLY NOW… THIS moment…

And ever since that day, the past weighs almost nothing, and the future provides no concern…
NOW is where I live, or try to… but the concept went from simple WORDS to a powerful TRUTH… that changed me.

Well, it happened again this past weekend while I was sailing with a friend.

I am reading the book “Shift Happens” by Joe Mechlinski - a great book worth reading on the necessary evolution that needs to happen in business and in life today.

He reiterates the words I have heard before…

“Life doesn’t happen TO you. It happens FOR you.” I get it - but those words for wathever reason fail to burrow into my soul. It’s a nice thought… but it feels external to me… out of my control.

Then he shares the thought, which again, is not the first time I’ve come across it…

“You don’t HAVE to… You GET to…”

And, those words for whatever reason HIT home with me last week. It’s almost like sometimes when I am reading things - the word almost jumps off the page and into my heart.

I GET TO

It’s so simple, so subtle, and again, transformational…

So much of my articulated angst in life still comes from moments when I feel like “I HAVE TO…” for whatever reason… It’s subtle… but CHOICE is EVERYTHING…

And, ITS TRUE!

What aspect of our life is not BY choice?

We are fortunate to live (the majority of us) in a FREE WORLD… with greater ability to express ourselves than ever before…

We are fortunate enough to live in a time when information is OMNI PRESENT and at our fingertips…

What aspect of your life - do you truly HAVE to do?

Think about it…

The mindset of “I GET TO”… changes the flavor of every moment…

It anchors our perspective both in FREEDOM and POWERFULNESS … and GRATITUDE!

It EMPOWERS our every thougth… while making us humble to the forces and external factors that contribute to our moments…

I GET to live in a FREE WORLD!

I GET to live in a time when our quality of life is better than EVER before!

I GET to have intimate knowledge about multiple cultures…

I GET to have lived and seen so much of the world…

I GET to have 3 beautiful and healthy boys… I GET to have seen them grow up…

I GET to go to their games and their events…

I GET to be present at their milestones… when I want…

I GET to be CEO of a great company…

I GET to work with wonderful, devoted, caring people…

I GET to look out at the horizon from my desk…

I GET to see my family in Peru very frequently…

I GET to love and be married to my beautiful lifelong friend and partner,

I GET to spend time with amazing & loving friends…

I GET to outlive my parents (well… hopefully)…

I GET to still see my mother and hold her and love her..

I GET to figure out how to navigate our company into more growth…

I GET to help my boys grow up…

I GET to … I GET to… I GET to…

EVERYTHING in my life is MY CHOICE…

I CHOOSE IT… and I am grateful for the choices that I have been given by the universe & by my navigation in it…

Every moment that I find myself struggling - I can pivot almost immediately by shifting to the I GET TO window versus the I HAVE to window…

There is a difference between reading the words… hearing the words… seeing the words… even understanding the words…

AND - ADOPTING, EMBRACING, EMBODYING THE WISDOM…

This …

RIGHT HERE…

is THE ONLY moment where I exist…

where I get to love, care, dream, feel, hurt, laugh, BE…

AND - in this moment…

I GET TO…

share my heart and thoughts with you…

I GET TO explore the idea and the power in it…

I GET TO feel the connection…

I GET TO be inspired…

I GET TO choose to end it…

I GET TO go back to work…

I GET TO

keep learning…

and living…

in harmony,

Nestor

A letter from me to me...

I’ve had a great few days…

not sure where they started, but I trust they will continue.

I was part of a creative planning session at a place called “Movement Lab”. I will write more about that soon….

but, at the end of a very special and productive morning, the facilitator asked us to write a letter to ourselves

from our spiritual self..

.From the exercise that morning, I realized that my emotional self and my intellectual self - they talk a lot.

But, my spiritual self…. I don’t go there very often. I feel my spiritual self present in the background… but he can seldom get a word in…

Which I think is why I love to write,

because I think when I start writing my spiritual self shows up…

I really do…

Anyway, I encourage you to do the same… today, stop here… before reading my letter below, take a few minutes and write yourself a letter from your spiritual self. Don’t THINK about it… just let the pen flow… let your soul speak. Try spending a few minutes in silence - then pick up the pen and write, don’t let the pen stop until you see yourself signing your name…

Let your spiritual self speak…

Here is the letter I wrote in literally 2 minutes … My hand just flowed… It made me smile…

My spiritual self is a pretty cool dude. I need to spend more time with him. it’s my intellectual self that can be such a pain in —-. Between him and my emotional side, I can’t get a word in edgewise.

So, here it went…

Nestor:

I am always here...

I am always with you.

You need me,

And I need you.

I am the answer to all of your questions.

I am the end to all of your beginnings.

I am the secret you are seeking,

And the answer you are looking for...

You are not only enough -

You are a gift and plentiful.

Don’t strive for perfection.

Strive for connection!

Don’t strive for the answers.

Just keep asking the right questions,

And sit with them -

And feel life happen…

What do you look for,

When nothing is missing?

You don’t need to search so hard.

You need to

celebrate the moment,

Live the moment,

Feel the moment.

Don’t try to give the perfect solution to the world,

Just share your process of problem solving -

That is the solution onto itself!

Life is so very short,

And so very beautiful.

You are already who you want to be...

And, you can continue to become a better version of him.

Don’t stop seeking,

But channel that energy into gratitude...

Channel the seeking into acceptance,

Into love,

Into joy!

The only thing holding you back from being free,

Are your own expectations of “better”...

