Unwrapped Gifts

I was reading the other day about the founder of Dollar General, the store...  

It was written by the founder’s grandson that had also run the company. 

He shares that his grandfather had never finished school.  In fact, I believe he had quit school at the age of 11 when his father died and he had to help support the family. 

Not finishing school made him a lifelong learner.  The founder believed that he was at a disadvantage because he had not had a full education, so he took every opportunity to learn from everyone.

He was a humble man who worked hard and never stopped learning.

I could relate. 

While I didn’t have the tragedy of losing my father at a young age, and was, all things considered very fortunate, for various reasons I grew up feeling like an outsider.

I felt inferior in what I knew and how I fit in... 

and in many ways that has been my greatest gift in life. 

The lack of a sense of worth has made me, I believe, more willing to reconsider everything I believe. 

The lack of sense of worth made me observe everyone with great curiosity and interest to figure out what I could Helen from them... 

How do they approach the world? 

What do they do and how do they do it?

What do they know?  read?

It has been the lack of sense of worth the majority of my life, I believe, that has kept my mind open... and hungry. 

While it comes with many downsides, I am convinced that my lack of sense of worth has made me so very worthwhile.

I realize now that we are all worthy, but that has been a fairly recent revelation. 

It’s amusing and ironic...

My lack of sense of worth has given me a perspective and an approach to leadership and being that I know gives me a tremendous edge... and ability to contribute and live to fulfill my life’s purpose. 

It got me thinking... 

My father’s disharmony which weighed on me so very heavily for so many years was my greatest gift in seeing, articulating and embracing the tenets of Harmony. 

The deep disharmony in my mother and father’s marriage that was so very disturbing growing up was the greatest gift and motivator in creating and living a different and more meaningful and joyful existence than they lived...

Its ironic... 

I am not suggesting I am perfect in any way... 

Nor am I trying to pass judgement... 

I am grateful for my parents and sad that they struggled as they did... 

And, their struggle became in many ways my struggle...  

for the majority of my life...

but those hardships and struggles... 

they not only defined me,

but liberated me,

evolved me... 

Those things which at one point felt like my nemesis, my cross to bear, my disfortune... 

where actually wonderful, meaningful gifts that transformed me and my life... 

I am amazed by how differently I am able to understand them and appreciate them now... 

It makes me wonder... 

what other unwrapped gifts do I have left to open... 

what are the hardships in my life now that will provide me with the greatest strengths and wisdom as I continue to evolve? 

what unwrapped gifts  

are you unable to see right now

that will bring you great clarity and joy... 

what

suffering

remains

tightly

wrapped...

What aspect of my life that I today reject... will I learn to appreciate and love? 

What aspect of your life? 

I wonder... 

in Harmony, 

Nestor

The Power of Pa

It wasn't that long ago that I would awake,

startled, 

finding one of my boys in my bed.

Sometimes, they would stand next to my bed waiting for me to notice them.

I always welcomed them and wrapped my arms around them.

I would tell them that I loved them and tried to find out the source of their fear.

My second son graduated yesterday...

While he hasn't come to my bed in years... the thought of it made me melancholy... 

I miss having the super power of being able to make the fears and the evil of the world disappear with a prolonged hug.

I hope our conversations, if not our home, will take the place of my bed as my sons continue their journey into manhood and adulthood.

I can't make the evils of the world disappear anymore... I never could.

But, I want to do all that I can to have them still reach out

when the world feels a little too big and overwhelming...

when life doesn't feel like it's moving well enough in the right direction...

when they doubt themselves or their journey...

It's so much easier being a father... when you still have your super-power of being bigger than life itself...

It is not lost on me that my sons are now taller than I am (though I constantly correct them, "not bigger, just taller").

The world is not a scary place... but it is big.

Our ability to influence and direct our lives is so very amazing... though not always obvious.

Their life is not mine to live nor direct... though they are mine to love.

I miss the days of finding my boys in my bed.  And, the hardest part was waking them up once they had fallen asleep... to tell them,

"It's time to go back to your bed."

They were always welcome.

They will always be loved.

And, I knew that it was so very important for them to know that... and to also know that their own bed was a fine and safe place all along...

My goal was never to replace their courage, their confidence, their independence,

but to embolden them... 

to strengthen them...

to help them see that they could defeat the "monster" on their own...

that there was no "monster"...

that I had no super-power...

I love that my bed, my arms, my voice could give them peace of mind and of heart.

I sometimes wish life could remain that simple, but I don't linger in wishing,

Every day my sons take one step forward along their journeys... one step farther from those nights gone by.

To be honest,

my only super power with them

has always simply been my love for them...

I haven't lost that one...

In fact my love them for them has made me stronger, 

it has made me bolder,

it has made me a better man...

it has kept me focused,

and it has always been a great clarifier in life,

by helping me make decisions based on becoming the man I aspired to be in their eyes...

In fact...

My "super power"...

The "Power of Pa" was always really simply

the "LOVE of Pa"...

and it has served me,

possibly even more than it may have served them...

and that one...

that LOVE

is

stronger

than 

EVER!

in harmony,

Nestor

Picture... Time...

As my son gets ready to graduate, I have spent a little time looking at pictures... 

There is something very grounding about looking at pictures. ..

Especially now... these days. 

When I was young you looked at albums, and there were only so many of them. 

Pictures captured a few moments in time.   

Now, you can feel it more. 

When I scroll through the computer files which truly only date back to about the year 2000 when digital pictures became big... 

I can go year by year, event by event... through thousands and thousands of pictures that seemed in some cases like they represent moments that happened a lifetime ago... 

and some moments seem like they were yesterday... and they were 3 or 5 years or 7 years ago. 

I look at the pictures and I think to myself that they represent a THIRD of my life... a THIRD of my moments... 

A small part of me wishes I had that type of documentation for the first two thirds of my life... 

SO MANY MOMENTS THAT I HAVE LOST COMPLETELY FROM MY MIND... 

MOST OF THEM... 

Looking at pictures  

makes me so very conscious of time.... 

of time passing... 

And, a few thoughts cross my mind... 

”I have lived an AMAZING life...” 

Oh, the places I’ve gone, the locations I’ve seen... 

Peru, US, China, Italy, France, Germany, Thailand, Costa Rica, Mexico, Korea, Australia, Japan, Greece, Belgium, Switzerland, Austria, Canada... 

and the sights... beaches and more beaches, mountains, slopes, hills, deserts, coastlines, jungles, islands... 

The amazing friends who have shared the journey... 

And, the beautiful family that has grown through it... 

The amazing food... 

“How present have I been through the JOY of it all?” 

HOW

PRESENT

HAVE  

I
BEEN? 

I don’t know why I seem to be particularly bad at remembering things... 

moments... 

pictures help... 

I don’t know if its because I have been so focused on “reaching” a certain place in my life... 

Or, why... 

But, I struggle to remember. 

All of that is disharmony... 

And, I don’t linger. 

Here is where I do linger... 

I am committed to being more present... 

and I am every day... 

More PRESENT in my moments... 

I have sprinted through too much of life... 

Two of my three sons will have graduated from high school this week, and won’t have our home as their main address.. 

Life is sad and joyful... 

Time doesn’t wait for us to grow wise...  

I understand how precious it is... 

It’s not that I move too fast, 

it’s that I spend too many of my moments reaching and leaping for the next one... 

There is no denying time passing... 

There is no denying life passing... 

That IS the truth of our each and every moment. ..

The question is, knowing that, what is our greatest WANT in life? 

... 

As I scroll through the pictures of my life... 

As I think about the many, many precious moments, gifts, that I can barely remember... 

I am overcome with the desire, the WANT, to linger... 

to linger in these words... 

in consciousness... 

in the silence of this morning... 

in the dampness of this rain... 

in pain... 

in sadness... 

in love... 

in joy... 

in pride... 

in wonder... 

in the experience... 

of this breath... 

of THIS moment... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Naked!

I think I have written about this before...

but, even if I have... 

It’s worth a second mention...  

and likely a third and fourth and fifth... 

“The moment that you feel,

just possibly,

you are walking down the street naked,

exposing too much of your heart and your mind,

and what exists on the inside,

showing too much of yourself...

That is the moment,

you might be starting

to

get

it

right.”

Neil Gaiman, author

I LOVE this thought...  

I think about it often... 

Most of us are so afraid of being naked... 

literally

and

figuratively. 

And yet, I believe we wall want to live meaningful and authentic lives.

Both literally and figuratively...

be naked!

And, by "be naked", I mean,

be seen...

be bold...

be scared...

ski out on the front of your skis...

lean into the discomfort...

We all want to hide in some way.

We want to live meaningful, authentic lives, but we don't want to fail...

We don't want to be seen "naked" running down the street...

There is such a tension, such a trade-off, such a conflict in our minds...