Better keeps happening!

Accept that -

And it will even accelerate...

You are growing, it’s who you are...

You don’t need to become a learning soul -

You already are...

There is no one left to impress, but you...

And impressing anyone, including yourself, is EGO -

So STOP it! You are blessed!

Just BE...

Be humble,

Be curious,

Be relentless,

Be gracious,

Be joyful,

Be caring and candid,

Be loving and open,

Be vulnerable and present,

Be rational,

Be funny,

Be you...

Just BE...

I am here -

I am you...

A part of you

That you most often ignore -

Take for granted.

But I am here...

Here I will remain...

Here I admire.

Here I inspire...

…YOU!

In harmony,

Nestor

Mentor

I called a mentor and friend this past week whom I always love talking to…

We were exchanging stories about life and work and I could hear disharmony in his voice. Things on his last consulting assignment hadn’t gone as well as he had expected.

We smiled across the phone line… “why do you think that is?” I asked…

”You know, Nèstor”

he said

”You can’t impose new behavior on people.

If you want people to behave differently, you have to change the way they see the world.”

Amen… that is an absolute truth. One that I have understood for some time but have never put into words quite as elegant as his.

As a leader, as a father, as a friend…

its helping to change the way people see the world that calls to me… that feels like the worthwhile and necessary opportunity…

and by people, that includes yours truly…

from one vantage point, we are all separate, everything is a problem, the world reeks of disharmony…

from another, we are one, life is a beautiful albeit short journey, and it is our gift to enjoy… and harmony abounds…

how do you see the world?

from what vantage point do you see this moment?

The sun is rising…

My head is clear,

My heart is full…

and in harmony,

Nestor

It Matters...

It matters.

It all matters.

It matters what you dream about,

and what you think about.

It matters what you did.

And, what you didn’t

It matters that you tried.

That you failed matters.

And, that you perseveared.

It matters what you said,

and what you meant.

And, what you didn’t.

It matters that you struggled,

that you cried.

That you never gave up… that matters!

It matters who you kissed,

and that you danced.

It matters to forgive,

to move on,

to never forget.

It matters to have empathy…

And, it matters, oh how it matters, that you care,

and care deeply.

It matters that you helped.

It matters how you made others feel,

and how you felt.

It matters that you stopped by to say ‘hi’,

and that you stayed and listened.

It matters what you love, like, reject, enjoy, detest..

It matters what you are reaching for

and what you left behind.

It matters that you are sad…

Your smile and laughter matter.

It matters what you are about to do,

and why.

and why not.

It all matters,

But…

It doesn’t all matter the same.

You & I…

We matter.

It matters what we are… who we are.

It matters to want, but not to wish.

It matters to reach…

forward.

in harmony,

Nestor

The Art of Loving

I decided to take a book on this recent trip.  I walked up to my bookcase and found a small book I hadn’t read in awhile... “something I can always improve upon” I thought to myself.

The Art of Loving by Eric Fromm.

I am old fashioned.  I like real books as much as I love my kindle. 

I sat back on the plane, ready to start the flight and opened the book... 

I hadn’t realized it was the book my mother gave me 29 years ago. 

She inscribed it...  (translated from Spanish)

”Love of my soul, happiness of my life: 

May this book serve you perhaps to better understand the significance of what it means to love, 

and by reading it may you reach toward the perfection of the art of love, which as you will Learn is not nearly as easy as it appears.

Even with this infinite love that I have for you, I feel that each phase that passes teaches me how to love you more and better in the truest dimension of what love means...

Te adora,

tu madre

Washington 1990” 

I can’t hold the tears.  I had forgotten this version of this beautiful woman who is my mother.  It’s been so long since I’ve heard her express herself... 

I am ever learning to love better.  It is indeed not nearly as easy as it seems... but it is an art and it is the greatest gift of man’s experience as Ayn Rand writes... 

I am sad that real books are fading and that we more and more rarely inscribe our gifts...

My mother was my best friend for so many important years of my life...  She lived freely and easily... She was indeed an artist!

I miss her terribly right now,

but am so grateful to be her son.  

I decided to take a book on this recent trip.  I walked up to my bookcase and found a small book I hadn’t read in awhile...

The Art of Loving by Eric Fromm,

...and when I opened it my mother appeared...

Thank you for letting me share her with you. 

in harmony, 

Nestor

A Man Named Shirl

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the “Celebration of Life” of a man named Shirl.

He was the father of one of my best friends, and one of the kindest & very best souls I know, Jordan Grable.

The celebration was on a beautiful farm, now a brewery, with gorgeous, huge trees, open hillsides, cattle, horses, fences, barns… and people… It was full of wonderful people playing, laughing, crying, sharing… enjoying a moment together in friendship and in reflection of the man named Shirl.

It was a beautiful celebration indeed.

At one point, we found ourselves lost in conversation with friends on a table inside one of the barns. When we came out, the hundreds of people were gathered in a beautiful space under the shade of the great trees, sharing some stories about Shirl.

That was the moment I should have engaged… and the moment I will regret. Exactly the same as the moment when the priest at my father’s funeral called me up, and I failed to to seize the opportunity… My buddy Jordan looked at me gently inviting me to speak, if I wanted to… and my feet didn’t move.

I don’t regret often in my life - but I will regret not stepping up and sharing my thoughts on Shirl. I am so very sincerely disappointed in myself for missing that moment.

I start thinking in my mind - “It’s not about you, let the moment exist without your ego,” and then I realize that if everyone thought that way, there would be no moment. “Can I say something worthy of this moment… can I meet the expectations that folks may have for this moment?” I am embarrassed to write this, self-doubt is weakness in my mind, and it robbed me of sharing my love, my respect for a very special soul… exactly when I should have.

I vow to myself never to pause again if that type of moment ever arises again… in that moment I should step up and close my eyes, and simply speak from my heart to the beautiful person that has passed… and simply allow love to flow… and consider nothing else.

Nobody cares whether I spoke or not… except for me… because in my heart of heart I wanted to… because it was not about me being worthy of that moment… but about Shirl being worthy of that moment… and of all of that love.. and he most certainly was!

Had I had the presence of mind and courage to step up yesterday, here is what I would have said… thank you for giving me the chance to share it with you…

What a perfect night…

What a beautiful celebration…

What an amazing life and an unforgettable soul…

Shirl Grable is here today, and will be with us always… because all of us loved him… and he will live on in our hearts and in our joy!

All of us here are blessed with having the friendship of the Grable family in our lives. Thank you to all of the Grables for a beautiful night and a wonderful celebration for Shirl.  He would have been so thrilled - humbled and touched, by the day... 

Shirl was a dear friend and one of my heroes…

The day I heard during bootcamp that they had found a tumor in his brain , I did my sprints and workout with tears in my eyes.  He was a special man and my heart hurt thinking about the possible consequences.

Your father, grandfather, friend, Shirl, accomplished in his life the things I most admire and respect.  He created a business from nothing... he provided opportunities for many people, as was made clear by his employee that spoke at the funeral home.  He changed and touched the lives of many generously and lovingly. And, he provided for himself and his family in a very gracious and generous way. Creating a business - being a true entrepreneur is one of the things I admire most and one of the greatest accomplishments a man can have…

And, he built a truly beautiful family, and leaves behind his three amazing children, loving people, their spouses and so many very special grandchildren and young adults... When you look around at the Grable family - it is truly loved and admired by so many... and your father brought it all to life.

I think about the lunches that we enjoyed together - and I was always amazed by how humble he was... how thoughtful he was... He was always trying to figure out the next step and how to navigate the next chapter and help his family along the way.  He had a long and successful career and he was so excited and proud to see his sons take the helm and ultimately spawn the business into two businesses.

He had accomplished everything - and he remained curious and intrigued by life… and made me feel so very special for the life I was trying to navigate myself.

And then I think about my 50th birthday in Peru… I invited him to join in the celebration, and I was so very glad he went. It was truly a magical week and, it was made more special by having Shirl as a part of it.  He was so very alive and present at every event and activity.  I will remember his smiling face everywhere we went. 

On our last night in Cuzco, one of the most beautiful places on earth... I was exhausted.  We had dinner with some friends, and we were heading home.  We decided to stop briefly at a bar.  And, just as we were ready to leave, in comes Shirl, with his white flowing curls, wearing his plaid jacket and his Peruvian sombrero.  He was so full of energy and smiling ear to ear. He was an explorer in the middle of our adventure, and we had just reconnected with our tribe.  It was a perfect moment on a magical night, and a wonderful ending to an unforgettable trip. His unique energy lit us all up.

Shirl lived life to the fullest... and I am sad that I didn't tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I respected him, before… He leaves a beautiful mark in all of our lives... 

Shirl’s memory will live on forever, and I will never again visit Peru, and certainly not Cuzco and not smile remembering our trip there together.

We are lucky to have had this very special man as a husband, father, father-in-law, grandfather, mentor or friend.  And, we are so very fortunate to be part of the Grable extended family.  

We share the sadness and the joy of this beautiful soul on this perfect night.

Cheers and thank you to the Grable family... and to the handsome gentleman in the plaid jacket and the youthful smile... to the entrepreneur, the family man, the adventurer, the sports man, the thinker... 

I am better for having known you and I will miss you…

Cheers to my friend Shirl!

in harmony,

Nestor

Best Advice?

Many people come to me for advice… most often professional advice…

How do I move forward?

How do I get that next role?

How do I advance?

All of us want to PROGRESS… we want to move forward…

And, I try to help in whatever way I can…

But, there one limiter to my ability to help, one primary limiter to people’s ability to make progress…

THE LEVEL TO WHICH YOU CAN CONSTRUCTIVELY & MEANINGFULLY EMBRACE FEEDBACK!

There are many degrees and ways to succeed or fail at the line above…

1. The WORST way is DEFENSIVENESS… All of us adopt SOME level of this… TEFLON DON!

“What does he/she know anyway”

“Well that might be the case - but that was a really unusual project / day / circumstance”

“That’s just not TRUE”

Whatever the methodology - the result is the same… the feedback bounces off of you. We disprove the source or the situation in some way… in our minds the basic premise is “That is JUST NOT TRUE / ME”.

NOT only does this method create zero embracing with the potential to improve - MOST importantly it often shuts people down from ever attempting to give you feedback again!

2. Rationally GET IT! Emotionally EH… Not So Much!

This is possibly the most common thing I see. People WANT to be open to feedback, they really do! They hear the feedback, often play it back word for word, they say it, they think it… but they don’t accept it emotionally.

It is one thing to think and regurgitate what you can do better… it’s another to explore it… to INTERNALIZE it…

We don’t realize we are not “emotionally” committed to adopting the feedback - because we hear it and speak to it, we believe we are indeed engaging with it… but trust me… there is a difference.