We want to fly...

but we don't want to jump off the cliff...

I get it.

Because I jumped off the cliff once, and landed not far below.

And, many times in my life, I found comfort in "having jumped" even though I was nested again on a new cliff...

I believe the secret to life is to keep jumping off cliffs...

To jump off "naked",

each time 

we jump

we learn

we grow

each time we jump

we are a truer, clearer, bolder version of ourselves...

each time with greater confidence that we can indeed fly...

and every time the first step off the cliff fills us

with fear,

with discomfort,

with energy,

with possibility...

Life is so very short.

Leap often.

Leap naked.

Dare to be seen...

Dare to fail...

Dare to FLY...

as only YOU can...

as only you WILL!

in harmony,

Nestor

SPENT

I was on a run with a good friend this weekend... a "tough mudder" actually which is a 12 mile run through the woods with obstacles and lots of "mud"...

For weeks before-hand I worried, "I should be training more..."

My wife gently reminded me that I never train for these things and always "wish" I did... 

She's right.

I am not good at quitting or "not showing up", so when my alarm sounded at 4 am on Saturday, I was already up and ready to go.

We had a great ride to the venue and in the pouring rain, the whistle blew and me and my fellow "mudders" were off to the races.

The beautiful thing about the race is that it truly is not about "winning" but about helping everyone around you finish...  It's a collaborative race and a really great time.

I noticed through most of the race that my mind was in disharmony...

"I should have trained more."

"I should be in better shape."

"I should take care of my health."

Where the thoughts in my mind... playing over and over as the miles passed.  

In the meantime, it was fun.  I was with a dear friend and some very cool people.  Running in the rain was nutty, but liberating... It was a day "off"... 

I slipped and fell more times than I care to remember, but often providing free entertainment and laughter to many of my comrades.

I noticed my disharmony and thought to myself... 

"WHY... WHY must you think as you do?"

Why can't I think...

"Look at you!  You are 51 buddy and still able to run 10+ miles through the woods!"

"Look at you!"  You are out here with most people half to 3/4 your age and hanging strong!"

"What a fun day... aren't you glad you are here... getting stronger... enjoying the mud?"

"And, sure, you could get stronger and spend more time working out... you should try to fit that in more in the coming weeks and months..."

THOSE are the thoughts of harmony...  All of the thoughts... the ones of disharmony and the ones of harmony are TRUE... but only half of them SERVE ME in my pursuit of living a life with JOY...

As I ran, I started talking to my bud... "I love your attitude!" I said.  "It doesn't get any better than this..."

"I love it" he continued, "I love it when I work so hard that when I hit the bed at night I feel completely SPENT... When I feel like I couldn't have given any more today!"

I lingered on that thought...

I have been going to sleep so many nights lately SPENT... but not "grateful and in harmony" that I gave all that I could that day... "wishing on some level that I wasn't sprinting as fast as I have been..."

Harmony and Disharmony...

fraternal twins in our minds...

yet such completely different realities in our lives.

There is a satisfaction with being SPENT...

IF we are spending ourselves on a worthwhile cause...

On a deliberate cause - in which we choose to invest ourselves.

Where is your mind?

What is the conversation going on inside of your head?

It matters so very much...

It matters in every moment...

I am mindful of the conversations in my head... and working on them always.

Step into the rain with me today...

or into the sunshine...

Give it your all...

Leave NOTHING behind...

And, most importantly let's hit the pillow... 

grateful,

quenched and 

SPENT!

in harmony,

Nestor

Accountability: OWN what you said you were going to OWN!

I hear that all the time...

"Accountability is

DO what you SAID you were going to DO!

Keep your word!"

And...

IF that is the definition of accountability, then NONE of us are accountable.

Now think about it... 

How often do you, or people who you rely on, trust and value, NOT do what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it?"

It happens with some regularity in my world.

Is it because I don't care... NO!

Is it because I wasn't committed... NO!

Is it because I am not competent or capable... NO!

Is it because I am not accountable... hmmm... maybe by that definition!

It's the WRONG DEFINITION!

External factors come into play into almost every situation in life.  External factors that you can't control... (i.e. it snows, a key employee gets really sick, your car breaks down, your cat dies), and external factors that you have some control over... (i.e. a huge proposal is due the same day, you get invited to the Bruce Springsteen on Broadway concert, you learn that there is more scope in order to do a great job and you want to do the extra research).

What if you simply decide you need more time to do the right job?  And, you work into the night, but you still need more time.  Do you just hand the work in because that is what you said you were going to do?

"DO what you SAY you are GOING to DO" while generally a great idea and plan, discounts all of the external factors if it is to be the benchmark of accountability.

I prefer the definition "OWN what you said you were going to OWN!"

ACCOUNTABILITY IS ABOUT - OWNING IT!

What is the difference?

When I "own" it, I make sure it gets done the best that it can... whatever that may be.  I "own" not just my word, or my deadline, but the thing itself.  I own the external conditions, and I own the overall success and delivery of the INTENT of the task / initiative, NOT JUST THE DELIBERABLE or the DEADLINE.

That's really it...

"Do what you said you were going to do" makes you responsible for the task, discounting or ignoring the realities that life throws your way.

"Owning what you said you were going to own" accepts responsibility for the unknown and makes you accountable for the intent of it all, not just the task.

How does it look different?  If you "own" it:

- You communicate your progress proactively.

- You consider all aspects of the initiative and RETHINK the deliverables (scope and timing) if needed.

- You leverage all resources.  Even if you can't finish it yourself, maybe there is someone better suited or more available to execute the task.

- You alter the details of the execution with transparency and inclusion of other stakeholders in the best interest of the objective.

- You ask for help EARLY if you think the task is at risk!  You consider different ways of executing it... 

I have seen people under the definition of "Do what you said you would do" stay up late at night... in fact stay up all night and then hand in poor quality reports and not finish their task.

In companies where the culture is "do what you said you would do"... there is also a sense of "every man/woman for him/herself"...

In companies where the culture is "own what you said you would own"... there is greater communication, vulnerability, flexibility and collaboration...

DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO - does not act for help.  It is not humble or complete accountability.

Every time I hear leaders stand up and shout proudly... BE ACCOUNTABLE... Do what you say you will do... I cringe... 

ACCOUNTABILITY to me is about ownership... it's about ownership with humility and flexibility.  

ACCOUNTABILITY is about CLEAR EXPECTATIONS UP FRONT!

ACCOUNTABILITY is about being SPECIFIC...

ACCOUNTABILITY is about COMMUNICATING effectively... transparently.

ACCOUNTABILITY is about adapting to the external factors that life throws at you!

ACCOUNTABILITY is about HUMILITY and LEARNING and PROGRESS and SUCCESS...

So, next time you hear "Do what you said you were going to do!"... It's an interesting thought... and more often than not, it's a good goal to deliver on... 

but just stop and think... 

at what point is what I said I was going to do no longer the best path forward...

or simply at risk...

AT EMG, we guarantee "on-time" delivery of our reports in the transactional real estate space.  Of the last nearly 50,000 reports approximately 10 were "late" and most of those where delivered within a day after they were due.

This is an unbelievable accomplishment by the team... and one that is only possible by people sharing the accountability.  Everyone OWNS their part, but very often people can't or don't "Do what they said they were going to do!" because life gets in the way.  The way we deliver "ON TIME. EVERY TIME. GUARANTEED!" is by OWNING the INTENT of our promise TOGETHER.

This is not just nomenclature... it's not just words... when we lived in a world of "do what you said you would do" we would hold people accountable and be more likely to "blame" them if they missed their mark.  Now, we look for ways to HELP each other and communicate more proactively, which was essential to make us a much more accountable company to our promise.

If we lived in a world where everyone was asked to "do what they said" we would have been late 10X or even 100X more... because external factors come into play... It is by holding ourselves to a higher standard... by OWNING what we said, not just as individuals but as a collaborative team that our performance and accountability reached incomparable industry levels.

CALL IT WHAT IT IS... CALL IT WHAT IT SHOULD BE...

WHAT IF... Accountability was to OWN everything you said you were going to OWN... with commitment & humility... with great intention... 

how would you attack things differently?

in harmony,

Nestor

explore. embrace. apply.

Message to my team this morning...

"WARM CANDOR... "

Oh - we are going to follow up on that thought!  What a perfect descrpitor to harmony...

Folks:

There is so much great content on the internet… so much wonderful energy for us to explore, embrace and apply.

This weekend I listened to a podcast called “We Study Billionaires” and they were interviewing Daniel Coyle who wrote the book, “Culture Code”.

I tend to stay away from talking about culture by itself, because so many cringe when I do… and the ones who don’t most often already “get it” fairly well.  I try to work our conversations regarding culture into “the work” – the stuff we do everyday that defines who we are in more understandable and pragmatic terms.