3. Active Engagement With the Feedback! Digging Deeper.

So, if you do emotionally accept, I can do better. If you are able to truly navigate your EGO to HEARING the truth of the feedback… then you start exploring.

You ask questions about where people see the behavior… IMPORTANTLY, you start considering yourself where the behavior comes from, WHY it exists… and HOPEFULLY you start TRYING new things - adopting new behaviors… developing new skills and habits.

It is SO FREAKIN’ hard to change our behavior…

People ask me often what they need to do to PROGRESS… and in almost every case I feel like saying…

“What have people been telling you? What do you hear over and over again that you aren’t addressing?”

The truth is that ALL feedback can be deflected in some way based on one thing or another…

AND all feedback is based on some truth experienced by someone in their PERCEPTION of you…

You can only see yourself through your own lens…

I want to help others so very much… (and I want to help myself) make progress.

I work hard to help people understand the feedback they are receiving in a way that their ego can deal with it… can allow it to enter…

And, ultimately, we are very much who we are… and to make progress we must EVOLVE… without changing our stripes…

Often, we can’t shift our behavior fully to the desired behavior, but we can evolve it into a version that works…

MOST OFTEN we cant really change the way we show up… so we need to COMPLEMENT ourselves with the right team members around us, the right tools, the right STUFF that props up what doesn’t come naturally.

And, NOT ALL FEEDBACK is created EQUAL. As you listen to feedback, figure out what are SHOW STOPPERS, what are behaviors that TURN PEOPLE OFF versus behaviors that will simply enhance your value. The SHOW STOPPERS you much MODIFY… ELIMINATE… GROW BEYOND…

It all comes down to this…

You are IMPERFECT and that is so OK because EVERYONE else is too…

I think EVOLVING who we are can be magical… and in many cases its UNNECESSARY…

To make PROGRESS you just have to be able to deeply, openly, sincerely OWN your faults… your short-comings…

The moment you do - people can speak to them - and together you can progress through them…

SIMPLY OWNING THE FEEDBACK… in a humble and sincere way changes the perception of people about you in that regard… and SLOWLY and steadily leads to growth…

And, most people can’t…

Most people want to desperately… they want to and do RATIONALLY…

but, their ego hides in the background and keeps them from truly showing up with the vulnerabilty that makes owning it fully possible…

So, if you want to move ahead… make progress…

LISTEN… LISTEN to what people are already telling you…

and INTERNALIZE IT… MAKE IT a part of you… DEDICATE yourself to exploring it more than resolving it… because as you explore it…. if you are open to it… you will inherently improve upon it…

And a lifetime later you can look back and see how it went ;-)

That’s the best I’ve got… at least for now…

in harmony,

Nestor

Think about DIS

Disagreement is DISharmony light. 

DIS agreement is a difference of opinion on approach or tactic.  It causes a little frustration, but it’s LIGHT.   

DISagreement is wishing we had chosen a different tactic...

DIStrust is DEEP disharmony.  

DISTRUST is not believing that we share the same purpose or values.  It is fear.

DIStrust is wishing you didn’t exist, because your existence puts mine at risk.

Dont confuse the two or underestimate how deeply different they are and feel. 

One is the essence of greatness as it provides context and an opportunity to learn.

One is the essence of destruction because at the end only one of us will survive.

without care one can be confused as the other, and people with a shared fate can destroy each other... permanently or in the moment. 

DISagreement and DISharmony are as different as medicine and poison... 

Navigate them carefully and deliberately... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Bookending...

This whole thing about harmony is a selfish thing…

It’s an interpretation of various philosophies and approaches to life that I found useful.

Ultimately, while it’s the same thing,

it’s more about deliberately working our way OUT of DISHARMONY,

moreso than working our way INTO Harmony.

While they are both one and the same,

If you are already in harmony, you probably aren’t joining this conversation.

And, if you think you are in a state of harmony,

then you may not be aware of accepting of the idea that harmony is not a “state”

but a momentary emotion…

I don’t think we achieve an on-going state, I think we are always in flux…

Harmony, to me, is not a state, but a discipline… an awareness and deliberateness to the moments we live.

So, why is it more about getting OUT of disharmony?

Because my impetus in defining it for myself was driven by two realities…

1. I wanted to figure out how to balance accepting and being grateful for the “IS” of my life… my reality, and

2. I wanted get away from “WISHING” my life away… from spending so many of my moments

   in a state of “WISHING” my life was already different, “WISHING” that I had already achieved

   things that I hadn’t achieved…

The impetus for the concept of harmony came from the desire to NOT live in “disharmony”… or that icky feeling that I had (and have still all too often) in moments where I wish things were different.

I am sharing this because I want you to think about your days… How much of your day do you spend wishing your life was different, your weight was different, your house was different, your kids were different, your spouse was different, your job was different… not “different” necessarily in being completely different, but being in a different state of evolution, or maturity, or behavior, or detail… ?

All of those moments wishing are LOST… and POINTLESS… and yet, I would argue, we spend so many of our moments in that state… the state of DISHARMONY.

It is in acknowledging that ickiness, that our desire and commitment to be more aware is born… it is from the dislike of DISHARMONY that our desire and deliberateness for harmony comes from.

I think ultimately, we need to BOOKEND our days, our moments with GRATITUDE… That is the ONLY way, I believe, to move more systemically to HARMONY (and away from DISHARMONY).