The book “Culture Code” seems very inspired and it is the result of Daniel Coyle interviewing extremely successful companies who have both great culture and great success overall.  Two of my favorite quotes from the 50 minute podcast:

• “GROUPS THAT HIDE WEAKNESSES FROM THEMSELVES WILL NEVER BE STRONG

GROUPS THAT SHARE WEAKNESSES ARE STRONG BECAUSE OF IT…”

Ed Catmull

• There is a certain reaction… some people look for brutal honesty.., and that is a culture of brutality… the successful way to have it is not “Brutal truth” but warm candor… don’t just send the truth in a brutal way… you always have that tethered to a signal of connection…

Daniel Coyle

• Great culture is not about magical chemistry… its about clarity.  Its about sending really clear signals… about where we are and where we are headed.. and about being connected… about sharing information… vulnerability loops…  We are not going there – we are going HERE!

Daniel Coyle

Below were some of his highlights from the podcast that struck me as “absolute truths”… help me bring them into the conversations at EMG… let’s keep making connection happen better and better…

• The whole opportunity from culture is to move people from the “outside” to the “inside”.

• Companies with “great culture” have an “energy” about them that comes from “connection”… how do the achieve that?

• Most adults spend a lot of their energy in “status management”… contemplating how they “fit in to the world”, and thinking about “how others view them”.

• “If you can create safety in your group … if you can create the sense of belonging and safety where then you get rid of status management, then you can have a group that truly adds up to more than the sum of its parts…”

• “Where are we managing status…? where are we solving problems together… and not worrying about who is in charge and what people think of us.?  Great question to be mindful of when we are in conversations… “are we solving the problem or are we seeking safety in some form?”

• TUNE INTO IT… look for where connection is happening and where its not.

• “Cultural Magic” looks kind of chaotic.  You cant tell who is in charge because no one is in charge, they are working together solving problems…” “people trade leadership… one leads and then another one jumps in… its one of the most powerful things you can do to build culture.”

• “Belonging happens in these moments where we get a crystal clear signal we are connected – I see you – we are not managing status in that moment – we are expressing a social connection with our behavior.”

• “The moment you enter a group is by far the most important moment you have in that group… at Pixar… you go into the auditorium and sit in the 5th row… and he says, “whatever you did before – you are a movie maker now… we need you!”  Everyone gets to comment… from across the company… THAT builds connection and brings people “inside”.

• “That’s how our brains our built.. Our brains are built to worry about connection ALL THE TIME, and question our connection to groups, even when we know logically when we are well connected.  These groups have mastered the communication to the deep brain – the part that is constantly worried about our connection to the group… they are sending that message over and over again that we are connected…”

• SOCIOMETRICS – measurements of effective connections

• ALL GREAT HIGH PERFORMING GROUPS HAVE THE SAME SOCIOMETRIC PRINT…
  • EVERYONE TALKS TO EVERYONE… (no silos, no hierarchy)… you want everyone talking to everyone… sociometric TRUTH… as a leader you are the burner underneath the pot… making sure that it all blends together… and collides with each other.

• (As a leader…) If my organization was a greenhouse, “I am not the plant that everyone wants to be like – “not to be the ideal / model person”… I need to be the architect of the greenhouse… I have to let the sunshine and the soil and the water in and I need to let what is going to happen happen.. DESIGNER OF SOCIAL INTERACTION was really powerful…”

• YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN EXCELLENCE AND BELONGING…  You need to give people both… and demand both.

                             Give them the absolute peak moment of care and connection and love…

                             And that kind of combination is revelatory… we typically see those two things as a trade-off.

                             You can tell people the truth because / WHEN you love them to death…

• As cheesy as it sounds, great cultures have MANTRAS… people repeat the mantras… it feels like you are at summer camp…

              But the fact that everyone is sharing the same mental models, the same mantras… makes a difference… They become your north star.

(Walking toward our MOUNTAIN is / should be one of our MANTRAS) it…

• It’s the act of creating it and sharing it that makes it powerful… it’s not putting a poster on the wall… its constantly sharing it…

• Vulnerability in leadership / in culture is HUGE!

• “GROUPS THAT HIDE WEAKNESSES FROM THEMSELVES WILL NEVER BE STRONG

GROUPS THAT SHARE WEAKNESSES ARE STRONG BECAUSE OF IT…”

Ed Catmull

• Dave Cooper trained troops that got BinLaden… 4 most powerful words a leader can say, “I screwed that up”…

• We live in a world, where problems are fast moving and very complex – the idea that one person can be certain about what to do is ridiculous… rather than the team on the ground…

• This idea of vulnerability (of saying “I don’t know what you should do) is the most powerful way that an organization can ignite the sharing of information.

• Vulnerability is not about mushy emotions – its about sharing information.  If you are open about the mistakes you make… you create a better model.  These vulnerability habits… AAR (after action review) – navy seals… they are awkward… they are painful and emotional – and they are most important…

• That awkward, difficult… “I screwed that up”.. that awkwardness is how we grow… how we come together… how we build trust…

• There is a certain reaction… some people look for brutal honesty.., and that is a culture of brutality… the successful way to have it is not “Brutal truth” but warm candor… don’t just send the truth in a brutal way… you always have that tethered to a signal of connection…

• Great culture is not about magical chemistry… its about clarity.  Its about sending really clear signals… about where we are and where we are headed.. and about being connected… about sharing information… vulnerability loops…  We are not going there – we are going HERE!

So much great information… so much room to grow.

Explore.  Embrace.  Apply.

Happy Monday!  Let’s KICK IT!

in harmony,

Nestor

Shifts

“The ego is impatient

because it’s time is limited. ..

The spirit is patient

becauae it knows it is eternal...”

unknown

As the years pass, I understand better and better that life is short... 

But that rushing makes it even shorter... 

I understand how insignificant I am... 

but I also see the significance that I can help bring to life... 

I don’t think it comes with age... 

I think it comes

with curiosity...

with openness... 

with humility... 

patience does. 

I am more aware of

my spirit...

of my soul... 

I appreciate my journey deeply... 

and I am still rushing... 

I don’t think I am rushing for me... 

but I’m still rushing... 

And I want to stop... or at least live more patiently... 

I look around in awe... 

I truly am so very small... 

and the universe so very vast... 

I have so much to learn... 

I breathe deeply and smile... 

”no rush” is the thought lingering in my mind... 

not there yet! 

in harmony, 

Nestor

only 100% of the time...

So much going on in life right now... the examples of harmony and disharmony are everywhere around me... Every moment is full of both...

I saw this post on LinkedIn about ISO 45001, and I thought to myself...

"I really need to dig deeper and understand more the 'tools' of business, things like the real details of the changes in ISO, the ASTM standards... I want to break down the markets more granularly.  I want to spend more time meeting the experts in the different fields.  I want to put some thought and definition around the markets we serve, who we actually sell to... etc., etc., etc."

I want to know it all...  I have an insatiable curiosity.

I am so eager and committed to develop a better, more accurate model of the world.

BUT, time is limited.  I truly see the finiteness of time and of my capacity almost palpably.  

And, I come back to the 'highest common denominator' of human beings and our search for harmony, and I am BLOWN-AWAY but the level of disharmony and dysfunctionality in business and in life.  I am BLOWN-AWAY by the extent to which intelligent, well-intentioned, hard-working, nice people constantly create disharmony in the world around them by how they see the situations and moments, by their ability not to stop wishing, by the desire to be "right", by just being normal human beings...

I see the POWER and the POTENTIAL of HARMONY in almost EVERY situation, and it breaks my heart and weighs on my soul that I cannot change the world around me faster or more effectively... and then I catch myself "wishing" I could and being part of the disharmony.

So, here I am... not going away... and not going to be too distracted by the ISO 45001's of the world.  Yes, I'd like to know more specifically what it is, but that is not the biggest and best use of my time... learning about and sharing harmony and applying harmony to my life, to my family, to my company... IS...

Our time on earth is short... there are other people who are passionate about quality, safety, profit, technical excellence... and I am glad they are here and a part of my world... I NEED THEM!  And, as for me, I am going to continue to learn and understand and figure out how to better communicate harmony.

I saw a quote early this morning, 

"When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time!"  Byron Katie...

LOVE THAT... 

When you don't accept the IS of your life, of your moment, you create disharmony in your life for that moment, but only 100% of the time ;-)

It's powerful beyond words...

It's the highest common denominator...

It's what I see... what I aspire to... and what I reach for in every moment... 

Take a deep breath...

Let's go again!

in harmony,

Nestor

BLAME... Kills You Twice!

I hate blame...

Can't STAND it...

It's deep in my fiber...  I grew up with blame all around me... and I saw first hand how it accomplishes nothing but disharmony.

You see, it's pretty simple...

Blame does two things that emasculate your being...

1.  Blame EXTERNALIZES the problem.  When you blame, you no longer have control.  It's "out of your hands".  And, that means you are essentially helpless to have changed the outcome, and helplessness leads to hopelessness and nothing is more debilitating.  Blame Sucks!

2. Blame PREVENTS YOU LEARNING.  As sad as the first truth is, this one is even sadder.  When you blame, you fail to acknowledge that you always have something to learn from every experience.  When you blame, you leave the invaluable lesson on the table, and not only are you in a hopeless place, but you've left the key to growth and change on the table.  When you blame, you learn NOTHING... and even if you think you KNOW the lesson, you fail to OWN the lesson because "it wasn't really your fault anyway".  Blame Sucks!

Oh (and there is a third, but I said two)... who cares... When you blame, you also DISTANCE the other party, you create DISTRUST with the other party, you create DEFENSIVENESS in the other party... so you are hopeless, without any lessons and ALONE - because the other party that you needed to accomplish whatever it was you were hoping to accomplish is now unwillig to help in any further way...

So, the answer my friends is so simple...

Just don't blame... even if there is rationality to do so.  And, if you think maybe this time... just a little BLAME... NO!!!! STOP!!!!  NO!!!!  Not even a little!   NO!  NADA!  ZIPPO!  ZILCHO!!!  

Why?

Because it buys you nothing... it accomplishes nothing ... but disharmony.

Instead...

OWN IT ALL!  OWN EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE and see EVERY MOMENT as ANOTHER INVALUABLE LESSON INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF ADMISSION.

CONSUME IT ALL...

APPLY IT ALL...

And, watch what happens...

in harmony,

Nestor

Happy Monday! (Annie Duke)

Hey there...

You know that commercial from decades ago for "The Clapper"...

"I've fallen and I can't GET UP!".

I keep thinking I am living my life in that commercial over and over again, and my line is,

"I'm sprinting and I can't CATCH UP!"

I've been listening to a great podcast that my wife made me aware of called, "Masters in Business".  There is some GREAT content out there... SO MUCH of it... but some of the content is SO MUCH better than others.  Most of the interviews are fantastic.  CHECK IT OUT...

But, the ABSOLUTE BEST ONE that I have heard so far is, "Annie Duke's".

I had no idea who Annie Duke was before hearing her - but LOVE HER!  She studied psychology, not the "what did your parents do to make you who you are?"-kind, but the "why do we think as we think"-kind.

She, after graduate school, became a professional poker player and recently wrote a book... her book is called "Thinking in Bets".  I can't wait to read it.

Listen to me... DOWNLOAD THIS PODCAST AND LISTEN TO IT!  She is brilliant and speaks to how we make decisions, how we view decisions, and why we are SO bad at both of those ;-)

She talks about cognitive bias... 

She talks about living in a way of wanting to get "smarter" instead of looking for "wrong" or "right"... and ALL of the ways that shapes the outlook of our lives.

It is absolutely one of THE MOST POWERFUL 90 minute podcasts that I have EVER heard.

I have been wanting to write about some of the key concepts she hits, but have just been slammed by life...  Some of the ideas she shares we have explored in other conversations.

I will write about some of her thoughts later this week... but didn't want to make you wait ;-)

Listen to her podcast and think about the concepts of harmony... it is all so interwoven.

I don't have time to dress it up - so let me share my notes from PART of the podcast.  I kept it all in quotes even though most of it is paraphrased, or my interpretation of her thoughts.  I want to give her all the credit... 

"We invest so much time and energy creating our models... the models in our minds that help us understand, interpret and navigate our lives.

Instead of altering our believes to fit new information, we do the opposite we alter our interpretation of that information to fit our believes.  Cognitive Dissonance…

We want to have a positive narrative of our lives… we can recognize the most accurate representation we have of the objective truth, in other words the more we are willing to change our believes as we have more information the better off we will be.  (THE MORE ACCURATE OUR IS... THE GREATER THE POSSIBILITY TO ACHIEVE OUR WANT... THE GREATER THE HARMONY IN OUR LIVES!

In the moment, being "wrong" feels bad… every time we are "wrong" it hits our positive self narrative.  So, in the moment, we swat it away to avoid feeling wrong

We discount that moment / that lesson, discredit it…

We make excuses, "not a big enough sample size"... We find a reason not to believe it.

When we see things that agree with us, we hold no critical eye.  We accept it as truth.  WE DON'T SEE THE IS as it IS... We see the IS of our LIVES as we WANT TO SEE IT!

When we update our own believes – we downgrade our sense of perfection… but we make it more accurate. (IT BEING - THE TRUTH OF THE MOMENT)

We need to drive so that our identity is not defined by the idea of being “right” but by the idea of being “accurate”… THIS IS HUGE... 

Building the most accurate model of the world,  (CREATING THE MOST ACCURATE "IS")  requires you view your believes as “in progress”… and then you aren’t right or wrong.. you are simply improving your belief as you go… its in progress… your ideas are provisional until a new version is updated.

The person who is going to win, is the person who has the best model of the world.  (THE PERSON WHO WILL ACHIEVE THE GREATEST HARMONY IS THE ONE THAT CAN MOST ACCURATELY DEFINE AND EMBRACE THE "IS" OF THEIR MOMENT)

If you want to be better at any probabilistic exercise… you have to be wiling to say "I don’t know" or "I am uncertain…"

Why its so important… top of the list… more accurate representation of your beliefs and predictions

Predictions even if everything is known are still uncertain… i.e. a fair coin… you can define the long term as 50/50 but not the next try…

Believes are uncertain as well… what did you believe when you were younger.. that is no longer the case…

Saying I am not sure is just a better representation of the world, its more accurate as to what is real…

We cant control luck…

What we can do though is get more information… we have to be open-minded to new information..

Once you start acknowledging uncertainty it makes us information hungry… it makes me want to go find better answers more data…. (IT MAKES ME ABLE TO IMPROVE MY UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT "IS"... WHEN WE LEAD WITH ANSWERS WE DON'T IMPROVE OUR UNDERSTANDING OF OUR IS...

When I acknowledge my own uncertainty when I speak, it gets you to open up… (THIS IS HUGE AND GAME CHANGING... IT MAKES IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO ENGAGE WITH THE IS OF ANOTHER... IT BUILDS TRUST and ALIGNMENT LIKE NOTHING ELSE!)

When you speak with certainty – you shut people down who disagree with you…  (HUGE!!!!!! It makes people WISH they weren't in the conversation with you - because they realize there is no VALUE in a conversation with you!)

When you speak with uncertainty – it opens people up to share more information and to engage you in the conversation…  (YES!!!!!!!!!!! Think Parenting or Coaching!!!!!... the MOMENT you start telling people what is RIGHT... what they SHOULD DO... the whole conversation CHANGES... I SEE PEOPLE SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY WHEN WE GO FROM UNCERTAINTY TO CERTAINTY... WE ALL WANT TO ACHIEVE OUR OWN WANT... AND UNDERSTAND OUR OWN IS... WE VISCERALLY DONT WANT TO OUTSOURCE THAT!

We then enter a discussion where we both learn from the conversation… (AMEN!!!!  POSSIBLE WHEN WE BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE THAT NEITHER OF US OWNS TRUTH... but ONLY OUR BEST & IMPERFECT & INCOMPLETE INTERPRETATION OF IT )

Acknowledging uncertainty opens the door wide open to conversation…"

SO MUCH GREAT CONTENT out there... BUT NOT ALL CONTENT IS CREATED EQUAL...

Annie Duke folks...

Trust me...

Download her...

Happy Monday!  It's a brand new day.  Reset your model.

in harmony,

Nestor

Gone Fishing?

I often wonder, am I living the life I love or am I living simply living the life I am living? 

How much of what I do is by deliberate choice and how much of what I do is simply a continuation of what I have been doing?

i get that reality is always a blend... much like a good red wine or a fine whiskey... 

Life is never a single malt ;-) 

It is a beautiful morning, 

I am being driven into NYC for two days of meetings, 

Business is good and I am in the role I have always dreamed about... 

My family is healthy and beautiful and thriving... 

I am more than blessed... 

And yet, the question persists. 

I don’t believe I am smarter than anyone when it comes to living. 

I do feel like I have a smarter tool, in the tool of “Harmony”, but I am just one of the gang when it comes to applying it to life... 

I was riding in a taxi (Lyft) a few days ago and the old man seemed genuinely happy.  He seemed retired.  He was from New Orleans and had lived there his whole life.  He talked about fishing and about getting out on his kids and his nephews boats, “I’ve had a few boats”... “I love fishing”... “I get out every chance I get... and now after taking the boys out all my life, I get to go out on their boat..” 