Gratitude is the force that moves us from disharmony to harmony…

The moment that we are grateful for a moment, for a relationship, for a job… we stop wishing it was different… The moment we are grateful for it, we accept it…

And, then in that moment we can from a place of acceptance consider how we WANT to evolve it or transform it into something beyond what it is…

And, then we come back to gratitude as we enter the next moment…

We must bounce from gratefulness to gratefulness and consider how to evolve our reality as we go…

DISHARMONY is not a bad word.

The moment we start to beat ourselves up for being in it, we prolong it.

The moment we deny that we are often in it, we limit our passion for opting out of it.

The moment we WISH we weren’t in it… we are in it.

Ironically, we almost have to ACCEPT that disharmony is part of the process, part of life… in order to WANT harmony and take action and think differently for harmony.

I need to stop beating myself up for not living “up to” a life of harmony in every moment, because in those moments I am WISHING I was different or already evolved moreso than I am…

Buddhism says that “suffering” is an essential part of life. Well, maybe it means that “DISHARMONY” and “WISHING” is an essential part of “HARMONY”, and it’s accepting it as part of the process that allows us and motivates us to transcend it.

And, we transcend it by bookending our moments with gratefulness…

Gratitude is ALWAYS there… always an option… even in the darkest of corners, in the saddest of moments…

Gratitude is the bookends to harmony… it holds it up… it makes it possible…

Ironic, isn’t it…

Gratitude is the greatest force…

the bookends….

in harmony,

Nestor

The little boy in you

I know time has passed... 

And though I look up to look you in the eyes... 

I see the little boy in you. 

I realize how smart you’ve become, 

but I see that subtle hesitation, 

I see the wonder and the questions... 

I see the boy in you. 

I know you are independent and capable, 

and yet you still let me kiss you on the forehead

and hold your hand... 

I sense my boy I’ve always known... 

I know you are ready to take on the world, 

and the world awaits... 

I hear the little boy in your laugh...

I see my little boy in your smile…

What can I do?   

I know time will continue to pass... 

and you will continue into manhood. 

I admire the man you are becoming... 

But son,

I will always see the little boy inside your heart - 

I will always worry about him.

It’s your job now to take care of him…

as mom and I have taken care of you.

Don’t ever lose him...

Protect him, 

Treasure him,

Be kind to him,

Hold him gently…

and, love him

as I do... 

as I, 

you... 

in harmony, 

Pa

Just Say NO

I struggle to write this because it suggests

that my entire approach to life may have been wrong…

but, I never let that stop me ;-)

That is exactly how we learn best, how we potentially evolve most...

by challenging our deepest held values and philosophies about life.

I am sure that I have written in our past conversations about “defaulting to YES”, to having a “YES mind”…

I believe part of what makes me successful is that

I believe that every idea has merit, every approach has value.

And…

I believe that “openness” to everything is likely at the root of

me feeling like I may be always “behind” in some way,

not experiencing life to the fullest in some way,

and, sadly, not being “enough”.

Stay with me…

I say “YES” or want to say “YES” to almost every philosophy I encounter…

I do triathlons, I want to be a long distance biker, and I want to run, and I think swimming is awesome.

I work my core, and I do Tabata, and I try to do yoga, and I do bootcamp with my dear buds,

And, play golf (expecting to be decent), and I have a standing paddleboard that I don’t use enough,

and I want to do an Ironman, and play Pebble Beach, and have visible abs, and be flexible… oh,and I want to say yes to meditation and be good at it, and enjoy time in the hot tub, and in the sauna… and on long walks with my beautiful… I want to say Yes to all of it - and I want to be good at all of it…

In business I want to do OKRs, and we try to embrace KPIs, and we want to develop an IOT strategy, and we need to do more M&A, and I want to be do client engagement scores, and employee engagement scores, and … heck, saying NO is such an important part of being a great company - and no surprise, we don’t do well at that… we say yes too often…

I want to be a great father, and give my kids the influence they need, and I want them to be independent and respect their space… I want to start a new business, and keep navigating the business I am in, and help awesome companies to grow… I want to live in MD near my friends, and I want to go to Florida for the weather and tax break, and I want to live in California, and I want to travel the world… and I don’t want to have a house at all, and I want an apartment on the shores of Lima, Peru… and I don’t want to complicate my life…

Are you starting to see my dilemma?

I want to say YES to everything… and yet, I want peace in my life…

What I say most often is,

“I want to live life on my pace”,

“I don’t want to live in a rush / in a sprint”,

“I want more time to do nothing…”

And, I mean it.

So, what I am realizing is that I need to do a lot more of

Just saying “NO”!

And, it’s hard. It’s hard because there is a part of me that feels like every time I say no, I am accepting another slice of life that I will not experience… and that goes against my brain.

And, I think of the exceptional people in our world that seem to have it all, and I think, I just need to keep getting better to be able to do more and have it all…

Just say “NO”…

How many things in my life do I I say “YES” to that I ultimately regret?

Actually not many… I love or generally enjoy almost everything that I do…

but, it’s time to throw out clothes that I like… not just clothes that don’t fit.

There comes a time in your closet,

and in your life,

when you’ve made enough decisions that you have a lot of nice clothes…

but, you just don’t have the closet space, the time, or maybe the occasions to wear them all…

and, you need to start parting with some clothes you actually like but you just don’t wear…

Or maybe even that you wear - but that just don’t bring you as much joy as others….

IF I want a life without sprinting… and I am fairly sure I do…

IF I want a simpler life - with fewer to dos - but with greater meaning…

Then I must reduce my to dos…

PERIOD.