He seemed genuinely happy.  He knew a lot about his city and took great pride in it. 

I listened to him and smiled... 

Maybe it’s less about living a life I “love” and more about settling gratefully into the life we have? 

Maybe it’s less about living a life I “love” and figuring out the things I love doing and making more time for those... 

Ah, there it is... time... 

That is the trade off...  

Am I trading time for money, and realizing that I am actually spending THE thing that is my greatest treasure? 

Maybe, we are all different and some of us struggle to “settle in” to life...  

Maybe our wiring is different and some of us are designed to keep searching, to keep seeking, to keep reaching... 

hmmm... 

Maybe to live a life I love... I must simply accept that I love reaching... Maybe to live a life I love... I must accept who and how I am a little more honestly...

Maybe to life a life I love, I have to settle into the fact that I do love business and leadership and making things better... that is meaningful to me and satisfying. 

And, I should keep asking the question... because our answers change...

And maybe someday the life that will call to me, is one on a boat...  

Maybe someday I will have a sign... 

”gone fishin’!” 

Maybe living a life I love requires me comparing my life less and embracing my life more... 

I will keep choosing to ask the hard questions... keep working to make a difference... and to love and live better... 

I need to be more mindful of time... 

and gratitude... 

in harmony, 

Nestor

Consider the Source...

“Consider the source” sounds like rational and reasonable advice.

When someone brings information to you, understanding who they are, what their bias or interest may be, is worth considering before you take their thoughts too seriously.  Who knows, maybe they are purposefully bringing you wrong information, or perhaps they are sharing things with you because they want you to act in a certain way... It can be complicated.  

Don’t just take information at face value.

Don’t consider what they are saying on its own merits.

“Consider the source!” feels like good advice...

but, IT’S NOT!

In fact, “considering the source” may be one of the most serious, universal mistakes that I see leaders and managers make in business.

... let me explain...

There is information coming from all directions.  It can be overwhelming.  Information being shared with you directly, or simply information that you are picking up indirectly.  

When you received information that was concerning, have you ever had these thoughts...

“That guy just got here.  He has no experience with the company.  He doesn’t know up from down yet!”

OR

“That guy has been here forever.  He is an old dog.  He misses the way things used to be.”

OR MAYBE

“She’s a low performer.  Of course she thinks we aren’t doing things right.  She is looking for every excuse to point out things to blame for her lack of results.”

OR

“She’s good.  But, she’s in sales.  She doesn’t really understand operations.”

OR

“He’s really good.  But, he is doer.  He doesn’t really understand how to build the business.”

Do any of these sound even vaguely familiar?

You see, over and over again, I see good information and feedback discounted by leaders and managers... and there is always some good reason.

They aren’t being “biased”.  They are just “considering the source”.  They are smart leaders and managers and they really think they want to know what is going on. 

BUT, they do something that is extremely common.  They dismiss data and information for a “rational” reason.  

AND, as a result, they fail to understand the real “IS” of the situation or the business.  And, thus, they also fail to take meaningful action on a real time basis... until the problems are much larger, the clients are much angrier, the attrition is much higher, the loss is much greater, the hole is much deeper.

NOW, I get why the saying came to be.  And, if you are walking down the street and some person runs into you and tells you they need your wallet just to check and see if your birthday’s match... CONSIDER THE SOURCE.  If you are reading political commentary or an article sharing data on gun violence / number of homicides in America... CONSIDER THE SOURCE.  It HELPS you to understand the intent of media, and potentially of con-artists.

BUT, IN BUSINESS... in YOUR COMPANY... IT’S HORRIBLE ADVICE.  Of course, the data you are receiving has some bias.  We are human.  But, more importantly, the data you are receiving also has some VALUE!

I listen to and consider EVERYTHING I hear in my company.

Because, I believe with great certainty, that people WANT to add value as a core part of who they are...

Because, I believe, that every person in my company sees things from a different, unique and valuable perspective.

Because, I believe that by listening to everything, I will be able to piece together the puzzle of the IS of the moment, the situation, and the state of the business MOST accurately.

If you listen to and consider everything - you see more completely and more accurately.  You are able to see what “themes” you hear over and over again... and consider what is behind them.  You are able to ask better questions and uncover more reality.

Think about this...

NOBODY wants to be on a losing team.

Nobody WANTS to do a bad job deliberately.

People that are doing great, in most cases, have FIGURED out how to overcome the deficiencies in your business and processes, so they often DON’T SEE what needs to be fixed, or what can be made easier.  And, possibly, the highest performers just don’t complain because it’s not how they approach life.  BUT, HIGH PERFORMERS don’t make up the entire organization.

“Our training systems are fine... Bill has been doing a wonderful job since he started.  He’s been an awesome performer and he went through the same training system.”

Hmmm... maybe Bill has worked on more similar problems before.  How is the MAJORITY of the staff doing on product quality?  Do they all perform like Bill, or is he an outlier?  What % of people can you afford to have producing low quality?

“Everyone complains about pay...  We get our data from the same sources as everyone else.  The on-line surveys are overstated.  That’s normal.”

Hmmm... maybe the market has shifted.  Maybe the issue is not really pay, but making your employees FEEL valued.  Maybe your competition just upped their recruiting game.  Everyone DOESN’T complain about pay.  What are you missing?

I see otherwise strong managers and leaders, systemically, categorically, universally dismiss the information that is being fed to them OVER and OVER again.  I see problems go unsolved, or worse, often get worse and worse... and the data is right there IN FRONT OF THEM... often in their inbox, on their desks... in their conversations.

When it comes to your company... DON’T CONSIDER THE SOURCE...

CONSIDER THE DATA, THE INFORMATION... 

Don’t look to dismiss or disprove it...

LOOK to find the VALUE in it... the CONSISTENCY in it...

You see... TRUTH is TRUTH... and it doesn’t matter where it comes from.

Listening to and considering what is being said - is building the IS... understanding the absolute TRUTH of your company...

Think about it...

Do you dismiss data from people you don’t trust...?

Do you dismiss data from people you don’t like...?

Do you dismiss data from people that don’t value what you value...?

I would argue that generally most people DISMISS data that DISAGREES with what they WANT to believe...

And, that is CRAZY dangerous in business (and in your personal life) because it leads to “staying the course”...  when so very often a change in direction or approach is needed.

“Consider the source” is some of the worst possible wisdom you can adopt and apply in business...

Are you listening to me...?

Are you considering what I am saying...?

Or, 

Are you dismissing me because I am just too touchy-feely for a real business guy?

;-)

In most serious harmony,

Nestor

Thank you ladies...

A week and a half ago, I had a really beautiful night.

A handful of ladies in Connecticut, who have all become fans of 'harmony', invited me to dinner...

They made reservations at a wonderful little restaurant and rented the wine room, where we could talk openly and easily while enjoying a delicious meal.

I took my partner-in-crime, Mark Jankowski, who is helping me explore how to bring the concept of harmony more to life.

It is a gift to feel like through these conversations I get to connect with people I haven't met yet.

It is a gift to know that some of these thoughts resonate with people, and help them in some small way to navigate moments of their lives.

It is humbling to realize the beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, passionate and powerful people that are so very open to and find value in my ramblings...

I had a wonderful time hearing their stories, their struggles... and seeing their joy and hearing their plans and feeling their hope.  We all share being human... feeling uncertain and insecure - and feeling pride and hope... and dreaming about better and happier.

HARMONY, I believe, can be a powerful thought and approach through all of it.

I was also surprised by the reality that in my "conversations" so much about harmony is lost.  Many people join the conversations, most in fact, along the way, and don't really understand the structure, the components, the real concept of harmony very clearly.

There is a visual I share with people who I talk to in person, that helps to understand how it "looks" or can look as we live it in the moment.

People relate to the conversations - they relate to the stories - they take away thoughts and insights which I love... but what I want more than anything is to pass along this seed of thought, this tool that has become so very meaningful and powerful in my life.

So, I am working on a short video to try to bring the concept more to life in a way that people can grasp...  And, I am working (slowly as life is very full right now) to find more and better ways to communicate not just the examples of harmony, or Nestor's random observations of truth, but to make sure you see how this fits together in a systemic way... in a repeatable approach... that you can literally use explicitly to navigate moments in your life.

Thank you all for being part of the conversation... and if for any reason you are frustrated or find it repetitive (if you do chances are you are no longer reading it anyway ;-) HANG ON, because I am going to make it make more sense.

Thank you ladies for making me smile as I write this - knowing that you are out there reading it.

Mine is just one voice in harmony... and, meeting you was a great reminder that we all have a voice in harmony, a voice in this conversation... and it was truly an honor and a pleasure to hear yours.

Having dinner with you - made my "conversations"... truly a conversation!  How awesome is that?   I appreciate you taking the time to have dinner, and the interest in hearing more about my story and thoughts.