If I want to spend quality time with my wife and say YES to that, then maybe I need to say NO to early morning workouts on weekends, or to having friends over at times, or to watching that television show, or to working that night, or for her to the next load of laundry or the next thing on the kids’ to do list.

If I want my every day work to matter and say YES to that, then maybe I need to say NO to the things I take on in my work that don’t matter as much, say NO to meetings that don’t add value to me or me to them, say NO to interesting valuable meetings that are well covered by other colleagues…

If I want to live a healthy life and say YES to that - then I maybe need to define healthy more clearly, and I have to say NO to many drinks that I say YES to, or say NO to more or all desserts, or say NO to nights of little sleep, or say NO to mindless snacks that for a lifetime have been my reprieve.

Both on a grand scale as well as on a miniscule scale…

Maybe to lead a truly simple, meaningful, impactful life - the one I want… I need to say NO ALOT MORE THAN I SAY YES…

And, saying NO is HARD for me…

It goes AGAINST who I am, and who in some important ways I want to be…

So… then I realize I can’t have it ALL, I can’t do EVERYTHING, and be EVERYTHING…

Not if I want to live the life I want…

To live the life I want, the love I want, the impact I want … I need to say NO…

So that, the things that I say YES to - can be HELL YES… and I can mean it…

I realize that saying NO, doesn’t mean not listening to new ideas, to new approaches…

In fact, you must listen to new ideas with an open mind to fully consider them…

but then, after listening to GREAT ideas that just don’t fit into your closet…

after looking at DELICIOUS treats that just aren’t needed into your diet…

after looking at a BEAUTIFUL pair of shoes…

after being invited to an INTERESTING event…

I must “Just Say NO”… and in that process I MUST, redefine what do

GREAT

DELICIOUS

BEAUTIFUL

INTERESTING

mean in my life… more clearly…

What is the GREAT, DELICIOUS, BEAUTIFUL & INTERESTING

that works and fits and pulls me … fits…

And, on occasion, if I am going to say YES to one of them…

what aspect or thing in my life that I am currently engaged in and enjoying

will I just say NO to - in order to create the space…

My life is FULL…

And, my life ain’t done… I’m not done… learning, and evolving… and impacting the world…

And, for me to say YES to those things I have yet to achieve…

I must have the courage, the wisdom, the discipline…

to start saying NO much more often…

Of course I say NO to things today… just not enough…

I am going to make my NO list and keep it updated.

The most powerful thing about saying NO much more often, I believe,

is that the YESes in my life will become so much more meaningful and powerful!

It’s a skill I haven’t developed yet,

but one that I am realizing most profoundly,

that I must develop…

so I am…

in harmony,

Nestor

Learn because...

Learn...

not because you should already know... 

not because you will be better for knowing...

Learn

because your mind will be more nimble... 

because your eyes will see more beauty... 

because your dreams are worth pursuing... 

Learn... 

not because you are not enough as you are... 

Learn... 

because life is a gift worth unwrapping... 

Life is a gift worthy of you! 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Green lights...

I do believe in harmony - in the reality that we

“live” and “set” and “choose” our life in every moment…

and yet lately, I realize that while we experience it and navigate it one moment at a time,

that isn’t perhaps the only dimension for the overall approach.

Maybe life is a little less about solving a never ending string of problems…

Living mindfully a never ending string of moments…

But rather allowing yourself to flow…

Not sure if that makes sense, but seeing life, living life in the granularity of every moment, creates a nearly infinite decision points. And, while I do think that is the way it happens… I am starting to realize that there is another dimension to how we live…

Every moment is not an intersection of harmony and disharmony… where you have to stop and decide.

Think of it this way… many of our moments can be like many traffic lights that are already green before you get to the intersection…

You can actually coast through moments like a long open road in a big city where the green lights just seem to turn on before you get to them…

The thing about life is that as you figure out what matters to you, who you are, what your purpose is and how you want to live your life (and yours truly is a work in progress)… you get to figure out how to turn the lights green ahead of the intersection… more and more often…

Moments are intersections, opportunities, nodes, atoms… to pivot, to decide, to enjoy… but also to simply flow through…

It can be exhausting to stop at every intersection…

A crowded mind can be like a backed up road…

You want to move and put the pedal to the metal… but you can’t…

It’s ok to stop. To wait for the green light, or to make the turn on red.

And, it’s ok to enjoy it when stopping isn’t necessary.

In fact, it should be our deliberate goal to just roll down the road as best as we can effortlessly…

i like the thought of the sun rising low over Manhattan…

We are driving down the road and we can see literally a few miles down the road…

And, there is no one on the streets…

The light is green and as we start to speed up into the blinding but beautiful sunlight peeking through the buildings…

The lights start to turn green… and we simply enjoy the acceleration, the beauty, the intersections…

and, we keep going… and they keep turning …

one by one, before we even get there…

Keep finding your flow…

green lights…

in harmony,

Nestor

Be Someone

BE

SOMEONE...

Be someone who notices the warmth of the sun. 

Someone who runs in the rain... 

Someone who remembers what those you care about, care about... 

someone that remembers what others might want to forget... 

Be someone who speaks from the heart. 

Someone who isn’t afraid to fear the dark... 

Be someone who goes out of their way to say a nice word. 

Someone who cares how others feel...

Be someone who isnt afraid to speak the truth... 

Someone who is working everyday to uncover it.

Be someone who has the courage to cry

and the wisdom to love... 