These silly ramblings...

They are a wonderful gift in my life...

because of you... the amazing people in the conversation.

Thank you ladies...

Thank you all...

I promise I will fill out the parts you feel may be missing - or maybe not "missing" but simply the parts that will give the concept of harmony greater impact, greater applicability... greater POWER in your moments... to turn them toward the joy and success you WANT.

Mine is just one more voice, one more story in the conversation... and the conversation, like life's moments... just keeps going.  Perhaps, I have started this conversation... In my mind,  It was started at the beginning of time... I'm just in it... continuing it... 

The concept and the conversation of Harmony, of life, is there for all of us...

Join in...

Heck... 

Let's reserve the wine room in the restaurant of life...

and enjoy the wonderful meal

hearing more about each others' stories...

Cheers in harmony,

Nestor

HIGHEST COMMON DENOMINATOR

What is harmony?

People who know harmony keep asking me the same question, which must mean that it isn't all that clear...

Is it a discipline?

Is it a philosophy?

Is it a an approach to life?

Is it a formula for joy?

Is it simply "a way of thinking"?

Or, maybe, "a way of being"?

I think it's all of those things.  Possibly I would anchor more on an approach to life, a way of being, and a formula for a joyful life.

Then, I was thinking... it applies to EVERYTHING... it exists in EVERYTHING...

I started thinking of it as the, 

LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR...

When I read great books, great quotes, great thoughts they describe the concepts of harmony in different words... or bolt into harmony as some subset of greater granularity and clarity.

LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR didn't feel right.

Because Harmony is not the FOUNDATION of things, it is the way to process things.

Because Harmony doesn't really EXIST in everything as much as it applies to everything.

It sits ABOVE in the hierarchy of thought... above everything...

So then the thought came to me...

Harmony IS the

HIGHEST COMMON DENOMINATOR.

I smiled.

It felt right.

Harmony is not about "boiling things down" as much as it is about "cooking things up!"

It is the start of every conversation or thought for success not the end.

Are we catching ourselves "WISHING" life was different?

What is the "IS"... the "TRUTH" of the situation?

What do we "WANT"?

Harmony is where it all starts... in every moment... so that we can figure out the answers and the actions that make the most sense in our life...

Harmony is ultimately, whatever you want it to be...

to me... I really like the thought...

HARMONY is the HIGHEST COMMON DENOMINATOR of all of my thoughts, of all of my moments...  

It's where I start...

It's what I come back to...

It's not what life is ABOUT...

It's how life should be considered, experienced, enjoyed...

HCD ;-)

in it!

Nestor

Work Family

I was at a funeral on Saturday of a friend, more the friend of a dear friend, who died too young.  It was a beautiful service celebrating a good and successful man, and the large cathedral was full of people showing their respects...

You know me by now... 

Funerals are something I take very seriously.  I try to pay a lot of attention, and my mind tends to race thinking about so many past funerals, and so many to come...  

Thinking about life... 

...

So, the priest goes up to speak.  It was an omnious setting.    One of those cathedrals designed to be bigger than life that tend to make human beings look small in God's house.  He speaks very nicely, and then says, if you turn to the back of the program, that is what our friend's life was about...

On the back page was the picture of him with his three beautiful young children.

I'm good...

But then the priest says, "You see, all the things that he did professionally, our profession... It means nothing!  It means nothing.  What matters is our family and the time we spend with them."

I knew it was a funeral, but I really, really wanted to raise my hand, 

"Excuse me father... may I respectfully disagree?"

He lost me then and there.  And, maybe I am being a little black and white.

I've read all of the "Things you regret when you die" articles.  I know the thought that no one says "I wish I had worked more..."

I certainly won't wish I had worked more.

But, that is very different than suggesting that our professional accomplishments mean nothing... to us or to the world around us.

And, sadly, I think that may be the case for some.

Here is what I know... my boys and my wife, are the epicenter of my heart and a huge reason as to why I live and what matters... but they aren't the only thing.

I have been one that has struggled with the concept of calling my colleagues at work "family".  "We are like a family", I hear many say.  But, maybe it's because I am Latin, or maybe its my engineering or overly practical mindset, no we are not a family.  We are a team, an organization.

Here is the thing, family is a beautiful concept... and I understand the sentiment.  "We take care of each other, we regard each other, we appreciate each other as a family".

My experience is that just because you are family doesn't necessarily guarantee any of those things.  So to me "family" means you share genes either directly or through marriage...

But, I digress... here is my real issue with the priests words...

My work, my profession matters... it matters to me and it matters to many with whom I share my days... It matters deeply...

And, I would argue if your work doesn't matter, if at your funeral you truly believe that your profession "is nothing", then you need to choose something else to do with your days.

I love the time that I spend at work, because I love the people that choose to work with me.  I appreciate them.  I respect them.  And, I want to do right by them.  I want to do all that I can to make their lives better by how I work with them, and how I help steer the company with them.

So maybe the "profession is nothing"... Maybe the priest was right... Maybe all that matters is the "family"... more loosely for me "the people" that you experience with and devote your life to...  That sentiment I can get behind.

"It's about people, everything is..."  Is one of my absolute truths...

So, I do agree that what matters is the back page of your program...

I just don't believe it should be limited to the people you brought into the world... I believe the picture should include all of the people you met along your journey that shaped your life... and that opened themselves up to allow you to help shape theirs...

you children, if you have them... most certainly...

your spouse... most definitely...

your aunts & uncles, your cousins, your nephews, your grandparents...

AND

your friends, your dear friends, those friends you get to love as much, and sometimes even more than family... (to the extent that love needs or requires to be "quantifiable")

your colleagues... the people you share your days with... the people you battle with, you struggle with, and you achieve with...  the people that so meaningfully you dream with, and work so hard to make dreams come true with... the people that you influence, you help to grow and who help you grow in return...

I can get behind the priests message... 

but only if I can open up the concept of family very broadly...

My work matters so very much... because the people in it matter so very much.

Let's not allow the world to dictate otherwise.  Let's not let any narrative dictate that what we do for hours and hours everyday matters "nothing"... and if we believe that.. change it immediately...

Either change the believe and embrace and accept the opportunity you have everyday to matter to other people's lives...

Or change what you do everyday...

I maybe small...

I maybe nothing...

But, my profession... and more specifically what I do everyday matters... is an integral part of my purpose in life... and part of my satisfaction and joy...

And, it is so, because the PEOPLE I work with and for... matter so very, very much...

I didn't raise my hand.

It wasn't the time or place.

But, letting that thought linger bothered me.  Letting that thought be taken out of the church by many as a soundbyte of wisdom from above... bothered me greatly.

It is by oversimplifying what matters that makes us less aware of all that actually does... or maybe more accurately... of how much everyone around us does.

May my friend rest in peace.

May his family make it through their grief with greater love and purpose...

And, may most people live a life that disagrees emphatically with that specific statement from the priest, whom I am sure is a wonderful and loving man...

Think about all of the people you would put on the back page of your program...

Think about your purpose... about what matters...

And choose your days and work wisely...

in harmony,

Nestor

Nothing...

I was running today, 

alone in the woods

in the cold morning sun... 

And, the thought in my mind was simple. 

I am NOTHING... 

I was nothing before and I will be nothing again... 

It was a peaceful, settling thought. 

Maybe, before I was... I was hope... 

And, maybe, after I am... I will be a joyful memory.

The truth, however, is that I am NO THING... 

What am I? 

Our energy takes the form of our body from nothing,  

and becomes nothing in the end. 

The “ashes to ashes” thing... that has always framed it so perfectly. 

Think about it... 

I am nothing. 

I am only a feeling....

a reflection of you and of the energy that is sparked between us. 

I AM REFLECTION... 

I reflect love from so many... 

I reflect opportunities that exist...

I am the memory of moments that we’ve shared... 

I am the hope that we’ve inspired... 

DO I EXIST WITHOUT YOU? 

Without the people I love, work with, struggle with, interact with, celebrate with... ?

I reflect the universe, nature, light... 

But as for me, 

I am nothing. 

I am merely a reflection...

The more people I love... the more I reflect love... 

The more opportunities I understand... the more I reflect possibility... 

The more gratitude that I am able to accept... the more I reflect grace... 

But as for me alone... 

I am nothing... 

That is why harmony doesn’t belong to me, 

doesn’t define me...  nor give me form.

Harmony is what I see... 

as the formula, the approach

to interactions that bring light... that produce joy... 

that create flow... that inspire hope...

I am nothing... 

I am the energy between us... 

We are the energy between us... 

We are reflections of the world around us... 

And, thus we must deliberately point ourselves

at light, at hope, at love, at grace... 

We must seek truth...

So that we can accept truth... 

And reflect truth... 