Be someone who works for much more than money... 

and who gives more than is expected. 

Be someone who pleasantly surprises those you love....

and someone who appreciates uncertainty. 

Be someone who wonders... 

someone who questions... 

and someone who boldly stands for something great.

Be someone who is humble, 

someone who is curious, 

spontaneous,

real! 

Be someone who dreams...

someone who champions...

someone who reaches beyond the obvious... 

and the easy. 

Be someone who doesn’t give up. 

Be someone who dances after the music stops... 

someone who doesn’t let go first... 

someone who sees others

someone who says thank you

someone who lives thank you...

Be someone who smiles easily

laughs often

thinks deeply

loves purely

Be someone you’d look up to

someone you’d reach out to

someone you’d stay close to... 

Be someone you’d remember... 

Someone you’d love... 

Soneone you’d be

proud of... 

Be someone... 

Someone

exactly

like

you... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Speaking of Dancin'

Couldn’t sleep tonight,

which virtually never happens to me.

I walked around the house, mindful that I could.

We all have sad stories.

We all have beautiful stories.

I am more aware than usual that

I got the legs that worked…

I got to see my life through…

I got to see my dreams come true…

So, how could I want for “more”…

And, then not even know what “more” is…

Maybe I got the legs that worked

because the universe knew that I’d have farther to walk…

to figure out what “more” was,

and “why”…

I’m here for a reason bigger than me,

I can feel it… It’s possibly the only thing I know for sure.

And I am not going to stop working to figure it out,

not until my legs give out

and the universe tells me to stop.

We all have sad stories and beautiful ones in our past,

and in our hearts…

And, I’m not done writing nor living mine…

I’m still dancin’…

in harmony,

Nestor

The Dance of Harmony

I don’t remember when the music started,

I’ve been dancing my whole life.

Most often, I dance “alone”

swaying to the beat of my harmony…

Though so very often, alone on the dance floor,

I have felt so very awkward…

Like everyone was watching me stumble,

trying to find my rhythm to the elusive beat.

There are also those moments,

when I don’t care if anyone is watching…

My feet and body moving with

a  flow,

a joy,

an energy

that seems to come from everywhere and everyone around me…

Entire days, entire songs

sometimes simply do not fit…  I just can’t “Feel” them…

I wouldn’t even call it dancing -

but simply existing lonely on the dance floor

waiting for a note to connect.

Everyone around us is on the dance floor,

whether they realize it or not.

We dance with our ego… too often letting him lead.

We dance to the voices in our head…

We dance with those around us… trying to do it in synch…

Maybe life is a conversation…

Maybe life is a dance…

In any case - at times it flows and at times it doesn’t…

The music doesn’t stop…

Be thoughtful as you sway…

But, go ahead and close your eyes.

Don’t listen for the words -

just allow yourself to feel the energy…

And, Allow yourself to flow…

Become aware of the moments -

when you are moving effortlessly…

and lose yourself in those…

I don’t remember when the music started.

I’ve been dancing my whole life.

If you keep your body moving…

you’ll know when you are in flow…

in joy…

in harmony,

Nestor

All... but not all of the time...

I know it sounds silly, but it’s a bit of a revelation for me...

I can have it ALL! 

I just can’t have it all, all of the time! 

Life has been amazing to me... I’ve been blessed and fortunate.   So many of my dreams have come true...

And yet, too often I find myself in the disharmony of “wishing”...  As I break down my dissatisfaction, I realize...

I want it all... 

All the time! 

And that is just NUTS! 

I can’t relax and take quality time for myself, meditate and workout, and write, and spend time with my wife and my boys, and work a meaningful purpose at work, and be there for my team mates, and join boot camp, and write a book, and get in front of clients, and rethink and restrategize our business and get plenty of sleep...

oh and play golf and have a boat and go to the beach...

oh and be zen like and simple and spiritual... and get a place on the beach but only have one home... and focus on wrath creation... and purpose... and altruism...

oh and take risks but live risk free... 

and explore harmony, my life’s calling, and live in a big city, and by the ocean, and near the boys and friends... 

EVERYDAY!!! 

I know this sounds ridiculous... 

And that’s likely because it is! 

And, I think my mind actually has worked that way... 

It ties back to that conversation I had after my Hoffmab experience in November where I realized that “my desire for constantly better kept me from making my amazing life the best it could be...” 

I am ambitious...  but in a naive way. 

I want a perfect life... but perfect can’t mean having it all all the time!

I DO have it all...  I truly do...

And, I can do better... slowly, steadily, deliberately... 

But wanting it all, all the time... robs me of amazing days, experiences and moments... 

Accepting that you can’t have it all, all the time... IS life... accepting that IS... is fundamental. 

I need to choose which of those amazing aspects of my life I want to access each day... 

I think the desire to have it all, all of the time comes from a lack of presence and gratitude for my blessings as I experience them... and it pains me to admit that... 

I am so very grateful for my life, but too often in arrears, in retrospect, in reflection... 

I must become grateful for my life... as I live it!  In every moment!  That will make me more aware of my choices... more deliberate in my choices and more respectful of what is truly possible in any given day! 

When you have it all, but you want it all everyday... you live dissatisfied with a plentiful and blessed life. 

 I need to be more careful with my days...

more deliberate in my choices, 

more present in my moments and in my blessings... 

And embrace my own imperfections and shortcomings...

my own ambition and naïveté. 

I need to keep growing up,...

everyday ;-) 

I already have it all... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Stream

Life is but a dream...

A soul crossing a stream... 

Step lively from

breath to breath,

smile to smile...

Grateful for the sun, the light

Mile  after mile... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

TORN

I’m torn somewhere between…

“I have something so very meaningful to share”

and

“My thoughts are no different than every one else’s”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“I can make a difference in this world”

and

“This world is so very massive, and I am not even a spec”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“I am in control of my life and living a great one”

and

“I am a lucky bastard and life worked out for me”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“Wanting to truly help those I love”

and

“Realizing we can only help ourselves”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“Harmony is a life changing discipline that can bring greater joy”

and

“This is is just one more concept of thousands, and any of them work if you just choose one”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“Today I will make a difference”

and

“Today I will make no difference”.

I’m torn somewhere between…

“I am worthy”

and

“I am nothing”.

I am torn,

but not defeated.

I am torn,

but not deterred.

I am torn,

and I am never giving up…

I do know that I have been blessed .

I do know that there are many I love.

I do know that my life is a gift…

And, my gift is my choice!

Choose your WANT

Live your WANT

Be your WANT…

E V E R Y DAY!

in harmony,

Nestor

5 Regrets of Dying...

Ok… maybe I am a little obsessed with dying…

But, I don’t think so.

I am just mindful that I will die, and being so makes me more aware of living,

and more grateful to be alive!

I heard about a book this past week, that I have heard about before,

“The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying… : A life transformed by the Dearly Departing”

written by Bronnie Ware…

I know you have probably read lots of these “lists” but that doesn’t make them less valuable. And, this one is special. Bronnie, as I understand it, was a nurse and interviewed / observed 1,400+ people die, and then categorized the responses to write this book…

I will read it in the coming weeks - even though the “answer sheet” of the top 5 is shared openly and readily on line. Books like this - I believe there is real value in hearing the full story, the granularity of her observations, and the subtlety of her lessons…

NUMBER 1

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This is one that I have been pondering on for YEARS!!! I feel like I am making progress, but it has taken me some time to largely understand what is “TRUE” to me… I still don’t fully know, but I know much more than I once did. I think we all spend our lives trying to understand who WE are… outside of the “who” that we define for ourselves based on our nurturing and the messages, the people, that shape us…

I think most of us spend 80 - 90% of our time figuring out who we truly are and then 10 - 20% of our lives truly being that person…

There are some that figure it out very early in life - those people become masterful and masterfully free at an early age (if they lean into their truth)… or become deeply depressed and lost if they came to understand who they truly are - but stayed playing the role they thought they were supposed to play…

I’d give myself a D+ on this one…. but I’ve done better on recent quizzes… I am hoping the final is not for a while ;-)

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I get this one… and I don’t. For me, it’s a little less “wishing I didn’t work as much” all though that is true… Most of the time, I love working, I love the people I work with… I love feeling productive.

For me, it’s more, I wish I made more time for me, that I was more deliberate and disciplined with my schedule to make time for me and those closest to me…

Maybe I am so used to working hard, that the alternative is too foreign to me to truly embrace. I want to work hard, I just want to work LESS and fill my life more with other things…

I would give myself a C- on this one as well… I am passing the class, but I’ve had to stay after class to make up work too often…

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

On the one hand, I feel very comfortable that I am expressing my feelings pretty freely in life, and more and more as I age… but, I haven’t always expressed my feelings as fully as I should have with those closest to me…

I will give myself a B on this one, a low B, but if the class is graded on a curve, I will score pretty well ;-)

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Again, mixed feelings on this one. For a while in life, I felt like some friends had a shelf life while others were life-long friends. Now, I feel like all human beings and relationships play a role in our lives at all times, sometimes they remain in our lives, sometimes just in our minds and hearts… but the relationships that shape us, stay with us…

I’ve “kept in touch” with friends, but have I “stayed meaningfully connected” with them? So, it depends what the meaning of this one is…

Social media has certainly made this easier… so there is that…

I will give myself a C+ on this one. I think we will do better on this topic now that the kids are growing up and going to college, but that is part cop out. I am fairly aware of how much better I could be about it - and I also know how closely I hold my friends and how many I stay connected with that feed my heart and soul.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

OUCH - you had to go there ;-) This one hurts to read… because it rings so true… I have had such an amazing, blessed, exciting life… I have seen so many of my dreams come true already…

And, I have struggled with happiness, so much more than was necessary… and in some ways, I still do.

Again, I feel like I have made meaningful progress and have scored better in recents tests - but man… I’ve had to take summer school a few times on this topic, and spent a lot of time and money on extra tutoring… and some people seem to get it so much faster…

I will give myself a C- on this one…

D+, C-, B, C-, C+…

People say I am a hard grader… but this looks alot like my second and third year in college studying Engineering ;-) (Unfortunately, not kidding)…

I don’t think I am a tough grader. I think I am a realistic grader. I think I am a tough teacher, and an incredibly persistent student.

I don’t just want to “get good grades”… I want to be a master at living a “full and meaningful life”… I don’t score myself higher to feel better, I score myself realistically to GET better! It’s what makes that happiness thing a little harder, but it is who I truly am and want to be…

Who knows…

Thought you’d enjoy this list..

I don’t think I am obsessed with dying… I think I am obsessed with living a meaningful life - and deeply committed to getting better at it.

How did you score? You are the student and the teacher…

Only you know your true scores…

Only you know your true objective…

Only you get to celebrate and participate in your full life experience…

Let’s keep learning from each other…

in harmony,

Nestor