The more I can accept that I am nothing...

The more I feel able to achieve everything!

I was nothing before... and I will be nothing again. 

I am the energy between us, 

A reflection of the world around us... 

a hopeful thought, 

a joyful memory...

in harmony,

Nestor

Social Cause

I had an interview with a group of graduate students last week that was interviewing a “business leader” for their academic program.

I love that stuff...

They were very organized and formal.  I tried to respect the former and challenge the latter.

Their first set of questions made me think.  

The topic, 
“Does your company have a social cause?”

There were lots of questions around that topic, and my initial reaction is always... “No, DANG IT, and we really should.”  Then I quickly go into, “I need to up my game as a leader. I can and should be better than this. We should have a social cause.”

And, then I can settle in and see if I can think beyond it and figure out what I REALLY THINK, once my  guilt and inadequacies are fully acknowledged and addressed.

“We do not!”  Was my short answer.  I spent a little time reflecting on my time at P&G and how I felt imposed upon by having to contribute to United Way, despite feeling like I had no money to do so.  (United Way is a great cause, and I certainly had money to do so... but at the time my $10,000 in credit card debt felt insurmountable, and I was completely on my own).

It felt wrong that I was being asked to contribute a certain amount based on my salary, despite the fact that other new hires that were being asked the same thing were in a completely different level of financial stability.

So, there was that... I struggled with the imposition of that.  I was at P&G to learn, to make money, not to spend it on their charity of choice.

Here is where I land on “Having a Social Cause” as a company!

1.  You need to know your mission.

For me at EMG, we were a “turn around” initially.  We were trying to “right a ship” and create a consistently profitable company that was stable and could be around for decades.  Giving money to charity as a company was not part of our mission, nor our strategy.  We were, for many years, putting every dollar that we could into trying to diversify and grow the company, and where possible invest in technology and initiatives that would help the company achieve its objectives.

Having a major charitable focus as a company, “never felt like a priority.”  Our priority was becoming the “most trusted provider of technical assessments and project management services in the United States.” And, we were trying to sell the company to someone that could take it forward.  Neither of those objectives (turning it around nor selling it) made giving a meaningful % of our profit to charity.

2.  You need to know the mindset of your organization.

Maybe I am wrong, but the mindset of our organization is that we have a lot of employees that feel like they are compensated just about enough.  And, enough who feel like they are not paid enough.  This is not unusual for the vast majority of companies in the market.  Part of it is human nature, part of it is a ferociously competitive industry.  Part of it is where we are in our evolution of differentiation.

If we had asked our employees to “give in a meaningful way”, I believe we would have seen a fair amount of resentment and imposition.

3.  Just because we don’t have a “social cause” doesn’t mean we are not a “responsible and thoughtful and generous group of people”...

When a fellow employee died last year, the “Gofundme” that was established in her name raised nearly $20,000.  So many individuals gave, and so many gave large meaningful sums to help our late employee’s grandchildren with their expenses.  The money helped fund getting her grandchildren custody by her daughter and keeping all the grandchildren together.  

We have given to special causes through the years, Katrina, Sandy, etc.  And, the company and the employees all step in.  They are rallying events and it helps a level of awareness and consciousness.

We give to charities along the way.  A group of employees arranged a group to help build a playground for one of our affordable housing clients, and we give money yearly and participate with a large corporate client to help build houses, both financially and by providing some labor.

As I thought about it more and more - I came down to two pillar thoughts regarding my true feelings behind “Do we have a social cause as a company?”

A.  Running a thoughtful, successful company IS a social cause!  

We have 600 families that depend on our company, our strategy to provide for their families and for the community. The BIGGEST contribution we can make to our society and our communities is to run the company well... to create a place where people have the opportunity to learn, to grow personally and professionally - to have a place where they feel valued and appreciated.  The more we grow, the more our employees grow both in number and in financial where-with-all and that ends up benefiting the community in many different ways.

Growing a company profitably and successfully... a company that is thoughtful with its people and its strategy... IS a social cause.  In my opinion, its an absolutely meaningful one.  We create opportunity, and the more we grow the more opportunity we can create.

This is what society has wrong... it’s not only by giving to NON-PROFITS that you show you care.  It’s by running FOR PROFITS with heart, with purpose, with value and respect that you create the masses that support all of the non-profits out there.

B.  I WANT to run a company with a social purpose, AND I feel like to do that in the right way for the employees, it needs to be part of our deliberate mission FROM the onset.

This is not a cop out.  I plan on creating a mission driven company in my next chapter.  (No idea when that will be.) And, in that chapter, people will join the company BECAUSE of our social mission.  They will self select as people who care about that mission (and it very well may be tied to harmony).  
 
I do believe in non-profits and social causes.  I am CRAZY inspired by companies like Toms, and Warby Parker that have a meaningful cause as part of their initial mission and purpose.  I just believe that they need to be deliberate, thoughtful and part of the original expectations set for the company and with employees for  to be worthwhile.  And, I don’t think its fair to demand or pressure employees to a social cause if it was not part of their hiring criteria.

Lastly, it all goes back to “checking the box”.  I HATE “checking the box”.  I see SO many companies claim that they have a social cause simply because they have picked one.  The employees aren’t into it.  The company itself isn’t really into it - they just read somewhere that they should have one.  In many cases, they treat their employees without much thought or care, they are stagnant or shrinking... but they have checked the box of a “social cause”... I’ve got no interest in that!

It needs to be deliberate.

It needs to be meaningful.

It needs to make sense as part of the collective IS of the company, AND the collective WANT.

Social purpose is AWESOME... and there are many ways that social purpose is delivered.  Social purpose is PEOPLE purpose... and, in my opinion, EVERYTHING is about people.

We do have a social cause at our company.  In fact, we have many.  But, my top priority for social causes is each and every person in our company.  When I feel like we have taken care of them in the appropriate and thoughtful way, we can then start a conversation about having a collective cause as a company...

And, maybe then,

It will feel more right to me...

And, I suspect, to all the wonderful and caring and thoughtful people with whom I have the pleasure of working...

In harmony,
Nestor

P.S.  I don’t think that was the answer my young graduate students were expecting.  And, in some regards, I am surprised that as business majors, it was the FIRST set of questions they asked.  Maybe its a generational thing... I am getting old ;-)

Obstacles to Growth & Learning

We all say that we want to learn…

That we want to grow…

And, I think rationally we all mean it.

There are two very meaningful barriers that we have to growing and learning – that act largely on our subconscious and massively impact our ability to expand our minds and evolve our being.

1.       “Owning Truth”  (The words “Owning Truth” came from the Coaching For the Human Soul Book.

Many of us seek truth, and in many, many regards, believe we have FOUND it.  Once we KNOW the “right” answer,  the answer that gives us CERTAINTY in our world, we CLOSE our minds.  Essentially, we want to LEARN so that we can KNOW… and once we KNOW… we rest – despite our continued expressed desire to “keep learning”.  Whether it’s politics, management, technology, philosophy… once we live with certainty that we KNOW – we can no longer learn.  That is when we want to TEACH.  But, things continue to evolve, and the moment you become a true teacher, you stop learning.  That is why I feel so compelled NEVER to be teaching, always to be sharing what I am learning… That is an important, albeit subtle difference, that makes a world of difference.

Subconsciously, we LOVE certainty.  Living a life where we are always admitting to ourselves our own limitations of our knowledge… Living a life where everything we THINK we KNOW can be challenged, questioned… and remains “uncertain” or “fluid” in some way can be a very difficult way to live.  I believe few of us are comfortable in that world… and yet that is the only world where real learning is possible.

What “truths” do you own?

What assumptions about life do you hold as givens?

What are the areas where you are no longer able, or willing to evolve?  To learn?

2.       “Shedding Our Old Believes”  The seed of this concept came from Dr. Shefali

Again, we speak to wanting to learn and grow, but how many of us are ready to SHED our OLD BELIEVES?

Clearly this is tied in some way to number 1 above, but really creates an “OUCH” in my own mind.

We want to EMBRACE NEW IDEAS, but we are, so very often, UNWILLING TO LEAVE BEHIND OLD IDEAS…  So often, the “learning” we want is not “learning” but affirmation that we already know.  We want to read things that confirm what we already believe – so that we can speak with greater volume and confidence.  So that we can feel better about our level of KNOWING.  I am not immune to these tendencies – and part of what makes me seem weak at times is that I truly question EVERYTHING.

I believe that virtually ALL that I know is partial or fractional of the absolute truth.  And, there are some things I do ANCHOR on…

-          “It’s about people, everything is…”

-          “Harmony begets harmony”

-          “With everything we say and do, we either give life or take life away.”

-          “People want to be worthy and contribute.”

Those kinds of things… but virtually all beliefs and assumptions that I hold about life, business, philosophy… I am willing to question profoundly.  It makes me often unable to fully own my own “success” and feel fully grateful for my life… as I am constantly question virtually all of my decisions and actions.  But, I do believe that it keeps me in a growth mindset and state.

I believe that “knowing” works to provide harmony if we can keep “knowing” to be MOMENTARY.

There is a way to straddle learning and knowing, but it is very hard for most of us humans to walk that line.  We can “know things in this moment – based on my experiences and observations thusfar in my life”… but where it gets hard is that if my WANT is true – to continue to learn and grow –

I MUST LEAVE THE POSSIBILITY THAT THE “IS” OF THE NEXT MOMENT WILL DISPROVE SOME OF THE THINGS I BELIEVE IN THE “IS” OF RIGHT NOW.

We must act based on what we know – and define our IS that way… and PART of our IS, is that our “IS” is ALWAYS INCOMPLETE and INFLUX… and is only valid and actionable IN THE MOMENT.

If I am losing you, I am sorry… it’s about truly living and being in the MOMENT… and ACCEPTING that is a limited existence, and we should do all that we can to make it a DELIBERATE one. 

I’ve digressed.

Our minds have limited space on certain topics.   Looking at a few extremes:

I cannot believe that “God doesn’t exist” and also accept that “I don’t know where the universe ends and that it is ever expanding.”  The truth is, “I am working to learn and understand God and how the concept or the reality of God fits within our knowledge of the Universe.”

I cannot learn how to eat better and drop weight, if I am not willing to lose the believe that “this little donut won’t hurt me”.

I cannot appreciate or learn anything about the values that fuel those who support Trump, if I conclude that “Trump is evil and anyone associated with him is thus irrational”.  (And, you can input Hilary’s name in for Trump.

Part of the issue with discourse and conversation about politics these days is that almost no one is willing to “SHED” what they believe in order to consider new ideas. 

I use this example because it is real, emotionally charged and fairly extreme… but I think most people get it.  There is divide right now where both sides are fairly unwilling to shed any “old” or “held” positions.

So, we all “want to learn”… but there are two really good reasons why most of us don’t… or at least evolve and learn very, very, very slowly.   And, more often than not – the pace of learning slows as we get older… because we have more and more truths that we “OWN” and more and more “OLD things we know” that we are unwilling to unload.

What are the “Old assumptions” that you are unwilling to shed?  That you are uncomfortable to let go of?

Think about it - in managing people who are struggling - how often are we truly willing to UNLEARN the things they have done that have caused us pause or distrust?  it is everywhere... if we cannot move on from those - we will never truly trust them to perform... and they very well might be able to!

Sometimes – it’s not that we are “trying to hold on to them” as much as that we are just ignorant to the fact that UNLESS we shed the old, we cannot truly embrace the new.  It’s less an unwillingness to shed and more an unawareness of the need to let go.  That is the HUGE opportunity.

It may be less about having a desire to LEARN, and ultimately be more about having a willingness to UNLEARN.

So – think about how committed you TRULY are – to expanding your mind… and your being.

Learning keeps us young…

Learning keeps us free…

Learning keeps us fresh and relevant…

Learning keeps us evolving…

In harmony,

Nestor

Who am I?

Friends in harmony:

Before we start today, I wanted to share that I struggled about what to write about today.  I wanted to write about the question, "Who am I?" and today is also the 90th birthday of my father who passed away last year.  He was almost without question, the master of my harmony.  

I feel guilty writing about him (so I won't).  Guilty because I realize that we all share or will share the sadness of our parents' passing.  Every mother and father is so very special... I can think of many friends who read these conversations and their stories... My bud whose mother was taken way too young, my dear friend who was adopted whose lost both of her parents, my cousin whose father died such an unexpected and early death, my wife whose father passed before he could fully enjoy seeing his grandchildren grow... 

My story is certainly not unique.  I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of him, and thinking of all of you out there who have also lost a parent or two... our parents departing leave a void in our hearts that never gets replaced... our hearts just continue to expand around it... 

Feliz Dia Padre!

So - I don't know if you are following this daily - but in my own mind this conversation is flowing...

and the question that yesterday's discussion begs is,

WHO AM I?

It's a question that I struggle to answer.

And, more and more, I realize that understanding the answer with clarity is essential to moving my life constantly toward harmony.

Honestly, I don't know how to answer that question...

I have tried to answer it from different angles and in different ways.

For now, the best way for me to think about the answer is to think about the following questions... Take a moment (and, if you don't have one now - take a moment later... reflect, refresh, reset, rejoice... as you continue the discover yourself.

WHO AM I, NOT?

I find the question easiest to answer when I think of it in context...

Who am I...

1. With respect to SPIRITUALITY? 

Do I care about it?  Am I curious?  Do I believe in "God" specifically?  Do I believe in an ever expanding Universe?  Do I believe that there is a master plan, or that there is a higher dimension force in the universe?  Do I believe in the benevolence or the randomness of that force?

2. With respect to EARTH?

Is it important to me?  Do I try to protect it?  Do I care about consuming it?  Do I find inspiration in it, beauty in it, wonder in it?  Or is it simply the stage I perform in?

3. With respect to HUMAN BEINGS?

Oh... this one I could quickly expand into conversations for the rest of my life ;-)  Do I sincerely value, enjoy and care about people?  How important are relationships to me?  Do I only care about those I know, or does my heart sincerely concern itself with those I don't?  Do I compete against others - or am I on the same team with the rest? How important is loyalty to others?  Do I respect the opinions of others?  

4. With respect to TIME?

Do I think more about the past, the future or the present?  Do I live in a hurry?  Do I value quantity over quality?  Do I care about time before I was born or after I am gone?  Do I care more about tomorrow or about the next decade?  Where do I tend to focus?  How far out can I think?  How far out can I act? Does being on time matter?  Does being in the moment matter?

5. With respect to WORK?

Do I LOVE what I do?  Do I do what I do - just because it's what I've been doing it?  Do I work with purpose?  Is it important to me to construct something, transact something, or simply participate in something?  Or, is it simply a means to an end?  

6. With respect to PLAY?

Am I fun?  Do I believe in fun?  Do I think fun makes the serious stuff better - does it make me more productive?  Am I into creating?  Do I like random, impulsive, unexpected play... or do I need rules in my life, including my play?  Do I lose myself in fun?  Do I like to celebrate?  Do I ever really "let go" of my serious side?

7. With respect to YOURSELF?

Another doosy (how does one spell doozey" ;-)?  This one is endless... Do I consider myself?  Am I relevant and significant in the universe, in the world, in the lives of others?  Does any of that matter to me?  Do I truly and deeply consider what I think?  what I want?  Do I always defer to others?  Do I spend time with myself? Do I enjoy it?  Do I seek it?  Do I like myself?  Am I proud of what I have achieved and am achieving and aspire to?  On a different dimension - What about with my "form"?  Do I value my body, my wellness, my health?  Do I believe in my own power to change my reality?

8.  WIth respect to THINGS?

Do I live for things?  Do I dream of things?  Do I covet things?  Do THINGS bring me joy?  Or, do I use things, consume things?  Are things a means to an end... tools in the building and living of my life?

9. With respect to GROWTH?

Am I committed to my own evolution?  To the evolution of my roles, my work, my family, my thoughts?  Do I care about being better?  Is it important for me to understand everything better with time?  Or, do I already get it?  Does growth not matter - because it gets in my way - it causes me angst?  Do I make time for growth?  Am I truly willing to leave behind who I've been, in order to become who I've always wanted to be?  

10. With respect to TRUTH?

Do I seek it or do I own it?  Do I believe there is an absolute or is the truth all relative?  Do I bend it - or is it unbendable?  Does my commitment to truth depend on the context and the situation? Is it the be all, end all?  Is it my North Star or my flag or up to interpretation?  Can I be comfortable in not knowing... in uncertainty?

I encourage you to take a moment... 

Reread and rethink these questions and the answers to them.

When I answer these questions, I start to get a picture of who I am... and, I realize in many ways I am what I value.... I am what I deeply believe... I am what I aspire to and inspire... 

I am both form and formless (in the words of Dr. Shefali).  

If HARMONY can in one definition be the life and joy we experience when moving toward our AUTHENTIC and TRUE self...

Thinking about the questions above are possibly a start, or a spark, or another step in your journey.

WHO ARE YOU?

WHO AM I?

I am not the man my father would have envisioned as his son... And, he is not the man I would have envisioned as a father... We were so very different, both in pursuit of our own truth.

But, I am the man and the son he loved... and he is the man whom I finally saw, whom I learned to love and accept... and who I will always miss and appreciate deeply... He gave me his best, and I gave him mine... what more could we ask for...

Uncover your book... explore your soul... unleash your spirit...

in harmony,

Nestor